Is picking up girls in a strip club like shooting fish in a barrel? Hardly.
Pole Position
It’s their job to butter you up and strip your wallet of its hard-earned contents, so you can be forgiven for an automatic inclination to assume that when a stripper calls you “handsome” she’s just hustling her crowd. But is there another side to the job? Can you genuinely find your audience attractive when you’re getting paid to remove your clothes for them? We hit the town and spoke to some strippers to find out if guys really try to pick them up at work, and if they ever play along.
“Guys try it almost every night,” we’re told. “You’d think they’d probably realize we’re not there to fuck them, but it doesn’t stop them.”
So, drunk dudes on a boy’s night out behaving badly in front of nude women? No surprises there. But when we asked a few girls if they ever go home with a customer after they get off the pole, we did get some surprising, even encouraging, responses.
“I haven’t, but a lot of my other stripper friends have,” says Gina, who’s in between sets at one of the city’s classier venues. “Some more than others. One girl I used to dance with used to screw, like, one or two guys from the club a week. Another friend met her fiancé in a private show.”
Who are these lucky guys, you ask, and what do you have to say to get across the line in a strip club? “I’ve only ever gone home with the sober ones,” says Xenia. “You kind of forget where you are and what you’re doing if you’re having fun with a guest, but if he’s sober and cute it’s easy to just say ‘fuck it’ and let him buy you a drink and take it from there. It feels safer as well, I guess.”
So, don’t go too heavy on the naughty water–seems like legit advice. But what about what to say?
“The best line I’ve ever heard was from this one guy–he looked like Robin Thicke and was wearing this shiny suit and cowboy boots–I went up and asked if he’d like a private show and he just said, ‘Wouldn’t that make it awkward if our grandkids ever found out that I paid money to see you naked though?’” says Bobbi.
“And then there’s what never to say,” she continues. “That’s one example of a cheesy line being great, but pickup lines generally aren’t going to work on girls who are already naked, especially when they hear them all every day. Or involve direct reference to their dicks.
The worst I’ve probably heard is, ‘There are 206 bones in the human body–want another?’ And sometimes I swear if I have one more guy ask me if it hurt when I fell from heaven, I’m going to put my clothes back on and walk out.”
Mind Your Own Pole
Should you be convinced that you have zero interest in seeing any of that stripper pole expertise at work in private, feel free to use any of these examples of the top no-nos according to our poll. (Get it?)
THINGS TO NEVER SAY TO A STRIPPER:
- Ease the cheese. Don’t say anything obvious or clichéd. No, heaven isn’t missing an angel, U and I aren’t next to each other in the alphabet, and you can’t have her phone number just because you lost yours.
- Avoid talking about your junk. You’re trying to prove you’re the nicest guy in the place, so arm yourself with the charm to match. Telling her you “need a home for your purple dome” isn’t going to get you very far.
- If you do try to chat up someone who flirts for a living, don’t pretend you can out-game them. “The sweetest guys I meet at work are the ones who aren’t pretending to be George Clooney–genuine is always best,” says Bobbi.
As one might expect, over the years Penthouse has put the pole to good use in our layouts, and also as one might expect, not very many of those stripper pole sets have photographs we can use out here in the polite company world. Also as one might expect, you may find more “complete” pole galleries on PenthouseGold.
Interestingly enough—considering the holiday season, it turns out that much of the illustration for the PenthouseMerch site happened to take place in one of the Penthouse Clubs. Not only were we able to throw in a couple of gratuitous plugs by mentioning that, but we’re also able to show you that main site photograph in color. We just knew you were dying to see that.
