How Laura Stylez and Leah McSweeney’s “improper etiquette” podcast became more than a dirty little secret.
Laura Stylez May Be … Superbad
Don’t bother asking how Laura Stylez and Leah McSweeney first met, because they have no clue. “It’s like this ongoing funny little story between us because we can’t really pinpoint where we met,” Stylez says with a laugh.
“We met when I was sober, too, so you’d think I’d remember,” McSweeney interjects.
Somewhere in between their first encounter and countless three-hour lunch dates talking about men, life, and careers, somewhere in between their first encounter and countless three-hour lunch dates talking about men, life, and careers, the duo decided to take their banter public. The result is “Improper Etiquette,” the podcast they describe as “sex-positive,” punctuated with topics like current events, relationships, mental health, and the pair’s respective industries.
McSweeney just rounded the corner of 13 years since she first launched her massively successful Married to the Mob streetwear line for women, while Stylez has been a fixture in radio for well over a decade — most recently as the female voice of reason for New York City hip-hop station Hot 97’s flagship show, Ebro in the Morning. The podcast hit its 50th episode milestone this past summer.
Noteworthy “Etiquette” episodes include anecdotal discussions about McSweeney hot-wiring her faulty vibrator (“She electrocuted her clit just to get off!” Stylez says) and Stylez referring to her new relationship as a “Dominican Dick Chamber.”
And while the two are adamant the podcast is more than just a cheeky hour to talk dicks and clits, they do recognize the power behind gripping those microphones every week. (All phallic puns intended.)
How did the podcast first come about?
Laura: Leah kept telling me we should do a podcast, and I was like, “Ehhhh.”
Leah: The last thing you wanted to do was talk more.
Laura: Right! But then we had so much fun hanging out that I was like, “You know what? Let’s just do it.” We were looking for other people to be a part of it, and then we were like, “Why don’t we just do it ourselves?” So we did.
Leah: Did you think that after the first episode it would turn into what it has?
Laura: Not at all.
Leah: It’s crazy, right?
Why a sex-positive podcast — or a “sex pos-cast”?
Laura: Think about it. When you have a couple of drinks or when you’re having your special time with your best friend, you end up talking about sex.
Leah: I don’t know if everyone does, but we do.
Laura: But we do, and maybe it’s because me and [Leah] are super comfortable with each other to talk about it — our sex lives, just sex in general, things that we think are funny, things that we think are weird or just curious about. When I would talk with my friends, I realized how few of these conversations exist in their lives. So I was like, “Alright, cool. If we can just be really honest about blowjobs….” One [episode] Leah was like, “I can just imagine you giving a blowjob with your eyeliner dripping down your face.”
The “Slut Tears” episode.
Laura: Yes! The slut tears! I thought it was just the funniest shit ever. We honestly talk about everything, and sex is just a part of it. When we released our first episode, people responded giggling: “I listen to your podcast on the subway,” or “I listen to it driving and cracking up,” and “I can’t even tell people what I’m listening to.” And you see? We became the dirty little secret. People would email us — grown men — “Hey, I’m 45 and in California and you guys are definitely my dirty little secret. I don’t tell my wife that I listen to the podcast,” or “I don’t tell my girlfriend.”
Leah: Or, “I don’t tell my other construction worker buddies.”
You’re the “other women.”
Laura: We are!
Leah: We’re kind of like the mistresses. Just to touch upon the sex thing, though. I gave up alcohol and drugs eight years ago, and all I have left is sex. Before, I got such enjoyment out of getting shit-faced and getting high. I had to give that up, so sex is all that’s left for me. That and iced coffee.
Laura, it had to be an especially interesting switch for you to discuss sex on-air, considering you’re a radio personality.
Laura: I talk for a living, but I don’t get to talk about sex freely.
Leah: You’re censored.
Laura: I’m censored. I can’t really say what I want to say all the time. I always have to be careful, tiptoe on how I deliver a message or talk about a story. But then, when you’re home alone, you go down these weird rabbit holes on YouTube or you start Googling these funny and interesting things. I’m thinking, I know other people wanna talk about this shit. One time I was like, “How do you prep for anal sex?” What if you have anal sex and a turd falls out? That’s not sexy. We literally had people tell us. I looked up this one porn star who uses butt plugs for two days [beforehand].
Leah: I am so not interested in stretching my butthole out.
People weigh in on this stuff? You have to have some amazing stories there.
Leah: This girl wrote in that her fuckin’ boyfriend DPs [double penetrates] her with his best friend, which I think is a great thing. I think it’s very loving and sharing. Happy family. I’m into it.
Laura: Leah’s fantasy is a gangbang.
Leah: It’s the only porn I can watch.
Okay, so who would be in the gangbang with you?
Leah: Ugly guys.
Laura: Older, ugly dudes?
Leah: Ugly, disgusting, fuckin’ nasty … I’ve already had hot guys. I need some ugly ones. It’ll happen.
Are you going to send an evite?
Leah: [Laughs] Okay, maybe not a gangbang, but on my bucket list is two dudes. I’ve never had that.
Laura: I’ve heard that double penetration is the orgasm to have.
Leah: I watch orgasm compilations on DP. These girls are being catapulted to the heavens. I’ll send you the link.
The thing about being so transparent, though, is that people must come up to you after the episodes, right?
Leah: You should see my inbox. It’s not even sexual, but like, “I have bipolar disorder,” [McSweeney openly discusses her bipolarism on-air] and I can’t help but write back. I have to.
Laura: With me, I love it. At first I was kind of embarrassed, but now I have people thanking me because they like listening to this different side of me. We get it all the time: “You guys are the friends in our heads.”
Leah: It’s really fucking sweet.
Laura: We’ve had some stories that have made us cry. Since we talk about everything, we had one episode where we discussed how women of a certain age are pressured to have kids and how we’re learning to be okay with having kids later in life. One woman hit us up, and we had already seen pictures of her and her husband with their child, but we don’t get to the listeners until the end. She basically wrote us this email about how she ended up getting pregnant right before [her husband] started chemo, and the pictures we saw were before he passed away.
Leah: He died when their daughter was one.
Laura: Leah started crying, I teared up. It’s like, we have these listeners whose stories have touched us so much. It’s changed our lives. I get goosebumps even thinking about it. It’s incredible that people are even reaching out to us, sending us photos, and telling us that we’re a part of their lives. It’s really changed [mine and Leah’s] relationship; we’ve gotten so much closer.
It does feel like your podcast turned a corner where it went from that “dirty little secret” to something much bigger. The subject matter also expanded.
Laura: After a while, I think it had to do with what we cared about. At first, it was fun just having this one type of conversation, but then it became things we cared about. Like, Leah’s obsession with the New York Post is so funny to me, so we just started talking about things that triggered emotions for us.
Leah: Also, while this podcast was growing, we got a new president, so obviously we’re going to cover that. Things happening in our lives — Laura started dating someone, I went through a really bad breakup. I couldn’t turn that off and be like, “Here I am! I’m great!” I was fucking heartbroken and devastated. I wasn’t going to come on here and lie about it. I did realize, though, that there were situations where what I said on this podcast could have an effect on my Google. When you Google my name now — woo! No regrets, no regrets at all. It has been a learning experience for me, though. Everything is recorded here — on Soundcloud, on iTunes — for everyone to hear, even my daughter and my mother. Everybody.
Laura: And we own up to our mistakes. When we’re right, we’re right. When we’re wrong, we apologize and admit that we’ve fucked up. We’re honest, and we change our mind about shit. We’re human beings. Things we cared about one day, maybe we don’t give a shit about the next.
How have your sex lives changed since this podcast?
Laura: Well, I went from having a very “meh” sex life to being in a Dominican Dick Chamber.
Leah: [Laura] would always warn me: “Be careful! You don’t want to end up in a Dominican Dick Chamber!” And now she’s in one and has not gotten out.
Laura: I’m still in the chamber. So, my sex life has been great. He does not listen to the podcast. And I like it that way.
Leah: The last guy — the devastating breakup guy — his friends would listen, but he wouldn’t. They wouldn’t tell him anything, though. I think they were scared. I would always be talking about how I wanted to toss his salad, and he wouldn’t let me. I’m sure they were like, “I can’t believe she’s out here talking about how she wants to lick his asshole. What’s wrong with her?” Then, the current guy, a couple days ago, he was like, “One of my best friends hit me up and said, ‘I found a gem!’”
I was like, “Oh yeah? What?”
He said, “Improper Etiquette.”
I’m like, “Fuck!”
It’s a risk that you both take, though. You’re not going to reserve yourselves.
Leah: No way. I mean, look, if something embarrassing happens to him during sex — like he couldn’t get it up — I wouldn’t talk about it on-air. I’m over here being like, “His dick never goes down!” Which is true, so…
He sounds like a champ.
Leah: Yeah, but he comes really quickly the first time, so we have to go five more times after that. But he can do it!
Did you have any reservations about diving so deeply into your sex lives on-air?
Laura: I did. I battle with it, because how the hell am I going to be talking about being in a Dominican Dick Chamber and then I’m doing all this community outreach work? I think about it in the back of my mind, because my whole career, I know that anything I say can be used against me. But then I’m also at a point where I just don’t give a fuck anymore. It’s a part of who I am, why should I be censoring myself all the time?
Leah: This is the stigma around sex, and it’s a problem. Why can’t a woman be sexually active, talk about her sex life, and at the same time be with the mayor doing [community] things?
Have you gotten any raunchy comments?
Leah: I got some dick pics. I was complaining that Laura got all the dick pics.
Laura: There was a point where all of my Instagram direct messages were just dicks after dicks after dicks. I would save these cocks on my phone, and on my girls group chat I would randomly send them in or email them.
Leah: And these are not pretty dicks, but they’re great for the gangbang.
Laura: I had a “cock folder” and would put them all in there. Then one day, my phone broke and I had to go to the Apple store and unlock the phone. I forgot about all the cocks. When I got it back, the guy working there had this weird look on his face. I was like, “Why were you looking at my pictures?” To this day, when I back up my stuff and sync my phone, dick pics pop up and my past comes back to haunt me. I had to explain it to my man. I said on the podcast, “Don’t send me any more cocks. Send them to Leah.” Then Leah got bombarded.
Who would wear the strap-on between the two of you?
Leah: Laura.
Laura: [Laughs] I probably would.
Leah: You would totally fuck me. I mean, I’d want to fuck you, but I think you would totally fuck me. She’d make me do all sorts of bad stuff. I’d totally be the submissive.
Laura: I’d probably grab her by her ponytail. I would walk you like a little poodle.
Leah: Just get me a pink leash. A Swarovski diamond-encrusted pink leash.
With a diamond bit.
Leah: Oh my God. I’m kind of into this.
Kathy Iandoli is a critically acclaimed journalist and author. Her work has appeared in Pitchfork, VICE, Maxim, O, Cosmopolitan, The Village Voice, Rolling Stone, and Billboard. She is coauthor of the book Commissary Kitchen with Mobb Deep’s late Albert “Prodigy” Johnson. … Ms. Iandoli also wrote a great book that you should wander through when you have time. If nothing else (and there will be much else), it will make you appreciate The Equalizer even more.
Leah McSweeney has of course written quite a bit for us, so feel free to enjoy some of her other observations. We do.
