Democratic Rights

Democratic Men’s Rights

I am a lifetime Democrat — but in this election I’m voting for Ronald Reagan. My decision has nothing to do with the issues of unemployment, the national deficit, nuclear missiles, or the Persian Gulf and Central American crises. I am crossing party lines for one simple reason — to protect my rights as a man in America.

As I mentioned in a previous column, you should be alerted that a woman may become the Democratic vice-presidential nominee, if not in 1984 then in 1988, and may head the national ticket by 1992. I am not in the least opposed to the idea of having a woman president, as long as she is elected by voters who consider her more qualified to lead the nation than her political opponent. What I am concerned about is that feminist leadership may control her candidacy — and the Democratic party — and dominate the White House. The issue today is how much power the feminist leadership will wield over Mr. Mondale, not whether a woman will possibly be nominated.

The Democratic party is fragmented and disorganized and desperately in need of a “political face-lift.” It seems to have no qualms about pandering to feminism in an attempt to tap the vast reservoir of women voters. The Republicans, on the other hand, as incumbents have no such urgency to make expendient political deals.

Watching the recent Democratic presidential primaries and convention hoopla was as educational as it was recreational. I doubt that the Democrats could govern the country even if they do win. I believe that they cannot erase the damage of the vicious primary battles. The Democratic campaign has been a struggle of personal ambitions, and this has been destructive to the party. Now the Democrats have been forced to sell their political souls to the feminist leadership, and there can be no turning back. The feminists’ sole aim is to control politically the White House, the Congress, and the Supreme Court of the United States.

If we choose a president or vice president based on gender politics, it will be only a matter of time before our federal courts become as biased against men as our domestic courts. Once again, let me stress that I am not opposed to women as judges or officeholders, but I am opposed to women who are not qualified to hold office or who are biased against men.

Even a Reagan victory in November will not really stem the tide toward full and eventual domination of the political scene by women. Senator Packwood (Republican-Oregon) is quoted as saying that the Republican party “will be dead” if it does not bridge the gender gap, because women are crucial to the outcome of the 1984 election. Senator Packwood believes that Reagan will be reelected because voters will cross party lines, but that women, a majority of whom vote Democratic, will influence all local races in November and will weaken the strength of the Republican party. Packwood says: “Women’s roles will be dynamite in almost all races except the presidential race.” Thus, the picture is becoming crystal clear: One party has sold out, whereas the other, if need be, is open to negotiations. Political expediency has become the order of the day.

What do women want politically? Given the choice, I believe most women would like to see a woman in the Oval Office, because it would be a dramatic statement and an achievement of equality. But I believe that the real goal of feminist leadership is to control the political policy of the United States and its economy.

All American men cannot be viewed as wimps. Faced with the stark reality of the feminist struggle for political power, men have few choices: They can either surrender totally or fight for men’s rights by joining the National Organization for Men, thereby making it equally as powerful as present feminist organizations. Men have to have their consciousness raised. We have been put down much too long by the feminist cabal.

President Reagan, as the leader of the Republican party, offers us an opportunity to experience the American ideal of gender equality. The Democrats, however, offer us sexual serfdom, with all of its unjust and unequal ramifications. That’s why I’m voting for Ronald Reagan.

Weird how things change over a few decades, right? It pretty much feels like the reds and blues have changed uniforms. That said, as of yet, women have not focused their voting power in any “winning way” overall, but check back with us when the results from this 2024 version in about a week. Maybe we’ll know more then.

Now back at the original publication, the world was a different place, so they actually included a physical address for the National Organization for Men, Inc., that being 381 Park Avenue South, Suite 815, New York, N. Y 10016. Presumably people still used pen and paper and physical envelopes to send mail. Who knows? We decided just to link to a couple of the major organizations taking up space in that arena now. You’ve got your National Coalition for Men, not to be confused with the National Center for Men, which would be totally different from the seemingly more societally-focused National Organization for Men Against Sexism. It would be interesting to drill down and find out which “men” these groups purport to represent these days. Age and culture appear to paint very different interpretations on that simple gender identification.

We do know that both “sides” at issue today will use very little paper as whoever loses bitches about how the world will end now, and something clearly was wrong wtih the entire election process. (The severity of that discord will likely depend upon which side ends up on top, however.) We just know that despite everything — and Reagan had his share of detractors back in his day, mind you — Democracy in general, and the Democratic system specifically, have proven remarkably resilient over the centuries. Perhaps you should just have a nice cool glass of chocolate milk and resolve to whine another day.

For our part, we may still have the chocolate milk, but we’ll also be trying to figure out how to use “sexual serfdom” more often in conversations around the office.

Democratic Women's Rights Too

Treats and (Sadly) Tricks

Halloween Treats 2024

Obviously today you may choose between a Trick or some Treats, as befits the celebration, after all. You will get to decide which moves you more, and feel free to spend some time on the illustration to help you with your — clearly scientific — endeavor.

Short version, we’ve got two treats for you, once likely recognizable, the other … well, she will be. For the rest of the information you will actually need to read words, a practice which despite what some of our younger team members believe, some people still enjoy. If nothing else, Halloween exists for us to enjoy — not that we’d sneak out all the peanut butter cups before we ever answered the front door or anything. That would be wrong.

Treats a la Krystal Harper

Interestingly enough, we cannot tell you on October 31st why Krystal has importance around here, and we mere site people would never give away a secret when we have been told not to, of course. We will say that should you, for example, have a bit of time to pop back over here tomorrow — on the first of November — you might then understand a lot more. For now, you may simply learn a bit about Krystal as it pertains to Halloween.

  1. Favorite costume you have ever worn?
    This year I loved creating the set and costume for my bubble bath costume! Raggedy Anne is a close second. … Last year my favorite was Harley Quinn & Cammy the street fighter because I love playing a character and those two I got the most into!
  2. Is there anything you want to dress up as and haven’t?
    Betty Boop, Jessica Rabbit, and a Cheshire Cat! Stay tuned for next year!
  3. Favorite Candy?
    Reese’s sticks are soooo good!!
  4. Do you enjoy being scared?
    Yes! But I enjoying scaring more, I’ve always wanted to work at knots scary farm and wear the sliders that spark.
  5. What is the scariest thing you have done?
    Staying at the Queen Mary has to rank pretty high!
  6. Do you have a Favorite Halloween Movie/show or song?
    Yes! The Nightmare Before Christmas. Because Jack Skellington’s my dream man!

Suffice it to say you will be able to add to your Krystal knowledge (and her Treats) very soon.

Treats a la Violet Brandani

Once you get past the recognition that some costumes simply look better on some people than Penthouse fans may be able to recognize Violet as our Pet of the Month from April of 2020. Violet also played a prominent role in our AEE Virgin Journey coverage from the last industry convention in Las Vegas.

Violet too graced us with her insights related to seasonal treats as well.

  1. Favorite costume?
    Princess Leia with my dog Chewbacca! A close second is Violet from The Incredibles — such a fun play on my name!
  2. Anything you want to dress up as?
    I’ve always wanted to be a classic Hollywood starlet like Audrey Hepburn or Marilyn Monroe.
  3. Favorite candy?
    Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups—nothing beats that combo of chocolate and peanut butter!
  4. Do you enjoy being scared?
    I love taking risks and embracing the fear that comes with new situations—it’s all about growth!
  5. Scariest thing you’ve done?
    Traveling solo for the first time—terrifying but exhilarating!
  6. Favorite Halloween movie?
    Practical Magic! It’s not super scary, but I love the vibe and always watch it around Halloween.

Now you may not understand the “why” as of yet, but you’ve probably picked up on the little detail that our dear Violet cannot use “Summers” anymore, and thus because of legal necessity transitioned to Brandani. To put a super short spin on a long and potentially ugly story, at the peak Violet had over 13.5 million followers on Instagram. Then on an unannounced single day in 2020, the entire account just disappeared. With a following that big, people noticed, and honestly the press following that FUBAR situation really pays testament to the character of the woman herself. She says only that her “management company” owned the rights to that Summers name, so she had no control over that account. During the management split, well, basically nobody got anything, and she had to change her professional name.

Violet does enjoy being an inspiration to people out in social media land, though, on that road we can offer a word to the wise to all the aspiring talent out there: Be sure you own your own name in any deal you do.

Now go out and get yourself some treats of your own. Reese’s seem like a popular choice today. Maybe you can tempt a star. You’ll never know unless you try.

Considering our business pretty much puts us in contact with people whining about one thing or another, the fact that Violet has never publicly — or even privately, in our presence — dissed on her former management company. Nor has she devolved into the self-pity that seems like it would have been easy considering the years and years of dedication and effort she put into something that just got yanked away from her by someone who took advantage of her early on. Consequently, you know of Violet’s current Instagram and even Facebook. … If one can believe the story, she has now adopted van life which has completely changed potential plans for our next vacation, y’know, if we can convince her about how fun we’d be — just a buncha treats, really.

Confidentially, Layla Sin

Layla Sin — Pet Confidential

Layla Sin - A Kiss and a SignThis month we’re getting up close and personal with sultry Layla Sin, our Penthouse Pet centerfold for August 2014. This curvy brunette cutie combines a unique breed of beauty along with the perfect blend of smarts, substance and sex appeal. Famous for her erotic hardcore performances, Layla also serves as face of the Fetish Fantasy Gold collection for adult toy company, Pipe Dreams. When she’s not running her website, she’s running from suitors after her memorable appearance on the VH-1 hit reality series, Dating Naked.

I was familiar with Layla’s toned body and tiny little pussy from checking out her pictorial in Penthouse magazine, so I was excited to shoot her for Pet Confidential. She greeted me at her condo door with a hug and a smile, and I was immediately taken with her grace and style. Read on, I guarantee you will, too.

With apologies for the interruption to Sam, we could not miss the opportunity to illustrate that we recognize Layla Sin out standing in her field.

When I showed up at Layla’s condo to spend the day shooting her, she greeted me with a hug and a smile, and I was immediately taken with her style. I was really looking forward to shooting pictures of our exotically beautiful Penthouse Pet of the Year. I have always found her mysterious, like a little bit of a secret, and I remain impressed by her beauty.

Her condo was sleek, sophisticated and modernly furnished, just like Layla’s style and sass. You may not realize that she is a mainstream actress, and an adult model whom in her pursuit of pleasure, has been able to balance the two worlds.

Learn more secret stuff about Layla below.

  1. I like to eat ketchup with everything.
  2. There was a time I decided to straighten my hair, and I left straightening cream on for too long and some of my hair fell out.
  3. Music is my life. I could live without TV, Internet and phone, but not without music.
  4. I was married for 5 years, but I’m a divorcee now.
  5. Feeding animals and being around them makes me really happy and relaxed. It’s almost like therapy for me.
  6. I can watch movies all day long. I love going to movie theaters by myself, and watching multiple movies in one day.
  7. I could eat cheesecake every day for the rest of my life.
  8. I am Israeli NOT Latina… I do not speak Spanish.
  9. Every time I go to the gym I find an excuse to be on my phone and not work out.
  10. I make the best baby back ribs, and tacos.
  11. My favorite activity is scuba diving. I’ve been to Thailand, Hawaii and the Bahamas. I’m fascinated with the underwater world.
  12. I skydived on my 19th birthday.
  13. I raced in the Baja 500, and crashed in Mexico. Fortunately, nothing bad happened to me.
  14. I’m a dog person. I love dogs, and spending time with them.
  15. I’m addicted to sushi. I absolutely love spicy tuna on rice cake.
  16. I love being naked. I’m always in my birthday suit at home.
  17. My favorite colors are pink, white, gold and black
  18. I have a big collection of stuffed animals at home, and I love to cuddle with them.
  19. I love to go for romantic walks at night.
  20. Most of my childhood years I spent by the beach, so I can never imagine living in a place without the access to the beach, and the ocean.
  21. I love playing craps every time I go to Las Vegas, or any other place that allows gambling.
  22. I lost my virginity at the age of 16.
  23. I got accepted into Medical School in Europe, and decided not to attend.
  24. I eye witnessed a suicide bombing in Israel when I was young.
  25. I have never had sex with more than two guys at the same time.
  26. I have never shared my apartment with a roommate in my life.
  27. My teeth are perfect; I have never had any fillings.
  28. The only water I drink is Kangen alkaline water. I believe it has very special properties that contribute to my health and beauty.
  29. I take bubble baths every other day. I find it very therapeutic and relaxing.

Time moves on, though — at least for the fortunate among us — so Layla has made some changes since her time with Sam, one thing being that ClubLaylaSin no longer exists. Sad, that. … Still, Layla did provide us with a bit of a follow up, demonstrating if nothing else, that life with Layla Sin can be a playground.

Layla: My life has always been exciting. I keep reinventing myself. I discovered my true passion for singing and song writing. Two months ago I won a competition for singing classical music (opera) and I’m going to perform in Carnegie hall in New York. Also, I am writing my own songs and recording my first album these days. My day-to-day work is managing and investing in real estate. I own different properties in California and actively manage them. I keep thinking of different investment and making sure to diversify my assets. I like to keep busy while maintaining a healthy lifestyle and finding time to travel the world as much as I can.

Layla wanted us to provide a ling for her beloved Kangen Water, which obviously we would do, simply because we always do anything Layla asks of us. Also, for the record, a Paramount+ subscription will allow you to stream Dating Naked even now. You can learn about it, or you can drop a couple of bucks to watch Layla Sin being, well, all the things we love about Layla Sin. If nothing else you will understand one of this writer’s long-standing opinion: Dudes on reality shows are weird.

Anora

Next on Stage: Anora

When Gary Marshall released Pretty Woman, audiences fell for Julia Roberts’ “hooker with a heart of gold.” Vivian Ward was a free spirit, but also a blameless (and drug-free!) victim of circumstance and a refreshingly uncultured delight for Richard Gere’s bland executive. Her story was charming, convenient, and uncomplicated; a fairytale unsullied by the other clients or a reluctance to leave her world behind.

While there’s no shortage of sex workers in modern media, few filmmakers — whether for lack of interest, apathy, or oversight — have made a real effort to “get it right.” Sean Baker, a vocal supporter of the full decriminalization of sex work, is a rare exception. “I became friends with [sex workers] and realized there were a million stories from that world,” he said in a press conference for his new film.

Anora is the latest in a series of Baker films about sex workers, following Red Rocket, Tangerine, and The Florida Project. Anora is the story of Ani (Mikey Madison), a New York exotic dancer and part-time escort, and Ivan (Mark Eidelshtein), the charismatic son of a Russian oligarch. It’s a film that lures audiences in with the all-consuming limerence of young love, only to blindside viewers with its emotional conclusion. In the final flight of its puer aeternus, Anora captures the crushing blow of true heartbreak, the inescapable reality of stigma and class struggle, and the hopelessness of one’s fall back to earth.  

The sex workers depicted in Baker’s films frequently challenge the one-dimensional tropes commonly seen on screen, portraying sex workers as human instead of sterile avatars of vice or virtue. In making Anora, Baker, alongside his wife, producer Samantha Quan, committed to a collaborative effort with members of the sex work community, consulting and casting sex workers in a process Quan described as crucial to the film’s evolution.

Los Angeles, CA

Lindsey Normington worked her first club shift nearly eight years ago as a college student in Grand Rapids, MI. Normington had long dreamt of moving to Los Angeles to become an actress. It was a dream that felt nearly impossible until a conversation with a friend revealed their shared ambitions.

“It became a conversation of, ‘How will we support ourselves?’” says Normington. “[We] floated the idea that we could be strippers. At first it was kind of like a joke — and then it wasn’t.”

Normington worked at a local strip club as she finished her degree, saving up tips and payouts for a move to California. She continued dancing after moving, this time at North Hollywood’s “Star Garden” — a club that brought her and her fellow dancers into the spotlight as they walked the picket lines of the stripper strike.

After a hard-fought battle with club management, the Star Garden dancers won their unionization effort, making Star Garden the nation’s second-ever union strip club. Normington now performs and co-produces The Stripper Co-Op — a dancer-owned pop-up that produces events Normington describes as “mutual aid,” in which dancers pool their tips and donate a portion of their nightly earnings to charity.

In Anora, Normington plays Diamond, a chaotic New York dancer who doesn’t shy away from conflict with the protagonist, Ani. The character shares little of Normington’s desire for stripper unity. “I’ve known girls who’ve been like family to me, [but] you get a group of highly opinionated, highly talented, beautiful, amazing women in a room, and people don’t always like each other,” says Normington. “Strippers don’t have to be nice or likable […] to show [our] humanity. They don’t have to be sweethearts, and that’s something that I like about Sean’s work”.

New York, NY

Sophia Carnabuci, an experienced exotic dancer and aspiring screenwriter, was originally asked to consult for the film before joining the film’s cast as “Jenny.” It’s a role Quan urged her to audition for despite a lack of previous acting experience. For Baker, casting performers with limited on-camera experience isn’t much of a departure — it’s a frequent signature of his work.

Carnabuci credits her performance to Baker’s directing talent and inspiration drawn from co-workers — among them, fellow dancer Luna Sophia Miranda, with whom Carnabuci shares a home club. On nights Miranda’s not at the club, she produces independent films and sex-worker led events, like burlesque cabarets.

Miranda met Baker and Quan on the floor of the club, “I approached them to try and sell them drinks and dances, and they told me they were filmmakers. They told me what films they’d made, and I was like, ‘What are the chances of that happening in a strip club?’”

Miranda, a film buff, was already well acquainted with the pair’s work. When Baker and Quan asked if Miranda would be interested in talking more about a new project they were producing, Miranda was elated.

“I mean, we get all the nuances … It’s important to depict [sex workers] that are three-dimensional. It’s really important, that if you’re hiring consultants or casting actors, that you also cast sex workers. […] A lot of us don’t have those opportunities. Sex work is something we’re doing for money — and sometimes survival, but it’s also a way to, you know, be a star in a world where you are not a star.”

Miranda learned she’d been cast as “Lulu” on her birthday. Filming took place at the Rosewood Theater, a Manhattan gentlemen’s club. The club remained open during the film’s scheduled shoot, a schedule that required early call times for the film’s cast — an even greater challenge for dancers accustomed to late shifts.

“It was pretty wild for us. I usually get home from work at like, four in the morning, but I was waking up at four in the morning for set!” says Carnabuci.

Carnabuci describes using downtime between takes to get to know her fellow dancers, while Miranda frequently brought her Polaroid camera to set. The cast shared stories about their work, about their clubs, and about their lives outside the club.

“It was lovely, just kind of getting to know each other. Now we have even more people outside of our immediate ‘club sphere’ to rely on and fall back on” says Carnabuci. “You know, to see what’s happening in Manhattan, see what’s happening in Brooklyn.”

Anora Takes Cannes

Miranda, Carnabuci, and Normington reunited in France this May for the film’s Cannes Film Festival premiere. “It was the first time — the only time I’d seen the film, and my face was on this big, enormous screen and I’m sitting with all these strangers,” says Miranda, recalling her anxiety during the film’s Cannes screening.

The audience awarded Anora a 7.5 minute standing ovation. The movie went on to claim 2024’s Palme d’Or — the famed film festival’s top prize — despite competition from legendary directors David Cronenburg and Francis Ford Coppola.

Accepting the award from famed filmmaker George Lucas, Baker dedicated the award to sex workers “of the past, present, and future,” and expressed a wish that films like Anora might help end stigma against sex work and make the world a safer place for sex workers.

Following the Cannes win, Anora faced its final challenge and most discerning audience: sex workers. In an industry-only screening, LA sex workers saw the film ahead of civilian audiences. It went well: the film’s reception was captured in a now-viral moment when the audience erupted into an applause of clacking platform heels.

I had a chance to attend a sold-out screening of Anora in Chicago with two members of SWOP Chicago’s steering committee. Though the aisles of the Music Box Theater proved too narrow for stilettoed applause, on the mainstage of our hearts, our heels clacked with a thunder loud enough to turn every head in the room. 

As the film heads to theaters nationwide, Miranda shares hopes that Anora will inspire more sex workers to engage with storytelling. It’s an effort she hopes to encourage through the sex worker-led film festival she’s producing in 2025.

“I’ve [had] so many people reach out, sex workers who have films, or even folks that haven’t made a film before, but really want to — and I’m like, do it! I’m not a gatekeeper, everyone’s invited to the party.”

“I think sex workers are more than capable of telling our own stories,” says Carnabuci. “I think society as a whole is really ready to hear this.”

Anora

The Movie opens in select theaters October 18th, 2024. You can visit with Sophia, Lindsey, and Director Sean most any time, what with them being on Instagram and all. Technically, you can learn more about Anora on Instagram too, actually. Anora star Miranda has even made her own film which you can watch for free, y’know just to get a sense of her character depth. Bottom line, as it were, we suggest you take advantage of all of these opportunities, including seeing the movie in an actual theater (which still beats home streaming by a mile, even if you have a big ol’ tv). You see, Renee liked it a lot, and Renee happens to be very smart. So we listen to her.

Military Machinations

The Modern Military: Why We Join

So, umm. Why’d you join the military?

It’s a question at the heart of military-civilian relations in contemporary America. It’s a question that can be asked all kinds of ways, in all sorts of tones, sometimes with hidden meanings, sometimes with nothing but clean, naked curiosity. And it’s a question damn near every servicemember and vet gets asked, by friends and strangers alike. I know I’ve been.

So. Umm. Why’d you join? Question mark.

Each year, somewhere in the ’hood of 180,000 people join the armed forces, either as officers or as enlisted personnel. A Pew survey from a couple years back asked post-9/11 servicemembers and veterans to name the reasons they’d originally joined up. Patriotism/serving the country was listed by an overwhelming number — almost 90 percent. Then came education opportunities like the GI Bill (77 percent), travel/the classic “see the world” hook (60 percent), and gaining skills for a post-military career (57 percent).

What I like about the survey is it allowed respondents to name multiple reasons. Out in the world, when posed that question by those aforementioned friends and strangers, it seems like only one answer can suffice, that only one answer should suffice. A pithy declaration, hopefully. After all, deciding to serve in the military is a big fucking deal, especially during a time of perpetual war. Shouldn’t someone who decided “I’ll go, send me” have one touchstone reason to satisfy the inquiring minds?

Maybe. And maybe not. Life is immense and complex, especially for young people trying to find their way. Why did your dental hygienist become a dental hygienist? How did your Uber driver end up behind the wheel? People, a lot of people, end up in the military for reasons they’re still sorting through by the time their first drill sergeant at basic greets them off the bus with a toothy sneer. But explaining all that to folks without a military background can be … messy, sometimes.

A lot of vets — myself included — have ready-made stories as a result. The stories can change depending on the environment, little verbal chameleons meant to adapt to the moment. At a dinner with my parents’ friends? I talk about my family’s history with and in military service. At a bar with my wife’s coworkers? Had to pay for college, ya dig. At a New York book party with too-precious naval-gazing assholes I feel like riling up because I’m bored and feeling the whiskey? Talk about the sweet, tender thrill of putting rounds downrange and blowing shit up. 

Nothing like the watery look of horror that gets, goddamn. It’s beautiful.

People who join the military put some thought into it before doing it (usually), even if those urban legends about waking up drunk and penniless at a recruiters’ station persist.

Anyhow, all those things are true, and work in confluence with one another. They also can contradict one another — multiple reasons and explanations can do that. Yeah, people who join the military put some thought into it before doing it (usually), even if those urban legends about waking up drunk and penniless at a recruiters’ station persist. Like the late, great Walt Whitman wrote, “Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes.”

I wanted to hear more about those multitudes from fellow vets, some still in the service, some recently (or recently-ish) out. So I asked them that notorious question, “Why’d you join the military?” Here are some of my favorite responses, cut down for space and edited for clarity.

KYLE | Military: ARMY SPECIALIST

“What is it that people say? I wasn’t ‘college material,’ I guess. My own high school counselor told me that. Where I’m from [rural Missouri], the military is a way to do something different. I was eighteen. I love my country and also wanted to be able to buy a car, help my grandmom with bills. I think I decided to join the Army way earlier than I did join, to be honest.
“I’m in college now [on the GI Bill], which is funny. My 18-year-old self would laugh. But that’s what kills me when I hear other students here talking down about the military. I saw some bad shit, but it was worth it. My family has opportunities now, and I’m proud of that.”

JACKIE | Military: FIELD-GRADE NAVAL OFFICER

“Where I come from, people only join the military if they’ve made a poor life choice — jail, serious debt, that sort of thing. That’s the perception, at least. So when my parents tell people what I’m doing and what I’ve done, they’ve learned to emphasize I’ve chosen this life because I want it. Because I’m excellent at it.”

“T” | Military: MARINE CORPS VETERAN

“I love the Corps. It’s blood after those years, bro. I want that whole funeral shit when I die — I fucking earned it. But I’d be lying if I said I don’t wonder how life might’ve been different.

“I went to war five times–my whole twenties in those places. For what, my ex liked to ask when she wanted to fight … a good question. Didn’t want to hear it, but a good question.

“I don’t think I’d like who I’d be had I not joined the military, become a Marine. But I think life might be … not better, that’s not what I’m saying, but definitely easier. Maybe happier, if that matters at all.”

HUNTER | Military: AIR FORCE STAFF SERGEANT

“We live in the greatest nation in the history of the world. I really believe that, and we’d be better off if more people remembered it. Serving, representing this flag and what it stands for every day, it’s a dream come true. I’ve wanted to do this since I was a kid.

“Now, was it important to find a good job in the service, one with technical skills that’ll transfer over to the civilian world after I retire? Of course. I also wanted to do something [in the Air Force] that I was good at, so I’m maximizing my time here. Like my uncle told me in high school, ‘They’re the military. They’re gonna get theirs from you. Might as well get something back in return.’”

TOM | Military: ARMY CAPTAIN

“Duty. Honor. Country. That’s why I joined the military. Just like the commercials say. But truthfully … I hated it most days I was in uniform. All the bureaucracy, all the middle management, all the weird taskings and orders that had nothing to do with getting soldiers ready for combat. But I miss those days, more and more, with each passing year. Getting old’s part of it. And part of it is realizing I’ll never be a part of something like it again. A unified entity. Real life’s not like that. I wish it were.”

Matt Gallagher is a U.S. Army veteran of Iraq and the author of the novel Youngblood. You can find much of Matt’s work in these digital pages, as a matter of fact, because we happen to think a lot of Matt’s work — and his sacrifice.

Pop Shots Ilan Hall

Ilan Hall Pop Shots TitleThe Penthouse World According to Ilan Hall

Top Chef season-two winner Ilan Hall made his culinary mark by fusing contrasting food cultures that are close to his heart. His restaurants in Brooklyn and L.A., the Gorbals, pay homage to his Scottish father and Israeli mother by offering such off-kilter comfort fare as bacon-wrapped matzoh balls.

His show Knife Fight turns the competition-based reality format on its braised-pig ear, giving contestants few rules and offering no prize other than bragging rights. In his interpretation of Pop Shots, Hall creates an erotic landscape with model Masuimi Max that pays tribute to his wife and partner. We should all be so lucky.

Have you ever done anything like this before?

Never in my life.

Was there any hesitation? Was this the type of opportunity that you had to talk yourself into?

No. I’m pretty open. I’m not afraid of nudity. I’ve viewed my fair share of naked photos, so it actually was … I was a little nervous leading up to it — not nervous, I just didn’t know what to expect, and it was lovely. All the people, the whole crew was great. Masuimi was great. I had a good time.

How was it, being Ilan Hall and being on-set for a Penthouse photo shoot?

Going at it from a seven-year-old’s perspective, which is when I really first started to care about boobies, there is that little kid inside of you who’s like, Oh, my God. I’m actually going to be directing a woman who is going to be naked? There was a little bit of that. But once you’re on-set, everybody’s so professional that those thoughts just completely dissolve. Not in a bad way. Just in the sense that this is a job. I took it as a job, everyone else who was working there took it as a job, and Masuimi took it as a job. Everybody was so professional and so organized that it was a different experience from what many would think. Directing a woman in various scenes and poses minus her clothes is not a sexually charged experience.

What was the inspiration or story behind you selecting Masuimi as your model?

I wanted to emulate elements of my wife. I wanted to bring in elements of why I think she’s beautiful and how much I love her. To have her be a part of this.

And Masuimi is a precise representation of your wife?

No, not at all. My wife can’t be replicated. But there were elements of inspiration within Masuimi that I love and wanted to express visually.

What were these elements of inspiration?

My wife is half Asian. Masuimi is half Asian. My wife has big, full, beautiful lips, as does Masuimi. And then I just wanted to express more of my wife’s fun and playful side.

Tattoos?

Well, my wife has a lot of tattoos. It’s a part of her that I think is beautiful.

So does your wife also have really big boobs, or was that just a happy accident?

[Laughs] I have no — what’s the word? I have no prejudice against any type of breasts. My wife has beautiful breasts. Masuimi’s are significantly larger. They’re surprisingly large for how small she is.

What do you find to be the hottest thing about your wife? What were you really trying to share?

My wife’s personality is what I love the most, and I wanted a representation of when we first met — how fun she is and how silly she can be. I fell in love with her over a joke, and I feel like that’s important. Humor in a relationship keeps it sane. I wanted the shoot to reflect the personality of who I fell in love with and why I fell in love with her.

Masuimi really seemed to open up when you told her to get a little loose.

Totally. Because Masuimi is a goofball, in a good way. My life is injected with humor, and I feel like you can’t take yourself too seriously — especially on a shoot with a woman who is naked most of the time. It’s fun, and it’s funny, and I think that is important to express.

How did the setting play into the story Ilan Hall wanted to tell?

I wanted to be in a beautiful house with a beautiful view (even though we didn’t actually use any of the view). But I wanted it to be a really pretty backdrop to a really fun event. I have a certain style and aesthetic for how I like a home. The same is true for my wife. I love mid-century architecture, and the house was just that. It had a lot of outdoor space, and it had a pool, and a beautiful view, and it had a fire pit. These are all visual elements that I love.

You were pretty particular about wardrobe as well.

Yeah. I wanted it to be sort of loose bedroom stuff, like a tank top and underwear. Not too overtly sexy, but sexy because it’s on her.

I like how you tapped into the fantasy about the strong, powerful woman who reveals her softer, sexier side behind closed doors.

[Silence]

Or maybe that’s just a fantasy I have and I’m projecting it onto you and your shoot.

My wife is incredibly successful on her own. I met her when she was already completely self-made. And it’s not even really a fantasy for me. [For] my entire life, I have had very strong women as role models, and I feel comfortable when I’m with a woman who has her own opinions. Who does not need me financially. Who is my partner rather than my property.

Is there a picture, or a scene, or a moment from the shoot that stands out to you?

I think my favorite setup was in the bedroom, because it felt like it was the most natural. It felt like the least sort of done-up in terms of.… My wife goes to work early in the morning. My son comes into our room early in the morning. So I feel like being in a bedroom — not even in a sexual way — is like being in my comfort zone in my house. So this was kind of an extension of that.

Man, I would have sworn your favorite setup was when Tammy was taking your picture in front of the fire pit. It felt like we woke up a sleeping bear.

That was my favorite scene because I do like getting sexy in front of the camera, you know.

Do you have a favorite body part?

Yes. I love my calves.

Do you have a favorite body part on a woman?

Yes. I like legs. They are very important. Masuimi has beautiful legs.

Anything jump out at you on-set as being surprisingly hot or erotic?

Yeah. Not that it was startling to me, but the best parts of the shoot were the photos that were loose and fun, when it was not too serious. Being naked and being at home should be a celebration. It should be fun. I think the fire-pit stuff was fun because when we were all laughing, the best things came out. I like the weird, silly pictures of Masuimi just smiling. I like the office ones. They’re nice and they’re beautiful shots, but they are not that fun.

Did you hold anything back?

No, I was just sort of rolling with it to see where it took us. It was a new experience for me, and I didn’t really know how it was going to go, so I just let it become what it was going to be.

In hindsight, do you wish you had done anything differently?

No. I live my life with no regrets.

That’s a pretty bold statement.

It’s true though. Listen, I try to do my best as a person, as a businessman, as a husband. I put a lot of effort into elements of my life and I learn from everything. I make mistakes, but I can’t be mad at the fact that I’ve made mistakes because I’m a human being. So, with that, I try to live my life with no regrets. I mean, I don’t like offending people. I don’t feel good about it if I say something offensive. I don’t say, “Fuck it. It happened.” But to a certain degree, you can’t kill yourself over the past. So there.

Did the shoot and the pictures meet your expectations?

I go into situations that are new to me with no expectations. And this was fun. It was great.

Sure, but seeing the photos —

It was a successful photo shoot, Raphie.

Are you giving me attitude?

[Laughs] You’re such a shitty interviewer.

I’m putting that in your article.

[Laughs] Put in whatever you want!

But seriously, Ilan, you know I’m just —

Don’t you dare apologize to me, Raphie Aronowitz.

Naturally Ilan Hall has an Instagram, because we eat with our eyes first and all that. If you’d like to involve some other senses besides vision, and you happen to be near enough to Las Angeles, we’d highly recommend you add Ramen Hood to your tour. You’ll be amazed at how vegan food can taste like … well, not what you’d guess. Like beautiful women, actually, flavor can transcend expectation.

Ilan Hall and Masuimi Max

Penthouse Pop Shots Logo

World Peace

A Piece on World Peace

“All we are saying is give peace a chance.”

In 1969, John Lennon and Yoko Ono formed the Plastic Ono Band, and one of their first orders of business was to release a nonsensical, schmaltz-spewing “protest” song. The word “protest” is in quotes because “Give Peace A Chance” was released during the period where John and Yoko were conducting “bed-ins.” That’s when two people book a room at a five-star hotel, stay in bed for two weeks straight, and then claim that it’s a means to end war. And you thought people that only demonstrated on Twitter were lazy.

The song consists of three chords, some half-assed lyrics, and the repeating of the title ad nauseam. The whole thing is a real lazy affair. Then again, it was written by a guy who didn’t feel like getting out of bed. But despite all of its shortcomings, what bothers me most about the tune is its sentiment: Give peace a chance. Well … I believe we have. Several chances, in fact, before and after that ass song poisoned the airwaves. And it’s quite apparent that peace has never been able to deliver. It’s not peace’s fault. Global discord is due to one simple truth: If somebody wants to be violent, they’ll figure out a way to be violent.

Decency cannot be administrated, forced, or legislated. That’s why attempts to do it always fail. Evil adapts. It works its way around the hurdles. Look at serial killers. What do they all have in common? Success! They’re all really good at what they do. Because if someone wants to be violent, they’ll figure out a way to be violent. I’m glad we manage to arrest at least some of the maniacs that commit heinous acts. It’s nice to think that once in a while a brutal, tyrannical asshole is brought to justice. However, thinking some be-all, end-all series of laws and agreements stand a chance against injustice is insane.

Worldwide peace has to start on the small scale. And if you haven’t recently checked, the small scale is a shit show. Let’s start with the basic building blocks of harmony: people. You need harmonious people to have a harmonious society. Now, with that in mind, go watch some “Black Friday” shopping videos on YouTube. You think a guy willing to head-butt a soccer mom for a PlayStation has any ability to grasp the complex concept of civility? Do people really think it’s just dismissible evidence that the last two decades have included extreme public fandom over WorldStarHipHop videos, mixed martial arts events, Affliction T-shirts, and Bumfights? Yet folks still have the nerve to act surprised when a member of Congress body-slams a reporter.

Make no mistake, I’m not holier than thou. I’ve watched “dude gets knocked-the-fuck-out” videos and laughed my balls off. When I was in Edinburgh, Scotland, I stayed up until 7 A.M. drinking, doing poppers, and screaming myself hoarse to UFC pay-per-view. I love gangster movies. I love gangster rap even more. All that said, I don’t own a gun, I don’t enjoy conflict, I’m terrified of physical altercation, and I’d really love to live in a utopia where no man or woman so much as stubs a toe. But basic logic allows me to realize that just isn’t possible.

Decency cannot be administrated, forced, or legislated. That’s why attempts to do it always fail. Evil adapts. It works its way around the hurdles.

By the way, peaceful utopias can be extremely problematic. If you don’t believe me, just watch the movie Demolition Man. In that film, everybody’s enjoying a conflict-free reality until a super-criminal played by Wesley Snipes gets thawed out of his cryogenic freeze. He starts going bat-shit — robbing, harming, killing — and everybody, including the cops, are so out of touch with violence that they have zero ability to stop him. Makes you wonder why they froze the psycho in the first place. Why didn’t they just kill him? Because they were trying not to be violent. Go figure.

Regardless, as human beings we need to be aware of what human beings are capable of. The fact that some of us only mildly indulge our baser instincts via the internet doesn’t mean the next guy will do the same. We can dream about the world we ought to be living in, but too many dreamers do it at the expense of understanding the world we’re actually living in.

The fine citizens of Demolition Man-land didn’t answer one question truthfully: How do we stop violence? With violence! You have to attack the attacker! Lying in bed, eating room service, only helps the ax-wielding maniac in his quest to kick the door in to kill you. The only defense is to harm and/or kill him back. Now he’s got you doing the exact thing you were trying to prevent. I know. This is a snake eating its tail. Point is, we need a little bit of violence. Problem is, you can’t just have a little bit. Violence is like freedom — you have to take the good with the bad. Unless we all agree to be shackled to dentist chairs with our brains plugged into fake-reality-spawning supercomputers, we have to accept that freedom allows for violence and violence is one of the reminders that we’re free.

Yeah … I’m getting a peace headache, too, so I’ll wrap this up. Violence, to a massive extent, has been happening since the beginning of time. From the cavemen clubbing one another on. But we don’t have to go back that far into history to realize the astounding amount of conflict that’s constantly occurred. You know how many wars the United States has been involved in since the year 1700? Eighty. That’s a lot. That’s a war for every year my Nana had under her belt when we had to take her car keys away. And that’s just us. God knows the level of large-scale combat that’s happened across the other 195 countries in the last 300 years. I’m sure it’s impressively depressing. Also, don’t forget to take into account all that extra, plain-old, everyday, run-of-the-mill violence: assault, rape, murder, genocide, and people biting pieces off of other people. Yet despite all this, members of every generation that comes along think they’re going to be the ones to finally stop human brutality. The arrogance of these fucking philistines.

Take away the bombs. Take away the guns. Take away the knives. None of that matters. Sick freaks will figure out a way to use anything as an instrument of death. To keep peace, remember this: If we keep making trucks and we keep making people, some of the people are going to drive the trucks into the other people. It sucks, I know, but it sucking doesn’t mean it won’t happen. Violence is like the sun. It’s harmful and it’s not going anywhere. Stop trying to block it. If you don’t wanna die, stay inside. Maybe somebody should write a song about that.

Joe DeRosa is an L.A.-based comedian, writer, director, and actor (Better Call Saul, Louie). You can find his stand-up online, along with his signature podcast, as well as “We’ll See You in Hell” and “Emotional Hangs.” Follow him on Twitter. … We’re not convinced his go out and kick some ass philosophy has much practical value, we do rather enjoy his routines. That said, maybe becoming independently wealthy would help test a different more pacifist Peace Theory. Money buys a lot of insulation, right? So we’re going to talk to the boss about that. You should too. It’ll be fine. You’ll probably be super rich next week.

As the Stupid Stew

Big Bowl of Stupid

I’ve smuggled drugs twice. I’m not proud of it. The first time was by accident (see our April issue), but the second was totally on purpose. I was being stupid, ballsy, but most of all I was broke, so I put my stash inside a condom, cut off the string of a loose tampon that was floating around in my purse, tied the string to the drug-filled condom, and shoved it up my pussy.

The driver of the car I was in was pissed. He screamed at me like Judge Judy as we pulled up to the U.S. Customs and Border inspection. This infamous checkpoint sits near the tiny town of Sierra Blanca, about 90 miles southeast of El Paso, Texas. Unless you’d driven through it before, you would have no idea it was even there. That’s how they get you. Here, the agents are looking for two things: illegal immigrants and drugs. I had a vagina full of the latter. Stupid, right?

Federal officers armed with German shepherds and M4 carbines circled our vehicle like sharks. They scanned our passports, eyeing us up and down. I sat in the back while our driver did all the talking. He fumbled for his passport. After a few quick questions, they gave us back our documents and wished us a pleasant drive. We blazed on through to freedom. I waited until we’d driven so far that the border guards appeared bite-size before I pulled out the condom.

What would I have done had I been caught? I would have been arrested like the other harmless, low-dose smugglers and probably died of embarrassment in my holding cell. But I wasn’t caught. I got lucky. Unfortunately for these other idiots, they didn’t have a horseshoe up their ass like I did.

THE STUPID SNAPCHAT DOPE DEALER

While most college students use their Snapchat accounts to morph their faces into bunnies, Jahmir Z. Mapp was using his to peddle drugs to his classmates. The 18-year-old attended East Stroudsburg University in eastern Pennsylvania, and was the school’s main supplier of pot, cocaine, and Xanax — all the necessary supplies required to complete your degree.

Apparently, the school had noticed a spike in marijuana and drug activity on campus and asked for help from the big boys. Soon, the Monroe County Drug Task Force and East Stroudsburg University Police got involved.

After trolling around campus, the authorities soon figured out that Mapp was their man. When the cops obtained a warrant, they searched his dorm room and found two dime bags and other packages of weed, all wrapped in a washcloth and dryer sheets and stashed under the bed. Everything was marked for sale.

Once Mapp was in custody, police scrolled through his phone and confirmed he was selling more than just pot. He admitted to the blow and Xanax, and that he sold about a dozen one-gram dime bags per day.

Isn’t social media supposed to elevate your image, not land you on probation? Poor Mapp. He was just getting started.

LISETTE LEE — COTORTIONIST OF STUPID

Everyone knows people in Los Angeles are full of shit. And if most of L.A. is just slightly bending reality, then Lisette Lee has pretzeled lies to sustain her life.

This twenty-something Korean-American self-proclaimed “socialite” spouted nothing but bullshit: She told people she was the heiress to the Samsung fortune, a pop star in Korea, she’d modeled for Vogue (only in Europe, of course), and had dated Leonardo DiCaprio and Channing Tatum. She let it be known she was rich as fuck. She said her parents were elusive billionaires who left her with a Mercedes, a penthouse apartment, and endless cash. Lee also told anyone who’d listen that she grew up in the one-percent club of Beverly Hills, where she attended private school with the likes of Paris Hilton and, as Lee said, “that fat Armenian” Kim Kardashian. 

Of course it was all complete crap. Lee’s entire existence was fake. None of this garbage talk made her famous. She got her star moment when she was busted for trafficking weed in June of 2010.

After befriending, and beginning to sleep with, an aspiring young  drug dealer named David Garrett, Lee became intrigued by the money Garrett knew he could make trafficking cannabis from California to Ohio. Problem was, he had no way to get the pot there. Lee had a solution: hire a charter jet.

For months, Lee and six coconspirators hauled almost 7,000 pounds of pot from the Van Nuys Airport to Columbus, Ohio. The plane reeked of weed, and, again, like all novice drug dealers, they quelled the problem with dryer sheets and Febreze. Everything went according to plan until Lee’s own lies cost her the operation. She got sloppy and accidentally told the same Van Nuys Airport employee three different times that she was moving to Columbus.

On the sixth trip, the DEA was waiting when Lee’s plane landed in Columbus. Apparently, it was quite the scene with Lee protesting in handcuffs, “But what will I wear in jail?” The cops seized 500 pounds of shrink-wrapped weed, as well as the contents of Lee’s designer purse: a scribbled drug ledger tallying up $300,000 worth of goods, three cellphones, $6,500 in cash, and a little bag of cocaine (for good measure).

Lee was sent to prison (which she lovingly referred to as “a low-end boarding school”) and swore that her comeback would be bigger and badder than ever. “I am utilizing this ‘vacation’ at the government resort as a learning experience and polishing up my tennis and yoga,” she told Rolling Stone. “I’m truly loving it.”

Clearly, she learned her lesson.

THE STUPID MOROCCANS WHO UNLOADED ONTO A   SPANISH BEACH

Back in June of 2015, a bunch of Moroccan men took the phrase “hiding in plain sight” to the next level when they unloaded 3,306 pounds of cannabis resin onto a densely populated Spanish beach.

At around 6 P.M. on a Friday, a mysterious black boat pulled up to the shore of El Burgo in La Linea, which is at the southern tip of Gibraltar, only nine miles across from Morocco. This makes Gibraltar a drug hub for cannabis coming from Morocco, as well as cocaine, which is trafficked all the way from South Africa.

As the men, some in wet suits, unloaded suitcase after suitcase onto the sand, tourists working on their goldens perked up and gaped. One guy whipped out his smartphone and started filming.

Okay, so maybe these guys got away with it—for now. But it was such a bold, cool move, kind of like the way Ricky from Trailer Park Boys would just walk into a hardware store, pick up what he wanted to steal (usually something massive like a shed, or lawn furniture), and, if questioned, he’d make up some story about being part of a maintenance crew or an off-duty mall cop.

When someone does something so unusual right out in the open, people assume it must be protocol. Why else would such insanity be tolerated?

Sadly we do not get to hear the end of the Spanish beach story, what with space limitations reigning supreme in print publications and all. That said, Mish billed herself as “the smartest dumb blonde ever … [who] also fronts the band White Lung, loves bacon, and TYPING IN ALL CAPS.” Obviously the rest of the story was not important. … By this point, of course, we have learned that “stupid is as stupid does” so we can all live our lives via Forrest Gump quotes and be happy, even as we mourn the death of its author. … Now Mish did not die, but since she has moved on from Penthouse, we can confess that there are those of us that miss her wit, irreverence, and unique view of the world. Besides, being the smartest dumb blonde left in the building carries a lot of pressure.

Pet Party 2024

Penthouse Pet Party 2024

They were full of porn stars and worldwide published models. I told Daddy Hof, “One day, I am going to be one of those girls dancing at one of those parties!”

He chuckled and replied, “Why would you want that when I can throw you a party here?” Now, he technically wasn’t wrong as D knew how to party and was an all-time icon. My 21st birthday was a dirty princess party. Whatever you are imagining, you are correct. And you are welcome.

“Good riddance.” I say, as we seem to be finally moving past the pandemic, which ended all parties. Let’s fast forward to this summer of ‘24; invitations were sent out, phones were blowing up, outfit selections began, and the girls were ecstatic. I woke up early to find the entire Penthouse family already setting up for us. Rich cobblestone walkways, a glistening icy blue pool with fountains, and an outdoor brunch of mimosas paired with hors d’oeurves. Of course we can’t forget the iconic “Penthouse Photo Op” backdrops or the camera crews ready to shoot all of our insatiable models — myself included.

Kenna James, Pet of the Year ‘15, walked into Pet Party 2024 wearing a dreamy bohemian two-piece summer fit that tightly hugged her toned body. Pet of the Year Runner-Up 2021 Meaghan Stanfill was wearing a white two-piece set with a low V cut, showing just enough cleavage to make our eyes wander. Then two Pets of the Month from 2021, Miss Vanna Bardot (January) and Cherie Noel (August), came blazing in with smoke-show attire. Vanna’s dress flared red hot, short enough to see some cheek, her skin radiating with a constant glow. Miss Noel boasted a neon-orange designer bikini and mini skirt that hugged her curves in all her right places.

Also in attendance, our current Pet of the Year, Tahlia Paris graced us with an erotic, barely-there white poolside dress. With her shining platinum diamond key of course and her nipples fighting to be held under the little amount of fabric given. The 2023 Pet Playoffs have been underway, and the beauty that surrounded me was breathtaking. Renee Olstead (January) wearing cut-off jean shorts and a golden metallic halter that matched her key perfectly, Mia Ventura (July) wearing a two-piece vibrant hand-crocheted bikini, Roxy Shaw (October) who wore country paisley in lace bell bottoms, and Sophi Summers (December) sported an artistic transparent art-deco micro dress.

Rounding out the even were two of our newest Pet additions for ‘24 Miss Kassie Wallis (March) and Miss Elly Clutch (April). Kassie sported a high thigh slit coverup with nothing on underneath, whereas Elly came out of a storybook in a soft flower-patterned skirt with a matching bralette. These girls came dressed to impress – and knocked it out of the park. It was nice fawning over them while I practiced my mermaid skills in the pool.

Bikini to be available soon. Butt, probably not, honestly.

Full disclosure, Penthouse spoils us Pets to the fullest. Our liege, Moose, asked for a moment of our time before it was impossible to round up our kittens. Have you ever tried to herd a bunch of kittens? Trust me when I say it is the same experience in the industry. Chaotic and absolutely adorable. … Moose persevered, though.

Penthouse prides itself on good relationships where we can lean on our family no matter the circumstance. If you have ever wondered what separates an empire from a run-of-the-mill corporate greed-filled company, well, now you know.

So everyone at Pet Party 2024 had heightened emotions as we all listened to Moose share his passion for the company, how deeply he believes in our models, and that he encourages each of us to aim high in our career goals, to see how great we may become. His biggest note, though, came in assuring us all that we never have to walk alone if we do not want prefer. Penthouse will be there for us.

It would be a significant understatement simply to say that our models maintain busy schedules. We rarely have moments to be vulnerable and almost never get to talk amongst ourselves on intimate levels. We did, however, on this day.

After Moose, Sam Phillips took a turn to speak. When I met Sam in 2019, receiving my first tour at the Penthouse corporate office, I thought, “Crews switch out all the time, and I’m probably never going to see her again.”

I mean that with no disrespect, understand. The industry works with a no-days-off shoot cycle, so we’re constantly surrounded by new faces and places.

Fast forward and I saw Sam at my Pet of the Month shoot, then Caligula, then my Pet of the Year shoot, and then on more sets. I realized pretty quickly that Miss Sam Phillips qualifies as essential – she always has been (and probably will be) – ever since the days when she graced the pages as a Pet herself back in 1993. It was beautiful hearing her admiration for Penthouse and the years of labor she has put into our Pets.

I live for being sappy myself, but the mushy feels resonated among all of us. But then … It was now party time! Mascara was wiped from our eyes, goodie bags of unreleased bikinis were handed out, and photographers were itching to snap killer shots of everyone. While Pets took turns being in front of a camera, it left time for others to catch up and some of us even to meet for the first time. I know what you are thinking, “What important conversations could a bunch of models have that could be relatable to a reader like me?”

People say success can be lonely, but I find that life can be lonely in general. Oftentimes we will look up to discover ourselves behind a facade both paraded around and weaponized. “You’re beautiful, I bet your life is perfect”.

New flash: It isn’t. Reality never lives up to fantasy, and we’re all just people. That said, while no life may be “perfect” as such, standing together in unison makes a community stronger. The Pet Party 2024 gave us a chance to remember that. We need to nurture our basic human need of wanting to feel heard. Whether not scheduling enough self-care or mental care, basic body insecurities, job opportunities lost, personal family dynamics, navigating how to make dreams a reality, and the state of our country, all were topics we all felt safe enough to share amongst our family. Knowing they would be listened to, validated, and understood. Sympathy is fine. Empathy is better.

Numbers were traded, content was shot, and plans for more shoots among us Pets were made. We all said goodbye with open arms and warm hugs. Many of them were Minnesota goodbyes which turned into a Pet sleepover. The vision created was executed successfully and we all await the next invite with our heels by the door and keys on our necks. This is the beginning of a new era for Penthouse. Our family supports each other, helps each other, and spends time with each other. This is what sets us apart from the rest. Until next time, kisses.

–Lacy Lennon
Pet of the Year 2020

Pet Party 2024 — (L-R) Cherie Noel, Roxy Shaw, Tahlia Paris, Meghan Stanfill, Renee Olstead, Lacy Lennon, Elly Clutch, Sophi Summers (high), Mia Ventura (low), Kassie Wallis ... not pictured: buncha drooling people

Lacy talks a bit about busy schedules, but even that notice may be a little difficult to absorb for those of us in the “normal-looking” world. Imagine being young, beautiful, sexually adventurous, and making your living (for now) off of those attributes first and foremost. The demands on your time quickly become overwhelming, so the fact that Penthouse somehow managed to get a dozen of these special women at a specific place in Los Angeles at a specific time sort of borders on magical. Then again, also as Lacy illuminates, being able to spend time with a group of people that understand your life exactly tends to be a rare treat.

Now obviously you can look up any of these models — many in these very pages — we thought we get your brains functioning in a precise direction regarding specifically the 2024 winners. As you may recall Kassie Wallis (March) and Elly Clutch (April) both attended the gathering to meet some new sisters on this day. While the public vote for 2024 Pet of the Year — with 2023 Pets, just to continue the historic confusion surrounding the title — has completed, both of these ladies will be in the running for 2025 when that vote goes live around Valentine’s Day (+/- or so, hypothetically). Might as well get a jump on your research we figure. As research projects go, extrapolating from the Pet Party 2024 beats the heck out of some projects you’ve probably had.

Oh, and in case you don’t know either, we had to look up what “Minnesota Goodbye” might be. Turns out it’s not a bunch of people bitching about the Packers before they go home, but that would be our experience, for the record.

Confidentially, Julie K. Smith

Julie K. Smith — Pet Confidential

Julie K. Smith - Kiss and an AutographI used to run with a pack of sexy Pets (including Julie) back in the day when I was a centerfold. Penthouse has been around in the United States for 45 years, and thousands of women apply annually to be in the magazine, but only 12 have the distinct honor of being published each year. That puts Penthouse Pets in an elite group of glamour models.

After appearing in the magazine, all the girls get great opportunities to work together, doing photo shoots, videos and promotions for the company all over the country, and the world. You end up becoming close, like sisters in the same family, taking lots of road trips together. That was where Julie K. Smith and I truly bonded.

Fast-forward two decades, and here I am in the same car with my old-school best friend, Julie Smith, Penthouse Pet for February 1993. We are headed to Palm Springs from Los Angeles to work a bikini car wash charity event and a burlesque show benefitting BOO2Bullying, a 501(c)(3) anti-bullying organization where I serve on the board of directors.

Not a lot has changed with Julie’s and my friendship over time, but at “40-somthing” years of age, she remains a sexy Pet Cougar who’s looking hotter than ever. … To get a sense of her great personality, you can always check out archived online blog. Last, but never least, you can still follow her on Instagram, which will provide other pertinent links as well.

Now obviously Julie contributed to this day with more than simply her ebullient essence, Consequently, we can now share…

26 Things You Did Not Know About Julie

  1. I hate Chinese food, but I can eat it with my toes (using chop sticks).
  2. I usually carry about 10 pairs of shoes in my car at all times. In case you didn’t guess, I have a foot fetish.
  3. My tits are insured. (By a German company, for an undisclosed amount.)
  4. I’m known worldwide for my signature dish … Holy Tacos. It’s all about my secret sauce.
  5. I’m an Army brat and traveled the world growing up.
  6. My favorite color is purple.
  7. I’m a music aficionado. I can quote any song, and I can even play some guitar.
  8. My favorite place on Earth would be in the desert — specifically, Joshua Tree.
  9. I am one of four girls to have shot both a Penthouse and Playboy centerfold.
  10. I always sleep with a pillow between my legs.
  11. I love to drink pickle juice. I never waste a drop.
  12. I’m an excellent driver … It’s never been my fault!
  13. I love to ride the swings. The higher the better.
  14. I was in the longest running review show in Las Vegas called “Splash.” I am a fish out of water.
  15. I have a degree in Marriage and Family, Mental Health, and Drug and Alcohol Counseling.
  16. I was personal assistant for Cher for many years.
  17. I have spent years working in retail.
  18. When I’m tired I twist the corner of my baby blanket. Yes … still.
  19. I don’t watch TV. I’d rather read a book.
  20. I call my pussy my “China” because I couldn’t pronounce vagina when I was young, and it just sort of stuck.
  21. If I could have one dying wish, it would be to have a threesome with Keith Richards and the late Gram Parsons.
  22. I’m a sex addict. I fall in love too easily, but I don’t say I love you, easily.
  23. I was the first Penthouse Pet to tattoo the Penthouse key logo on my body.
  24. I’ve always had a secret crush on Penthouse Pet Janine Lindemulder. I guess it’s not a secret anymore.
  25. If I die tomorrow … the best thing I ever did was creating my daughter, Chellsi Blu.

2024 UPDATE: “In 2015 I went on a road trip across the States for 3 years and ended up in Cocoa Beach, FL for a bit — eventually coming to reside in AZ. I have pretty much retired from the business with the exception of my OF where I post exclusive pics and occasionally do dick rating 🤪 … I’m currently staying busy by working as an Assistant to a friend and her husband. In my spare time working on my memoir and loving my current life.”

We did a little digging around, and you can find some of Julie’s work for free on TUBI, so that’s fun. As of this writing, the site listed three movies — More Mercy, Day of the Warrior, Return to Savage Beach — and having heard some stories from Sam, we have zero problem feeling like Julie would have been perfect for whatever role they chose for her under these titles. The really sad part for some of us was that in a bygone era, we had a crew staying at the Riviera regularly, so we ended up seeing “Splash” multiple times without ever knowing Julie K. Smith. … She probably missed us, right? Always felt like there was just a little something missing?

Charlie Dent

Put a Dent in it: FIGHTING FOR THE MIDDLE

Representing Pennsylvania’s 15th District, Allentown native Charlie Dent has always fought for the middle ground in times of extremism. He talks truth to power. He’s doing it right now, in the Age of Trump. I wish I had Dent’s balls.

Imagine the scene: He’s there in the White House with some fellow Republican members of Congress, waiting, when in walks the President of the United States, a man who has devoted so much energy to making himself appear larger than life — dominant, fully in charge, not to be opposed. And now Trump gets to sit at that grand Oval Office desk, made of timbers from the HMS Resolute, and sign any executive order he wants, command the U.S. military, and affect millions of lives with a word.

The White House is famed as the greatest home-court advantage in the world. Its symbolic power can overwhelm some people. But it’s always a mistake to count on that image. It depends on the audience. During my time as a White House correspondent, I saw that magic fizzle sometimes. Even for Ronald Reagan, who until now was the most skilled performer to hold down the biggest role in the world.

On this mid-March day, the current office-holder didn’t at all look like someone who held an advantage over visitors. Instead, President Donald J. Trump looked seriously uncomfortable and pissed. And when his eyes fell on Dent, he looked truly pissed.

The real-estate magnate turned leader of the free world was frustrated. He assumed that members of Congress in his own party would line up to give him the huge win he had promised on the campaign trail. “I will repeal and replace Obamacare!” he’d bellowed over and over as he crisscrossed the nation.

Not so fast. The day before this convocation at the White House, Congressman Charlie Dent had told reporters that he would not be supporting Trumpcare.

As he sat across from the 57-year-old father of three, President Trump was realizing he might be denied the politically orgasmic moment of a big early victory and the momentum it could bring him for the rest of his legislative agenda. He looked away from Representative Dent, pitched party unity to the group, and essentially waited for applause but got none. According to a report from CNN, Trump then asked the representatives to tell him, one by one, if they were supporting his bill. When he got to Dent, the centrist Republican said no. Not the answer Trump wanted. “Why am I even talking to you?” he rumbled. The words spilled out of his mouth like acid reflux.

Dent knew damn well why he’d been invited to the White House. Trump desperately needed him and the rest of a group of 54 moderate Republicans he cochairs to vote in favor of Trumpcare. Dent’s coalition of like-minded Republicans is called the Tuesday Group. Its members make up 20 percent of the Republicans in the House of Representatives.

Dent knew Trump had brought him and selected Tuesday Group moderates into his office in hopes of charming or intimidating them into changing their positions from “no” to “yes.” The president may have thought he was in surefire deal-maker mode that day, but his performance fell flat. And he’s not used to that kind of failure. On the contrary, he’s used to “knockin’ ’em dead,” as his show-business colleagues like to say.

Trump remains intoxicated by how well his act played on the campaign trail. He continues to imagine that his aggression and big talk will get results, and when that doesn’t happen, it freaks him out. If Ivanka and her husband Jared Kushner are not there to calm him down, anything can come out of his mouth or get typed in a tweet.

Trumpcare critics called it a heartless piece of legislative stink that would have stuffed cash into the pockets of Trump’s rich pals while dropping 24 million Americans from health insurance. These millions would have included many voters who’d sent Charlie Dent to Congress to watch their backs. Before he sat in that room with Trump, the congressman had issued some blunt words expressing his opposition to the bill — words that made it clear the president was not going to have an easy time bringing Dent around.

“I cannot support the bill and will oppose it,” he stated plainly. “I believe this bill, in its current form, will lead to the loss of coverage and make insurance unaffordable for too many Americans, particularly for low-to-moderate income and older individuals.” Such an assessment perfectly squared with the findings of our leading authority on these matters, the nonpartisan Congressional Budget Office.

“We have,” Dent continued, “an important opportunity to enact reforms that will result in real health care transformation — bringing down costs and improving health outcomes. This legislation,” he added of Trumpcare, “misses the mark.”

When Dent reaffirmed his decision to vote against it, Trump hardened. He looked at the congressman and reportedly blared, “You are destroying the Republican Party!”

Trump then said Dent’s opposition to Trumpcare would also kill his chances of winning passage of the lopsided anti-middle-class tax bill that Trump calls a “tax reform” package. And he let the congressman know he’d blame him, personally, if the tax bill failed.

Dent listened respectfully to President Trump, who appeared flummoxed that he wasn’t getting his way. It’s not that Dent set out to demonstrate to the president that there were limits to his persuasive powers when it came to legislators, no matter the party. It’s that Dent was committed to doing what he could to stop the president from pushing a bill that he believed would harm constituents of Pennsylvania’s 15th Congressional District — the children, women, and men Dent was elected to serve.

“This legislation,” Dent said of Trumpcare, “misses the mark.”

President Trump craved major legislative accomplishments in his first hundred days.

On the campaign trail, he repeatedly spoke of how much he’d get done right out of the gate. To keep his promises, he needed not only to pass an Obamacare replacement and start “reforming” the tax code, but he also needed immediate action on that “great wall” between the U.S. and Mexico that Mexico was going to pay for.

But President Trump was caught off-guard by the challenges of repealing and replacing Obamacare. “Nobody knew health care could be so complicated!” he famously declared. Well, nobody except Dent and anyone else in government who had ever tried to extend medical services to the poor and those with preexisting conditions.

Unlike Dent, a lifelong moderate and student of diplomacy and governance (he has a master’s degree in Public Administration), Trump seems to have no self-generated political or ideological core. He flows into whatever looks to him like a pathway to victory. Which is why it was easy for him to go from insulting NATO and China to embracing both, and from declaring for years that America should not get involved in Syria to suddenly launching 59 cruise missiles into a Syrian Air Force base.

Charlie Dent, on the other hand, works from a foundation of guiding principles that have served him and the people of the 15th District in good stead since 2004, when he was first elected to Congress. When asked about the White House confrontation, Dent said, “My bottom line is this: This discussion has been far too much about artificial timelines, arbitrary deadlines, all to affect the baseline on tax reform. This conversation should be more about the people whose lives are going to be impacted by our decisions on their health care.”

Before Dent and other Republican moderates met with Trump that day, the president had already run into trouble with the House Freedom Caucus — a collection of three-dozen or so very conservative members. They demanded that Trumpcare (officially, the American Health Care Act) drop even more benefits than its authors had proposed. Trump offered to meet them halfway to get the bill passed.

In Dent’s view, these maneuvers were disconnected from reality.

“A lot of the concessions that the White House is making at the end of this process were to try to appease…the hard right on essential health benefits and other issues,” the congressman reflected, “all to placate people who are not going to vote for the bill anyway. And by doing that, they ended up alienating more people on the center right, or moderates. That was really what happened.”

Dent believes there is simply no way to successfully and durably reform health care without cooperation from the other party. In addressing this specifically, he looked back to what the Obama-led Democrats did in 2010 when they passed their bill with minimal Republican support: “We as Republicans should not make the same mistakes that the Democrats did in 2010 by muscling that law through. I voted against it. We, the Republicans, are attempting to make the same mistake.”

Trump and his allies are quite capable of doing serious, even career-ending, electoral damage to any Republican who displeases him. And Congressman Dent has displeased Trump over and over again.

It started with the primary campaign. Initially, Dent believed Trump would never get near the nomination. Then, as millions of working-class whites and a gaggle of billionaires rallied around his fear-based messaging about Muslims, the border, China, and more, along with his promises of returning jobs to the Rust Belt, repealing Obamacare, and lowering taxes, Dent felt compelled to step up as moderate Republicans before him had when demagogues tried to play one group of Americans against others.

Dent said Trump’s rhetoric, which he labeled “incendiary,” made it impossible for him to remain silent. He would not vote for the Republican nominee, he said, and suggested that others in his party should write in someone else as well.

Fast-forward to Trump’s first days in office, and the following three words from Charlie Dent: “This is ridiculous!” That was his reaction to the first White House attempt at banning Muslims from entering the U.S. under the guise of preventing terrorism.

“I guess I understand what [Trump’s] intention is, but unfortunately [his] executive order appears to have been rushed through without full consideration,” Dent continued. “You know, there are many, many nuances of immigration policy that can be life-or-death for many innocent, vulnerable people around the world.”

It needs to be said that Charlie Dent is no wuss on terrorism. Almost seven years earlier, in 2010, he introduced a House Resolution calling on the U.S. State Department to issue a Certificate of Loss of Nationality to the only American leader of Al Qaeda, Anwar al-Awlaki, probably the group’s most effective English-language recruiter, and a player in bin Laden’s organization before the 9/11 attacks. Dent emphasized that al-Awlaki had essentially renounced his citizenship by his many treasonous acts. Less than a year later, President Obama assassinated al-Awlaki with a drone strike in Yemen.

Dent’s Allentown constituents include Syrian-Americans. They are patriotic U.S. citizens grateful to be part of the American tapestry — that collection of the world’s races, colors, cultures, and religions that keeps reenergizing our country. Many people are surprised when they learn that Steve Jobs, founder of Apple, was the son of a Syrian immigrant father. Immigrants bring to America a powerful desire to succeed and that benefits everyone.

For Syrian-Americans in Dent’s district, watching the horrors of the civil war in their homeland unfold on TV has been almost too much to bear. Some of them had been working for years to get their relatives out of that living hell. Finally — just as Trump was taking office — a number of these Syrian hopefuls who’d been fully vetted by the State Department were on their way to safety and freedom in the U.S. Celebrations were planned. Houses were purchased for the new arrivals. Their relations were excited to welcome their kin to better lives in America.

Then, President Trump was inaugurated, moved into the White House, and before long, he issued his first Muslin ban executive order. It included an immediate freeze on Syrians entering the United States. Whether he knew it or not, Trump was shattering the lives of innocent human beings, including some of Dent’s people.

Before Trump announced his ban, Syrian families were making their way out of a land of great beauty and historical richness turned slaughterhouse by Assad and his Russian and Iranian allies, and by ISIS in the territories they controlled. Some of these families were actually aboard planes bound for new lives as Trump was rolling out his order. Two of those families were traveling together on a flight to Philadelphia. As they’d boarded their plane in the Middle East, their hearts filled with joy, hope, and no small amount of relief. They had no idea what was about to happen to them.

When these families landed at Philadelphia International Airport, agents of the U.S. government — Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) officers — stopped them cold when they presented their passports and told them they could not enter the country because the President of the United States had so ordered.

“I do not support Muslim bans,” said Dent. “I do not support Muslim registries.”

The ICE agents were confused because of the sloppy way the executive order had come down to them. They had never seen anything like it. The refugees — after their long journey and arrival in America — were in tears as they were ordered to wait until they could be loaded onto the next plane headed back to the Middle East.

These Syrian families were in a state of shock. They had been through the rigorous State Department vetting process for almost fourteen years. They had their visas. They weren’t even Muslims; they were Christians. Trump’s executive order contained language making it easier for Christians to enter. But these families were Syrians and Trump’s order specifically barred anyone from Syria — Christian or Muslim, it didn’t matter. The two families who’d reached Pennsylvania could not comprehend that their lives had just been upended again by forces out of their control.

Their dreams of a better life in America had sustained them through frustration, fear, danger, pain, anger, and despair. And now they’d been blindsided by a fear-and-politics-driven betrayal of the promise of an America symbolized by the copper statue in New York Harbor.

On the other side of the airport’s immigration reception hall, their American relatives could not believe what was going on. A stunned Sarah Assali told a reporter from radio station WHYY: “We brought them here for a better future. But we’re also…taking them away from, you know, a war zone where they don’t have food, and they don’t have water. And you don’t even know when you’re going to have electricity next.”

The Assalis didn’t need to reach out to their congressman. They were already connected to him.

“My son and I visited their home last night,” Congressman Dent said the next day on National Public Radio. “Well, here’s what happened. Their family members had arrived from Syria via Beirut via Oman-Amman, Jordan via Doha, Qatar, and then into Philadelphia. They arrived in Philly at about 7:45 A.M. I became aware of the situation around ten o’clock from my son, who happened to know the family well. He went to high school with one of them. He — my son — contacted me. And I got a hold of the family. And bottom line is, we tried to find out the status of the family.”

But Dent could do nothing.

Trump’s order cast the six innocent, fully vetted Syrians as threats to America by dint of their nationality. ICE agents had no choice. Three hours after the two Syrian families deplaned from a long, exhausting flight from the Middle East, they were escorted onto another plane by federal officers who were doing their best to follow the strangest order they had ever received. The six Syrians flew back to Qatar. It was only hours later that a federal judge reviewed the ban and shut it down.

The whole situation struck Congressman Dent as not only inhumane but an example of poor governance. “They have their paperwork in order for a green card,” he stated. “They were to be greeted and then taken up here to Allentown where the family purchased a home for them and furnished it and, you know, was waiting for them. This family has been in process since about 2003…long before the Syrian civil war.

“This executive order was not properly processed,” continued Dent. “You know, the departments of Defense, State, Homeland Security, and Justice I don’t believe were consulted in a meaningful way. I urged the administration to halt enforcement of the order until a more thoughtful and deliberate policy could be instated…. What has me somewhat bewildered [is] why, you know, this has gone into effect the way it did. Because the family that I’m dealing with is a Christian family…. [They] were in flight when this order was announced and apparently then enforced. It just struck me as very unfair.”

During the presidential campaign, Dent flat-out opposed Trump’s racial and religious fearmongering. It was one of the reasons he publicly declared he could not vote for him after he became the nominee. And he was equally blunt about a policy singling out one religion. “I do not support Muslim bans,” said Dent. “I do not support Muslim registries.” And when it came to the two Syrian families swept up in the hastily implemented ban, Dent observed: “They were immigrants…that had gone through the proper channels. Everything was done legally, lawfully; they spent thousands of dollars. People who are in that situation are being prevented from coming in.”

The Muslim travel ban was part of Trump’s campaign appeal, crafted by none other than Steve Bannon, former ideological leader of the current GOP zombie apocalypse who helped bring about Trump’s victory. Bannon is the polar opposite of Dent.

“Deconstructing the administrative state” is Bannon’s stated top priority. That roughly translates into destroying all the agencies of government that help and protect people from the predations of the soulless and powerful — like the Environmental Protection Agency preventing polluters from poisoning poor communities downstream from mines and factories.

Instead of destroying those agencies, Congressman Dent wants them to work more effectively and efficiently. Instead of working to deny people their civil rights, as Bannon and his co-conspirator Attorney General Jeff Sessions plan to do, Dent is a champion of expanding rights — especially for the LGBTQ community.

Dent has repeatedly called upon his party — the GOP — to engage in the nitty-gritty of governance, which requires stepping back from hard-edged ideologies to create a cooperative space in which the business of the people gets done. He’s even gone so far as to declare it’s time to “marginalize” House Republicans who “don’t want to govern” but prefer to rage on under the banner of their own right-wing version of moral/political purity. As Dent plainly put it, “We have to get our act together.”

When the ill-conceived Trumpcare went down in flames stoked by Dent and others, right-wing commentators saw a much bigger defeat. As Liz Peek wrote on the Fox News website: “It is the young Trump presidency…that takes the biggest hit here. Trump was elected because people across the political spectrum thought he could fix some of our problems. He was the businessman who could import common sense to Washington, and the deal-maker who could bring people together. He made big promises; a country tired of stalemate and disappointment believed that he could bring back jobs, reduce our debt, build the wall, find a better health care solution. His credibility and credentials now lie in tatters. All that optimism that has stoked the stock market and boosted investment plans — all that may fade.”

Then came a second version of Trumpcare and the president twisted enough arms to squeak it past the House. Trump took a victory lap as though he had just repealed and replaced Obamacare, when in fact there was little reason to expect that the Senate would conspire in this travesty. But many people with preexisting conditions across the nation began to panic, putting their already fragile health in even greater and unnecessary danger.

Within minutes of the House vote and Trump’s wildly premature chest-thumping, Dent spoke truth to power again, declaring: “I am disappointed that the House passed this bill, which I believe will increase health insurance costs — particularly for low- to moderate-income Americans — increase the number of uninsured by … as many as 24 million people, and undermine important protections for those living with preexisting conditions. It is my hope that cooler heads will prevail in the Senate and that they will produce a better bill that is focused on improving health care for all Americans.”

It is Dent’s basic decency, his grasp of the issues, his honesty and courageous clarity that make him and his Tuesday Group a political threat to the extremists within the party the president is supposed to lead, and to Steve Bannon’s grandiose plans to smash every good thing the federal government has created, beginning with FDR’s New Deal in 1933.

If Trump continues to fail to deliver his promised legislative agenda, Dent’s moderate Republican voice could become even more influential, and that would only be good for his party and for the nation we all love.

Jeff Kamen doesn’t drink because, as he says, “It messes with my aim.” He also loves “God, women, dogs, freedom, and good writing.” … So you may not be able to buy him a beer. One can, however, follow Jeff on facebook, and then maybe ask him whatever became of Charlie Dent. This all happened back in 2017 you see, before Trump lost re-election (or was cheated) and decided to run for re-election again in 2024. We know Dent finally got tired of beating his head against the Congressional wall, retiring even before his term ended back in 2018. … The “No Labels” ticket may have folded this time around for lack of a qualified candidate, but the idea may stick around for some time. Many of us certainly hope so, at least.

Cherie Noel Travels

Traveling with Cherie Noel

Sizzling Cherie may well be the ultimate summer babe — and the stunning blonde tells of her recent Cherie Noel travels, this time spending the season around the Mediterranean, enjoying the area’s wonderful weather and warm waters. True to form, our August 2021 Pet of the Month explored the South of France, traveled down the coast of Italy, and soaked up the sun and nightlife in Greece.

Naturally, we’re catching up with Cherie to hear all about her European adventure. Living vicariously may not be quite as good as experiencing something yourself, but it can make for an entertaining substitute — and a darned beautiful one.

“France has many amazing beaches, and Saint-Tropez will always be one of my favorites,” says the native of New York state. “I started my trip by taking a boat out around the coast of the South of France.”

The next day, Cherie visited one of the region’s famed beach clubs.

“I love Begatelle because you can relax at the beach or join the day party for lunch. They serve food before the evening’s party gets underway. They have table-dancing, champagne showers, and a bottle service show. It’s like no other place I’ve been,” candid Cherie confides.

The jet-setter also spent a few days wandering the costal destination’s Old Town.

“I visited the Dior Cafe for lunch and finished my last evening in Saint-Tropez at one of my favorite restaurants, L’Opéra,” she shares.

We’ll pop in with a Cherie Noel Travels gallery at this point, purely to help put some of these things in order in your brain, of course. It may be difficult to focus on the settings and surroundings at first effort, but if you keep concentrating, it will work. Honest.

Next, Cherie flew to Italy, landing in Rome and driving a few hours south to Naples, where she briefly stopped for Sorbillo Esterina’s famous calzone on her way to Positano, a cliff-side village on the country’s Amalfi Coast. Few places can equal this location which overlooks the turquoise waters of the Mediterranean Sea.

“To me, Positano is one of the most romantic places to visit,” she sighs. “My first day was spent out on the water, taking a boat around the island of Capri. It’s a beautiful island right by Positano, known for its scenic rock formations. When sailing through the archway of the one called Faraglioni de Mezzo, you’re supposed to make a wish and share a kiss with your sweetheart for luck.”

“The next few days, I spent my time at the beach. Positano has a beautiful cove, which is perfect for taking a dip in the ocean.”

The hazel-eyed hottie also visited La Scogliera, a beach club near the coast. “It’s the perfect place to rent a chair, sunbathe and enjoy the relaxing view with a few drinks,” says Cherie. “I spent my last day in Italy driving back to Rome and exploring the city before heading to Greece.”

Mykonos was to be our avid traveler’s final destination one this trip, enjoying the Greek island’s member-only Soho House location.

“I’m not a member, but I was lucky enough to travel with someone who has a membership. I have to say Mykonos ranks as the best one I’ve visited. It’s also within walking distance of Scorpios. The food there was my favorite on the island — with Interni Restaurant coming in a close second,” says Cherie.

“Besides the food, it has the best beach to lounge on during the day, and at night it becomes one of the best places to party. It’s definitely a spot you need to visit no matter the time of day.”

It seems like maybe traveling with Cherie Noel should come with its own theme: Come for the view. Stay for the food. … She should probably license Cherie Noel Travels as an excursion package, right?

The View with Cherie Noel - Mykonos

One thing about beauty, once you understand it, you can create it on either side of the camera.

You’ll see Cherie again soon in the Lacy Lennon report on the Summer Pet Party, 2024 version, and at that point you’ll see that no matter what her look, our August 2021 Pet manages to captivate a frame without even trying. Should you not wish to wait, we’d encourage an Instagram visit in the meantime. Honestly, you’ll probably follow and come back often. We do.

Parsonage and Young Lacy

A Lacy Lennon Conversation

We are here at AVN with Lacy Lennon. Our Pet of the Year … our Pet of the Year forever … our spicy Redhead.

Lacy: Thank you!

Lacy Lennon Arrives for Our ConversationSo … what have you been doing since you were crowned Pet of the Month and Pet of the Year?

Lacy: Oh my gosh. Craziness. So I had probably one of the biggest and best years of my life after getting Penthouse Pet of the Year. … I got a month off, I believe it was, October, and then it was only a few months later that the voting had started with the turnaround for Pet of the Year. I then also got my feature film Black Widow, which I won Best Sex Scene of the year for, and I also won for Best Actress. So that was amazing to walk up there in my Penthouse necklace, walking off with double awards in my hands.

And then from there, Moose [Owner of Girlfriend Films] allowed me to help out and direct for Girlfriend Films. I got to direct three DVDs, and one of them actually got nominated for an AVN award. So that was just special and amazing. … From there I decided to adult a little bit and was like, you know, I’ve worked really hard, and I should do something nice for myself. I decided to move back home and with my family and my friends out in Hawaii, and I got to take a little bit of a break.

And I really, really, really had been getting into my own content creation. Penthouse inspires me constantly because the direction that we go — and that I aim for — is still going for the very filmy aspect … going artistic, you know, things could be more implied. It resonates so well with the fans that they respect it. They love seeing the journeys, the travels, and they love seeing me healthy.

So I’ve been busy, busy, busy. I have a few other surprises that are coming out this summer, but I cannot give full details. But there have been deals that have been signed… Just new adventures, and new expansions, and new experiences for our fans. … I’m so happy to be back.

Where can we, expect to find out those drops? Are you going to post them on Instagram or Twitter or everywhere? Are you going to let us know?

Lacy: I’m going to let everyone know everywhere. They’re going to be very strategic drops and releases. It’s not just going to be random. I’m going to be putting out a whole bunch of Easter eggs. There’s going to be an immense amount of promo, and it’s going to be everywhere, because why would we not do that? [laughs]

So tell me about your website, because that was a thing. I clicked on it, and you were already selling merch, and you’re already doing so much. … So you’re dropping more?

Lacy: Yeah. Oh … Oh, my gosh. … So I love graphic designing. I just think that it’s so much fun. And I love being nerdy and dirty and you know, I saw these other girls, then I had teams reach out to me they’d all say, I want to build you a site, let me build you a site.

And I’d think to myself, what can they do that I can’t? Went to YouTube. And I was like, oh, this is easy. And then so I was just like, okay. I though, let me go ahead and just try it. And, you know, because the fans were asking for more merch, and I had already done smaller drops and more personalized drops, but I really wanted something more official. That way I can then reach out to people that are worldwide, because that’s where I was missing my mark. When I was doing things more personally, like I would go ahead and buy my bulk items and then have people — whether it was email me or like DM through Twitter or whatever — it was, small scale, over-consuming and not efficient in the long run. 

It took up way too much time. It’s cool now through the site that I have these teams working and doing the shipments, doing the fulfillment for me. All that I had to do was set up the site, curate designs, find my manufacturers, make sure that I’m back-checking them for reputation. Then I just order the products as a demo and make sure that they’re of high quality before releasing them out to the fans.

I did it because it’s what the fans had asked. And when they ask, they receive.

So I just want to clarify because I’m fucking mind-blown right here. You did that graphic design? That is you?

Lacy: Yeah.  

You’re insane. It’s insane.

Lacy: Oh, it’s so cute. I’m such a nerd. Like, I love games, like cozy games like Sim, like, house building and making the characters. Getting into those little details of builds overall.

Graphic designing has almost … when you were a kid and you did collage work in a magazine, cut everything out, just put everything on? Graphic designing is really that easy. And … it’s … it’s really fun and gives me a lot more appreciation for animators because after getting heavily into the graphic designing, I now want to learn how to animate. Because all this can be taken like one big step further.

And I always thought that it might be cool idea, because I’ve seen these people do it on a smaller scale, where they’re making these at-home animations and maybe two people doing voice work… They’re doing like ten different voices and creating an entire show. And then the shows blow up. How cute would it be to have like a little Lacy Lennon animated show?

All these little stepping stones are fun and cool. I guess I’m always looking at the next big thing. People have been like, oh, you’re doing this and this and this … and I say, I’m already on the 10th new project after that. I’m moving on. That’s been done, you know? But I’m glad you like it. It was fun and very cute. I loved putting it together.

Let’s talk about the title Nerdy and Dirty. Do you think that that just encompasses you and that’s why you went with that, or did you coin it at some point? It’s trademarked…

Lacy: It is, and it’s mine. [laughs]

Yeah. Honestly it was very early on, when I first got in… Everyone wanted to know about me, what were my interests.

I always answered, well I went to opera school. I studied math and engineering, graduated number one in my class, even going back to the high school years. And so, like, I’ve always been really into the nerd stuff. I never really, looked at myself in the mirror thinking, “I’m the beautiful girl,” you know?

I have always believed that I’m going to be valued because of what I’m going to bring to the table, never just based on my appearance alone. Whereas other people, they do truly have that privilege, and I love that for them. I just have never been a person where I have felt valued that way.

Being nerdy and dirty is my slogan, I used it before the industry among friends, and it encapsulates me. And that’s why I said it from the very beginning. Of course I also honed in on the niche nerd group, and I was like, these are my guys. These are my people. …

It’s just like, listen, a lot of people are basically the same. They peak in high school, and they were like the jock or the cheerleader. They come into this industry, then they skyrocket. They do well, and they treat their fans like shit. And for me, when I think of sex work, more importantly when I think of those that we’re providing for… I think we’re providing for the people where sex may not always be as easy.

I don’t think these are people who are getting these experiences and going out to the club and buying drinks for the girls and then just, you know, hooking up with them. No, these are men and people who often have serious social awkwardness. Maybe they’ve never dated. A lot of them may still be virgins. So for me, who has had the benefit of prior companionship, it’s just really important to me to speak to the nerds. Hey, everyone deserves love.

I think of it as, “Let me show you, because I said I needed love. I deserve love and you can follow my lead.”

When people say the nice guy finishes last, that’s okay. They should be fine finishing last, because I’m going to finish last with them. I’m literally going to be hand in hand. These are my nerds, and these are the most deserving people, and these are the people that should enjoy these events and be able to watch the films and be able to experience these things.

My heart is just very full. The nerds have taken care of me, so I’m always going to take care of them.

You seem very passionate about it.

Lacy: Yeah.

Do you think that there’s a difference between being a nerd and being a geek? Do you think that you’re also a little geeky? … Do you have any hard core fandoms that you follow?

Lacy: I mean, as for the difference between a nerd and a geek, I think a geeks would be like the guys who are in Silicon Valley … they got their fancy little shoes and they’re all tucked in. They got their super fancy glasses, and a super nice car.

Then I think of nerds like a guy who’s still driving like the Toyota Corolla. And he always feels, “No, no, no. I’m working on it. And I don’t need a new car.” … You know? I think of nerds as people that are more … relatable.

Geeks, at least in my view, are people who put themselves on this pedestal of privilege, and they think that they’re better than everyone. They’re driven by, “Not only am I smart, but I’m also wealthy…” Whereas the nerds are more like, “Let’s just not. … We don’t have to run like around trying to impress others. Let’s just wear little fun outfits.”

Geeks aren’t going to do that. They’re going to be the tech guys. They’re going to be very bougie. … I find my nerds just want to have fun, and they’re just hanging out with everyone. They appreciate everyone. They have a lot of respect. … A lot of times I feel like nerds don’t always feel the best about themselves … the kids that were the late bloomers … the people that society kind of pushes away. … Although we’re all a little bit of the black sheep these days, nerds and geeks. It’s all been marketed as niche and glamorized, so that now suddenly it’s a cool thing.

Honestly I think that it hurts the community because you have all these people going to these events that they would never attend previously. They just didn’t. We nerds used to be like, “Okay, this is like my one event a year. I get to go hang out with my nerds.” … Now you go to Comic-Con and you’re going to spend over $1,000.

Suddenly most of those nerds have now had that taken away from them because it has been marketed in a way to make it a privilege. … It has all become just kind of lame because the true nerds of from Dungeons and Dragons or my Lord of the Rings, my Harry Potter, my Star Trek, you know, Star Wars — because that’s how that they know me — that has gotten lost.

So many have seen me at the booth, and that’s how they met me … literally, this is one of the presents I got because they know how nerdy I am. I got so many presents. [Shows Harry Potter – Time Turner Necklace]

I have that exact one.

Lacy: Yeah, I got this one. My sister too. It’s just the smaller one from Pandora. But yeah, exactly. I also got a Darth Maul figurine because I have the Darth Maul lightsaber. … I have Ray’s lightsaber. I have Luke’s lightsaber. I have the metal, from A New Hope as well — all given as gifts. … Let’s see, I’ve Smuggler’s dice. You know, it’s just like I have a whole bunch of total fandom shit … like, big time. I’m kind of all over the place with my nerd shit, but that’s what a true nerd is. … We watch it all. We literally rewatch, rewatch, rewatch. It’s not just one thing, it’s all of it.

Yeah, I lost track of how many times I’ve watched Harry Potter now. … I’ve rewatched Supernatural

Lacy: Yes! My sister is the biggest fucking Supernatural fan. Oh my God, you would love her. Oh my gosh, she’s like six foot tall, crazy, crazy. [laughs uproariously]

Do you have any advice for any future pets that want to be as successful as you have been as Pet of the Year … Going from POY to directing, to winning awards … to basically doing it all? It feels like you never stop. You’ve never slowed down — always kept it pushing.

Lacy: I would say … you have to be authentic, and you are going to have downfalls. I may be good at like not showing people those things. It seems like a lot of people think that my life is perfect, that I never have bad days. … I’ve had businesses that have failed, and you just get back up. You keep going, just switch things around, and you don’t let it beat you down.

It still gets into my head sometimes. I have those days. … I don’t really show that off to other people, but it’s going to happen. You will not have great success without great failure. You should always remember the risk in being a one hit wonder. Sometimes when you hit immediate success, riding that line becomes too easy, and you forget to put in the work.

Something Dennis Hoff had told me I have held near to my heart ever since I lived and worked over at Moonlite Bunny Ranch. … He always told me, “You know, the super-pretty girls, they kind of lean on their looks, and they forget the work ethic. They forget to be punctual. They forget to take care of themselves. They forget to actually make dreams and plan journeys and write things down, and budget, and do the things that are actually good for them. I need you to promise me that you’re going to keep your head on your shoulders. I need you to stay smart. Be beautiful, but the more important thing — and what’s going to resonate with the fans, and why they’ll take care of you and believe in you — is because you’re being smart about it. You’re not living the fantasy. You’re doing this as a real career. … This is a job.”

So when you treat it like a job — think of any other job — if you slack, you get fired. … We’re our own bosses, you could be doing well and you could be put on a pedestal by a company, but if you’re not willing to put in that work afterwards, and you just want to ride on that fame, you’re going to fall off the cliff.

Rest in peace, Dennis.

Intermission in Our Lacy Lennon Conversation

Thank you so much for taking the time to hang out with us today! We hope to see you soon. (… And we did 6 months later at Penthouse Pet Party Summer 2024! … COMING SOON to these pages.)

As one might imagine, one has many options when it comes to following Lacy Lennon including an Instagram page that keeps getting shut down for … well, who the heck can figure out why the Meta people do anything really? She just rolls out a new one, though, and starts all over again — a trait that definitely fits the persona evidenced in this interview. For our part we like the lesser-used TikTok and YouTube options, more the potential than the execution so far, but honestly it could be that we like them because we keep volunteering to hang out with her when she’s in town to suggest ideas — or, y’know, drink margaritas. … Seriously, if you want to experience pure joy for a few hours, just hang out with Lacy Lennon.

Heck, just looking at her Amazon Wish List will give you lots and lots of potential conversation starters. Trust us: Lacy will keep up her end of the conversation. We are happy to provide suggestions here, if it helps, though. We’d start with, “So … um … does a $94 candle have some kind of special fire or something?”