Sometimes we can all benefit from a bit of education, even with things that have a healthy biological imperative.
Sex Education — Carnal Knowledge
Whether you’re looking for sex tips to improve your performance between the sheets, answers to a question or two, or help with an issue you can’t take to even your most trusted friend, our expert can help. It’s time to get schooled.
Sex, The Pill and Libido
My girlfriend started taking the Pill a couple of months ago so our sex life could be more spontaneous, only now, she doesn’t seem to want to have sex. Our libidos were always pretty much in sync. Could the Pill be the problem? She’s not taking any other meds.
The Pill might be the reason. Some women notice a slump in libido after going on the Pill. Some say they start feeling hornier once they get on the Pill. Most don’t notice any difference in sexual desire.
The most commonly used birth control pills contain the hormones progestin and estrogen. They prevent pregnancy mainly by stopping ovulation. If you remember your basic sex ed., ovulation is when an unfertilized egg is released from a woman’s ovary into her uterus.
She gets pregnant when a sperm finds the egg and fertilizes it. No egg, no pregnancy. Another kind of birth control pill contains only the hormone progestin. It works mainly by thickening the mucous of the cervix, forming a plug that blocks sperm from wiggling their way into the uterus in search of an egg.
Taking artificial hormones on a regular basis changes the balance of other hormones in the body, too. Research has shown that the Pill can decrease levels of the hormone testosterone, which doesn’t only grow beards and big muscles; it also fuels libido in both men and women. Having more testosterone in circulation tends to increase a person’s interest in and desire to have sex.
Testosterone isn’t the only factor in sexual desire, however. Research shows that it’s probably more essential to men’s libidos than it is to women’s. And even among women, the importance of testosterone in sexual desire may vary. A dip in testosterone levels may affect different women’s libidos in different ways, but scientists haven’t yet sorted out why. It’s complicated.
The good news is, sometimes switching to a different birth control pill can solve the problem. Women who have side effects with one pill might not have them with another. There are also other forms of hormonal birth control available besides the Pill. There’s the birth control shot (Depo-Provera), implants (Implanon and Nexplanon), the vaginal ring (NuvaRing), and the patch (Ortho Evra).
Although it may be cold comfort, I have to say that the notion of sex being more spontaneous without condoms is largely a myth. Many people imagine that jizz is absorbed or otherwise disappears inside the vagina. It doesn’t. It dribbles out.
It may be bothersome to always keep condoms handy, and to pause to unwrap one and put it on. But without condoms, which double as a convenient semen-disposal system, you usually end up having to plan ahead for the mess. You’ll want to have a towel or an old T-shirt handy to come into if you pull out, or for her to wipe herself. She might prefer to time sex so that she can bathe afterward. Even then, all the spooge doesn’t come out immediately. Sometimes it trickles out for hours.
If she dislikes going around with sticky thighs all day, you might find that she only wants to do it right before bedtime. So much for spontaneity.
Sex and Penis Numbing
Do male-genital desensitizers work for controlling premature ejaculation?
The short answer is, yes. Numbing the penis can help men control ejaculation. The American Urological Association’s official guideline on the treatment of premature ejaculation (PE, for short) says that topical anesthetics — numbing agents applied to the skin — are effective. The International Society of Sexual Medicine (ISSM) judges topical anesthetics to be “moderately” effective.
There are many different brands of penis-numbing creams, sprays, gels, and lubricants on the market — so many I couldn’t begin to list them all. Most of these products contain benzocaine or lidocaine. These are the same active ingredients used in toothache remedies and first-aid salves that relieve the pain of scrapes and burns. You can also buy condoms that have benzocaine on the inside, such as Trojan Extended Pleasure .and Durex Performax condoms.
Doctors may also prescribe an anesthetic cream called EMLA for premature ejaculation. EMLA is a combination of two topical anesthetics, lidocaine and prilocaine. Although the FDA approved EMLA as an anesthetic for genital surgery, such as circumcision, studies have shown that it helps some men with PE.
Another topical anesthetic shown to be effective is SS-cream, a blend of bufonis venenum — a toxin extracted from the skin of the common European toad — and various plant extracts. SS-cream is made in Korea, and it is not sold in the United States.
These are the kinds of things a man with PE might try, and possibly benefit from using. But are they useful only to men with PE? For that matter, do you know if you actually suffer from PE? Everyone talks about PE like they know what it is. I doubt most men really do, and a lot of us are always wondering.
Premature ejaculation is when a man ejaculates too quickly. The opposite problem — taking too long or not being able to ejaculate — is called retarded ejaculation. (Pause for snickering.) That’s the official medical term, but “delayed ejaculation” is more commonly used. I’ll stick with “retarded ejaculation” here, because it’s funny.
Now, it’s generally assumed that a man should not ejaculate before he and his partner have had enough time to enjoy sexual intercourse — ejaculation should be slightly retarded, but not too retarded. That means he should have some degree of control over it.
According to the ISSM, there are two kinds of premature ejaculation — “lifelong” and “acquired.” A lifelong premature ejaculator, from his first time forward, has always or almost always ejaculated too soon, has no control over it, and feels bad about it. How soon is too soon? The standard measure, according to the ISSM, is “within about one minute,” starting when his penis enters a vagina-or even before penetration takes place.
A man with acquired PE is one who used to be able to hang on for longer, but now usually or always loses control in “about three minutes or less.”
Obviously, these criteria are kind of weird, and they leave a few questions unanswered. For one thing, sex doesn’t always involve a vagina. The medical definition overlooks masturbation, oral sex, and anal sex. Take blowjobs, for instance. Lasting longer isn’t necessarily better, especially for the person giving head. If I were to pop in under a minute, I’d think, Great BJ! Not, What’s wrong with me?
There are also some issues with the “always or nearly always” part of the definition. For many guys, PE may not happen all the time, or even very often, but they may still have a problem if it’s unpredictable. Worrying that it might happen can be just as distressing as knowing it will happen every time.
Then there are all the men whose ejaculation control is actually average, but who believe they should be able to last much longer. Studies show that heterosexual intercourse typically lasts around five minutes, although average times vary from study to study. And one shouldn’t confuse “average” with “normal” or “adequate.” The amount of time that’s enough, or ideal, to satisfy both partners not only depends on the couple’s individual preferences, but also varies depending on the situation, and how they’re feeling right at that moment.
What all this goes to show is that it’s hard to say if numbing your penis would help you with your particular problem. You might have a classic, textbook case of lifelong PE. Or your problem might be that one night your partner wants to have her pussy pounded for a solid 15 minutes, and you can’t go that long. Perhaps you’re looking forward to a thrilling and novel sexual encounter, and you’re not sure how long you’ll last.
In any case, don’t forget about your pleasure. Numbing your penis may be effective, in that it gives you more control, or adds time on a stopwatch. But the true measure of whether it “works” should be your overall sexual satisfaction. Less sensation in your penis doesn’t always equal more enjoyment. Fucking is a whole-body, whole-mind experience. If less feeling in your penis allows you to enjoy the visual, auditory, olfactory, and other tactile sensations of sex for longer, then it might be a decent trade-off. But gaining control, or time, at the cost of diminished enjoyment? That wouldn’t work for me.
As Q&A sections go, they did seem to go a little light on the number of Qs they A’d in this article. Then again, the magazine always seems to be in a space crunch. In fairness to them, having seen many of the initial cuts of the options for the Pet layouts, we can see how pesky words can begin to see less important. This, of course, offers yet another reason why Digital Rocks while Print Rolls Away. … Even the United States Census Bureau has noticed that, and they don’t even always think about sex education (in theory). … Take deep breaths, our magazine friends. You might as well enjoy tangible periodicals while you can. Hey, we still play DVDs sometimes. …
