Consider a few of the most Iconic political sex scandals that have rocked our world. Then consider if you really care, and more importantly, why?
Political Sex Scandals
One might think Christmas an odd day to be talking about sex scandals, but if you think about it, Christmas tends to be a family holiday, and we could not have families at all without sex. Moreover, if everyone had the same boring sex with exactly the people expected (and accepted), then we would not have any sex scandals. Without scandals, people get bored and quit thinking about issues, which means we’d soon stop thinking about sex — which would result in not having families, a primary point of Christmas celebrations. Ergo, this all makes perfect sense.
So let us begin.
UNITED STATES: SMOKIN’ SEX TOYS
Not only did sitting president Bill Clinton have an affair with intern Monica Lewinsky inside the White House in 1998, she reportedly used his cigar as a sex toy. The story goes that she masturbated with a stogie while Clinton watched.
ITALY: BUNGA BUNGA PARTIES
Former Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi’s lavish sex parties became so infamous they had their own nickname. He used the term “bunga bunga” to describe debauched parties where young women stripped and danced for him before he decided which one he wanted to have sex with.
AUSTRALIA: FILE IT ON THE DESK
A Coalition government staffer was sacked for allegedly masturbating over a female MP’s desk. Sources said the genius decided to have a wank over his boss’s desk, film it and send the images and videos via Facebook Messenger to a group of other staffers.
We decided to interrupt this fascinating education regarding horny people run amok, so that we might drop in a little celebratory motion provided to us by the production department at Penthouse. Apparently they ran out of time at the location, so they did not get any still photos to commemorate what was obviously a fetching situation, so we had to put this somewhere so as not make anyone sad.
We do like to show editors we appreciate them — another facet of this holiday season, by the way, although not really high on the sex scandals scale. (Full disclosure, the production department could be ripe full of sex scandals, and we would never know it, as COVID has us all spread all over everywhere.)
We did find it somewhat odd that they did not identify our 2021 December Pet of the Month, Amber Marie (with the dark hair) or Meaghan Stanfill (with the light hair) who was Pet of the Month in 2020 March — and happens to be the Pet of the Year Runner Up for 2021. Then we thought about how much time those people spend in darkened rooms staring at banks of monitors, so we decided to cut them some slack.
We now return you to your regularly-scheduled sex scandal.
NORTHERN IRELAND: THE GRADUATE
A 19-year-old had an affair with a woman 40 years older than him in 2008. She was named Mrs. Robinson, which may ring a bell. Iris Robinson was a member of parliament and wife of Northern Ireland’s government leader, Peter. Ohh, and she was also busy taking payments from local property developers.
ISRAEL: AVOIDING JAIL TIME (JUST)
One of the world’s most sordid political sex scandals involved former Israeli premier Moshe Katsav, who was forced to step down after a string of accusations. Several female employees came forward to accuse him of sexual harassment and rape—charges he denied. A plea bargain allowed him to escape jail time, but this is one of the worst scandals to be discovered anywhere in the world.
UNITED KINGDOM: WAR DANCE
The Profumo affair rocked British politics in the ’60s before becoming the inspo for the 1989 hit movie Scandal. Christine Keeler was 19, working as a hostess at a London nightclub and involved with several men, including a Russian believed to be KGB. Then she was introduced to John Profumo, the secretary of state for war, through an osteopath.
TURKEY: SEX VIDEO SCANDAL
Not one, not two, but six senior politicians in Turkey’s opposition Nationalist Action Party were forced to resign amidst a sex scandal shortly before national elections. Of course, once busted, they blamed the government for allowing recordings of their alleged extramarital flings.
UNITED STATES: DAD’LL BE BACK
The year was 2011. The Los Angeles Times revealed Arnold Schwarzenegger had fathered a child with his housekeeper, Mildred Patricia Baena. The former California governor now has a close relationship with his 23-year-old son Joseph.
MALDIVES: SEX TAPE & BLACKMAIL
A senior member of President Mohamed Waheed’s party and former Chief of the Maldives National Broadcasting Corporation was arrested for allegedly blackmailing a senior judge of the Supreme Court with a sex tape.
We did get a few photos that the magazine used, but after showing off Meaghan and Amber, foreign ministers at press conferences denying sex scandals for which videotaped evidence exits just seemed rather dull. We liked Christine Keeler and Arnold with his kid, though, so we did use them. Hey, everyone should be allowed to pick their own sex scandal to follow.
We said we would be honest. We never said we would be sane. … Merry, Happy, Whatever, everyone.
