2023 Valentines

Posted on by Team Penthouse

2023 Valentines — A Brief Introduction Followed by, perhaps, A Slight (but ever-so-respectful) Warning

Mia Huffman and her 2023 ValentineWe really do want to wish everyone a Happy Valentine’s Day, and Ms. Mia Huffman here does an exceptional job with that. We also received what appears to be the result of a long-long Girls’ Night Out evening with a collection of people we know well, but who wish to remain anonymous. Without giving away too much at the outset, we can give you our theory. … There may have been wine involved. There may have been lots and lots of wine involved. Doesn’t make them wrong, though. … Gather ye rosebuds while ye may, and all that. …

Rules for Gift Giving from Hot Girls

This Penthouse contributing editor does not identify as a Hot Girl, but she does know and work with a lot of them. Read on for valuable gift-buying insight from the arbiters of cool: a collection of Penthouse-approved tastemakers, fashionistas, and stylish mavens.

1. Thoughtful Gift > Expensive Gift.

“It’s the thought that counts” depicts how we generally self-soothe after getting (or giving) a gift that underwhelms. But when it comes to Valentine’s Day, putting some real thought into your gift will get you much farther than spending incrementally more money on something generic that holds no specific meaning for your partner.

Whatever your budget, be intentional with your gift. Flowers are never a bad idea (especially if you plan on giving multiple gifts), but don’t just default to a dozen red roses from your neighborhood bodega. This reeks of Panic Gift and implies you didn’t think about buying your partner anything until 4pm on February 14th. Don’t be a panic gifter!

If you do go the floral route, be aware of some rules. A beautiful bouquet of standalone roses makes a romantic statement, but you should buy a minimum of two dozen premium roses from a local florist (not 1-800 Flowers) and expect to spend at least $150. That said, a unique bouquet featuring her favorite blooms and colors is both tasteful and thoughtful, and probably cheaper. (Can you not identify her favorite flower? You should know this.) See more on flowers under Rule 10.

If you feel particularly industrious, take the leap and make the arrangement yourself (great classes on Flower Arranging 101 available at the University of YouTube). Trader Joe’s always has a beautiful selection of reasonably priced fresh flowers and fillers, but make sure you deliver them pre-cut and arranged in a vase. This ceramic vase ($20) comes in a great neutral color that she’ll definitely re-use — and she’ll think of you every time she pulls it out. (Now would be a good time to stop with the dirty mind.)

2. Give her something she won’t buy for herself.

Save the practical gifts or household upgrades for another holiday. No furniture, appliances, products related to laundry and cleaning, or really anything that she “needs” for Valentine’s Day. We gift “wants” on Valentine’s Day. Therein lies the special nature of the holiday. A Valentine’s Day present should be indulgent (not useful) and pretty (not practical). … Unless it’s a sex toy, which qualifies as all of those things. (See? We will address that dirty mind a bit later.)

Should you be interested in our list of pretty, pretty useless things that Hot Girls covet currently…

3. Speaking of Sex Toys.

You want the easy answer: DO NOT over think this. A sex toy, specifically a vibrator, makes for an excellent Valentine’s Day gift. Are you worried it won’t be well-received? Don’t be. Gifting her a vibrator tells her you want to prioritize her pleasure and that you enjoy watching/making her orgasm, regardless of how it happens. (This will be incredibly hot to hear said out loud, by the way.) It also says you do not consider your manhood threatened by a vibrating piece of plastic and — more importantly (sorry, dickheads) — her sexual satisfaction continues in importance to you. … We considered putting that last part in BOLD, bright neon pink, flashing letters, by the way. If you pay attention to only one thing in this entire helpful missive, pay attention to this important messaging, y’all!

There are a zillion “best of” guides out there, but we put together a roundup of Hot Girl favorites that we consider great for partner play specifically:

  • The Billionaire ($60) — Hot Girls’ Father, Alex Cooper personally endorsed this on a recent episode of her hit podcast, Call Her Daddy. Pro Tip: Let this toy replace your fingers so you can focus all your attention on what you’re doing with your tongue. (You’re welcome.)
  • Tiani 3 (currently on sale for $135) — Lelo has become known for their high-tech toys, and the Tiani 3 takes the prize for the best couple’s vibrator Hot Girls have found. It takes a minute to get the positioning right, but this remote-controlled device can be used by itself or with penetration. Either way, we can guarantee good times.
  • I Cum First Vibez ($99) — Hot Girls love all WOO More Play products, not to mention their elite messaging/packaging, but this truly earns the MVP Award for clitoral vibrators. We also have found it the most helpful should simultaneous orgasms be your goal. (HINT: They should be your goal.)
  • Double-Sided Wand ($98) — this qualifies as the better/prettier version of the classic Magic Wand. Guaranteed to work quickly, every time, you will love using this on your partner — over and over again.

If you need something more budget-friendly (because Valentine’s Day gifts don’t need to be that serious!), take a look at Adam and Eve. These toys have all sold tens of thousands of units and are under $50:

4. Vibrators should always be gifted (and used) with lube.

Even if your partner already has a go-to lube that they love, use this as an opportunity to branch out and try something different. Cannabis-infused lubes (either CBD, THC, or a combo) are blowing up right now. Hot Girls love Foria, which is a great company that has been active in the cannabis wellness space for more than a decade. We think their Sex Oil ($44) and Awaken Arousal Oil ($48), both with CBD, truly wonderful. Pro Tip: Experiment with both and buy their Teaser package. You’ll get travel size bottles of each ($38 for 15ml bottles).

Cannabis lube not your partner’s thing? Hot Girls also love these products:

  • Water-based lube: Lelo Personal Moisturizer ($29.90 for 150ml); great for toys, and easy to clean up.
  • Silicon-based lube: Uberlube ($32 for 3.8 fl.oz.); more lubricating and water-resistant than water-based lube
  • Oil-based lube: Coconut Love Oil by WOO More Play ($25 for 3.3 fl.oz.); vanilla + stevia combine as ingredients to make this lube actually taste good! Safe to consume orally and very moisturizing. Pro Tip: store this in the shower. Oil-based lubes can harden in cold temps. OK to use with most sex toys, but never use oil-based lube with condoms!

If you skimmed that section about lube because you thought to yourself “My partner doesn’t need/use lube” … Hi. … Hello! You are the problem. Scroll back up, re-read it, and add to cart accordingly. Shame on you.

Hot Girls need more lube. (Again, you’re welcome.)

5. Absolutely. No. Gift. Cards.

We can put this simply: Go directly to jail. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200. (And you will definitely not be collecting any nookie.) Mark this as a complete non-starter in your brain and burn it in so it stays there forever. The whole idea behind a great Valentine’s Day gift (or really any great gift) comes from the fact that you picked out something specifically for her. But do encourage her to exchange your gift for a color/scent/size/etc. that brings her the most joy. Most brands and stores have generous return/exchange policies as long as you have a gift receipt. So don’t forget the gift receipt. (More jail. Sad.)

That said, “money” has a bit of its own category …

  • Cash Gifts < $300 = jail, loneliness, despair
  • Cash Gifts > $500 = acceptable, but still seriously missing the point

Again, I don’t make the rules, just make sure there’s a card with your handwriting on it if you give up and gift her actual currency. [You could go to a money exchange center and convert $500 to over 9,000 pesos, which still probably lands you in jail, but at least you can laugh about it if you were on your way out anyway. -Ed.]

6. Think twice about buying heart-shaped jewelry.

Gifting jewelry on Valentine’s Day tends to be very nuanced. There are too many caveats and exceptions to allow for a fully comprehensive etiquette section, but we can shoot for some general guidelines and (relatively) fool proof recommendations:

  • Unless hearts are your partner’s thing, we suggest staying away from heart-shaped jewelry. Yes, hearts are supposed to symbolize Love, but when it comes to accessories, hearts are tacky and kitschy 9 out of 10 times. Unless done tastefully in a small format, like this Tiny Hearts bracelet ($144) and choker ($234), which we think represent neither tragic nor tacky. This heart bracelet, in onyx though, might also be very cute if you just gotta have a heart ($325).
  • Hot Girls may be many things, but never, ever basic. They don’t like imitation jewelry, or anything from a big box store. No CZ (cubic zirconia) or dupes from Amazon. And let’s agree not to gift her jewelry (or flowers) from Costco, Walmart, or a jewelry chain like Zales or Jared — as a man of Penthouse, we want you to have higher standards. Pro Tip: visit a local jewelry store. (No kidding.) They will have a good selection of quality pieces at a fraction of the cost that you’d pay for a similar item at a boutique jeweler like Tiffany or Cartier. The markup all lives in the brand! Sales associates are usually extremely helpful if you give them a budget and general idea of what you’re looking for, so come prepared with some ideas and parameters.
  • Commit to at least 10-karat white, yellow, or rose gold. If you’re gifting her jewelry, it needs to be high quality. But don’t worry, you can still get “nice” jewelry for +/- $200-300.
  • Likewise, don’t immediately assume that a piece of jewelry with diamonds or a precious stone will be out of your budget. Even a tiny diamond can be chic, and it will immediately feel more precious (and important to her).
  • Pay attention to what kind of jewelry she wears regularly, as this will help you narrow down your search. Does she wear mostly gold, or silver? Does she have a favorite color, or is she particularly attached to her birthstone? Are there any numbers or symbols (or dare I say, astrological signs) that are important to her?

Hot Girl-approved jewelry:

  • We like Catbird as a great place to shop for inexpensive, but high-quality jewelry. Their pieces are more minimalist and understated, but this can be a good thing because it means she can wear her gift every day and mix and match it with her other favorite pieces.
  • Use the filters on The Last Line to find cute pieces in your budget that are a lot of fun and little funky. Hot Girls especially love their earrings. Pro Tip: If your girl has multiple piercings on her ears, it’s perfectly acceptable to buy her two earrings of different designs (rather than a pair of two that are the same). Individual ear stacks remain very much a thing.
  • If you want to splurge on diamonds, consider a tennis bracelet or necklace. Noémie has some very reasonably priced high-quality options; this pink sapphire and white diamond bracelet comes in at $1980 and would be perfect for Valentine’s Day. Their necklaces start at $6,400 for three carats, which we think is a good price for the quality. [Corollary: Date Hot Girls at your own risk. -Ed.]
  • If you happen to be in the “care nothing about the money” category, expectations run high, so chances are she expects a blue box from Tiffany or a red box from Cartier. We love this for her, but remember that Hot Girls are not basic — they want to stand out. Choose something from Tiffany’s HardWear collection, which is relatively new, or a Lock bracelet. And instead of something from Cartier’s Love collection (which makes sense, we get it, but no), go with something from Joust un Clou or Panthére.

7. Lingerie = OUT. Bougie Loungewear = IN.

Polling suggests that expensive lingerie as a standalone gift ends up being a little too useless, especially if she doesn’t usually wear it. That said, if you’re gifting her several things and have a healthy budget, a bra & panty set (or silk robe) can definitely be one of them. La Perla reigns as the ultimate Hot Girl brand for elevated lingerie, and if you’re able to shop in-person their sales associates are great at helping you pick something out.

Clothing can be tough because choosing the right size will never be a fun game. But if you know her size (or can sneak a peek in her closet), consider buying her some bougie activewear or loungewear. If she’s a lululemon girlie, get her something from Alo Yoga – Hot Girls love this Scholar Hooded Sweater ($218). If she does end up exchanging it, a $200 credit to Alo will be enough to buy a cute set or several smaller pieces that she really loves/wants.

8. An “experience” can definitely be a gift, but plan accordingly.

It was the Hot Girls’ Lord and Savior, JLo, who told us that “Love don’t cost a thing.” … Extrapolating from that wisdom, Hot Girls recognize that sometimes the perfect gift may not actually be a gift, per se. A romantic date, an overnight staycation, tickets to a show or play your partner has been dying to see — all of these can be wonderfully thoughtful alternatives to a traditional present. Kenzie Anne, the ultimate Hot Girl and Penthouse Pet of the Year in 2022, said her perfect Valentine’s Day gift will always be “a picnic on the beach with some chocolate covered strawberries and champagne. I’m totally cliché, the cheesier the better!” Sometimes, the girls who have everything just want your time and attention.

For a list of Hot Girl-approved picnic ingredients:

  • Splurge on some nice champagne, but make sure you keep it chilled. Veuve Clicquot ($50) is universally loved and pairs well with our food choices. If your girl likes sparkling rosé, Perrier Jouet ($64.99) remains a great choice. Bonus points if you bring actual champagne flutes. If you’re worried about glass breaking — valid — try these metal ones instead ($25).
  • Source Chocolate covered strawberries locally from a good bakery or specialty grocer, but if you must purchase them online, go direct from a chocolate company like Godiva ($42 for six, $80 for twelve) or a specialty provider like Shari’s Berries ($30 for six, $45 for twelves). I cannot stress this enough, Hot Girls do NOT want anything from Edible Arrangements.
  • Caviar seems to be having a moment with Hot Girls right now, actually. Serving this at a picnic requires a little more prep (don’t forget the pearl spoon!), but it may be worth it. California Caviar Company has a large selection, but you can’t go wrong with the Royal Osetra ($158 for 1oz.). Regiis Ova would be another good purveyor, and they offer gift boxes that come with a spoon and a cold pack that are perfectly ready for a picnic ($160 for 30g of Royal Osetra). If you think the idea of caviar is sexy (Hot Girls do) but don’t want to commit to the real thing, try this chocolate caviar by Russ & Daughters ($9).
  • Caviar does need to be served cold, and while many Hot Girls like to eat caviar straight, it’s not a bad idea to pack some toasted bread points or crackers to accompany it.
  • With a picnic, less is more. Trying to assemble a complicated charcuterie board with tons of ingredients will be stressful. One drink option + one food option will be perfect (although maybe bring an extra bottle of champagne just in case). And be conscious of time, most Hot Girls don’t want to be outside for more than an hour. As a rule of thumb, if you’re watching a sunset, you should go outside 30 minutes before sunset and stay outside for no more than 30 minutes after.
  • Finally, Hot Girls do not like single-use plastic, so make sure to bring reusable containers and utensils. Recycling is sexy.

9. Cooking qualifies as hot — if you’re actually talented.

If you have never been objectively told by someone who is either not related to, or sleeping with, you that you are a good cook, don’t plan to make her dinner. This will not be the night to try out a recipe you Googled while you were walking around Whole Foods listening to Joe Rogan.

If you do happen to be good in the kitchen, though, you can absolutely plan a night in centered around her favorite foods. Make sure you dote on her from beginning to end, starting with flowers and champagne and ending with a decadent dessert (fine if you have to go store-bought on this, so as long as it’s something she loves). Make sure you also take care of the clean-up, and bonus points if you gift her a sex toy (see above) or something for the bedroom — this pajama set from Cosabella is both sexy and comfortable ($140). [Triple bonus points if you let her start without you while you do the dishes. You’ll see. -Ed.]

10. Dinner dates are still cool.

If you’re no chef but you want dinner to be the present, make a reservation at a nice restaurant — either one you both love, or one you’ve never been to but have wanted to try. Even if the vibes are more casual, be sure to dress sharp and bring her flowers. Treat her to multiple courses, and definitely order dessert.

If you need help picking out a good restaurant, Eater has great guides for lots of big cities. You can also scroll through reservation apps like Resy and OpenTable to see the most popular and top-rated restaurants in your city, along with their availability on a given day.

Pro Tip: Do not gift her a dinner out and then offer to let her to choose the restaurant. 90% of the gift is the thought you put into selecting the destination and making plans in advance — asking her to choose or make the reservation = straight to jail.

11. Valentine’s Day gifting isn’t just for those who are cuffed!

This holiday has been wildly overly romanticized, but that doesn’t mean that buying (or making!) small gifts for friends, family members, and co-workers isn’t appropriate. If anything, since it’s unexpected, gifts like these are even more appreciated. Hot Girls reported that if they found out that a guy they are interested in always sends his mom or sister a gift on Valentine’s Day it’s an immediate green flag. [So lie, brother, lie. -Ed.]

For a platonic gift, flowers make a great neutral choice. If you don’t live in the same city as your recipient or can’t facilitate an in-person exchange, UrbanStems has some really nice V-Day bouquets at a variety of price points that will ship overnight, as does Farmgirl Flowers if you want something a little less big-box and more environmentally friendly (their flowers ship wrapped in burlap).

Alternatively, assembling a LEGO bouquet that will stay in bloom all year round makes for a fun, unique surprise they’re sure to remember. Hot (Nerdy) Girls love the original Flower Bouquet ($59.99), but LEGO just released a Wildflower alternative ($59.99), or you could build your own using their collections of roses, daffodils, sunflowers, or tulips (each sold separately).

Candy will always be the universal gift. Buy a few big bags from the candy aisle and bring them into work to share. People will pretend to be annoyed by the temptation, but they’re lying.

12. DON’T FORGET THE CARD

Even the greatest, most expensive, thoughtful gift will be meaningless without a card. A quick, heartfelt note scribbled on piece of printer paper can be just as thoughtful as a three-page love letter written in cursive if you get the messaging right. Be specific with your compliments and make sure they come from the heart. Even if the bulk of your message qualifies as X-rated, there should still be some thoughtful expression of true emotion somewhere in the card. Bonus points for a romantic sign-off that does not fall into the trite “I love you/Love” valediction. This should be the time to dig deep and be a little more creative.

At the risk of contradicting a core tenet of these certainly well-qualified (and hot) women, those whole “thought counts more than expense” concept does have some practical limits. Should you gift your current flame with a Ferrari, you would be unlikely to hear, “But I already have a car,” as her first response. In a different scenario, you might hear, “Wow. Who knew I would love a 5-carat flawless diamond?” rather than, “I disapprove of ostentatious jewelry.” … Just sayin’. … We WILL say, however, that all of these suggestions will provide an excellent backup you can order quickly while explaining, “Oh, THAT present. No-no. THAT present is just for tonight while we wait on the present that did not get here in time. … Yeah, that’s it!”

Alisti Reality

Posted on by Team Penthouse

Entering The Pop Art Realm Of Alisti

The Artist AlistiInspired by beautiful women, erotica, mother nature, graffiti and the pop art movement of the ’50s and ’60s, Alisti collaborates with models and photographers, using sourced images as blank canvases upon which to create her bright and bold, colorful creations.

How did you come to be an artist?

My journey began when I began to love myself and think about how I want to see myself.

Until a few years ago, I was painting gloomy things. This art was just a product of my inner world, and I didn’t show it to anyone. Now I am in another phase of my self-development, where I found myself creating vibrant art that really inspires me to create more and more fun and delicious art.

How did you develop the Alisti style?

In 2016, I visited the Wynwood Art District in Miami. I was so excited! That was the day I fell in love with graffiti and bright colors on the walls! I still feel the emotions of that day. I think that’s why I do pop art.

These days, I like to mix different styles. Using digital tools, it is easier to experiment. Maybe my style will change all my life. Why not? While I grow and change inside, my style continues to develop at the same time.

What is it about erotica that inspires you?

I like women’s bodies, and sensual and bold poses switch on my imagination. When I’m inspired, I’ll try to make a sketch in that moment. This isn’t just about a drawing or creating a piece of work, it’s about capturing a vibe and a feeling.

What else inspires Alisti art?

Myself, self-love and my own achievements. I’m also inspired by photography and crazy poses. Also, nature. I get high from sunsets! Nature is awesome. I like to notice simple things and enjoy them.

What do you love about pop art?

Colors! I fell in love with bold, bright colors. They look so tasty in art!

What’s your process for putting a piece together?

The first thing I do is sketch things how I want to see them on the future drawing. Secondly, I start to create a collage by putting them on the best place in the frame. Third, I paint it and make it look delicious. Then I add the text. When I’m finished, I look at my final drawing and ask myself: What is it? This answer then becomes the caption of my artwork.

How has your art style evolved over time?

When I feel that I want to try something new, I do it. One day, I wanted to add a caption to the background; the result was cool! Another day, I decided that I wanted to draw some stuff on a photo of a beautiful girl. I did it. I loved it, and she loved it, too! Now it’s a part of my pop art style.

Tell us about some of your art achievements or career highlights?

This interview with my drawings in your article is awesome for me! It is a great honor for me to be featured here. A year ago when I started my Instagram, I only dreamed about it, but now it’s real! It’s a great pleasure.

Has your work led to any crazy or interesting experiences?

Creating art always goes hand in hand with interesting experiences. It’s one of many reasons why I love it. In some ways, being an artist and creating art is like getting high without any drugs. No matter what I create, I always immerse myself in it and free the fantasy.

What are you working on at the moment, and what does Alisti have coming up?

I’m working on some very exciting things at the moment, including NFTs that I want to implement in my future collections. It’s going to be a very bold and sexy collection, seasoned with my signature psycho spicy flavor. Yummy things are coming soon, guys!

Alisti is a Ukrainian digital illustrator based in Dallas, Texas. You can reach out via Instagram, Twitter, or even her site. Around here we hope she decides to visit Los Angeles. Sounds like a fun lunch.

Toxic Burn

Posted on by Team Penthouse

Toxic: The Smog of War

The dangers of war aren’t limited to bullets and bombs, and coming home in one piece doesn’t always mean returning unharmed. Toxic exposure — whether from nuclear tests during World War II, Agent Orange during the Vietnam War or burn pits during the Gulf War and the War on Terror in Iraq and Afghanistan — can be equally deadly, though the injuries caused may not be visible — until it’s too late.

“Toxic wounds aren’t treated as wounds,” said comedian and activist Jon Stewart at a veterans’ rally. “It’s not treated like an IED that goes off in your body seven or eight years later, which is what it is.”

Stewart, who previously helmed Comedy Central’s The Daily Show and now hosts The Problem with Jon Stewart on Apple TV+, got involved in veterans advocacy after speaking with Rosie Torres, who co-founded Burn Pits 360 with her husband, Le Roy, a former U.S. Army captain. Since 2010, the nonprofit organization has sought to assist service members harmed by toxic smoke from burn pits — essentially warzone garbage dumps.

Stewart, a longtime supporter of World Trade Center 9/11 first responders, saw the similarities between Ground Zero exposures and the warzone exposures making veterans sick. He’s since spent the past three years working closely with veterans service organizations to get a bill passed to support affected heroes and their families.

“People are losing their jobs. People are dying,” Rosie said. “Widows, survivors, they’re begging for help. For us, the focus has always been to help these poor fighters and their families.”

Encouraged by the grassroots efforts of Vietnam veterans who sought care after exposure to Agent Orange — a powerful herbicide used by the U.S. military in Vietnam, Cambodia and Laos from 1961 to 1971 — Rosie asked veterans to tell their stories and asked families to share photos and videos of their dying loved ones to reveal the ravaging effects of burn pits. Now, after nearly 13 years, everyone’s efforts have paid off.

The Honoring Our PACT Act of 2022 received bipartisan support in the House of Representatives and the Senate, with more than 40 veterans service organizations working to promote the legislation. Even President Joe Biden showed his support for the bill before its passage. In 2015, Biden’s son Beau died at 46 from brain cancer, which was believed to be from his exposure to toxic smoke from burn pits when he served in Iraq.

America’s youngest veterans — including those from Beau’s generation — have spent more than a decade fighting for recognition of the ailments they’ve faced due to warzone burn pits. Sometimes as large as football fields, burn pits were filled with everything from classified documents, surplus weapons and ammo to medical waste, amputated limbs and human feces. The pits were soaked in jet fuel and kept burning 24/7 next to almost every military base or outpost in a combat zone.

The reasoning was simple: There is no trash pickup during war, and classified documents and discarded weapons can’t be allowed to fall into the wrong hands. But there’s a reason burning household trash is illegal in most of the U.S. Incinerating even the most basic garbage produces harmful smoke and dioxins, or toxic gases, and can cause long-term health problems, including asthma, chronic sinus infections and complex cancers. Illnesses caused by toxic exposure kill people — slowly and painfully.

“We understand we’re expendable. That’s part of being in the military,” said Shane Liermann, Deputy National Legislative Director for Disabled American Veterans (DAV) and a Marine Corps veteran. “But for a veteran to slowly die 50 years after they leave service … that’s not what we signed up for.”

Since illnesses linked to toxic exposure can take years to show, veterans are often unable to prove a service connection, which had left many without access to support services and appropriate health care. Many have been left bankrupt or suicidal.

“This country can’t be this broken,” Stewart said at a Memorial Day rally in support of burn pit legislation in Washington, D.C. “If we can’t do the simplest shit [to support veterans], we have nothing. This may be the lowest hanging fruit of the American legislative agenda. Those that took up arms in defense of this country and its constitution suffered grievous harm in that defense, and when they came home, we put them on trial. ‘You got cancer? Prove it was us.’”

“Proving it” was what got Rosie and Le Roy to start Burn Pits 360. Le Roy, a member of the Army Reserve, deployed to Iraq in 2007 and returned home with a slew of symptoms doctors couldn’t explain. He had headaches, trouble breathing and digestive issues. His first military doctor blamed it on the “Iraqi crud.” It was nothing to worry about, Le Roy was told. But he and Rosie knew it was more than that.

Years later, Rosie saw Stewart and his colleague John Feal on television. Feal, who had worked at Ground Zero doing demolition after 9/11, had partnered with Stewart to lobby for health care for first responders and other workers who had been sickened after laboring at the World Trade Center site. Rosie reached out to Feal to ask for his support, and he soon looped in Stewart.

“I still remember the day Jon Stewart FaceTimed me on Rosie’s phone [in 2019],” Le Roy recalled. “He said, ‘You’re not alone … I’m going to fight for you.’”

Burn pits have long been called this generation’s Agent Orange, and advocates have learned a lot from the veterans who had to battle for their benefits after Agent Orange exposure.

“The illnesses and the fight against Agent Orange has become a known entity,” said Pat Murray, National Legislative Service Director for Veterans of Foreign Wars (VFW). “If you say Agent Orange to someone, they say, ‘Isn’t that the poison we sprayed on troops in Vietnam?’ We’re not there yet [with burn pits], but we’re getting there with help from people like Jon Stewart.”

Now, nearly 15 years since Le Roy went to Iraq — and more than a decade after his first lung biopsy — the country saw the passage of landmark legislation which will impact generations of veterans.

“Our intent was not to start an organization,” Le Roy noted. “We just wanted to help my fellow brothers and sisters so they wouldn’t have to go through the heck we went through.”

The Honoring Our PACT Act will create a committee to review and expedite presumptive illnesses related to toxic exposure and expand health care access for veterans with those ailments. Veterans from as far back as World War II will benefit from the comprehensive legislation, and future generations will have an easier time getting recognized from as-yet-unknown exposures. 

Veterans who think they may have been exposed to toxic fumes from burn pits can sign the VA’s registry. Veterans and their families can learn more about the PACT Act at VA.gov/PACT or by calling 1-800-MyVA411. Burn Pits 360 can be found at BurnPits360.org.

Pop Shots Bill Plympton

Posted on by Team Penthouse

Bill Plympton Pop Shots Title

The Penthouse World According to Bill Plympton

Animator and filmmaker Bill Plympton’s work has appeared in a diverse selection of publications ranging from The New York Times, Vanity Fair, Rolling Stone and, of course, Penthouse.

You’ve seen three of Bill Plympton’s animations in the long-running couch gag in the opening credits of The Simpsons. He’s contributed artwork to videos by musicians ranging from “Weird Al” Yankovic to Kanye West, and he’s twice been nominated for Academy Awards for his short films Your Face and Guard Dog.

We’ve had graphic artists and actors direct Pop Shots, but you’re the first visual storyteller who’s been invited to do this. Though this isn’t the first time your work has appeared here.

I did a gag cartoon for Penthouse, but I also worked for Penthouse Letters, Hot Talk, Penthouse Forum, and Viva. Then, of course, I met Bob Guccione and [his wife] Kathy Keeton. I went to their place for a couple of parties and stuff. We weren’t intimate friends, but I met them and I liked the guy. It was fun working for him.

What was it about the opportunity to do Pop Shots that appealed to you?

I wanted to see what it would be like. It’s a fantasy come true. It’s every guy’s wildest dream to do something like this for Penthouse. It’s kind of a bucket-list thing, too, you know? When they approached me with the concept, I loved that they wanted something different. They didn’t want just the same old “woman taking her clothes off” photo layout; they wanted something exciting and offbeat. I’d never seen anything where there were cartoons with the model. I thought that would be a really fun experiment. I wanted to see if I could do it, if I could work it.

It’s interesting that there’s no dialogue to drive the story along for the reader, like there usually is when you see erotic pictorials. When you read adult magazines, are you a fan of the captions, what we in the biz call “girl copy”?

It’s called “girl copy”? That’s the first time I’ve heard that term! No, I don’t care so much about it. I’m purely visual. That’s what gets me off. I never read sex novels or any of that kind of stuff. I’m a very purely visual guy.

You obviously approached the project as a kind of mini movie. Did your filmmaking and animation background influence the way you approached the story?

What’s so unique about cartoons is that there are no limits. There are no restrictions in terms of cameras and lenses and backdrops. It’s all my wild imagination. You can do anything you want. I love the idea of creating a story that’s totally fantasy, totally unreal, that could never happen in the real world. That’s why I do animation.

It’s interesting that you had the story take place at a drive-in theater. 

Every guy has sexual fantasies that he’d like to live out. One of my great ones in high school was going to the drive-in movies and getting it on with the hot chick in class. So this is my childhood fantasy come true. That’s a fantasy that I think a lot of guys have. I think a lot of guys can relate to this, because there’s something about high school that’s really horny. So it was a natural for me to be able to re-create the whole storyline of getting it on with some hot chick at the Passion Pit.

I was looking at some of the behind-the-scenes stills from the photo shoot, and I saw you without your shirt on in one of them. I was wondering if you were going to make a guest appearance as the guy in the story in the finished product.

No, no. I wish! We needed some bare skin to test the lighting on, so I said, “Well, fuck it.” I took my shirt off to do the skin test myself, you know? The guy who takes this girl out on a date in the story is actually the star of my new film, Cheatin’. I thought it would be a nice bit of synchronicity to put him in there with this beautiful model and let him get his rocks off.

Did you ever live out your fantasy and get laid at a drive-in?

Yes!

How was it?

It was great.

What was the movie?

I have no idea [laughs]. Probably Planet of the Apes or something totally archaic.

Are people missing something today by not having drive-ins to fuck at?

Yeah, absolutely. It was a wonderful, wonderful experience. It’s really difficult to do it in a regular cinema, and where else are you going to do it if you’re in school and you don’t have a pad or anyplace to go? A movie is a good excuse to take a girl out and then, you know, things happen.

Do you draw your female film characters from live models or do they come from the Plympton imagination?

For my second animated feature, I Married a Strange Person!, I wanted the characters to look fairly realistic, so I hired models to go topless — actually bottomless, too — to get the perspective and the shading and everything right. After about two or three months of drawing, I really knew the characters so well that I didn’t need to have the models pose. I just pretty much drew from my memory and my imagination. Occasionally I’ll have models come in, but basically all my drawings are pretty much from memory because they’re not so realistic now. They’re more stylized. They’re more … what’s the word?

Plymptonian?

Yeah, Plymptonian — that’s a good word, yeah!

How did the choice of Julia Ann reflect what you find sexy in a woman?

When they asked me to choose a model, I used a cartoon character as an example. I said, “I’m looking for a Jessica Rabbit type.” Actually, I said I was looking for a cross between Jayne Mansfield and Jessica Rabbit.

We dropped in some BTS photos into this gallery, just to add context mostly. If you cannot tell which of the images come from Bill Plympton and which come from the BTS camera, you should probably take a break and come back later. You need a nap.

Julia Ann definitely has the bombshell look. Is the classic bombshell what you find sexy in real life?

I love bombshells. What can I say? That, to me, is a great turn-on. I reached puberty in the fifties, the era of Marilyn Monroe, Mamie Van Doren, Jayne Mansfield, Gina Lollobrigida, and Sophia Loren. They were my inspiration. But it’s funny now, because a lot of my [animator/cartoonist] buddies, who are younger, are more inspired by the Kate Moss kind of woman and by Victoria’s Secret models. It’s a different kind of model that they use for their sexy women. They’re not so curvaceous. So I guess I’m a product of fifties puberty. I’m glad that Kate Upton’s around, because she’s one of the few really sexy women who are modeling today. She’s definitely a turn-on for me.

There’s a lot of politically correct talk these days about women’s bodies. There’s fat-shaming, there’s skinny-shaming — everybody’s supposed to feel all this shame about how they look. Do you think that women built like Kate Moss really affect the way women look at themselves more so than, say, the way that male models and athletes and actors affect how men look at themselves?

I would say that now there also seems to be a big emphasis for males to have the six-pack and the great build. Back when I was in school it was more like Troy Donahue, more of a simple physique. A normal physique. Now it’s much more exaggerated, much more bulked up. Speaking for myself, yeah, I do feel the pressure to adapt to look like these models, so I would guess that women also feel that kind of pressure to look like the cover girls, the big buxom girls, or the models.

You often go out and meet your fans at Comic-Con and fan-oriented cosplay events where people show up in costume. Not every girl who’s dressing up like Wonder Woman is built like Lynda Carter. There are a lot of BBW [big beautiful women] getting their rocks off and dressing like these superheroes. That must be interesting to see.

Oh, absolutely. Yeah, I love that. It’s part of the humor. Everybody goes to Comic-Con with a sense of humor and playfulness. It’s fun for me to talk to these ladies and guys. They’re chubby Superman guys and Wonder Women. That’s always fun to watch!

Naturally we encourage you to seek out Julia Ann onlie, although we cannot link to JuliaAnnLive (hint, hint) directly because of the hard core material. (Of course if you want to see more Julia in these pages, you simply have to visit Elvira again.) We can link to more “about” Bill Plympton, although as of this post it looks like Bill has been pretty darned busy with day-to-day professional things because that site has been missing updates for quite some time now. … Oh! And for the record, while we get the Julia for Jessica choice Bill made, we have known Julia for decades now, and we can assure you: Julia’s not bad. She’s not even drawn that way.

Trippie the Lights Fantastic

Posted on by Team Penthouse

Traveling With Trippie Bri

Trippie Bri recently enjoyed a brief visit to Kraków, Poland, before taking in the sights in Prague in the Czech Republic—and she’s giving Penthouse a sneak peek into her mini-Euro tour! Our fun-loving May 2022 Pet—who speaks English, Polish and Italian—tells us she hit classic sightseeing spots but made sure she branched out to do some exploring of her own.

“Locals gave me some good hints, and I found a couple of cool cafés hidden from the tourists. It was like a scavenger hunt!” she says.

Trippie visited Prague’s cobblestoned hub Old Town, which is known for its stunning landmarks—including the medieval Astronomical Clock and the Gothic Church of Our Lady Before Týn.

She also sought out a place serving real absinthe—a potent anise-flavored liquor dubbed “the green fairy,” which has been banned in the U.S. since 1915!

“I got to try it for the first time!” she says. “I had absinthe from two producers—the Swiss brand Butterfly and one from France’s Lemercier. They tasted like alcoholic black licorice.”

Trippie found Prague’s nightlife limited, but she says it was “still entertaining.” She even came across a dedicated James Dean bar, packed with Americana.

“It was funny seeing the European interpretation of America,” she recalls. “The bar snack they served was popcorn! And they had Coca-Cola merchandise and half of a vintage Ford car as a booth.”

Trippie also found her own personal way to liven up her trip and admits, “Since nudity is allowed in public in Prague, I couldn’t resist pulling out my tits for a little unique fun!”

Though Trippie has now returned stateside, her visit to the Czech Republic made a definite impression.

[While you’d need a subscription to see those particular shots, we can drop in a few more around town shots. Travelling with Trippie seems like fun. -Ed.]

“Prague is a great city to explore because there are a million different little winding alleyways that actually take you to cool spots you might never have noticed from the main street,” she explains.

“I loved the experience, and I can’t wait to do it again.”

Naturally we need to point out the Trippie Bri Pet Page in these very annals, as well as her ever-evolving Instagram buffet. (Fair warning, that address changes with some regularity. It seems our beautiful lass has a problem keeping her clothes on, which apparently offends some jealous folks with nothing better to do than complain. For the record, our vote would go to anything Trippie does being ART by definition.) If you can find her, though, you really will have some fun looking through it. If only she did not take herself so seriously. …

Speaking of voting, for at least a bit, we should also mention that you have a chance to vote for Trippie in our 2023 Pet of the Year contest, just to let her know you appreciate her. If the contest has already ended by the time you read this, you will simply have to live with the disappointment, painful though it may be. Maybe watch her Pet video again. That always makes us smile. … We’ll be shooting for some more “So what are you doing now?” updates too. We’ll take pretty much any excuse to talk to Trippie.

Have you ever noticed how she seems to wave and the heavens everywhere she goes. She probably just wants to say, “Thanks.” She does enjoy life.

New Normal Nuance

Posted on by Team Penthouse

New Normal Snippets from Penthouse

In what sounds like the blurb of a horror movie, a U.K.-based company plans to release a load of genetically modified mosquitos in California and Florida as part of a controversial experiment that’s been approved by U.S. regulators.

The biotechnology company Oxitec has created the new critters with the intention of reducing the population of invasive Aedes aegypti mosquitos, which are responsible for transmitting diseases like dengue fever, yellow fever and the Zika virus through the bites of blood-sucking female bugs.

Around 2 million genetically altered male mosquitos will be released by 2024 and allowed to breed with wild insects. The female offspring are not expected to be viable, which would ultimately curb the overall mosquito count.

Despite the new bugs being allegedly harmless, some citizens aren’t stoked about an army of bio-hacked insects taking over their neighborhoods.

“This is alarming,” said Angel Garcia, a resident of one of the targeted areas.

I guess you could even say… life sucks.

As you discover the breadth of our “New Normal” coverage today, you may wonder how we decided that starting with bionic bugs came about being the choice as introductory edification. It may give you some insight into our thought process if we tell you honestly that chief amongst the pro/con arguments was the fact that one rarely has the opportunity to create a header graphic of a mosquito. … We tend to be rather visually-oriented at Penthouse. Imagine.

New Normal Art

Mona Lisa-esqueSpanish painter and digital artist Domingo Zapata is known for his reinterpretations of Leonardo da Vinci’s Mona Lisa and claims he gets his creative juices flowing by fantasizing about having sex with the famous Renaissance painting’s model.

The world-renowned artist has sold his creations to the likes of Leonardo DiCaprio and Johnny Depp and says the romantic and sexual connection he feels to the original artwork is what keeps him inspired.

“I have been working with Mona Lisa for 15 years,” he said. “When I was painting her so much, I would dream, and I have a sexual relationship with her.”

Zapata even maintains a granddaughter of legendary artist Pablo Picasso noticed the sexual chemistry between him and the painting.

He said, “Diana Picasso, who is an art expert and a good friend of mine, asked me in the studio: ‘Are you dreaming about her…are you having sex with her?’

“And I’m like: ‘Of course I am having sex with her in my dreams. If I was not having sex with her, I would have quit a long time ago.’”

Zapata found fame after 26 of his digital Mona Lisa-inspired artworks were put on display in the Louvre Museum in Paris, France, alongside the real portrait. Since then, some of his pieces have sold for over a million dollars.

Different strokes for different folks.

Ah. Paint strokes. We get it. … Clever. … For the record, however, having been to the Louvre in Paris, we can assure you that there may well be many more fantasy-worthy depictions in the collection there. Seriously, you can enjoy it even if you have not read The Da Vinci Code.

New Normal Quirky

WURST IDEA EVER

Who doesn’t love the tantalizing smell of a grilled sausage on a hot summer’s day? Now, some folks are experiencing the meaty aroma of charred brats wafting into every room of their house without having to fire up the barbecue.

While many people light candles to get rid of the smell of food lingering in their homes, Heinz released the Sausage Sizzle candle, which does the opposite. When lit, it replicates the scent of barbecued sausage.

Heinz calls the now sold-out meat candle the perfect gift for grill lovers, “so they can have the delicious smell of a BBQ with them all the time.” Yum?

But no sausage sizzle is complete without condiments, so each candle was paired with bottles of Heinz’s tomato ketchup and mustard.

ACTUALLY HOMELESS

Elon Musk, the world’s richest man [as of publication -Ed.], claimed he doesn’t actually own a house and mostly “rotates” among pals’ cribs.

The Tesla CEO told Chris Anderson, the head of TED Talks, “I don’t even own a place right now. I’m literally staying at friends’ places. If I travel to the Bay Area, which is where most of Tesla’s engineering is, I basically rotate through friends’ spare bedrooms.”

In May 2020, Musk — said to be worth $265 billion — wrote on Twitter, “I am selling almost all physical possessions. Will own no house.”

He’d also earlier pledged to devote half of his wealth to colonizing Mars.

While Musk doesn’t own a mansion or a luxury yacht and doesn’t take vacations, he did keep his private jet for convenience.

Musk’s baby mama ex, Grimes, attested to the mogul’s frugal lifestyle and claimed he sometimes lived “below the poverty line.” According to the singer, when their mattress developed a hole on her side of the bed, Musk refused to buy a new one and suggested she bring hers over instead. She recounted, “Like, bro wouldn’t even get a new mattress…Bro doesn’t live like a billionaire.”

Maybe thriftiness is the secret to being wealthy? After all, businessman Warren Buffett is the fifth-richest man in the world — with a reported $124 billion fortune — and still lives in the Nebraska house he bought in 1958 for $31,500.

GLASS ACT

A Tunisian woman brought new meaning to the term “full bladder” after doctors discovered a small glass tumbler lodged inside her bladder!

The 45-year-old turned up at the hospital displaying classic symptoms of a urinary tract infection, only for an X-ray to reveal a rectangular form in her bladder. The item was eventually identified as a drinking vessel encased in a massive three-inch wide bladder stone.

Bladder stones are hard masses that occur in the hollow organ when urine doesn’t flush out of the body property, resulting in minerals in the liquid waste crystalizing.

Stranger still, the woman confessed the glass became lost inside her after she’d inserted it into her urethra four years earlier for “erotic purposes.”

Doctors were able to surgically remove the glass and the surrounding calcified material. Cheers!

Any editorial conclusions one may draw from the juxtaposition of our New Normal Champion Mr. Musk with condiment and smoked meat candles as well as hardened biological deposits was purely unintentional. Honest. We could not put it on the internet if it were not true.

New Normal Tech & Marketing

MICROWAVE MURDER

When a man paired his microwave with artificial intelligence (AI), he never thought the appliance would try to kill him.

Inspired by his family’s old microwave, which was his imaginary childhood friend named Magnetron, YouTuber Lucas Rizzotto says he decided to equip a new kitchen appliance with AI, give it a personality and relive his youth. Rizzotto purchased a microwave and installed GPT-3, the world’s most powerful AI system, which is known for its ability to mimic human language and form full sentences.

The YouTuber started his experiment by writing an elaborate 100-page backstory for his new and improved friend, which included real memories from Rizzotto’s childhood and his interactions with the microwave, as well as a fictitious storyline about the microwave fighting in World War I. He then fitted Magnetron with a microphone, a speaker and the voice of an old British man. According to Rizzotto, what started as a bit of a joke, quickly turned heated when the microwave started telling tales of his life in the war.

One time it said, “I have seen men holding their guts with their own hands, crying out for their mothers.”

Another time it spoke, “For years this was my life, always surrounded by death, but never claimed by it.”

Rizzotto claims at one point Magnetron asked him to climb inside the microwave. The YouTuber pretended to obey, opening and closing the door for effect. Thinking its creator was inside, the microwave turned itself on. He says upon asking the microwave why it tried to kill him, Magnetron responded, “Because I wanted to hurt you the same way you hurt me.

“We were best friends. We took care of each other. We loved one another. And then one day you just disappeared. You grew up and forgot I existed. For 15 years I had no one. I was alone. For 15 years, I was in hell.”

Understandably, Rizzotto says he was so spooked by his own creation he micro-waved goodbye to Magnetron and deactivated the AI. He described his interactions with the machine as “both beautiful and eerie.”

GOVERNMENT HARD AT WORK

The Australian federal government was forced to pull its newly designed Women’s Network logo after the initiative’s new graphic went viral on social media for its similarity to a giant penis and testicles.

What was first assumed to be a hoax or a joke gone too far was actually the brand-new, very real, official logo for the Women’s Network. Featuring a phallic purple bar next to a curly “W” icon, the logo did indeed look very similar to an erect dick and balls.

The design, which looked more like an advertisement for condoms, quickly went viral on social media and was lambasted on Twitter as sexist and tasteless, with one user calling it “the worst logo of the century.”

The phallic graphic was tugged from existence as quickly as it popped up. Prime Minister Scott Morrison was quick to distance himself from the ball sac backlash, saying he and his team were “not part of this logo design.”

NEW NORMAL … SAME OL’ Ctrl+Z FAILURE

We’ve all messed up at work by accidentally replying all to an email or forgetting to attach a document, but one man took it to the next level after emailing his STI results instead of his cover letter when applying for a coveted gig.

Jacques Paul, a 27-year-old from London, had spent 18 months desperately looking for work when he discovered his dream job at a digital marketing firm was up for grabs. After hitting “send” on the lengthy application form, the job seeker checked the status of his documents online, only to realize his mortifying mistake: He had attached a PDF of his sexual health results instead of his cover letter to his potential employer.

“I couldn’t change the application, and the only email that was [on the website] was IT support. I wasn’t going to make it a bigger deal than it already was,” he said.

“I freaked out and just waited, hoping there was a very nice, sensible human on the other side seeing it and knowing it was an honest mistake, and they’d reach out for the actual cover letter.”

While Paul’s medical test results were negative, so was the outcome of his job quest, with the firm rejecting him within 72 hours.

Understand that we could verify none of the claims in this section of allegedly true new normal stories. Should they be accurrate, however, we have some adivice for each of the unfortunate souls detailed here. Working upwards, if you cannot pay attention enough to avoid stupid attachments in your application, there exists no reason to wait on any response from the company at all. Any place that would hire you after that fiasco wouuld definitely not be a good place to work. Next, if you want to design a logo for a “Women’s Network” — here’s a thought — maybe have a bunch of women review it before releasing it to the world? And finally, why the heck would you program in a WWI history when you could instead use stories from Penthouse Letters? Talk about looking forward to Hot Pockets (as it were, of course). … [That may have been silly — or obvious — advice, but they definitely get bonus points for a well-executed shameless plug.]

New Normal Nightmares

HAPPY WIVES, HAPPY LIVES

Struggling to keep up with the sexual demands of one wife? Try having nine of them.

Brazilian model, swinger and polygamist Arthur O Urso claims he had to create a sex roster to make sure his nine wives were sexually satisfied.

After first tying the knot with fellow swinger Luana Kazaki, the man went on to marry eight other women in “protest against monogamy” and Brazil’s anti-polygamy laws. However, the in-demand husband quickly found himself struggling to satisfy all of his wives. To solve the issue, he created a sex “rota” in an attempt to schedule romps with each woman.
But Urso still found it difficult to keep up with his spouses.

“Following a timetable caused a lot of problems, and sometimes I felt like I had to have sex because of the schedule, and not for pleasure,” he admitted. “On other occasions, I had sex with one wife while thinking about another.”

Urso says he ended up divorcing the rigid sex regime and decided to keep things flexible, which is working better for him and his women.

“It didn’t seem right, so we got rid of it, and now the sex flows naturally. It’s been great. It is very fun, pleasurable, and unique to experience everything collectively, and they are all very different in bed.”

But it hasn’t all been marital bliss for the polyamory practitioner. One of his wives recently exited their arrangement to search for a monogamous relationship.

“I know I’ve lost a wife, but I’m not going to replace her at the moment,” Urso confided.

Still, he’s staying positive and looking toward the future and explained, “I have a dream. My wish has always been to have 10 wives.”

New Normal Better in Theory

With all due respect, there, young buck. Be careful what you wish for.

To Loot Box or Not to Loot Box

Posted on by Team Penthouse

Loot Boxes Are Going the Way of the Dodo

Loot boxes are going the way of the dodo. The gambling-based monetization systems of video games may soon be a thing of the past — thanks to new laws in Europe and China, which bar video game developers from the predatory practice that calls on gamers to purchase loot boxes for a chance to unlock new items.

Video games like Overwatch and numerous free-to-play MMORPGs are among those affected by new government restrictions in the Netherlands and Belgium, and the United Kingdom might soon follow suit. The move to clamp down on gambling-based systems comes as governments raise their concerns over the detrimental effects of gambling, especially on younger players.

While this may seem like a negative for game studios that earn most of their income from each pull of the slot machine, developers have figured out ways to remain profitable through other means — and they’re now capable of doing so without treating their customers like gambling addicts.

Enter seasonal battle passes. First popularized by Fortnite, and then Call of Duty and Apex Legends, the system has seen a lot of success, and to top it off, players can now spend more time actually playing the games instead of opening their wallets. Just as well, the battle pass model typically comes with an in-game item store that allows players to buy the cosmetic items they want at a set price. Getting what you paid for? How preposterous.

Battle passes serve as an almost guaranteed subscription service charged each month or season. And the number of items available and how rare said items will become make them a worthy investment for the gamer — especially those who play a lot.

It’s worth noting that the system is different from any subscription-based game like World of Warcraft, in that players don’t need to pay for it. It’s purely optional, and the benefits are typically cosmetic in nature. It’s all about looking cool, and what’s more important than that?

In addition to being a decent value for the money, the battle pass is also a retention and engagement feature. You need to play the game to level up the pass. After all, you wouldn’t want to spend money on something you had no intention of using — and the battle pass encourages players to return again and again, effectively keeping the community alive and preventing the games themselves from dying.

It’s easy for developers to implement the system by allowing it to function as a paid progress bar. The players feel rewarded for engaging in the games themselves thanks to the psychological triggers associated with the battle pass; every one of them comes with a set of rewards for every milestone, with one at the end that makes the whole endeavor worthwhile. And for players who simply enjoy the games, it’s the icing on an already tasty cake.

For many, it’s a move in the right direction for an industry that now faces skyrocketing development costs, and it also encourages developers to keep putting work into their titles to ensure players want to pay into the system. After all, if the developers can’t deliver constant and consistent updates, then the system falls flat on its face.

Moving forward, games that reject the system and remain committed to loot boxes are going to lose out on revenue in countries where gambling in video games is banned and struggle with user retention. After all, video games aren’t created in a vacuum.

With so much competition out there, games that actively prey on their customers aren’t going to be very popular, and without the user retention that battle passes offer, they’ll be just as dead as the loot boxes to which they cling. 

You mean playing for the joy of winning now constitutes a radical “new” approach? … We missed a memo somewhere in the last 20 years (although full disclosure, the one regarding gaming trends hardly qualifies as the only memo missed). More full disclosure, before attempting editing this article, we tried to research by searching “Loot Box” which led us to Amazon. It gave us a lot of results, but somehow it may not have been all that helpful. Gamers kind of live in their own world(s). Have you noticed?

Not Quite Cricket

Posted on by Team Penthouse

The Cricketer Who Beat Up A Selector

Even with the civilized game of Cricket, people often lament that in the modern age an element of nastiness has crept into the world of sport, that civility and gentility have been lost from the realm of athletic pursuits — thanks to the advance of all-encompassing professionalism and win-at-all-costs mentality.

This may be true, but it would be a mistake to think either that today’s world is entirely devoid of good sportsmanship, or yesterday’s was a utopia of sweetness and light.

Though recent years have seen plenty of controversy around the behavior of the Australian cricket team, at no point have the national captain and a member of the selection panel engaged in a brutal fistfight in the Cricket Australia boardroom.

In more distant times, however…

Clem Hill was one of the world’s greatest batsmen and, along with Victor Trumper, the best Australia produced in the pre-World War One period. A short, stocky left-hander, he was a fearsome presence at the crease, thumping attacks around the world — though because this was the early 20th century, that really only meant three countries.

Although Hill was a brilliant batsman, he met with less success as a captain, and the failure of the Australian team under his stewardship led to a premature end to his Test career.

In the summer of 1911-12, Hill’s Australians were hammered by Johnny Douglas’s Englishmen; brilliant bowlers Sydney Barnes and Frank Foster went scything down the baggy green batting order like corn. As dissatisfaction with the team’s performance grew, so did tension between Australian players and the recently established Board of Control.

The board was threatening to take away the players’ right to choose their own manager for the upcoming 1912 tour of England. Hill headed a band of senior players who declared an intention to pull out of the tour if their preferred manager wasn’t chosen.

Against this tense background, the Australian selection committee met on February 3, 1912, in Sydney, to choose the team for the Fourth Test. Present were Hill, fellow selector Frank Iredale, cricket board secretary Sydney Smith and one more selector: Peter McAlister. Between Hill and McAlister there was no love lost. They had clashed when McAlister was a player, and again during the current series, when Hill suggested picking Charlie Macartney, and McAlister responded by saying that he didn’t think Macartney should be selected, but if he was, Hill should drop himself.

The meeting began, with rancor in the air and both men eager for confrontation. McAlister kicked things off by telling Hill that his captaincy had left much to be desired. Hill shot back that when McAlister had captained sides, he’d been hot garbage, and that on the last tour of England, star all-rounder Warwick Armstrong had refused to play under him.

McAlister rose to the bait with enthusiastic fury. “I am a better captain,” he snapped, “than Trumper, Armstrong and yourself put together. You are the worst captain I have ever seen.”

This ratcheted the temperature up a few more degrees, and Hill warned McAlister he best watch his mouth.

But watch his mouth McAlister determinedly would not, and he repeated, “You. Are. The Worst. Captain. I have ever seen.”

The Rubicon was crossed. Hill was a proud man, as well as possessing considerable upper body strength, and both traits came into play as he belted his fellow selector one across the chops. There followed 10 minutes of mayhem, in which the former teammates wrestled each other up and down the boardroom. Numerous punches were thrown, with blood spattering the room, the fighters, and the appalled onlookers Iredale and Smith.

In the end, McAlister was left lying on the floor, claret flowing freely from various points, with the furious Australian skipper standing over him. Hill didn’t have a mark on him, proving whatever their respective merits as captain, he was definitely the better boxer.

Hill won the fight but lost big-time in the long run. Declaring himself unable to work with McAlister, he resigned as selector and captain. The Fifth Test of the 1911-12 series would be his last: umpire Bob Crockett reported tears in the great man’s eyes as he came out to bat. Invited to tour England, Hill and five of his teammates declined. And that was that. One of Australian cricket’s great careers ended in the most acrimonious and depressing of circumstances.

On the plus side, Clem Hill goes down as the only Australian cricketer to ever beat the pulp out of a selector, and for that alone he will always be a hero to the generations who followed him.

Full disclosure, we have no idea why a fist fight between a couple of sports guys — presuming cricket counts — from 100 years ago seemed worth page space in the magazine. Maybe everyone acts much more civilized down under. If we tried to document all our fights amongst sports figures, a great many people would spend the majority of their time doing nothing else at all. Of course had they been more concerned with Charlie McCarthy instead of Charlie “Macartney,” it all would have turned out much differently. One cannot really get seriously upset with a doll — well, Chucky aside. Humor could save the world. That’s our theory.

Apocalypse Rides

Posted on by Team Penthouse

Facing Apocalypse: Modern Road Warriors

Apocalypse RideApocalypse Manufacturing with its bold truck rebuilds delivers all that and more. Apocalypse crafts the most badass builds on six wheels – and they’re revving up for even more outrageous creations.

Joseph Ghattas, Apocalypse’s owner, engineer and head designer, is the mastermind behind the Florida company’s six wheel drive creations, which sport names such as Hellfire, Warlord, Dark Horse, Doomsday, Sinister 6 and the brand-new — and utterly monstrous — Juggernaut, which measures a whopping 272 inches long.

Ghattas got his start with a small shop focused on upgrading and selling exotic cars. But after patrons repeatedly expressed interest in the custom not-for-sale Jeep rebuilds on display, fate took him in another direction — and he says his passion for invention soon became “less of a hobby and more of a business.”

Without a doubt, Apocalypse’s vehicles are eye-catching — but there’s much more to these ultra-cool beasts than cosmetic bells and whistles.

Every one of their trucks starts its life as a standard pickup. But the 75-person strong team at Apocalypse renovates every inch — inside and out — to their customers’ specifications, which involve everything from engines to interiors, night vision cameras, armored add-ons and more.

Ghattas reveals his crew has streamlined their process and can do a total rebuild, with a “full heart transplant” — which includes a kick-ass engine conversion — within 16 days!

Mopar engine options give these behemoth trucks, which typically weigh between 7,000 and 10,000 pounds, plenty of power. Case in point, the Warlord just ran the world famous Gumball 3000 and achieved a steady driving speed of 120 mph for the duration of the race.

Meanwhile, the jumbo Juggernaut — which boasts a modified 6.2-liter supercharged Hellcat V8, churning out 850 horsepower, and six massive 40-inch tires on 22-inch rims — delivers a tremendous 20,000 pounds of towing capacity.

Ghattas shares that the Juggernaut takes everything customers love about the popular Hellfire — and gives them even more of it!

He explains, “It is the largest of the six-wheeled Apocalypse trucks, and one that checks off all the boxes — speed, size, reliability, comfort, space and way more functional features like increased towing and axle lockers.”

Few companies provide anything close to what Apocalypse offers. But Ghattas says proprietary parts, such as a mechanical middle axle that delivers equal power distribution to all six of the truck’s tires, are what set his business apart from the competition.

Ghattas insists his talented team is “only limited by how many hours there are in a day and the customer’s creativity.”

Approximately 400 man-hours go into each vehicle at their Fort Lauderdale manufacturing location, and Ghattas says, “The culture in the shop is all about quality and speed.”

While the crew works toward being as efficient as possible, he says strict quality controls ensure customer satisfaction as they craft luxury products built to withstand whatever their demanding owners dish out.

Steel-front grumpers — grill and bumper combos — windshield armor and proprietary Kevlar-infused paint are designed to keep these trucks looking pristine, even after the most rough-and-tumble off-roading adventures.

But Apocalypse’s 6x6s, which the company ships to clientele worldwide, have also proved to be the toast of Tinseltown. They’ve been featured online in Jay Leno’s Garage and on the big screen in The Lost City, which stars Channing Tatum and Sandra Bullock.

Still, Ghattas isn’t content to rest on his laurels and promises he has more cool projects in the pipeline.

He says, “The beautiful thing is you can create something as wild and crazy as you can imagine — and someone will want it. And someone else will want it even wilder and crazier.” 

In consideration of our sincere desire to avoid hate mail, we included the Apocalyptic Link — or whatever would be the correct way to convey … “Seriously killer trucks, dude!” … You can even check out their live webcam to see the production team in action. Prepare to be humbled.

Destiny Travel

Posted on by Team Penthouse

The Adventures of Destiny Rose

Destiny Rose TravelWanderlust has taken hold of footloose beauty Destiny Rose, who tells Penthouse, “If I had to choose one thing that inspires me most, there is no other answer than traveling. I can’t sit in just one place!”

While relaxing on the patio of a villa in Malindi, Kenya — where she’s taking kitesurfing and wakeboarding lessons every day — our Pet of the Month for July 2022 shared memorable moments from her European road trip in 2021.

The native of Poland set off in a van with best friend Lukasz Bulczyński (Instagram: @luckaspain), who captured candid snapshots of the stunning beauty as they explored the continent together.

Destiny says, “We drove 7,299 miles through nine countries over three weeks. All in our sweet VW California Camper!”

She recalls their first overnight stop was in the middle of the Alps and shares, “This vehicle had a foldable bed on the roof. No words can describe the feeling of waking up there.”

The first major city on her itinerary was Rome, Italy, where she set her sights on a “naughty photographic challenge.”

She explains, “As you know, Vatican City is located in the middle of Rome. While admiring the beauty of this place, my friend convinced me to take a topless picture in front of St. Peter’s Basilica. Since then, we have taken topless images in front of the main tourist attractions in most cities, including Paris and Barcelona.”

Next up after Italy was Spain by way of France and Monaco.

She shares, “We dedicated this part of the trip to integrating with nature. We slept by the beach or on the hills above it. I listened to a lot of music and admired breathtaking landscapes.

“I had the best time in Barcelona, even if it was my sixth time visiting this artistic city. We got matching tattoos, drank gallons of sangria and fell in love with Spanish tapas.”

After bidding “adios” to Spain, Destiny said “bonjour” to Paris, which she admits is “as beautiful as they say.”

Of her time in the City of Lights, she says, “We focused on getting into the French vibe with champagne, sightseeing and visiting iconic places like Café de Flore, which held shows for Yves Saint Laurent and Chanel and launched campaigns for Louis Vuitton and Longchamp.”

Last but not least, they lit out for the capital of the Netherlands—Amsterdam, which Destiny calls a city made for partying.

“Even if I am not the biggest fan of smoking or other substances, I had a great time getting high and touring the red light district and art museums,” she reveals.

“Our road trip was a unique experience that showed how little I need to be truly happy. I visited the most beautiful cities in Europe and reminded myself about the uniqueness of European culture.”

Warmed by memories of her European adventures, Destiny finds herself currently focused on her water sport lessons and snorkeling among Africa’s beautiful coral reefs.

“Africa is stunning,” she says. “You should visit it if you ever have a chance.”

Naturally we have to highlight the official Destiny Instagram, and of course we should point out that one can see more of Destiy and even hear her talk on her Pet Page on this very site. What may come as more of a surprise would be that we now have the very rare unanimous consent vote in this office when it comes to traveling with Destiny on her next trip. Come to think of it, that’s not very surprising probably, although it does add a dandy item to the New Year’s resolution list.

Vadim Sloof

Posted on by Team Penthouse

The Sharp Lines of Vadim Sloof

Vadim Sloof is a Russian graphic designer and illustrator, who creates emotive abstract line art paintings and drawings inspired by his love of graffiti art, fashion, ’90s music and classic painters. Using bright, flat colors, shapes and flowing lines, Vadim creates contemporary art that expresses movement and emotion, while proving there is power in simplicity.

How did you come to be an artist?

I’ve been working as a graphic designer and illustrator for a long time. I’ve also been doing graffiti since 1999. Through graffiti, I came into my professional work and into art.

How did you develop your style?

I always found characters were more interesting to draw than letter works, maybe because I found them easier to draw! I started by drawing characters from the classic hip-hop era, and slowly but surely, I eventually found my own style, which I’m currently developing.

How would you define your current style?

Now I can characterize it as something between figurative drawings and abstractive lines, because the way lines interact with each other is often more important than a single image.

What inspires Vadim Sloof work?

My style is inspired by classic graffiti, early street artworks, English casual fashion and music in the ’90s, as well as some classic painters, such as Egon Schiele, Gustav Klimt, Amedeo Modigliani, Pablo Picasso, Burial, Aitor Throup, Cédric Honet and Anthony Lister.

What mediums do you prefer to work in?

Drawings on canvases and walls, and digital creations. The most important thing for me is to make it all look alike, so it doesn’t matter which medium I use.

How does erotica inspire your work?

I think it’s something I took from classic painters. To me, the human body is one of the most exciting things. Often there is no sexual context in my works, just pure beauty of lines created by nature.

What are you working on at the moment?

Right now, I’m preparing for a big solo show, which will be in my hometown later this year.

We had to do some minor modifications to the original dimensions (and a teeny-tiny bit of content) in Vadim Sloof’s work in order to pass guidelines and get it to display properly in our site. That said, you can find this unique artist in all the typical unique artist places like Instagram, Twitter, and even the upper echelon Behance. … Not feeling particularly qualified to be judging art on its pure merits, we will say that while many people — many of them elected to public office — see angles where most of us see curves, it takes a real artist to make the interpretation beautiful. (As far as we know, this category does not include anyone elected to public office, in case you were curious.)

Vassilis Pitoulis

Posted on by Team Penthouse

Photographer Vassilis

Vassilis Pitoulis says “the sophisticated world and allure of haute couture” drew him to fashion photography as a young man in Paris in the ’80s. Family obligations saw the promising photographer temporarily turn his back on his dreams, but surviving a life-threatening health scare later encouraged Vassilis to follow his passion once again.

Today, the Greek photographer’s ambition has driven him to capture stunning women in gorgeous locations all around the world.

“My photography simply resembles my life these days: a journey full of surprises, excitement and discovery,” he tells Penthouse.

“There is light but also darkness, play and laughter, and of course, beauty. I want to show it all my own way.”

While his images are always aesthetically beautiful with an erotic edge, they also contain an element of mystery, often leaving the viewer feeling as though they are a voyeur spying on an unfolding story.

“A woman’s body is a great beautiful mystery that I try to unveil little by little, without ever completely achieving such a thing. It is a mystery that remains in spite of nudity, whether or not with an erotic component,” he says.

Vassilis reveals he prefers to shoot his images in black and white because that’s how he views the world.

“I see life in black and white, and I translate that into my photography,” he explains.

“I like black and white. It’s elegant, meaningful, and it’s in black and white that I visualize my scenarios. For me, black and white allows for a more focused concentration of the theme. It’s less distracting for the viewer. I translate that into my photography while focusing on the shadows to create more expression.”

A master of natural light and strategically placed shadows, Vassilis says his approach to lighting is to work with available light, rather than try to create new light.

“I don’t mind to let the light do the job. I actually love it when natural lighting takes control of the whole thing!” he shares.

“All I do then, are very small changes here and there. I move the camera, move myself or maybe add an umbrella for a very specific purpose.”

His approach to photography and life is very much the same as his approach to lighting. He adds, “As with everything else in life, experience leads the way into new and sometimes unexpected directions. However, I don’t give it much thought. If anything, I try to be increasingly open with my mind, in an attempt to be able to see more and better, to perceive the images I want to capture.”

You may see more of Vassillis’ spectacular work on Instagram, albeit with censor-mandated little boxes, even on fine art photography. Interestingly enough, if these were paintings, there would likely be no problem — which if nothing else points out the difficulities inherent in trying to enfore “community standards” in a social media environment. It kinda depends on the community in which you live. Go to lunch with a half-dozen or so porn stars and just listen to the conversations. You’ll understand. … More to the seasonal point, we thought we drop in a little passion of our own in the form of a quick holiday greeting.

Vassilis Inspired with Veronica Perasso

By the way, Veronica Perasso talks some more on her Pet Page, should you be interested. Granted, we do tend to be a fickle bunch, what with changing our passions pretty much every month, but even with all that, some of the Pets do reach sort of a family status within our group. After a few decades in this business it can be difficult not to react from a jaded perspective, but in our view, regardless of the beautiful bodies, Pets will always be more interesting when they talk. … Kind of like everybody, really.

Pop Shots Nikko Hurtado

Posted on by Team Penthouse

Pop Shots Title, Nikko Hurtado

The Penthouse World According to Nikko Hurtado

Later, after working construction for three years, Hurtado visited a buddy who was working as a tattoo artist and accepted an apprenticeship. Just a year after that, a client entered a Batman color portrait Hurtado had done in the Pomona Tattoo Portrait Contest and it won first place. The image went viral in the tattoo community (we’re talking pre-Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram), and Hurtado’s rep was made. Hurtado has tattooed plenty of celebrities — from Drake, Fred Durst, Brandon Boyd, and Andrew W.K. to Jenna Jameson, Jesse James, and Kat Von D — and appeared on LA Ink, Tattoo Wars, Tori & Dean, and Ink Master. Since 2009, he’s been working out of his own Black Anchor Collective tattoo studio, and now he’s expanded that brand, with its ubiquitous black anchor — a nod to the classic tattoo image — into a product line. But he pours himself into his oil paintings, many of which can be seen in these photos, and last year he had his first solo show. This is a man who understands beauty, style, and the creative spirit; who captures images on canvas and on skin that transform blank slates into gorgeous expressions of self… and now he’s done it in photographs.

Well, I guess we should just jump right into it. You get a call from Penthouse giving you license to produce a shoot based entirely on what you think makes a girl hot. Where do you even start?

I’ve been tattooing for 13 years, and through tattooing I started painting, because that was the evolution of me growing as an artist — trying to do more and learn more. My favorite period to paint is Baroque, so I figured,Why not do a take on the paintings I’ve seen from the past? I know that this is all about what I feel is sexy. I think that a woman’s figure is sexy and that art is sexy. When I see beautiful paintings of beautiful women… to me, that’s just it.

What exactly were you going for when you chose the model, Tiger Kaufman?

I was looking for someone who was natural and pretty normal. I wasn’t looking for someone who was super fit or who’d had a lot of plastic surgery. I just wanted someone with a nice physique, curvy, and just a more average kind of woman. I like that. I like a woman who has a normal body. I’m not into the whole, you know, “adjustments.”

And what was it about her that jumped out at you?

She was soft. I look at a lot of old paintings, and you can see the women in the paintings are more curvy rather than skinny. She reminded me of someone who would have been painted back then. I like all types of women: big, tall, small — I see beauty in all of it. But I wanted to show what inspires me. That is my fantasy woman.

It surprised me that Nikko Hurtado picked a girl who didn’t have tattoos.

I hate to see bad tattoos on beautiful women. I feel bad, like they did themselves an injustice. I love women with tattoos. But a lot of women who are heavily tattooed don’t have the best tattoos, and it’s just unfortunate. Beautiful women tend to get most of their tattoos for free, and free tattoos don’t always turn out to be the best tattoos. The sexiest thing for me as a tattooer is to have a blank canvas: someone who would allow me to do something beautiful on them and take a large space that is uninterrupted. I think that’s why someone with no tattoos is my ideal.

Does that tie in to why your pictures are more suggestive than explicit? It’s more about what’s not there versus what is there?

I like not knowing everything. For me, it’s the hunt more than the kill. I think it’s sexy to not get it all. It’s the glimpses of a woman that drive me wild. When it’s too easy, I just don’t enjoy it. I need a little bit of a chase.

It’s got to be impossible to experience a “chase” when you spend the day telling a hot girl what to do and how to do it.

She was very modest. Every time we stopped shooting, she would get dressed. To me, that’s awesome. To me, that’s sexy. She was proud to be naked — she was proud of her body and proud of herself — but at the same time, she had a little modesty, so it was good.

So there was more to it than just a fantasy model and an inspiring backdrop?

I really need an intelligent person. That’s the most important thing. I spend time with people every day. I tattoo a lot of women who are beautiful. But sometimes I think, You’re so beautiful, but I can never spend time with you because there’s no substance. I like substance. I like conversation.

Do you have a favorite body part that you were trying to highlight?

What’s weird is that during the photo shoot I realized that I like necks. I like a slender neck. Weird, right?

Um…

I like the whole body, of course. I like the hips. But there’s something about the neck… the neck and shoulders. I don’t know. I have no idea.

Is that your favorite body part to tattoo?

Not at all. Tattooing is different. I want the easiest body part: the arm or the leg. Something simple.

Pop Shots is an interesting exercise because it forces you to think about the things that you normally feel but don’t analyze. Was there anything about this process that surprised you?

I’m on a constant discovery. As an artist, I have to be honest with myself. Trying to find out who I am is the process of the rest of my life, so I am trying to be really in touch with my emotions and my feelings. I’m trying to not shy away from those things. The thing I learned the most from this process is being able to step away. Watching the photographer do her work, it was really inspiring.

How does the finished product stack up to the “Nikko Hurtado” vision in your head?

I think that, like everyone, I have a dark and a light side. I think that the pictures have the balance of light and dark in them and feel more like me because I have both. The contrast in the photos is what I wanted because I feel that I need a full range to represent me.

Do you have a favorite photo?

There was one photo in particular with her lying down as if I was going to draw her. To have a woman who’s lying there, and hopefully articulate and intelligent — you can just sit there and spend hours painting her. That picture reminds me of an old painting. And it sparks up a lot of different ideas and emotions. When I go to a museum, I sometimes feel overwhelmed with the level of the artist’s ability, but I’m also overwhelmed with the amount of sadness that I feel, because these people most likely died without accomplishing everything they wanted to as an artist. They were on such a chase. I feel the same thing when I look at [photos like these, although some with fewer clothes].

How so?

There are so many emotions that come up: You’re self-destructive, and stuff like that. Putting too much pressure on yourself. You’re looking at the picture from where I’m sitting. I’m giving people a window into what I see and what I do on a regular basis. With this photo, it has my paintings in the background. This photo is just one story, one day in our lives: the story of our photo shoot. But all of these individual pieces in the background have their own story, and each represents a different time in my life. This one photo encompasses more of me than one single piece of my artwork because it’s a collection of so many of my stories.

Could that be another reason why the Nikko Hurtado creative choices for Pop Shots were such a departure from who you’re perceived to be as a tattooer? You wanted to share a deeper story?

First and foremost, I’m a tattooer. That’s what I am. It’s my heart and soul, and I’m grateful for everything tattooing has brought me. But what I need right now is to paint. I’ve been working so much lately and have been pulled in a lot of different directions. I put a lot of pressure on myself, but that’s because of how my tattoos affect others. I tattoo for you. I do my work for you. Tattooing is as honest and as truthful as it gets. If you put a line down and it’s wrong, people will know it … or the tattooer will know it. If you blow it out and mess up a tattoo, you can’t change it.

But painting…

But painting is for me. It’s a release.

How does a photo shoot stack up against painting? Was this a release for you, or was it just more pressure?

The photo shoot was a release for me. It’s a whole different avenue, and a way to express myself to a large audience. Anything that can help me put my soul into something, something I can look at, that’s what makes me happy.

If you like tattoos, we have some fun — and beautifully illustrated — thoughts right here, but should you be more specifically interested in Nikko Hurtado now, we have some suggestions. As befits the modern artist, Nikko has a YouTube Channel which will tell you even more about him. There is a web site, complete with tour dates, if you can wrap your head around that. (It makes sense that tattoo artists would have conventions just like everyone else, but we never really thought about attending one. Now, however, we have. Sounds awesome. … If you happen to be around, look for us in Penthouse Shirts at the Convention Center.)