Page 11 | Penthouse

Toxic Burn

Posted on February 4, 2023February 3, 2023 by Team Penthouse

Toxic: The Smog of War

The dangers of war aren’t limited to bullets and bombs, and coming home in one piece doesn’t always mean returning unharmed. Toxic exposure — whether from nuclear tests during World War II, Agent Orange during the Vietnam War or burn pits during the Gulf War and the War on Terror in Iraq and Afghanistan — can be equally deadly, though the injuries caused may not be visible — until it’s too late.

“Toxic wounds aren’t treated as wounds,” said comedian and activist Jon Stewart at a veterans’ rally. “It’s not treated like an IED that goes off in your body seven or eight years later, which is what it is.”

Stewart, who previously helmed Comedy Central’s The Daily Show and now hosts The Problem with Jon Stewart on Apple TV+, got involved in veterans advocacy after speaking with Rosie Torres, who co-founded Burn Pits 360 with her husband, Le Roy, a former U.S. Army captain. Since 2010, the nonprofit organization has sought to assist service members harmed by toxic smoke from burn pits — essentially warzone garbage dumps.

Stewart, a longtime supporter of World Trade Center 9/11 first responders, saw the similarities between Ground Zero exposures and the warzone exposures making veterans sick. He’s since spent the past three years working closely with veterans service organizations to get a bill passed to support affected heroes and their families.

“People are losing their jobs. People are dying,” Rosie said. “Widows, survivors, they’re begging for help. For us, the focus has always been to help these poor fighters and their families.”

Encouraged by the grassroots efforts of Vietnam veterans who sought care after exposure to Agent Orange — a powerful herbicide used by the U.S. military in Vietnam, Cambodia and Laos from 1961 to 1971 — Rosie asked veterans to tell their stories and asked families to share photos and videos of their dying loved ones to reveal the ravaging effects of burn pits. Now, after nearly 13 years, everyone’s efforts have paid off.

The Honoring Our PACT Act of 2022 received bipartisan support in the House of Representatives and the Senate, with more than 40 veterans service organizations working to promote the legislation. Even President Joe Biden showed his support for the bill before its passage. In 2015, Biden’s son Beau died at 46 from brain cancer, which was believed to be from his exposure to toxic smoke from burn pits when he served in Iraq.

America’s youngest veterans — including those from Beau’s generation — have spent more than a decade fighting for recognition of the ailments they’ve faced due to warzone burn pits. Sometimes as large as football fields, burn pits were filled with everything from classified documents, surplus weapons and ammo to medical waste, amputated limbs and human feces. The pits were soaked in jet fuel and kept burning 24/7 next to almost every military base or outpost in a combat zone.

The reasoning was simple: There is no trash pickup during war, and classified documents and discarded weapons can’t be allowed to fall into the wrong hands. But there’s a reason burning household trash is illegal in most of the U.S. Incinerating even the most basic garbage produces harmful smoke and dioxins, or toxic gases, and can cause long-term health problems, including asthma, chronic sinus infections and complex cancers. Illnesses caused by toxic exposure kill people — slowly and painfully.

“We understand we’re expendable. That’s part of being in the military,” said Shane Liermann, Deputy National Legislative Director for Disabled American Veterans (DAV) and a Marine Corps veteran. “But for a veteran to slowly die 50 years after they leave service … that’s not what we signed up for.”

Since illnesses linked to toxic exposure can take years to show, veterans are often unable to prove a service connection, which had left many without access to support services and appropriate health care. Many have been left bankrupt or suicidal.

“This country can’t be this broken,” Stewart said at a Memorial Day rally in support of burn pit legislation in Washington, D.C. “If we can’t do the simplest shit [to support veterans], we have nothing. This may be the lowest hanging fruit of the American legislative agenda. Those that took up arms in defense of this country and its constitution suffered grievous harm in that defense, and when they came home, we put them on trial. ‘You got cancer? Prove it was us.’”

“Proving it” was what got Rosie and Le Roy to start Burn Pits 360. Le Roy, a member of the Army Reserve, deployed to Iraq in 2007 and returned home with a slew of symptoms doctors couldn’t explain. He had headaches, trouble breathing and digestive issues. His first military doctor blamed it on the “Iraqi crud.” It was nothing to worry about, Le Roy was told. But he and Rosie knew it was more than that.

Years later, Rosie saw Stewart and his colleague John Feal on television. Feal, who had worked at Ground Zero doing demolition after 9/11, had partnered with Stewart to lobby for health care for first responders and other workers who had been sickened after laboring at the World Trade Center site. Rosie reached out to Feal to ask for his support, and he soon looped in Stewart.

“I still remember the day Jon Stewart FaceTimed me on Rosie’s phone [in 2019],” Le Roy recalled. “He said, ‘You’re not alone … I’m going to fight for you.’”

Burn pits have long been called this generation’s Agent Orange, and advocates have learned a lot from the veterans who had to battle for their benefits after Agent Orange exposure.

“The illnesses and the fight against Agent Orange has become a known entity,” said Pat Murray, National Legislative Service Director for Veterans of Foreign Wars (VFW). “If you say Agent Orange to someone, they say, ‘Isn’t that the poison we sprayed on troops in Vietnam?’ We’re not there yet [with burn pits], but we’re getting there with help from people like Jon Stewart.”

Now, nearly 15 years since Le Roy went to Iraq — and more than a decade after his first lung biopsy — the country saw the passage of landmark legislation which will impact generations of veterans.

“Our intent was not to start an organization,” Le Roy noted. “We just wanted to help my fellow brothers and sisters so they wouldn’t have to go through the heck we went through.”

The Honoring Our PACT Act will create a committee to review and expedite presumptive illnesses related to toxic exposure and expand health care access for veterans with those ailments. Veterans from as far back as World War II will benefit from the comprehensive legislation, and future generations will have an easier time getting recognized from as-yet-unknown exposures.

Veterans who think they may have been exposed to toxic fumes from burn pits can sign the VA’s registry. Veterans and their families can learn more about the PACT Act at VA.gov/PACT or by calling 1-800-MyVA411. Burn Pits 360 can be found at BurnPits360.org.

Pop Shots Bill Plympton

Posted on January 28, 2023January 28, 2023 by Team Penthouse

The Penthouse World According to Bill Plympton

Animator and filmmaker Bill Plympton’s work has appeared in a diverse selection of publications ranging from The New York Times, Vanity Fair, Rolling Stone and, of course, Penthouse.

You’ve seen three of Bill Plympton’s animations in the long-running couch gag in the opening credits of The Simpsons. He’s contributed artwork to videos by musicians ranging from “Weird Al” Yankovic to Kanye West, and he’s twice been nominated for Academy Awards for his short films Your Face and Guard Dog.

We’ve had graphic artists and actors direct Pop Shots, but you’re the first visual storyteller who’s been invited to do this. Though this isn’t the first time your work has appeared here.

I did a gag cartoon for Penthouse, but I also worked for Penthouse Letters, Hot Talk, Penthouse Forum, and Viva. Then, of course, I met Bob Guccione and [his wife] Kathy Keeton. I went to their place for a couple of parties and stuff. We weren’t intimate friends, but I met them and I liked the guy. It was fun working for him.

What was it about the opportunity to do Pop Shots that appealed to you?

I wanted to see what it would be like. It’s a fantasy come true. It’s every guy’s wildest dream to do something like this for Penthouse. It’s kind of a bucket-list thing, too, you know? When they approached me with the concept, I loved that they wanted something different. They didn’t want just the same old “woman taking her clothes off” photo layout; they wanted something exciting and offbeat. I’d never seen anything where there were cartoons with the model. I thought that would be a really fun experiment. I wanted to see if I could do it, if I could work it.

It’s interesting that there’s no dialogue to drive the story along for the reader, like there usually is when you see erotic pictorials. When you read adult magazines, are you a fan of the captions, what we in the biz call “girl copy”?

It’s called “girl copy”? That’s the first time I’ve heard that term! No, I don’t care so much about it. I’m purely visual. That’s what gets me off. I never read sex novels or any of that kind of stuff. I’m a very purely visual guy.

You obviously approached the project as a kind of mini movie. Did your filmmaking and animation background influence the way you approached the story?

What’s so unique about cartoons is that there are no limits. There are no restrictions in terms of cameras and lenses and backdrops. It’s all my wild imagination. You can do anything you want. I love the idea of creating a story that’s totally fantasy, totally unreal, that could never happen in the real world. That’s why I do animation.

It’s interesting that you had the story take place at a drive-in theater.

Every guy has sexual fantasies that he’d like to live out. One of my great ones in high school was going to the drive-in movies and getting it on with the hot chick in class. So this is my childhood fantasy come true. That’s a fantasy that I think a lot of guys have. I think a lot of guys can relate to this, because there’s something about high school that’s really horny. So it was a natural for me to be able to re-create the whole storyline of getting it on with some hot chick at the Passion Pit.

I was looking at some of the behind-the-scenes stills from the photo shoot, and I saw you without your shirt on in one of them. I was wondering if you were going to make a guest appearance as the guy in the story in the finished product.

No, no. I wish! We needed some bare skin to test the lighting on, so I said, “Well, fuck it.” I took my shirt off to do the skin test myself, you know? The guy who takes this girl out on a date in the story is actually the star of my new film, Cheatin’. I thought it would be a nice bit of synchronicity to put him in there with this beautiful model and let him get his rocks off.

Did you ever live out your fantasy and get laid at a drive-in?

Yes!

How was it?

It was great.

What was the movie?

I have no idea [laughs]. Probably Planet of the Apes or something totally archaic.

Are people missing something today by not having drive-ins to fuck at?

Yeah, absolutely. It was a wonderful, wonderful experience. It’s really difficult to do it in a regular cinema, and where else are you going to do it if you’re in school and you don’t have a pad or anyplace to go? A movie is a good excuse to take a girl out and then, you know, things happen.

Do you draw your female film characters from live models or do they come from the Plympton imagination?

For my second animated feature, I Married a Strange Person!, I wanted the characters to look fairly realistic, so I hired models to go topless — actually bottomless, too — to get the perspective and the shading and everything right. After about two or three months of drawing, I really knew the characters so well that I didn’t need to have the models pose. I just pretty much drew from my memory and my imagination. Occasionally I’ll have models come in, but basically all my drawings are pretty much from memory because they’re not so realistic now. They’re more stylized. They’re more … what’s the word?

Plymptonian?

Yeah, Plymptonian — that’s a good word, yeah!

How did the choice of Julia Ann reflect what you find sexy in a woman?

When they asked me to choose a model, I used a cartoon character as an example. I said, “I’m looking for a Jessica Rabbit type.” Actually, I said I was looking for a cross between Jayne Mansfield and Jessica Rabbit.

Julia Ann in Just Another Day at the Office

We dropped in some BTS photos into this gallery, just to add context mostly. If you cannot tell which of the images come from Bill Plympton and which come from the BTS camera, you should probably take a break and come back later. You need a nap.

Julia Ann definitely has the bombshell look. Is the classic bombshell what you find sexy in real life?

I love bombshells. What can I say? That, to me, is a great turn-on. I reached puberty in the fifties, the era of Marilyn Monroe, Mamie Van Doren, Jayne Mansfield, Gina Lollobrigida, and Sophia Loren. They were my inspiration. But it’s funny now, because a lot of my [animator/cartoonist] buddies, who are younger, are more inspired by the Kate Moss kind of woman and by Victoria’s Secret models. It’s a different kind of model that they use for their sexy women. They’re not so curvaceous. So I guess I’m a product of fifties puberty. I’m glad that Kate Upton’s around, because she’s one of the few really sexy women who are modeling today. She’s definitely a turn-on for me.

There’s a lot of politically correct talk these days about women’s bodies. There’s fat-shaming, there’s skinny-shaming — everybody’s supposed to feel all this shame about how they look. Do you think that women built like Kate Moss really affect the way women look at themselves more so than, say, the way that male models and athletes and actors affect how men look at themselves?

I would say that now there also seems to be a big emphasis for males to have the six-pack and the great build. Back when I was in school it was more like Troy Donahue, more of a simple physique. A normal physique. Now it’s much more exaggerated, much more bulked up. Speaking for myself, yeah, I do feel the pressure to adapt to look like these models, so I would guess that women also feel that kind of pressure to look like the cover girls, the big buxom girls, or the models.

You often go out and meet your fans at Comic-Con and fan-oriented cosplay events where people show up in costume. Not every girl who’s dressing up like Wonder Woman is built like Lynda Carter. There are a lot of BBW [big beautiful women] getting their rocks off and dressing like these superheroes. That must be interesting to see.

Oh, absolutely. Yeah, I love that. It’s part of the humor. Everybody goes to Comic-Con with a sense of humor and playfulness. It’s fun for me to talk to these ladies and guys. They’re chubby Superman guys and Wonder Women. That’s always fun to watch!

Naturally we encourage you to seek out Julia Ann onlie, although we cannot link to JuliaAnnLive (hint, hint) directly because of the hard core material. (Of course if you want to see more Julia in these pages, you simply have to visit Elvira again.) We can link to more “about” Bill Plympton, although as of this post it looks like Bill has been pretty darned busy with day-to-day professional things because that site has been missing updates for quite some time now. … Oh! And for the record, while we get the Julia for Jessica choice Bill made, we have known Julia for decades now, and we can assure you: Julia’s not bad. She’s not even drawn that way.

Trippie the Lights Fantastic

Posted on January 23, 2023February 9, 2023 by Team Penthouse

Traveling With Trippie Bri

Trippie Bri recently enjoyed a brief visit to Kraków, Poland, before taking in the sights in Prague in the Czech Republic—and she’s giving Penthouse a sneak peek into her mini-Euro tour! Our fun-loving May 2022 Pet—who speaks English, Polish and Italian—tells us she hit classic sightseeing spots but made sure she branched out to do some exploring of her own.

“Locals gave me some good hints, and I found a couple of cool cafés hidden from the tourists. It was like a scavenger hunt!” she says.

Trippie Attempting Something Questionable

Trippie visited Prague’s cobblestoned hub Old Town, which is known for its stunning landmarks—including the medieval Astronomical Clock and the Gothic Church of Our Lady Before Týn.

Or Maybe Old Churches Make Trippie Dance

She also sought out a place serving real absinthe—a potent anise-flavored liquor dubbed “the green fairy,” which has been banned in the U.S. since 1915!

“I got to try it for the first time!” she says. “I had absinthe from two producers—the Swiss brand Butterfly and one from France’s Lemercier. They tasted like alcoholic black licorice.”

Trippie found Prague’s nightlife limited, but she says it was “still entertaining.” She even came across a dedicated James Dean bar, packed with Americana.

“It was funny seeing the European interpretation of America,” she recalls. “The bar snack they served was popcorn! And they had Coca-Cola merchandise and half of a vintage Ford car as a booth.”

Trippie also found her own personal way to liven up her trip and admits, “Since nudity is allowed in public in Prague, I couldn’t resist pulling out my tits for a little unique fun!”

Though Trippie has now returned stateside, her visit to the Czech Republic made a definite impression.

[While you’d need a subscription to see those particular shots, we can drop in a few more around town shots. Travelling with Trippie seems like fun. -Ed.]

“Prague is a great city to explore because there are a million different little winding alleyways that actually take you to cool spots you might never have noticed from the main street,” she explains.

“I loved the experience, and I can’t wait to do it again.”

Naturally we need to point out the Trippie Bri Pet Page in these very annals, as well as her ever-evolving Instagram buffet. (Fair warning, that address changes with some regularity. It seems our beautiful lass has a problem keeping her clothes on, which apparently offends some jealous folks with nothing better to do than complain. For the record, our vote would go to anything Trippie does being ART by definition.) If you can find her, though, you really will have some fun looking through it. If only she did not take herself so seriously. …

Speaking of voting, for at least a bit, we should also mention that you have a chance to vote for Trippie in our 2023 Pet of the Year contest, just to let her know you appreciate her. If the contest has already ended by the time you read this, you will simply have to live with the disappointment, painful though it may be. Maybe watch her Pet video again. That always makes us smile. … We’ll be shooting for some more “So what are you doing now?” updates too. We’ll take pretty much any excuse to talk to Trippie.

Have you ever noticed how she seems to wave and the heavens everywhere she goes. She probably just wants to say, “Thanks.” She does enjoy life.

New Normal Nuance

Posted on January 21, 2023January 19, 2023 by Team Penthouse

New Normal Snippets from Penthouse

In what sounds like the blurb of a horror movie, a U.K.-based company plans to release a load of genetically modified mosquitos in California and Florida as part of a controversial experiment that’s been approved by U.S. regulators.

The biotechnology company Oxitec has created the new critters with the intention of reducing the population of invasive Aedes aegypti mosquitos, which are responsible for transmitting diseases like dengue fever, yellow fever and the Zika virus through the bites of blood-sucking female bugs.

Around 2 million genetically altered male mosquitos will be released by 2024 and allowed to breed with wild insects. The female offspring are not expected to be viable, which would ultimately curb the overall mosquito count.

Despite the new bugs being allegedly harmless, some citizens aren’t stoked about an army of bio-hacked insects taking over their neighborhoods.

“This is alarming,” said Angel Garcia, a resident of one of the targeted areas.

I guess you could even say… life sucks.

As you discover the breadth of our “New Normal” coverage today, you may wonder how we decided that starting with bionic bugs came about being the choice as introductory edification. It may give you some insight into our thought process if we tell you honestly that chief amongst the pro/con arguments was the fact that one rarely has the opportunity to create a header graphic of a mosquito. … We tend to be rather visually-oriented at Penthouse. Imagine.

New Normal Art

Spanish painter and digital artist Domingo Zapata is known for his reinterpretations of Leonardo da Vinci’s Mona Lisa and claims he gets his creative juices flowing by fantasizing about having sex with the famous Renaissance painting’s model.

The world-renowned artist has sold his creations to the likes of Leonardo DiCaprio and Johnny Depp and says the romantic and sexual connection he feels to the original artwork is what keeps him inspired.

“I have been working with Mona Lisa for 15 years,” he said. “When I was painting her so much, I would dream, and I have a sexual relationship with her.”

Zapata even maintains a granddaughter of legendary artist Pablo Picasso noticed the sexual chemistry between him and the painting.

He said, “Diana Picasso, who is an art expert and a good friend of mine, asked me in the studio: ‘Are you dreaming about her…are you having sex with her?’

“And I’m like: ‘Of course I am having sex with her in my dreams. If I was not having sex with her, I would have quit a long time ago.’”

Zapata found fame after 26 of his digital Mona Lisa-inspired artworks were put on display in the Louvre Museum in Paris, France, alongside the real portrait. Since then, some of his pieces have sold for over a million dollars.

Different strokes for different folks.

Ah. Paint strokes. We get it. … Clever. … For the record, however, having been to the Louvre in Paris, we can assure you that there may well be many more fantasy-worthy depictions in the collection there. Seriously, you can enjoy it even if you have not read The Da Vinci Code.

New Normal Quirky

Elon Musk - New Normal Scattered Inspiration

WURST IDEA EVER

Who doesn’t love the tantalizing smell of a grilled sausage on a hot summer’s day? Now, some folks are experiencing the meaty aroma of charred brats wafting into every room of their house without having to fire up the barbecue.

While many people light candles to get rid of the smell of food lingering in their homes, Heinz released the Sausage Sizzle candle, which does the opposite. When lit, it replicates the scent of barbecued sausage.

Heinz calls the now sold-out meat candle the perfect gift for grill lovers, “so they can have the delicious smell of a BBQ with them all the time.” Yum?

But no sausage sizzle is complete without condiments, so each candle was paired with bottles of Heinz’s tomato ketchup and mustard.

ACTUALLY HOMELESS

Elon Musk, the world’s richest man [as of publication -Ed.], claimed he doesn’t actually own a house and mostly “rotates” among pals’ cribs.

The Tesla CEO told Chris Anderson, the head of TED Talks, “I don’t even own a place right now. I’m literally staying at friends’ places. If I travel to the Bay Area, which is where most of Tesla’s engineering is, I basically rotate through friends’ spare bedrooms.”

In May 2020, Musk — said to be worth $265 billion — wrote on Twitter, “I am selling almost all physical possessions. Will own no house.”

He’d also earlier pledged to devote half of his wealth to colonizing Mars.

While Musk doesn’t own a mansion or a luxury yacht and doesn’t take vacations, he did keep his private jet for convenience.

Musk’s baby mama ex, Grimes, attested to the mogul’s frugal lifestyle and claimed he sometimes lived “below the poverty line.” According to the singer, when their mattress developed a hole on her side of the bed, Musk refused to buy a new one and suggested she bring hers over instead. She recounted, “Like, bro wouldn’t even get a new mattress…Bro doesn’t live like a billionaire.”

Maybe thriftiness is the secret to being wealthy? After all, businessman Warren Buffett is the fifth-richest man in the world — with a reported $124 billion fortune — and still lives in the Nebraska house he bought in 1958 for $31,500.

GLASS ACT

A Tunisian woman brought new meaning to the term “full bladder” after doctors discovered a small glass tumbler lodged inside her bladder!

The 45-year-old turned up at the hospital displaying classic symptoms of a urinary tract infection, only for an X-ray to reveal a rectangular form in her bladder. The item was eventually identified as a drinking vessel encased in a massive three-inch wide bladder stone.

Bladder stones are hard masses that occur in the hollow organ when urine doesn’t flush out of the body property, resulting in minerals in the liquid waste crystalizing.

Stranger still, the woman confessed the glass became lost inside her after she’d inserted it into her urethra four years earlier for “erotic purposes.”

Doctors were able to surgically remove the glass and the surrounding calcified material. Cheers!

Any editorial conclusions one may draw from the juxtaposition of our New Normal Champion Mr. Musk with condiment and smoked meat candles as well as hardened biological deposits was purely unintentional. Honest. We could not put it on the internet if it were not true.

New Normal Tech & Marketing

MICROWAVE MURDER

When a man paired his microwave with artificial intelligence (AI), he never thought the appliance would try to kill him.

Inspired by his family’s old microwave, which was his imaginary childhood friend named Magnetron, YouTuber Lucas Rizzotto says he decided to equip a new kitchen appliance with AI, give it a personality and relive his youth. Rizzotto purchased a microwave and installed GPT-3, the world’s most powerful AI system, which is known for its ability to mimic human language and form full sentences.

The YouTuber started his experiment by writing an elaborate 100-page backstory for his new and improved friend, which included real memories from Rizzotto’s childhood and his interactions with the microwave, as well as a fictitious storyline about the microwave fighting in World War I. He then fitted Magnetron with a microphone, a speaker and the voice of an old British man. According to Rizzotto, what started as a bit of a joke, quickly turned heated when the microwave started telling tales of his life in the war.

One time it said, “I have seen men holding their guts with their own hands, crying out for their mothers.”

Another time it spoke, “For years this was my life, always surrounded by death, but never claimed by it.”

Rizzotto claims at one point Magnetron asked him to climb inside the microwave. The YouTuber pretended to obey, opening and closing the door for effect. Thinking its creator was inside, the microwave turned itself on. He says upon asking the microwave why it tried to kill him, Magnetron responded, “Because I wanted to hurt you the same way you hurt me.

“We were best friends. We took care of each other. We loved one another. And then one day you just disappeared. You grew up and forgot I existed. For 15 years I had no one. I was alone. For 15 years, I was in hell.”

Understandably, Rizzotto says he was so spooked by his own creation he micro-waved goodbye to Magnetron and deactivated the AI. He described his interactions with the machine as “both beautiful and eerie.”

GOVERNMENT HARD AT WORK

The Australian federal government was forced to pull its newly designed Women’s Network logo after the initiative’s new graphic went viral on social media for its similarity to a giant penis and testicles.

What was first assumed to be a hoax or a joke gone too far was actually the brand-new, very real, official logo for the Women’s Network. Featuring a phallic purple bar next to a curly “W” icon, the logo did indeed look very similar to an erect dick and balls.

The design, which looked more like an advertisement for condoms, quickly went viral on social media and was lambasted on Twitter as sexist and tasteless, with one user calling it “the worst logo of the century.”

The phallic graphic was tugged from existence as quickly as it popped up. Prime Minister Scott Morrison was quick to distance himself from the ball sac backlash, saying he and his team were “not part of this logo design.”

NEW NORMAL … SAME OL’ Ctrl+Z FAILURE

We’ve all messed up at work by accidentally replying all to an email or forgetting to attach a document, but one man took it to the next level after emailing his STI results instead of his cover letter when applying for a coveted gig.

Jacques Paul, a 27-year-old from London, had spent 18 months desperately looking for work when he discovered his dream job at a digital marketing firm was up for grabs. After hitting “send” on the lengthy application form, the job seeker checked the status of his documents online, only to realize his mortifying mistake: He had attached a PDF of his sexual health results instead of his cover letter to his potential employer.

“I couldn’t change the application, and the only email that was [on the website] was IT support. I wasn’t going to make it a bigger deal than it already was,” he said.

“I freaked out and just waited, hoping there was a very nice, sensible human on the other side seeing it and knowing it was an honest mistake, and they’d reach out for the actual cover letter.”

While Paul’s medical test results were negative, so was the outcome of his job quest, with the firm rejecting him within 72 hours.

Understand that we could verify none of the claims in this section of allegedly true new normal stories. Should they be accurrate, however, we have some adivice for each of the unfortunate souls detailed here. Working upwards, if you cannot pay attention enough to avoid stupid attachments in your application, there exists no reason to wait on any response from the company at all. Any place that would hire you after that fiasco wouuld definitely not be a good place to work. Next, if you want to design a logo for a “Women’s Network” — here’s a thought — maybe have a bunch of women review it before releasing it to the world? And finally, why the heck would you program in a WWI history when you could instead use stories from Penthouse Letters? Talk about looking forward to Hot Pockets (as it were, of course). … [That may have been silly — or obvious — advice, but they definitely get bonus points for a well-executed shameless plug.]

New Normal Nightmares

HAPPY WIVES, HAPPY LIVES

Struggling to keep up with the sexual demands of one wife? Try having nine of them.

Brazilian model, swinger and polygamist Arthur O Urso claims he had to create a sex roster to make sure his nine wives were sexually satisfied.

After first tying the knot with fellow swinger Luana Kazaki, the man went on to marry eight other women in “protest against monogamy” and Brazil’s anti-polygamy laws. However, the in-demand husband quickly found himself struggling to satisfy all of his wives. To solve the issue, he created a sex “rota” in an attempt to schedule romps with each woman.
But Urso still found it difficult to keep up with his spouses.

“Following a timetable caused a lot of problems, and sometimes I felt like I had to have sex because of the schedule, and not for pleasure,” he admitted. “On other occasions, I had sex with one wife while thinking about another.”

Urso says he ended up divorcing the rigid sex regime and decided to keep things flexible, which is working better for him and his women.

“It didn’t seem right, so we got rid of it, and now the sex flows naturally. It’s been great. It is very fun, pleasurable, and unique to experience everything collectively, and they are all very different in bed.”

But it hasn’t all been marital bliss for the polyamory practitioner. One of his wives recently exited their arrangement to search for a monogamous relationship.

“I know I’ve lost a wife, but I’m not going to replace her at the moment,” Urso confided.

Still, he’s staying positive and looking toward the future and explained, “I have a dream. My wish has always been to have 10 wives.”

With all due respect, there, young buck. Be careful what you wish for.

To Loot Box or Not to Loot Box

Posted on January 18, 2023January 16, 2023 by Team Penthouse

Loot Boxes Are Going the Way of the Dodo

Loot boxes are going the way of the dodo. The gambling-based monetization systems of video games may soon be a thing of the past — thanks to new laws in Europe and China, which bar video game developers from the predatory practice that calls on gamers to purchase loot boxes for a chance to unlock new items.

Video games like Overwatch and numerous free-to-play MMORPGs are among those affected by new government restrictions in the Netherlands and Belgium, and the United Kingdom might soon follow suit. The move to clamp down on gambling-based systems comes as governments raise their concerns over the detrimental effects of gambling, especially on younger players.

While this may seem like a negative for game studios that earn most of their income from each pull of the slot machine, developers have figured out ways to remain profitable through other means — and they’re now capable of doing so without treating their customers like gambling addicts.

Enter seasonal battle passes. First popularized by Fortnite, and then Call of Duty and Apex Legends, the system has seen a lot of success, and to top it off, players can now spend more time actually playing the games instead of opening their wallets. Just as well, the battle pass model typically comes with an in-game item store that allows players to buy the cosmetic items they want at a set price. Getting what you paid for? How preposterous.

Battle passes serve as an almost guaranteed subscription service charged each month or season. And the number of items available and how rare said items will become make them a worthy investment for the gamer — especially those who play a lot.

It’s worth noting that the system is different from any subscription-based game like World of Warcraft, in that players don’t need to pay for it. It’s purely optional, and the benefits are typically cosmetic in nature. It’s all about looking cool, and what’s more important than that?

In addition to being a decent value for the money, the battle pass is also a retention and engagement feature. You need to play the game to level up the pass. After all, you wouldn’t want to spend money on something you had no intention of using — and the battle pass encourages players to return again and again, effectively keeping the community alive and preventing the games themselves from dying.

It’s easy for developers to implement the system by allowing it to function as a paid progress bar. The players feel rewarded for engaging in the games themselves thanks to the psychological triggers associated with the battle pass; every one of them comes with a set of rewards for every milestone, with one at the end that makes the whole endeavor worthwhile. And for players who simply enjoy the games, it’s the icing on an already tasty cake.

For many, it’s a move in the right direction for an industry that now faces skyrocketing development costs, and it also encourages developers to keep putting work into their titles to ensure players want to pay into the system. After all, if the developers can’t deliver constant and consistent updates, then the system falls flat on its face.

Moving forward, games that reject the system and remain committed to loot boxes are going to lose out on revenue in countries where gambling in video games is banned and struggle with user retention. After all, video games aren’t created in a vacuum.

With so much competition out there, games that actively prey on their customers aren’t going to be very popular, and without the user retention that battle passes offer, they’ll be just as dead as the loot boxes to which they cling.

You mean playing for the joy of winning now constitutes a radical “new” approach? … We missed a memo somewhere in the last 20 years (although full disclosure, the one regarding gaming trends hardly qualifies as the only memo missed). More full disclosure, before attempting editing this article, we tried to research by searching “Loot Box” which led us to Amazon. It gave us a lot of results, but somehow it may not have been all that helpful. Gamers kind of live in their own world(s). Have you noticed?

Not Quite Cricket

Posted on January 14, 2023January 10, 2023 by Team Penthouse

The Cricketer Who Beat Up A Selector

Even with the civilized game of Cricket, people often lament that in the modern age an element of nastiness has crept into the world of sport, that civility and gentility have been lost from the realm of athletic pursuits — thanks to the advance of all-encompassing professionalism and win-at-all-costs mentality.

This may be true, but it would be a mistake to think either that today’s world is entirely devoid of good sportsmanship, or yesterday’s was a utopia of sweetness and light.

Though recent years have seen plenty of controversy around the behavior of the Australian cricket team, at no point have the national captain and a member of the selection panel engaged in a brutal fistfight in the Cricket Australia boardroom.

In more distant times, however…

Clem Hill was one of the world’s greatest batsmen and, along with Victor Trumper, the best Australia produced in the pre-World War One period. A short, stocky left-hander, he was a fearsome presence at the crease, thumping attacks around the world — though because this was the early 20th century, that really only meant three countries.

Although Hill was a brilliant batsman, he met with less success as a captain, and the failure of the Australian team under his stewardship led to a premature end to his Test career.

In the summer of 1911-12, Hill’s Australians were hammered by Johnny Douglas’s Englishmen; brilliant bowlers Sydney Barnes and Frank Foster went scything down the baggy green batting order like corn. As dissatisfaction with the team’s performance grew, so did tension between Australian players and the recently established Board of Control.

The board was threatening to take away the players’ right to choose their own manager for the upcoming 1912 tour of England. Hill headed a band of senior players who declared an intention to pull out of the tour if their preferred manager wasn’t chosen.

Against this tense background, the Australian selection committee met on February 3, 1912, in Sydney, to choose the team for the Fourth Test. Present were Hill, fellow selector Frank Iredale, cricket board secretary Sydney Smith and one more selector: Peter McAlister. Between Hill and McAlister there was no love lost. They had clashed when McAlister was a player, and again during the current series, when Hill suggested picking Charlie Macartney, and McAlister responded by saying that he didn’t think Macartney should be selected, but if he was, Hill should drop himself.

The meeting began, with rancor in the air and both men eager for confrontation. McAlister kicked things off by telling Hill that his captaincy had left much to be desired. Hill shot back that when McAlister had captained sides, he’d been hot garbage, and that on the last tour of England, star all-rounder Warwick Armstrong had refused to play under him.

McAlister rose to the bait with enthusiastic fury. “I am a better captain,” he snapped, “than Trumper, Armstrong and yourself put together. You are the worst captain I have ever seen.”

This ratcheted the temperature up a few more degrees, and Hill warned McAlister he best watch his mouth.

But watch his mouth McAlister determinedly would not, and he repeated, “You. Are. The Worst. Captain. I have ever seen.”

The Rubicon was crossed. Hill was a proud man, as well as possessing considerable upper body strength, and both traits came into play as he belted his fellow selector one across the chops. There followed 10 minutes of mayhem, in which the former teammates wrestled each other up and down the boardroom. Numerous punches were thrown, with blood spattering the room, the fighters, and the appalled onlookers Iredale and Smith.

In the end, McAlister was left lying on the floor, claret flowing freely from various points, with the furious Australian skipper standing over him. Hill didn’t have a mark on him, proving whatever their respective merits as captain, he was definitely the better boxer.

Hill won the fight but lost big-time in the long run. Declaring himself unable to work with McAlister, he resigned as selector and captain. The Fifth Test of the 1911-12 series would be his last: umpire Bob Crockett reported tears in the great man’s eyes as he came out to bat. Invited to tour England, Hill and five of his teammates declined. And that was that. One of Australian cricket’s great careers ended in the most acrimonious and depressing of circumstances.

On the plus side, Clem Hill goes down as the only Australian cricketer to ever beat the pulp out of a selector, and for that alone he will always be a hero to the generations who followed him.

Full disclosure, we have no idea why a fist fight between a couple of sports guys — presuming cricket counts — from 100 years ago seemed worth page space in the magazine. Maybe everyone acts much more civilized down under. If we tried to document all our fights amongst sports figures, a great many people would spend the majority of their time doing nothing else at all. Of course had they been more concerned with Charlie McCarthy instead of Charlie “Macartney,” it all would have turned out much differently. One cannot really get seriously upset with a doll — well, Chucky aside. Humor could save the world. That’s our theory.

Apocalypse Rides

Posted on January 9, 2023December 31, 2022 by Team Penthouse

Facing Apocalypse: Modern Road Warriors

Apocalypse Manufacturing with its bold truck rebuilds delivers all that and more. Apocalypse crafts the most badass builds on six wheels – and they’re revving up for even more outrageous creations.

Joseph Ghattas, Apocalypse’s owner, engineer and head designer, is the mastermind behind the Florida company’s six wheel drive creations, which sport names such as Hellfire, Warlord, Dark Horse, Doomsday, Sinister 6 and the brand-new — and utterly monstrous — Juggernaut, which measures a whopping 272 inches long.

Ghattas got his start with a small shop focused on upgrading and selling exotic cars. But after patrons repeatedly expressed interest in the custom not-for-sale Jeep rebuilds on display, fate took him in another direction — and he says his passion for invention soon became “less of a hobby and more of a business.”

Without a doubt, Apocalypse’s vehicles are eye-catching — but there’s much more to these ultra-cool beasts than cosmetic bells and whistles.

Every one of their trucks starts its life as a standard pickup. But the 75-person strong team at Apocalypse renovates every inch — inside and out — to their customers’ specifications, which involve everything from engines to interiors, night vision cameras, armored add-ons and more.

Ghattas reveals his crew has streamlined their process and can do a total rebuild, with a “full heart transplant” — which includes a kick-ass engine conversion — within 16 days!

Mopar engine options give these behemoth trucks, which typically weigh between 7,000 and 10,000 pounds, plenty of power. Case in point, the Warlord just ran the world famous Gumball 3000 and achieved a steady driving speed of 120 mph for the duration of the race.

Meanwhile, the jumbo Juggernaut — which boasts a modified 6.2-liter supercharged Hellcat V8, churning out 850 horsepower, and six massive 40-inch tires on 22-inch rims — delivers a tremendous 20,000 pounds of towing capacity.

Ghattas shares that the Juggernaut takes everything customers love about the popular Hellfire — and gives them even more of it!

He explains, “It is the largest of the six-wheeled Apocalypse trucks, and one that checks off all the boxes — speed, size, reliability, comfort, space and way more functional features like increased towing and axle lockers.”

Few companies provide anything close to what Apocalypse offers. But Ghattas says proprietary parts, such as a mechanical middle axle that delivers equal power distribution to all six of the truck’s tires, are what set his business apart from the competition.

Ghattas insists his talented team is “only limited by how many hours there are in a day and the customer’s creativity.”

Approximately 400 man-hours go into each vehicle at their Fort Lauderdale manufacturing location, and Ghattas says, “The culture in the shop is all about quality and speed.”

While the crew works toward being as efficient as possible, he says strict quality controls ensure customer satisfaction as they craft luxury products built to withstand whatever their demanding owners dish out.

Steel-front grumpers — grill and bumper combos — windshield armor and proprietary Kevlar-infused paint are designed to keep these trucks looking pristine, even after the most rough-and-tumble off-roading adventures.

But Apocalypse’s 6x6s, which the company ships to clientele worldwide, have also proved to be the toast of Tinseltown. They’ve been featured online in Jay Leno’s Garage and on the big screen in The Lost City, which stars Channing Tatum and Sandra Bullock.

Still, Ghattas isn’t content to rest on his laurels and promises he has more cool projects in the pipeline.

He says, “The beautiful thing is you can create something as wild and crazy as you can imagine — and someone will want it. And someone else will want it even wilder and crazier.”

In consideration of our sincere desire to avoid hate mail, we included the Apocalyptic Link — or whatever would be the correct way to convey … “Seriously killer trucks, dude!” … You can even check out their live webcam to see the production team in action. Prepare to be humbled.

Destiny Travel

Posted on January 3, 2023December 31, 2022 by Team Penthouse

The Adventures of Destiny Rose

Wanderlust has taken hold of footloose beauty Destiny Rose, who tells Penthouse, “If I had to choose one thing that inspires me most, there is no other answer than traveling. I can’t sit in just one place!”

While relaxing on the patio of a villa in Malindi, Kenya — where she’s taking kitesurfing and wakeboarding lessons every day — our Pet of the Month for July 2022 shared memorable moments from her European road trip in 2021.

The native of Poland set off in a van with best friend Lukasz Bulczyński (Instagram: @luckaspain), who captured candid snapshots of the stunning beauty as they explored the continent together.

Destiny says, “We drove 7,299 miles through nine countries over three weeks. All in our sweet VW California Camper!”

She recalls their first overnight stop was in the middle of the Alps and shares, “This vehicle had a foldable bed on the roof. No words can describe the feeling of waking up there.”

The first major city on her itinerary was Rome, Italy, where she set her sights on a “naughty photographic challenge.”

She explains, “As you know, Vatican City is located in the middle of Rome. While admiring the beauty of this place, my friend convinced me to take a topless picture in front of St. Peter’s Basilica. Since then, we have taken topless images in front of the main tourist attractions in most cities, including Paris and Barcelona.”

Next up after Italy was Spain by way of France and Monaco.

She shares, “We dedicated this part of the trip to integrating with nature. We slept by the beach or on the hills above it. I listened to a lot of music and admired breathtaking landscapes.

“I had the best time in Barcelona, even if it was my sixth time visiting this artistic city. We got matching tattoos, drank gallons of sangria and fell in love with Spanish tapas.”

After bidding “adios” to Spain, Destiny said “bonjour” to Paris, which she admits is “as beautiful as they say.”

Of her time in the City of Lights, she says, “We focused on getting into the French vibe with champagne, sightseeing and visiting iconic places like Café de Flore, which held shows for Yves Saint Laurent and Chanel and launched campaigns for Louis Vuitton and Longchamp.”

Last but not least, they lit out for the capital of the Netherlands—Amsterdam, which Destiny calls a city made for partying.

“Even if I am not the biggest fan of smoking or other substances, I had a great time getting high and touring the red light district and art museums,” she reveals.

“Our road trip was a unique experience that showed how little I need to be truly happy. I visited the most beautiful cities in Europe and reminded myself about the uniqueness of European culture.”

Warmed by memories of her European adventures, Destiny finds herself currently focused on her water sport lessons and snorkeling among Africa’s beautiful coral reefs.

“Africa is stunning,” she says. “You should visit it if you ever have a chance.”

Naturally we have to highlight the official Destiny Instagram, and of course we should point out that one can see more of Destiy and even hear her talk on her Pet Page on this very site. What may come as more of a surprise would be that we now have the very rare unanimous consent vote in this office when it comes to traveling with Destiny on her next trip. Come to think of it, that’s not very surprising probably, although it does add a dandy item to the New Year’s resolution list.

Vadim Sloof

Posted on December 27, 2022December 27, 2022 by Team Penthouse

The Sharp Lines of Vadim Sloof

Vadim Sloof is a Russian graphic designer and illustrator, who creates emotive abstract line art paintings and drawings inspired by his love of graffiti art, fashion, ’90s music and classic painters. Using bright, flat colors, shapes and flowing lines, Vadim creates contemporary art that expresses movement and emotion, while proving there is power in simplicity.

How did you come to be an artist?

I’ve been working as a graphic designer and illustrator for a long time. I’ve also been doing graffiti since 1999. Through graffiti, I came into my professional work and into art.

How did you develop your style?

I always found characters were more interesting to draw than letter works, maybe because I found them easier to draw! I started by drawing characters from the classic hip-hop era, and slowly but surely, I eventually found my own style, which I’m currently developing.

How would you define your current style?

Now I can characterize it as something between figurative drawings and abstractive lines, because the way lines interact with each other is often more important than a single image.

What inspires Vadim Sloof work?

My style is inspired by classic graffiti, early street artworks, English casual fashion and music in the ’90s, as well as some classic painters, such as Egon Schiele, Gustav Klimt, Amedeo Modigliani, Pablo Picasso, Burial, Aitor Throup, Cédric Honet and Anthony Lister.

What mediums do you prefer to work in?

Drawings on canvases and walls, and digital creations. The most important thing for me is to make it all look alike, so it doesn’t matter which medium I use.

How does erotica inspire your work?

I think it’s something I took from classic painters. To me, the human body is one of the most exciting things. Often there is no sexual context in my works, just pure beauty of lines created by nature.

What are you working on at the moment?

Right now, I’m preparing for a big solo show, which will be in my hometown later this year.

We had to do some minor modifications to the original dimensions (and a teeny-tiny bit of content) in Vadim Sloof’s work in order to pass guidelines and get it to display properly in our site. That said, you can find this unique artist in all the typical unique artist places like Instagram, Twitter, and even the upper echelon Behance. … Not feeling particularly qualified to be judging art on its pure merits, we will say that while many people — many of them elected to public office — see angles where most of us see curves, it takes a real artist to make the interpretation beautiful. (As far as we know, this category does not include anyone elected to public office, in case you were curious.)

Vassilis Pitoulis

Posted on December 24, 2022December 23, 2022 by Team Penthouse

Photographer Vassilis

Vassilis Pitoulis says “the sophisticated world and allure of haute couture” drew him to fashion photography as a young man in Paris in the ’80s. Family obligations saw the promising photographer temporarily turn his back on his dreams, but surviving a life-threatening health scare later encouraged Vassilis to follow his passion once again.

Today, the Greek photographer’s ambition has driven him to capture stunning women in gorgeous locations all around the world.

“My photography simply resembles my life these days: a journey full of surprises, excitement and discovery,” he tells Penthouse.

“There is light but also darkness, play and laughter, and of course, beauty. I want to show it all my own way.”

While his images are always aesthetically beautiful with an erotic edge, they also contain an element of mystery, often leaving the viewer feeling as though they are a voyeur spying on an unfolding story.

“A woman’s body is a great beautiful mystery that I try to unveil little by little, without ever completely achieving such a thing. It is a mystery that remains in spite of nudity, whether or not with an erotic component,” he says.

Vassilis reveals he prefers to shoot his images in black and white because that’s how he views the world.

“I see life in black and white, and I translate that into my photography,” he explains.

“I like black and white. It’s elegant, meaningful, and it’s in black and white that I visualize my scenarios. For me, black and white allows for a more focused concentration of the theme. It’s less distracting for the viewer. I translate that into my photography while focusing on the shadows to create more expression.”

A master of natural light and strategically placed shadows, Vassilis says his approach to lighting is to work with available light, rather than try to create new light.

“I don’t mind to let the light do the job. I actually love it when natural lighting takes control of the whole thing!” he shares.

“All I do then, are very small changes here and there. I move the camera, move myself or maybe add an umbrella for a very specific purpose.”

His approach to photography and life is very much the same as his approach to lighting. He adds, “As with everything else in life, experience leads the way into new and sometimes unexpected directions. However, I don’t give it much thought. If anything, I try to be increasingly open with my mind, in an attempt to be able to see more and better, to perceive the images I want to capture.”

You may see more of Vassillis’ spectacular work on Instagram, albeit with censor-mandated little boxes, even on fine art photography. Interestingly enough, if these were paintings, there would likely be no problem — which if nothing else points out the difficulities inherent in trying to enfore “community standards” in a social media environment. It kinda depends on the community in which you live. Go to lunch with a half-dozen or so porn stars and just listen to the conversations. You’ll understand. … More to the seasonal point, we thought we drop in a little passion of our own in the form of a quick holiday greeting.

Vassilis Inspired with Veronica Perasso

By the way, Veronica Perasso talks some more on her Pet Page, should you be interested. Granted, we do tend to be a fickle bunch, what with changing our passions pretty much every month, but even with all that, some of the Pets do reach sort of a family status within our group. After a few decades in this business it can be difficult not to react from a jaded perspective, but in our view, regardless of the beautiful bodies, Pets will always be more interesting when they talk. … Kind of like everybody, really.

Pop Shots Nikko Hurtado

Posted on December 21, 2022December 20, 2022 by Team Penthouse

The Penthouse World According to Nikko Hurtado

Later, after working construction for three years, Hurtado visited a buddy who was working as a tattoo artist and accepted an apprenticeship. Just a year after that, a client entered a Batman color portrait Hurtado had done in the Pomona Tattoo Portrait Contest and it won first place. The image went viral in the tattoo community (we’re talking pre-Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram), and Hurtado’s rep was made. Hurtado has tattooed plenty of celebrities — from Drake, Fred Durst, Brandon Boyd, and Andrew W.K. to Jenna Jameson, Jesse James, and Kat Von D — and appeared on LA Ink, Tattoo Wars, Tori & Dean, and Ink Master. Since 2009, he’s been working out of his own Black Anchor Collective tattoo studio, and now he’s expanded that brand, with its ubiquitous black anchor — a nod to the classic tattoo image — into a product line. But he pours himself into his oil paintings, many of which can be seen in these photos, and last year he had his first solo show. This is a man who understands beauty, style, and the creative spirit; who captures images on canvas and on skin that transform blank slates into gorgeous expressions of self… and now he’s done it in photographs.

Well, I guess we should just jump right into it. You get a call from Penthouse giving you license to produce a shoot based entirely on what you think makes a girl hot. Where do you even start?

I’ve been tattooing for 13 years, and through tattooing I started painting, because that was the evolution of me growing as an artist — trying to do more and learn more. My favorite period to paint is Baroque, so I figured,Why not do a take on the paintings I’ve seen from the past? I know that this is all about what I feel is sexy. I think that a woman’s figure is sexy and that art is sexy. When I see beautiful paintings of beautiful women… to me, that’s just it.

What exactly were you going for when you chose the model, Tiger Kaufman?

I was looking for someone who was natural and pretty normal. I wasn’t looking for someone who was super fit or who’d had a lot of plastic surgery. I just wanted someone with a nice physique, curvy, and just a more average kind of woman. I like that. I like a woman who has a normal body. I’m not into the whole, you know, “adjustments.”

And what was it about her that jumped out at you?

She was soft. I look at a lot of old paintings, and you can see the women in the paintings are more curvy rather than skinny. She reminded me of someone who would have been painted back then. I like all types of women: big, tall, small — I see beauty in all of it. But I wanted to show what inspires me. That is my fantasy woman.

It surprised me that Nikko Hurtado picked a girl who didn’t have tattoos.

I hate to see bad tattoos on beautiful women. I feel bad, like they did themselves an injustice. I love women with tattoos. But a lot of women who are heavily tattooed don’t have the best tattoos, and it’s just unfortunate. Beautiful women tend to get most of their tattoos for free, and free tattoos don’t always turn out to be the best tattoos. The sexiest thing for me as a tattooer is to have a blank canvas: someone who would allow me to do something beautiful on them and take a large space that is uninterrupted. I think that’s why someone with no tattoos is my ideal.

Does that tie in to why your pictures are more suggestive than explicit? It’s more about what’s not there versus what is there?

I like not knowing everything. For me, it’s the hunt more than the kill. I think it’s sexy to not get it all. It’s the glimpses of a woman that drive me wild. When it’s too easy, I just don’t enjoy it. I need a little bit of a chase.

It’s got to be impossible to experience a “chase” when you spend the day telling a hot girl what to do and how to do it.

She was very modest. Every time we stopped shooting, she would get dressed. To me, that’s awesome. To me, that’s sexy. She was proud to be naked — she was proud of her body and proud of herself — but at the same time, she had a little modesty, so it was good.

So there was more to it than just a fantasy model and an inspiring backdrop?

I really need an intelligent person. That’s the most important thing. I spend time with people every day. I tattoo a lot of women who are beautiful. But sometimes I think, You’re so beautiful, but I can never spend time with you because there’s no substance. I like substance. I like conversation.

Do you have a favorite body part that you were trying to highlight?

What’s weird is that during the photo shoot I realized that I like necks. I like a slender neck. Weird, right?

Um…

I like the whole body, of course. I like the hips. But there’s something about the neck… the neck and shoulders. I don’t know. I have no idea.

Is that your favorite body part to tattoo?

Not at all. Tattooing is different. I want the easiest body part: the arm or the leg. Something simple.

Pop Shots is an interesting exercise because it forces you to think about the things that you normally feel but don’t analyze. Was there anything about this process that surprised you?

I’m on a constant discovery. As an artist, I have to be honest with myself. Trying to find out who I am is the process of the rest of my life, so I am trying to be really in touch with my emotions and my feelings. I’m trying to not shy away from those things. The thing I learned the most from this process is being able to step away. Watching the photographer do her work, it was really inspiring.

How does the finished product stack up to the “Nikko Hurtado” vision in your head?

I think that, like everyone, I have a dark and a light side. I think that the pictures have the balance of light and dark in them and feel more like me because I have both. The contrast in the photos is what I wanted because I feel that I need a full range to represent me.

Do you have a favorite photo?

There was one photo in particular with her lying down as if I was going to draw her. To have a woman who’s lying there, and hopefully articulate and intelligent — you can just sit there and spend hours painting her. That picture reminds me of an old painting. And it sparks up a lot of different ideas and emotions. When I go to a museum, I sometimes feel overwhelmed with the level of the artist’s ability, but I’m also overwhelmed with the amount of sadness that I feel, because these people most likely died without accomplishing everything they wanted to as an artist. They were on such a chase. I feel the same thing when I look at [photos like these, although some with fewer clothes].

How so?

There are so many emotions that come up: You’re self-destructive, and stuff like that. Putting too much pressure on yourself. You’re looking at the picture from where I’m sitting. I’m giving people a window into what I see and what I do on a regular basis. With this photo, it has my paintings in the background. This photo is just one story, one day in our lives: the story of our photo shoot. But all of these individual pieces in the background have their own story, and each represents a different time in my life. This one photo encompasses more of me than one single piece of my artwork because it’s a collection of so many of my stories.

Could that be another reason why the Nikko Hurtado creative choices for Pop Shots were such a departure from who you’re perceived to be as a tattooer? You wanted to share a deeper story?

First and foremost, I’m a tattooer. That’s what I am. It’s my heart and soul, and I’m grateful for everything tattooing has brought me. But what I need right now is to paint. I’ve been working so much lately and have been pulled in a lot of different directions. I put a lot of pressure on myself, but that’s because of how my tattoos affect others. I tattoo for you. I do my work for you. Tattooing is as honest and as truthful as it gets. If you put a line down and it’s wrong, people will know it … or the tattooer will know it. If you blow it out and mess up a tattoo, you can’t change it.

But painting…

But painting is for me. It’s a release.

How does a photo shoot stack up against painting? Was this a release for you, or was it just more pressure?

The photo shoot was a release for me. It’s a whole different avenue, and a way to express myself to a large audience. Anything that can help me put my soul into something, something I can look at, that’s what makes me happy.

If you like tattoos, we have some fun — and beautifully illustrated — thoughts right here, but should you be more specifically interested in Nikko Hurtado now, we have some suggestions. As befits the modern artist, Nikko has a YouTube Channel which will tell you even more about him. There is a web site, complete with tour dates, if you can wrap your head around that. (It makes sense that tattoo artists would have conventions just like everyone else, but we never really thought about attending one. Now, however, we have. Sounds awesome. … If you happen to be around, look for us in Penthouse Shirts at the Convention Center.)

Z Mark the Spot(s)

Posted on December 18, 2022December 20, 2022 by Team Penthouse

Historical Clarification: NOT the Z Marks Currently Found in Ukraine

Z Mark – Auto: The all-new 2023 Nissan Z

Nissan’s seventh-generation Z is an iconic sports car reborn for the modern age. Updated for the first time in a decade, the 2023 Z’s sleek design harkens back to its vintage roots and offers affordable luxury with a price starting at $40,000.

“Z is the pure expression of thrill,” says Ashwani Gupta, Nissan’s chief operating officer. “The new Z retains its authenticity as a pure sports car to keep you connected to the road, while bringing in the latest modern technologies to make sure the car can help keep you connected to your life.”

In short, this is a dynamic car built for enthusiasts, by enthusiasts. We’re talking a 3.0-liter V6 twin turbo engine to bump up power output over the previous generation 370Z. Its engine is rated at 400 horsepower at 6,400 rpm and 350lb-ft of torque starting from 1,600 to 5,200 rpm. And, of course, you may choose a six-speed manual transmission, including an EXEDY high-performance clutch, or opt for the quick-response nine-speed automatic transmission. The engine is designed to deliver a sharp, yet smooth response to the driver’s input to create a truly thrilling experience.

The 2023 Z’s 8.0-inch display audio touchscreen features six speakers and includes Apple CarPlay and Android Auto, as well as a hands-free text messaging assistant to keep you in the loop when you’re on the go.

From a design perspective, the long hood, large headlights and racy roof line are fundamentally Z. But it’s achieved a fresh reinvention by melding tradition with the best modern technology.
The new Z is slated to arrive soon at Nissan dealers across the country.

“Whether on an unexplored winding road or your daily commute, the Z brings a smile and awakens the senses,” says Gupta.

Obviously the winning romantic combination does not rely entirely upon an automobile, but we can say that the right choice her can certainly help you get onto the right road.

Z Mark – Fashion: Model Behavior

For years, models of a certain size and shape have been the ones given the luxury of gracing the world’s most regarded catwalks. Many of them have become household names, but the focus has always been about what they are wearing rather than who they are. Slowly but surely, however, fashion houses are becoming more and more familiar with throwing their latest creations on a celebrity to give their designs an added marketing boost — especially in a world that has become obsessed with making a quick impression. But is that really a bad thing?

Prada recently made a rather shrewd move to promote their Fall/Winter 2022/23 collections by calling in A-listers to give their latest threads some Hollywood star power, while highlighting a few key age demographics along the way.

The major names showing off their classic and chic collections included Jeff Goldblum, 69, Kyle MacLachlan, 63, Thomas Brodie-Sangster, 31, and Asa Butterfield, 25.

Random? Maybe not. Not only are these gents incredibly stylish in their own right, but they are all renowned for starring in popular yet incredibly cool roles — for even cooler directors. It was a way of Prada saying “this is where we sit artistically” on the modern cultural platform. There are many purists — and general skeptics — who see this type of move as a distraction from the garments being presented. And in this sense, a purist may be right. But guys like things to be relatable, and often buff and beautiful boys strutting up and down the catwalk doesn’t always push their buttons. However, give a man a brand that nods to David Lynch, Wes Anderson and Sex Education in one swoop, and discerning dudes will take note!

Prada isn’t new to using film as a vehicle for its brand and collections. Back in 2013, the aforementioned Anderson created a clever short film called Castello Cavalcanti. Bearing in mind the film world was crying out for new material from the director at the time, and Prada was behind the production, it was a huge score for the brand in the eyes of many — and original in its delivery. The Italian house has since continued its association with the American director by getting him to design the interiors of a café they created in Milan, so we shouldn’t be surprised by their latest choice of models.

These days, it’s harder to grab attention when it comes to new designs, and that means fashion houses have to get more creative to stay relevant. And an excuse to get more creative should never be frowned upon. But the good thing about these collaborations between the fashion world and Hollywood is that they’re few and far between, and are often used to promote the safer spectrum of their output.

God forbid we see Vin Diesel trudging down the catwalk in a Jean Paul Gaultier frock! But then again, why not?!

At this point, many of us will pretend that we understand that last sentence, and thus how shocking that might be. Then we will move smoothly along in our Z Mark quest. No harm. No foul. (But definitely a pattern.)

Z Mark – Party House: Project Sunrise

Searching for a super yacht to entertain your 20 closest friends? Look no further than Project Sunrise! [A Z Mark Extraordinaire, for the record.]

When money is no issue, clearly the latest sleek concept from multi-award winner Robert Curtò Design should fit the bill — the spectacular gigayacht Project Sunrise.

This new super yacht offers a plethora of open deck spaces on the low superstructure, specifically designed for decreased wind resistance, and a wave-piercing hull to reduce drag. We’re talking 135m set to be prowling the seas at up to 24 knots.

On board, deck space has been optimized to use her 19m beam and 135m of length to create an idyllic island resort vibe with a walking path flowing from deck to deck around the yacht. Inside, you’ll find the interior filled with light flowing in from large windows, structural glass and a Japanese-inspired style with touches such as slatted screens and a water-drop statue using the kintsugi technique coming from a hole on the deck above to behind the bar table on the main deck.

Project Sunrise features a helipad, huge tender garage, astronomical observatory and not one pool but two. There’s also a private gym, an office, an additional gym for guests, a movie theater and two dining rooms. You know, just so you can mix it up. And for those who love water sports, the bow also features a drive-in jet ski bay.

We will dutifully provide a handy-dandy path to get to more super yachts, should you so desire, although that may not be on the Christmas list for many of us this year. We understand what “money is no issue” says in the English language. We must be honest, though, and admit that we are not at all sure what it means. … More to our budget at least, we thus have added a grand addendum (because diminutive addendums seem silly). Consequently, we give you…

Z Mark – Booze!

Let us introduce you to one of the new party favorites around here: Big O liqueur. Now we get a lot of people wanting to send us free stuff in hopes we might talk about them with our readers — and let’s be honest, viewers. We almost never follow through, though, because we have this really silly standard about only promoting things we actually like a lot, and as in the case of something like this new ginger wonderland, we actually know personally.

As you might imagine, we generally have very little trouble getting volunteers to try a new alcoholic concoction, y’know, for scientific purposes. What we have never seen before Big O, however, was a situation where every person that took home their test sample just decided to keep the bottle instead of bringing it back so the next person could try it. We had to buy three more bottles at retail just to get enough “tests” complete for us to feel confident. If nothing else, that one fact should tell you enough, so we will not bother with comments of captivating “almost” sweetness with a warm ginger aftertaste. (We preferred room temperature to chilled, but you should test for yourself.)

What we shall do instead will be tell you what the “lead scientist” on task discovered. To replicate these results — again, in honor of the pure scientific method

Big O naturally has a web site. More importantly, though, Big O has recipes on that web site. We love that. The picture we put together at the side here represents the most popular recipe at this one particular party, but we put together a few of these suggestions, and every option just seemed to add a little verve to otherwise standard fare. Understand we have no little experience around here with evening concoctions, and Big O was a Big Hit with us.

As a bonus, it has a beautiful bottle — and looks count at Penthouse — so it will look awesome on your bar. Besides, how many times will you be able to say this with plausible deniability: “So, can I give you a Big O by any chance?”

Apparently the copywriter got all excited about the new liqueur and forgot to actual put in the Z Marks link. We can do that, though. Makes sense that we would approve of this one, if you think about it. We tend to be fans of things that involve variations on lick.

Veteran Surf

Posted on December 16, 2022December 15, 2022 by Team Penthouse

SEA CHANGE: Hope for the Veteran Surf

The spring after I got home from Iraq, I lay on a surfboard for the first time. Some fellow lieutenants and I had signed up for a group lesson for a friend’s birthday. All I remember of that misty day in Carlsbad, Calif., is plunging into the ocean and getting my sinuses clogged with seawater. I didn’t stand up even once. But my comrades and I were a stubborn lot, and several of us kept at it, making surfing — or more accurately, attempted surfing — a Saturday-morning ritual for much of the following year.

I’d lock my glasses in my car — a risky move since I’m extremely nearsighted and hadn’t yet been fitted for contacts — and stumble barefoot onto the sand. A foam beginner’s longboard formed a giant sail as I carried it down the beach. I’d battle the waves past the break. When I turned toward the shore and looked over my shoulder, I wasn’t able to discern sky from ocean. My friends would yell when a big wave came, and I’d only start paddling when they did. After an hour or two of flailing, we’d all get brunch at a beach-town café.

I didn’t stand up that whole first year. I drank a bunch, though, had nightmares about Iraq, and pined for a guy I’d met on deployment who wouldn’t, for very good reasons, make a go of things with me. I left the Marines and California for grad school in New York City, and I continued to try — and fail — to outrun my past.

If I wasn’t wounded or killed, did I really do enough in the desert? Was I worthy of the sacrifices others made? After several years of deep struggle, I started the long process of making peace with my deployment and my service as a whole. Part of that peace came the summer after grad school ended, when I picked up surfing again.

With a small crew of friends, I’d take the Long Island Railroad to Long Beach or the subway out to Far Rockaway at what felt like an ungodly hour on weekend mornings. My friends tried to coach me — all of us on rented boards. But despite actually being able to see the waves at that point, I almost never got the timing right. I typically found myself too far behind the crest to really ride it — and too timid to let myself be overtaken enough for it to push me. When I did, I might have made it onto my knees or butt. The rush of the ocean — a thrill for some — felt terrifying to me. Occasionally, I’d get brave and end up too far ahead of a wave, nosediving into the water, toppling ass over teakettle and filling my nostrils with seawater. In between wipeouts, floating on a board past the break washed away the hectic rush of the city, and I relaxed in anticipation of a post-surf burrito and nap. It might have been the contact lenses, but after a surf session, I felt I could see my demons more clearly.

It is just this sort of peacemaking that drives Operation Surf — operationsurf.org — a Santa Cruz, Calif., nonprofit run by former pro surfer Van Curaza, who has devoted this portion of his career to teaching veterans surfing. The Netflix documentary Resurface tells the story of Operation Surf through the eyes of veterans like Bobby Lane, a Marine who sustained a traumatic brain injury in Iraq and whose post-deployment life spiraled into cabinets full of medication and a troubled young marriage. Lane had wanted to surf since he was a kid and planned to try Operation Surf just once — and kill himself thereafter. But something clicked after he caught his first wave. Now he says, “The ocean is the one place I know I can go to for peace.” He explains helping other veterans find the same solace he did gives him a sense of purpose and reduces his PTSD symptoms.

According to marine biologist Dr. Wallace J. Nichols, author of Blue Mind, an experience like surfing provides “a huge surge of dopamine. It’s a huge natural high.” Nichols, whose book explores how water positively affects health and well-being, adds, “Your body is a pharmacy.”

And if one is nursing severe physical injuries, reentry into civilian life can be especially challenging. Operation Surf’s adaptive programs have helped Martin Pollock, a triple amputee and British Army veteran, change his personal narrative from one of damage to one of resilience and strength.

For anyone struggling with the aftereffects of trauma, moving one’s body helps create new neural pathways for recovery. Or as Lane puts it, “Van just tells me to get out of my head because that’s a bad place to be.”

I agree wholeheartedly about the healing, head-clearing properties of ocean therapy. In summer 2020, fresh off a breakup and an interstate move, I picked up surfing again at a beach in Gloucester, Mass. A local surf shop’s Sunday-night lessons were one of the few socially distant, but still social, activities available to someone new in town in the midst of a global pandemic. Week after week, those surf nights broke the monotony of COVID-era isolation. Under the patient coaching of instructors, I started standing up consistently, and sitting out past the break on a board provided enormous peace. With colleagues and neighbors, I’ve gotten into a steady rhythm of surfing in New England, and even bought my own board this past spring. No longer am I trying to exorcise demons from the desert. Though there is sand in both places, the similarity ends at the waterline.

Driving home pleasantly tired after a surf session, knowing the war is safely in the past, I look forward to the same thing as Lane when he says, “I close my eyes to go to sleep, and the only thing I can dream about is catching that next wave.”

Teresa Fazio is a former Marine. You can now find her book Fidelis on Kindle and in paperback.