How to have an online affair — an electronic, endearing, and erotic experience.
Make Space for Cyberspace
Scouting around for a hot evening with a sexy new lady friend? Try sitting down at the computer. If you don’t believe that, then you’re not hip to the modern alternative to traditional romantic encounters — an alternative that’s blowing the socks off the competition. The computer affair has arrived.
The age of male-dominated, nerdish, hacker-oriented, isolated number-crunching is passing rapidly. More and more women — a great variety of women — own computers. And here’s the important thing — more and more of those computers are equipped with modems — hardware that links your otherwise solitary machine to other computers via the phone. Increasingly, a good many of those high-tech phone calls are being made to electronic bulletin boards and national computer networks, including, for example, Penthouse Online. Women are going online and they’re entering cyberspace. It behooves a nineties guy to be there, too.
How do online affairs work? Somewhat like this: You’ve signed on to your network, a cyberhunk floating through cyberspace, ready to conquer the new frontier, eager for some hot interfacing…. But how? The cyber-babes are here — you breathe their scent in the message boards, you follow each prettily turned phrase in the chat rooms. You spot one or several with whom you want to spend some time. Their message is unmistakable — these girls want just what you have to offer! How do you catch their eye and claim some of this territory for yourself? Ready? Talk to them.
The essence of any relationship is communication — a truism just as valid in cyberspace as in real space. Communicating online is done with the printed word, tapped out on keyboards. The effect of your words, though, is sharply enhanced by the immediacy of the medium. You can send your message off and receive a reply in a flash.
The fluidity of communication may give your words life, but it doesn’t remove the stiffness of text-based contact. Missing, of course, is inflection, body language, a look, a glance, a kiss, a sigh. Missing, also, is the first impression, the next impression, physical build, hair color, accent, laugh. Fret not — there are rules by which compensation is made for all these otherwise missing elements of real-world interaction among people.
- In an online conversation, the “speaker” must be explicit, detailing personal actions or attributes otherwise left to the perceptions of the “listener.” These actions are often demarcated from normal conversation by angle brackets ( <, >) or double colons(::). Indicating such doings interposes many subtleties missed without sight and sound, conveying your meanings more effectively and giving a truer sense of who you are. Consider the difference between “I find you a charming woman” and “<whispering> I find you a charming woman <smiling warmly, my eyes tenderly exploring yours>.” There’s something of a skill to this, but it’s learned easily enough by experience and observation.
- Liberally use shortcuts to hint at meanings and intentions. Typing LOL (laughing out loud) tells your friend that you found her joke funny. Typing {} (a hug) or {{{}}} (multiple hugs) or {{{***}}} (kisses and hugs) tells your friend that you care. A wink or a smile — (;) and(:) respectively (look at the punctuation marks sideways) — can be strategically placed to add just the right inflection.
- Pay close attention to your partner. She has needs just as you do. Find out what those needs are and make no demands. Take it easy, always making it clear that she comes first. No personal questions or prodding. Allow her to be herself.
In addition to these rules, your choice of words and how you link them tells your friend something about the kind of person you are. Clear and thoughtful prose will win her attention.
We’re taking a bit of an intermission her to point out that we too were amazed at how much virtual relationships have changed in three decades. That said, politeness always counts, no matter where you come down on the debate as to whether emojis represent good or bad ways for adults to communicate. (Some people say they never belong in business emails, but clearly those people are boring sticks in the mud, and they really need to get out more.) … More to the point currently, you have also likely noticed a small collection of photographs on this page that had zero to do with the original publication. Truth be told, many of these young women may not have even been alive in 1994, let alone pursuing cyberspace at the time. Still, an editorial generation or so back, Penthouse Magazine included a feature called “Cyber Cuties” which we have sort of sporadically highlighted in this “Free and PG” online edition. We saw no problem illustrating with some options we have for more elaborate articles going forward. If you have a strong preference, feel free to contact us via the handy-dandy little form on the site here. … We now return you to your regularly-scheduled, albeit now antiquated, approach to fostering love electronically.
Bearing this in mind, you’re now prepared to enter a far richer, broader, and more diverse world of potential companionship than ever before. How do you find your cyber-mate? Preparation helps. Scan online profiles for the ingredients you desire. Join online clubs and conferences that seem to offer the promise of meeting the kind of person you seek and someone who will respond to the kind of person you are.
Apart from that, it will happen naturally enough. Online communication between minds takes place immediately — you both respond to each other’s internal imagery. Compared with “off-line” affairs in which couples must first get past outward perceptions to know each other’s inward selves, the rapidity and depth of the online exchange can be, and often is, overwhelming. Friendships, bonds, desires, and romantic love are all easily triggered under such conditions, so you must be very careful not to blind yourself to the fact that love’s “ultimate truth” can be seriously deceptive to you both. Maintain a balance, recognize your limitations, be honest, hone your online skills, respect your partner, and have fun!
Cam networks were just beginning to make their appearance in cyberspace back when this originally published, obviously. At this point we would naturally be remiss if we did not mention for your consideration our own PenthouseCams. We thus mention it because honestly we hate being miss the first time. Being remiss just seems lazy.
