(With Yourself)
Playa Alert
Hi Leah. Recently I met this guy and I really like him. I’m 20 and he’s 38. He’s attractive and successful. We hooked up and he was into me and we spent a whole night together. He said he wanted to take me out the next night but I had to work. He also said he’d text me the next day and never did. But I could see him online on the app. The day after I contacted him we talked, but he was being really dry. So, I thought I was done with him. But then he texted me, sent me pictures, told me he wanted to see me before he left on vacation. How do I lock him down? I want him to like me for me, so how do I go about letting him know I’m not just a hookup?
Girl, no. You do not want a man who is 38 and dating 20-year-olds and I will tell you why. There’s a reason he’s dating women half his age and it’s because women closer to his age smell his bullshit a mile away. You need to treat this dude like a ho. Trust me. Treat him like a hookup — men go nuts when you do this. Flip the script on him. Kind of like reverse psychology. The more you treat this man-child as if he’s disposable, the more he will be wrapped around your pinky. But do not fall for him. Use him as practice, because he’s the first of many fuckboys headed your way. Just have fun and remember this guy has “danger zone” written all over him.
Project Jatnna
Hey beautiful! I’d love to first and foremost say how much of a fan I am of you and Laura. Funny thing — one of the best relationships I ever had was with a guy who put me on to your podcast. We still secretly text about listening to episodes, sharing opinions, etc. Y’all really bring us together (ha ha).
Well, I’d love for y’all to address the HUGE topic of us ladies getting our groove back after a breakup. I’m more than sure half the time you weren’t even ready to be single because you didn’t expect such bullshit to end the relationship you just dedicated and jeopardized so much for. Also, if you could address just MOVING ON overall from a relationship you clearly should be running from. I’m one year into a relationship and my BF has done it all, including leaving me for another girl for a time and then me finding out he still keeps her nudes. He talks to her all the time and concerns himself with her life.
I’m at a point where I found him willing to pay a prostitute for sex. Meanwhile, our own sex life is in shambles because he doesn’t fuck me. He’s lazy, too. It makes no sense why I haven’t moved on. Somehow I’m in a never-ending cycle. Help!
Jatnna!!! I want to shake some sense into you sooo bad! And shake some self-love into you also. I am guilty of staying in relationships I should’ve run from — we are all guilty of that. But this sounds very emotionally and mentally abusive. Yet you stay. Here’s what I suggest: Instead of focusing on him and why you haven’t left him, and how you can maybe make things work with him, you must start falling in love with yourself.
The more you fall in love with yourself the easier it will be to walk away from him. In fact, the more you fall in love with yourself, staying with him will be impossible. Here is how I fell in love with myself while dealing with a terrible relationship I found myself stuck in — maybe this will help you, too. By the way, it is a journey and doesn’t happen overnight. I started doing yoga and SoulCycle. Yoga is incredibly healing. I would find myself crying after certain positions as energy I was holding onto was being released and I was able to let go of a lot of pain. SoulCycle on the other hand lifted my spirits and the endorphins being released worked magic on my brain (and soul).
Cut out other toxic people in your life — I’m sure he isn’t the only one. Baby steps. Buy expensive skincare products. I’m not sure why this helps, but it does. Start bathing with apple cider vinegar once every two weeks. This shit is a full-body detox. I cried hysterically after the first time I did it, it was that intense. Crying is healing. We stay in bad relationships because we are used to pain and are comfortable with it. We need to release the pain and start feeling good. I really hope you fall in love with yourself, Jatnna. It’s the best experience.
Virtual Question
Sup Leah. Do you think we live in a simulated world? S.K.
Hi S.K. We 100 percent live in a simulated world. It’s pretty much a joke. If Jim Carrey had a cult I would join it.
Killer Anxiety
Hi Leah. Over the last several years I’ve followed you, and I’ve been so entranced with your energy. I remember being in school, broke, and I found your Seduce & Abandon coffee mug and bought it right away because I’ve always connected to your message.
But I am so lost. I have so much passion and so much love, but when I’m home alone I have no idea what I’m doing. I have so many ideas and secret passions, but how do I pursue them? I’ve always loved acting so I’ve decided to start after the new year.
I’m excited because it’s so new, but I really hope I follow through. How did you do it? I have nothing to lose. My clinical anxiety really fucking holds me back. I hate it. Nobody understands that. They don’t know that sometimes I can’t speak because I’m having a panic attack. I skip work because my heart is beating and that’s all I can focus on. How do I fight that? I know I have something great to give this world, but how do I step out of my own way? D.
Hi D. First off, I so appreciate your support. Not just for buying the mug but for connecting to the message. I love hearing that.
I totally feel your pain regarding passions and being held back by the prison of your own mind. It sounds like you are your own worst enemy — which many of us are. But the good news is, that means you are in control and have the power to change things.
Anxiety is a mindfuck. So are panic attacks. But you can recover from both of those things. I did, and I didn’t think it was possible. I was diagnosed with panic disorder, among many other things. I’ve been panic-attack free for a couple years now. I think the fact that you know it’s YOU in your own way is the first step — and the most difficult one.
I had a total breakthrough a couple years ago when I realized that I was the creator of my own life and I had the power to make myself feel like shit, but also to make myself feel amazing. It took going to a mental hospital and seeing really sick people to give me that perspective. Not to minimize my own struggles, or yours either, but I really saw people in so much pain and people who couldn’t tell reality from delusion. It was then that I decided to take control of my life and not waste any more of the precious time I have on earth. I know this is all easier said than done, but I believe in you. You got this. XX Leah
Start bathing with apple cider vinegar once every two weeks. This shit is a full-body detox. I cried hysterically after the first time I did it, it was that intense.
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