Contrary to popular perception, many women enjoy porn as much as men do. They just don’t discuss it as much … until now.
Give Me Surprises!
It never occurred to me that women might find pornography appealing. After all, who exactly benefits from the ubiquitous money shot? I once thought that women had only one of two kinds of relationships with porn: Either they parted their legs and posed for it, or clenched their fists and raged against it. But they never got off on it. Only men did that. It seemed pornography and men were made for each other, like jock straps and testicles, or Monday-night football and beer.
Most of the people I know who used pornography are men. My uncle kept a heaping pile of it in a tool cabinet at the back of his garage. No wonder he was always working on his car. Andy, my best friend’s older brother, crammed his glossy pink centerfolds beneath the weight of his bed mattress. And Mr. Frappo, the neighbor across the street, housed his impressive collection of girlie magazines in an old copper urn besides his brown vinyl recliner. Sure, porn featured women, but its use was exclusive to men.
That’s why if years ago someone had told me I would one day covet my own stash, I’d have said “Fat chance.” In college, I’d studied feminist criticism. Afterward, I spent time as an intern at Ms. magazine. There, I felt as if I were at the heart of feminism — especially when I would pass Gloria Steinem in the hall on my way to the Xerox machine or the toilet. Back then, I knew all I wanted to know about pornography. It was an ugly subject, triggering the word “misogyny” to roll off my tongue.
But that all changed the night my boyfriend and I checked in to the honeymoon suite at a local dive motel. Our room defined tackiness. Red shag carpeting covered the floor. A waterbed with a purple satin comforter and a mirrored headboard and ceiling took up nearly half the room. In the corner, miniature gold statues and plastic flowers surrounded the perimeter of a hot tub. We looked around and then back at each other and joked that we had somehow inadvertently ended up on the set of a porn movie. We opened a bottle of wine, drank it in the hot tub, and then settled into the silky bed. While we pretended to be stars in an adult film, my boyfriend suggested we watch one. So we did — and, well, it turned me on.
Since then I’ve acquired my own collection of porn. I keep it under my bed in a green vintage suitcase that I bought for $4 at the Salvation Army.
Because I enjoy looking at pornographic magazines, I’ve never bought the idea that men are more interested in the visual than women are. “If that’s true, then why do so many women drool over pictures of their favorite actor, rock star, or idol?” asks Laurel, editor of an erotic Website. Abby Ehmann, a member of the anticensorship organization Feminists for Free Expression and editor of Extreme Fetish, agrees, recalling times when she and her mother meet for lunch. “We spend hours, long after we’ve finished eating and the table has been cleared, just sitting and watching people,” Abby says. “It’s one of our favorite things to do.” But over and above eyeing a photo of Brad Pitt wearing nothing more than a pair of boxer shorts, or having fantasies while watching strangers stream by an outdoor cafe, many women are both observers and participants during actual sex too. “I find that the sight of my partner and I having intercourse does a lot to enhance my enjoyment,” says Laurel. And whenever I have sex in a bed that has a mirrored ceiling, I always keep my eyes open.
The fact that I’m a woman who uses pornography hardly makes me an anomaly. According to Feminists for Free Expression, women account for half of all the purchases or rentals of adult videos in the United States. And Newsweek reports that women make up 30 percent of all e-porn consumers. So if women do indeed indulge in adult material, then what, exactly, do they think about it? What turns them on and gets them off, making them scream with ecstasy? And what just makes them scream?
To find out, I placed postings on several Websites where women make up most if not all of the audience. I received some 100 replies from enthusiastic women who wanted to share their experiences and opinions of pornography with Penthouse — providing I would use pseudonyms. I’ve done so, and here’s what some of them had to say:
Do you use pornography?
Stephanie, 26, editor: Once in a while. Sometimes I’ll catch a movie on television and watch it either alone and masturbate, or with my boyfriend, who is so undersexed he seems oblivious.
Anita, 23, student: Oh, yes! I look at the magazines my boyfriend keeps in the bathroom. But I don’t masturbate in there because it’s just not comfortable. Often when I’m studying for class, I’ll put a movie on. The moaning and groaning as background noise helps me to keep from getting stressed out. A few times a month I masturbate while reading a magazine. Usually I watch movies with my boyfriend. Sometimes we relax and masturbate together, but usually we just fuck.
Eve, 29, graphic designer: No, not really. The first time I was exposed to porn was in college. I found the bizarre camera angles, the greasy-looking, unattractive people, and the unusually loud screaming and grunting to be hilarious. Trust me, no guys I’ve been with make that kind of noise in bed. The times I’ve watched it, it’s been with male friends, and we’re cracking jokes and making obnoxious remarks. So there’s never been a situation where I’ve been allowed to settle down by myself or with a boyfriend to really get into it and get turned on.
Isabelle, 38, professor: Yes, yes, yes! My boyfriend and I have a collection of adult videos that we watch together. Sometimes there are occasions when I’m alone and feeling so aroused that I’ll stick one in for a quickie.
Kim, 33, consultant: My husband and I used to rent porn about once a month from a corner video store, but since we moved, we usually only frequent the bigger stores like Blockbuster, and they don’t carry it. Also, we have kids now. Enough said on that subject. Consequently, it’s been a while since we rented any. However, last month while we were away on business we ordered a movie in our hotel room. Porn doesn’t seem to have changed much.
Janice, 31, fitness instructor: Yes, I prefer reading it so I can imagine myself in the scene. When I watch it I usually see models that I can’t associate with mentally. But I do like to watch the action, the movements. My husband and I both enjoy hardcore pornography where you can actually see penetration.
Annabelle, 36, advertising manager: No, I don’t look at or read pornography. I am turned off by it, because many of the women who are involved in it are picked up by men when they are young and destitute and are more or less forced into it.
Lisa, 25, student: I look at pornography and sexual art a lot, once a week or more, and all sorts of things from nudie magazines to smutty novels to expensive hardcover books. I share especially arousing or attractive bits with my boyfriend, but mostly it’s a private thing. The exception is movies, however. We like to watch them together, and sometimes it works as foreplay; we get really hot and have to turn off the movie and fuck. I don’t like watching [porn] movies in a group, though. In that kind of setting, the focus turns from getting turned on to making fun of the movie.
Melinda, 29, chef: Yes, I have a collection of books — erotic and porn — but I keep them to myself. No one who knows me would ever suspect that I enjoy reading porn. But I imagine this is true of most people who enjoy pornography “behind closed doors.” In the past month I’ve met a man who is very much into videos where women are kidnapped and then toyed with. I find this very exciting to watch when I am alone. I’m not sure why, but when I watch it with him, it’s not as exciting.
Rose, 39, scientist: I read it almost every night, but it’s hard to work the vibrator and touch myself while holding a book. I look at movies when I’m in the mood to masturbate. It’s mostly a private activity, but I do talk with other people about what I read and watch.
Olive, 48, interior designer: I used to watch movies when I had a working VCR. Now it’s limited to watching at my boyfriend’s house. It embarrasses him that I like it so much. He was addicted to pornography when he was single, but since we got involved he’s curbed his appetite. But that’s going to change soon. My favorite way to watch it is in a booth at an adult bookstore. I like to play with my pussy until I come, or if I’m with someone, I give him head and swallow. Then I go out and look at and buy a sex toy. Most experiences have been alone, though, but not for lack of trying. I would love to watch a movie with my boyfriend and act it out. To match positions and fuck as long as we can.
Trina, 35, sales representative: Yes, I do. I probably watch porn once a month. Sometimes I put it on to set the mood with my husband. I usually get laid, but sometimes he and I just watch and make fun of either the people or the scenarios.
What does porn do for you?
Anita: It gets me off. I like watching or listening to people fucking when I masturbate. I like developing elaborate fantasies of my own. I don’t read stories while I masturbate, but sometimes when I fuck or jerk off I think about the stories I’ve read.
Rose: It gives me a chance to exercise a part of my brain that doesn’t get much stimulation. My work requires me to be very logical and precise, to work step by step in solving a problem. As a Ph.D. I’m also expected to take the lead in a number of projects. Reading pornographic stories allows me to put that part of my brain to sleep and exercise other parts of my personality — the “wild bitch.”
Olive: It stimulates the testosterone in my system. Women and men both have a little testosterone or estrogen [respectively] in their systems. Everyone knows that from science class. Sometimes I feel like having a rare steak. When I tear into one, it tastes good and it feels good too. I can be a little bit of an animal. The scent of the meat … the spongy texture … ripping it to shreds with your teeth. Women were raised to eat like birds, cry like babies, and fuck like virgins. We are supposed to be ladies and mothers, nurturers and caregivers. But I like cutting loose and fucking like a lion. It relieves my stress.
Krista, 27, illustrator: It arouses me and makes me more excited. I like to simulate what is happening on the screen or in the story with my boyfriend or as I masturbate. Sometimes it feels wicked to look at it, and that adds to the excitement.
Ruby, 41, psychotherapist: It’s safe sex at its finest. I like stories with a plot and a purpose. I don’t mind words like “fuck” or “cunt,” but a story line and a minimal use of vegetables is preferred.
Wendy, 34, photographer: Looking at pictures of a man penetrating a woman makes me come.
Michelle, 36, visual merchandiser: At first it didn’t really do anything for me. I was just watching it to please my lover because he was into it. But then I began to see it as a turn-on. It became like a sexual enhancement. Although I still find come shots stupid and disgusting.
Jo, 31, real-estate agent: I find it erotic to watch people enjoy themselves sexually. I enjoy the idea that these people are bringing pleasure to each other solely for the physicality of it. I’m not into gang bangs and abusive stuff — although fetish material can provide an erotic way to experience the things you’d never do yourself. For example, I love toe sucking, but it’s a turn-off for my husband. Through porn I can experience it without him being put off.
What kinds of things turn you on?
Olive: I like vulgar language like “cock,” “cunt,” and “fuck.” I love intense bondage and S&M movies. I am submissive, and love to see women being dominated. I don’t think it’s degrading. A woman being forced to perform is just an intense form of role-playing. I love it. But many men and women don’t see it that way. To each their own.
Trina: As a “healthy” heterosexual woman, I prefer watching gay-male porn. If you love men, there’s nothing better than seeing two guys rolling around together.
Mary, 30, film editor: “Clean-cut” people are a turn-on for me. I like to see them doing things I love to do, or things I’d like to try. I enjoy seeing a large cock sliding in and out of wherever, and am intrigued by the idea of multiple men servicing me. The idea of not being in charge all the time is a turn-on. If I’m tied up, I keep coming like the Energizer Bunny.
“I find lesbian scenarios to be the most arousing. This is probably because it’s a foreign experience to me, and therefore more of a fantasy.”
Sasha, 19, student: One movie I saw showed a guy trying out for a part in a play and the casting group was paying so little attention to his reading that he pulled out his cock right there onstage and started stroking it. Later he got upset with a patron in a restaurant that he worked at, and fucked a raw chicken while looking at a poster of a woman on the wall. He came right in this patron’s chicken-salad sandwich. Another movie had a guy watching a girl masturbate. She had no idea he was there at her window, but what he saw made him pull out his penis and jack off along with her. I found each of these extremely erotic.
Hannah, 30, unemployed: The wanton gynecologist and his nurse lured into something sexual, the professor and his wife who are tutoring after hours and finding themselves being tutored, and the dominant whose role gets switched. Give me surprises.
Rhonda, 25, administrative assistant: I like scenes where people meet and are drawn to each other. I recall seeing one video where the people met at a dinner party, and while their spouses mingled they disappeared into an upstairs bedroom. As a married person, it’s exciting to see the experience I fantasize about but will not ever pursue. I love seeing couples having sex outdoors. Basically, if the interests I have in my own life are translated onto the screen, I find those to be the most exciting because I can relate to them. And of course I love scenes that involve professors, because I love older men.
Leah, 29, nurse: I like being dominated, so I enjoy reading about how people are made to serve others sexually or otherwise. I love giving oral sex to men and women, so I like to see that. The messier the better. There is an aspect that is crucial for my enjoyment: I need to feel that the people involved are enjoying it as well. In books, the characters’ motivations are known. This is harder to pull off in movies, and subsequently there are fewer [porn] movies I enjoy. Even when something is being done that appears to be violent, I like to know that the person on the receiving end enjoys it at some level.
Krista: A man arriving at his office and having a quickie in his desk chair or on the floor. Making love in showers, baths, or pools — anything with water. I enjoy lesbian scenes very much, with lots of oral sex and vibrators. A man sneaking into a woman’s dressing room at a department store for raw, hot, fast sex. My favorite is something with spanking in it — over the knee, skirt up, panties down, nice firm swats with a big, strong hand.
Elisha, 24, waitress: My favorite scenario of all time is my best [female] friend and I making love for the first time. We are scared, yet so turned on by each other. We love each other so much, and this seems so natural. Then a hot mutual guy friend catches us, and watches us for a little while before revealing his presence. Then he walks in, hard cock in hand, and we both suck it, kissing both his cock and each other. Then I fuck him as she sits on his face. I see her beautiful breasts bouncing as she rides his face, and I ride him harder until we come and fall asleep together.
Stephanie, 21, student: Men with huge penises, but not like 12 inches long — more like eight. Four men with one woman turns me on, as well as four women and one guy. Lesbian, gay male, and group sex. I like it all. As far as language, “prick” and “dick” don’t sound right, but all other words are fine.
Lily, 28, executive assistant: Although I consider myself to be heterosexual, I find lesbian scenarios to be the most arousing. This is probably because it’s a foreign experience to me, and therefore more of a fantasy. I like to see a blonde with a brunette or a darker woman. I like the contrast. I also like to see a very tall woman with a petite woman. Overall, my favorite scenarios tend to all be consensual, exciting, and fun sexual encounters.
Valerie, 33, film editor: My boyfriend and I like the idea of sex in a limousine with a female driver watching in the mirror. He also likes the idea of having sex on a golf course. The threat of public discovery and humiliation is a scene that I like and share with my partner. I don’t know if that’s one we’ll ever live out, but it heightens erotic reactions.
Marcia, 37, office manager: I like looking at the naked guys or watching them fuck, but it doesn’t turn me on as much as reading about it. I do like to hear them moaning in the movies. If my man wants to watch a movie, I close my eyes and listen to [the people onscreen] moan, grunt, and fuck.
Wendy: I like lesbian scenes. Not hardcore cunt-lick scenes, but nice touching, kissing, caressing scenes. I like their huge breasts — I have small ones. … I like the word “cunt” thrown around. I like moaning and thrashing. I like to see a woman coming her brains out. It makes me want to come.
Is there anything that you don’t like about pornography?
Anita: Unrealistic girl-on-girl stuff, like when one woman is performing oral sex and keeping her face as far as humanly possible from the other woman’s pussy.
Clarissa, 29, customer-service manager: Painful-looking actions like long fingernails being shoved inside someone. Guys with shaved testicles, butt zits, or who pound too hard. Girls who are too skinny or have scars from breast implants.
Leah: Silicone tits. Shaved chest hair. Bad perms, particularly on men. I dislike watching people who are too skinny. I like seeing real breasts, real butts, real hips and thighs. I never thought the idea of Barbie and Ken Get Laid was very appealing.
Janet, 40, homemaker: My big complaint is that many books and films treat women as orifices. That, and the men are so unattractive. I once read a woman describe male porn actors as ugly trolls, and her friend said, “Yes, but they’re well hung.” Later she concluded that if ugly trolls with big dicks turn you on, then male-oriented porn is for you.
Wendy: I’m turned off by bad acting and sound tracks, poor camera work, and fake breasts that look like hard balls inserted under the skin and hardly move at all. I’m completely disgusted by people who haven’t got the slightest idea how to perform cunnilingus. Most of the time they don’t even seem to know where the clit is, and the rest of the time they’re going at it with all the finesse of an eggbeater.
Suzanne, 32, lawyer: Unrealistically hard and fast sex, especially in certain positions that no real human being could hold for longer than the five-minute duration of the scene. Also, I’m annoyed by the idea that many guys who watch erotic films don’t realize the scenes are supposed to take place over the span of several hours, not minutes. There’s too much emphasis on the actors, and the men watching it getting off, for me to enjoy it.
Trina: My porn pet peeve is that ratty blond ponytailed guy who pops up in every other movie. You would think there would be men lined up around the corner to perform in porn.
Finally, what turns you on more than pornography?
Nancy, 26, dental technician: Seduction. And a man telling me how beautiful I am and that he would like to bury his face between my legs.
Laurie, 38, mortgage broker: My partner talking dirty to me. Does it every time.
Sasha: Watching someone get turned on by pornography. That, and my own personal homemade movies, of course.
Anne, 42, writer: My partner taking the time to make certain that I experience multiple orgasms and caring that I am enjoying an evening as much as he is.
Rosalind, 33, landscape designer: A man who is confident is sexy, and a sexy man is a great turn-on. The fact that a man can look at you brazenly is overwhelming.
Carol, 31, sales assistant: A real-life experience with my flesh-and-blood lover.
Sheree, 27, administrative assistant: Tender love scenes. Kissing and necking. I guess you could sum it up as foreplay.
Wendy: A man who knows what he’s doing, is confident in his sexuality, and is not threatened by a strong woman. I like someone who will try new things, is sexually aggressive and talented, and who pays attention to me to learn how to make me respond. A man who desires me! I would drop any book, put away my keyboard, and shut off the VCR in a heart-beat for a man like that.
Mary: My own brain. Porn may be a start, but if my brain doesn’t get engaged, porn might as well be wallpaper. And my lover — his voice, his smile, his eyes, his brain, and his body.
It may not surpirse you to learn that there have been scientific studies about women and their attraction to porn. Heck, even Oprah.com talks about women and porn. … Then again, it should not be surprising if you think about it. Would you rather spend your time as a scientist asking thousands of women how they repond to erotic images or do something like see how you can get plants to be more resistant to drought by staring through a microscope all day. The whole “keep the world from starving” thing would probably be better for the planet, but talking about porn is a lot more fun.
