Trends may come and go, but quality never goes out of style. Consequently our oh-so-cleverly-named Jeep Trick presentation shows off one in the category of life’s things always worth spending a bit more on when the time comes. Check out the new innovative Jeep Wrangler Rubicon, which has seriously raised the bar for all 4x4s. Continue reading “Jeep Trick”
What follows will be an actual article from Penthouse Magazine, just as you have come to epect on these free internet pages. That said, as you have likely surmised from the title — what with being a fiendishly clever and all — will be a gallery more on topic with the POY History (Pet of the Year) going on concurrent with the voting for the 2021 winner going on now.
Not that we find anything at all wrong with Astrology as either a daliance or a soft science, but you can find these sorts of articles thousands of places on the web. What you cannot find, however, would be an article about sexual proclivity structured around the Zodiac, illustrated with POY History from as far back as 1978 and as current at 2004. While at first glance it may appear that in our efforts to shamelessly promote the FREE (as in anonymous and without cost) voting we really hope you will do, we have combined two completely disparate topics in a thinly-veiled attempt at showing off Penthouse photographs — even though none of the women pictured today happen to be wearing veils.
You would be wrong, however, as it turns out we did in fact uncover a very strong connection between the signs of the Zodiac and a collection of 16 Pets of the Year (and POY Runner Ups). Come to find out, every single one of these extraordinary women happened to be born in a month on the calendar, so each has a Zodiac sign. Wacky, right? … So now we may continue.
You can try to keep a lid on your real identity, use a VPN and wear a fake mustache, but it’s still possible to build a profile based on your browsing history, cache and propensity for looking at naked ladies. Where this gets interesting is when there’s enough data to link sexual preferences to personality types or, in the case of the latest research, astrological signs. So, let’s have some fun by matching star signs to the kind of sex you’re likely to be into. This is all highly scientific, by the way. Astrology, guys. It’s real.
ARIES
You don’t mess around, do you? Aries are passionate and aggressive. They don’t hold back. No room for romance or foreplay. It’s go time. When an Aries says, “Let’s fuck,” you better be ready to drop those pants and take care of business. I’m dating an Aries because: duh.
TAURUS
Complete opposite to Aries. Taureans like to take their time. They prefer foreplay. Scented candles, coconut oil massages, lingering gazes — all that jazz. Also, they probably like jazz. Whatever works for you, I guess, but see above.
GEMINI
The twins. So guess what? Geminis are into group action or dating multiple partners at once. They like taking risks and require constant stimulation. They can be needy, but if you’re willing to satisfy that need, then you’re laughing all the way to the money shot. Just remember, you’re not the only one in their DMs.
CANCER
Incurable romantics. Dinner at a fancy restaurant, flowers, weekends away, all leading to a heady lovemaking session with flailing ’80s hair and a Michael Bolton power ballad playing in the background.
LEO
Leos are control freaks who secretly want to be in a situation they cannot control. They go weak at the knees when imagining a four-on-one scenario, ideally with four Aries guys or gals. This matchmaking shit is easy, bro.
VIRGO
Not exactly what it says on the tin, Virgoans are the sort of people who like to dress in latex and whip someone’s testicles. Virgos are inveterate doms. You have been warned.
LIBRA
The scales of justice play their part here. Librans like everything aboveboard and legal. No exploitation. However, they’re lawyers, so they like a bit of dirty talk. Tell them what you’re going to do and watch them melt. No objection, your Honor
SCORPIO
Don’t bother faking it with a Scorpio. They like to keep it real. The most likely sign to be up for some home movie action, either watching or participating. Scorpios are why Snapchat was invented.
SAGITTARIUS
Poor old Sags. They like to travel the world and go down on you next to the Trevi Fountain. Lockdown is a total boner-killer for Sagittarius because they enjoy nothing more than risky public sex. Zoom orgies just don’t cut it.
CAPRICORN
Interesting. Caps are shy, reticent and not that into their own personal pleasure, which makes them perfect submissives. Break out the ropes and tie those Christmas cuties up. A good match for Virgos.
AQUARIUS
Aquarians are really into finding out who you are and what makes you tick. They like to be stimulated mentally, so if you’re a smart, lonely dude, hook up with an Aquarius. She will blow your mind and, well, you know the rest.
PISCES
The most creative sign of the Zodiac. Pisceans’ favorite thing in the world is to construct elaborate sexual fantasies. In fact, sometimes they prefer fantasy to the real thing. By the time an actual person sits on their face, it’s all over. Take it from a seasoned Piscean campaigner. This astrology stuff is so on the money.
Now on to the, if not more interesting elements, at least differently interesting elements. Seeing as how we are currently selecting the 2021 Pet of the Year, it seemed like a bit of visual POY History might be just what the doctor ordered. At the very least, we ordered it, and most of us have been to a doctor at one point or another in our lives, so we considered that close enough.
While the previous gallery consisted of merely 15 photographs, necessarily of a clad nature in this free venue, we would be remiss if we did not remind everyone that the PenthouseGold membership site features every one of these women in substantially more revealing repose. Not only would we be remiss, but we’d get whined at about it too, and we mostly find that unpleasant. The 100+ Pets of the Year and Runner Ups representing the POY History, though, we consider that fine entertainment. Also, do REMEMBER:
[This Banner used to go to the voting page, but the vote has obviously ended. We hated to just delete it though, because it was darned pretty. Also, there will be votes every year, so you might want to keep checking back.[
Robert Sammelin illustrations are an ode to exploitation horror posters, weapons, video games and shapely women who look like they could survive an apocalypse. The self-taught concept artist, illustrator, graphic designer and comic creator from Sweden has worked for Apple, Nike, The New York Times, Rob Zombie, Esquire, Entertainment Weekly and Dark Horse Comics, and designed the branding art for the popular Battlefield video games.
I grew up in Kiruna, a mining town in the absolute north of Sweden, well above the Arctic Circle, where it’s near perpetually dark for the eight months of winter and conversely there’s around-the-clock sunlight during summer. I moved to Stockholm at 20, where I’ve remained for 22 years with my wife and son.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve enjoyed drawing and making up stories. I’m self-taught, so what I’ve missed out in formal training I’ve gained a shorthand, or rather feeling, for how to depict things and convey what’s in my head.
I still don’t know much about anatomy, color theory or drawing structure, and I rather enjoy that. I let curiosity guide me and make up my own way of doing things.
Before I made art a career at 27, making video game concept art, I must’ve had ten or 12 different jobs; ranging from IT consultant and records store clerk to subway train driver. In the end, only drawing the odd freelance gig on evenings and weekends had me feeling down, and my wife insisted I quit my job and give illustration a proper go.
I spent two weeks drawing a wide range of things for a portfolio and landed my first video game work within a month, and I’ve remained in the industry since, currently at Embark Studios as a Concept Art Director.
I had surgery done to my drawing hand wrist due to a ganglion [cyst] which permanently limited its flexibility, just as I had started my first job doing concept art. Working digitally, as you do in concept art, wasn’t an issue thankfully, but I found that my favorite pastime of drawing in ink with pen on paper was limiting and cumbersome, so I started using a brush instead.
Brushes have flexibility and allow for flowing varied lines that I could easily do without much wristwork and made me adopt a line economy, eliminating a lot of fine detail work. I found that flat and subtly textured coloring I’d see in the Euro comics I grew up with complemented that well.
Music and films are major factors for me; I constantly play records when drawing and watch at least a couple of films per week. I have a particular soft spot for old campy exploitation horror and like to make movie posters of films that just exist in my head.
I’ve made a habit over the years to build a mental library of imagery and phrases I find cool, fun, odd or interesting and revisit them when free drawing. I never run out of ideas that way—the randomness of a single phrase in a song or an image onscreen can instantly bring up interesting connections to that library.
I’m at my most content and happy inking a loose pencil drawing, letting myself get surprised at the outcome. Keeping the door open to those surprises means you have to combine safe things with risks.
At my best, a single drawing or image is both crude and delicate, cheeky and scary, fun and thoughtful—that’s what I keep wanting to achieve. Also, I simply can’t seem to stop drawing.
It depends a lot on the assignment; in my normal job making concept art and branding work for games, it’s an entirely digital process that involves a lot of people and factors, so in a way that’s not my art—it’s a team effort.
Commissioned illustrations and posters, on the other hand, I generally start off with some research and reference gathering followed by a couple of rough digital color sketches I run by the client. When we’re in agreement, I do a loose pencil foundation on paper that I either ink or render in pencil, followed by scanning and digital coloring.
There have been the odd acrylic painting or digitally painted pieces over time, but most of my art is done on paper. For my personal work, it’s always on paper with digital coloring and is an improvised affair; I start drawing and make it up as I go.
I like to experiment and try different mediums and methods. I think it’s essential for any artist, but for me it diverges into different styles of work—line art inks, pencil renderings, digital painting and branding/key art—that all inform the others but remain its own thing.
Earlier this year, though, I started dabbling with 3D sculpting and rendering. You’d think from making video games the past 15 years I’d been at it for some time, but I just never got around to it. It’s incredibly fun and addictive, but a lot more time-consuming for me than drawing.
Pencils, brushes, dip pen nibs, ink, an assortment of brush pens, whiteout, a computer and a Wacom Cintiq.
I was an early adopter of Instagram, but for the longest time favored Tumblr over it for online art posting. With the latter’s steady, sad decline after the adult ban, I jumped ship to Instagram. I have my own site and a few portfolio services like Behance and ArtStation, but for the general outreach, you can’t beat social media. I’ve made a lot of meaningful connections and friendships with artists and clients through it.
At times, yes. Being Swedish, I believe myself to have a healthy relationship to nudity, body positivity and sexuality, and I’m often surprised at what constitutes “safe” content online. The apparent fear of human nudity and sexual expression baffles me.
While I’ve had the expected online content either flagged or removed, I’ve been positively surprised at the vast majority of wonderful praise, support and encouragement from people and women in particular.
I’ve ticked off a few bucket list items lately; I was approached to do a gatefold double LP for Ennio Morricone, called Morricone Groove, that focuses on his lesser known soundtrack work from the ’60s and ’70s, which features a lot of my all-time favorite tracks of his.
Getting to work with Rob Zombie on a lot of LP soundtracks for his films was another. I was a big fan in my teens, so getting contacted by him saying he’s a fan of mine was delightful.
The same thing happened again when Anthony Gonzalez of M83 got in touch to have me design a poster and line of merch for a film he’d made to his latest album.
Some of my alternative movie poster screenprints have gotten some wonderful and unexpected praise. James Mangold bought a copy of the Logan poster, and the IMAX office has it hanging in their lobby. I’m also told a copy of my Once Upon a Time … in Hollywood screenprint hangs in the cinema owned by Quentin Tarantino, which if true feels unreal.
My craziest realization, though, is that some 50 million people own art I’ve made in the form of the Battlefield games. I didn’t really dawn on me until I stood beneath a giant billboard in Times Square of my key art for Battlefield 3 and saw ads for it everywhere I went. Designing that signature Battlefield branding art is a definitive career highlight.
I’m a fairly uninteresting character as a whole; I can’t whistle, I never use sketchbooks and have an unusually high physical pain threshold.
Besides making the future of video games at Embark Studios, I’m currently doing a whole bunch of record covers and posters, a comic called YT Savior with Ales Kot for Upshot Studios that is out soon and yet another comic called Kali with Daniel Freedman.
You will discover it fairly easy to find Robert Sammelin online, although you may actually find yourself in ac couple of lesser-know, but substantially more representative of fine art, locations on the web.
Of course you can also just buy a copy of a Battlefield game. We have found a nice frosty beverage helps with those, should you be looking for a hint.
(Now might be an excellent time to take advantage of that full screen option on the video player. Just sayin’… You do you.)
Of course should you not have had your fill of Pet Fun Facts, we actually created a written compilation for those reading people out there. (And, yes, we did have to explain to some of our social media experts that people who enjoy long strings of words all in a row do in fact still exist.) Just in case you do not have the order of the 2020 Pets memorized yet, we should note that we have in fact put these in order of their appearance on the Penthouse calendar. If we noticed that we would also have an argument against playing favorites should any of these women feel slighted by the order, well that would simply be a happy accident. Nope. We have no fear of Penthouse Pets in real life. In fact if they do somehow end up lost at the office and wander into the Digital Department, all of us act really erudite — smooth, suave, completely charming, even. Also, we will be sticking to that story, for the record.
Once you have absorbed all your Pet Fun Facts — which might take a few viewings, admittedly — you will undoubtedly want to cast your VOTE. Paring down to one beautiful Pet can be a daunting task, however, so we can let you in on a secret. You may vote once every week, but nothing says you must vote for the same person every time. The Pandemic has made us all a little jumpy about simply dropping back into life “as normal” — whatever that means, and as if we can even remember. Consequently, we do our best to make things both easy and fun. (This may describe the perfect date as well, but that would be a theory for another time.)
Truth be told, there could be more than a couple of these contestants one might describe as both easy and fun. Hopefully you can tell fun from the Pet Fun Facts, though, because we would not advise approaching just any of them with that preconceived notion.
They are doing all sorts of fun things with this contest on the Penthouse Instagram so feel free to check that out as time goes on as well.
Mateja Petkovic, more commonly known as milkformycoconut, is a Serbian artist living in Munich, Germany, who is known for his new realism meets abstract figurative digital oil paintings. Continue reading “Meet milkformycoconut”
Ostensibly we were to simply put up a celebratory video put together for Social Media, because, and we can be honest here, we will pretty much celebrate anything that involves singing, dancing, and copious amounts of food and drinks. (One should not forget the drinks.) Ergo … Welcome to the Penthouse Cinco de Mayo 2021.
Now would be when the “Woo-HOO!” sounds fill the room, by the way. So let’s get this video out of the way, shall we?
First off, we do understand in the hallowed and erudite halls of the rather grandly named “Digital Department” that Cinco de Mayo technically celebrates a Mexican victory in the Franco-Mexican war. We also know that Mia Valentine — she featured in this video — happens to be Guatemalan. That said, Penthouse has a long history of particularly enjoying women that treat the company with the high respect (bordering on reverence, really) that we feel we deserve. Consider the following shots of Mia taken during her CyberCutie shoot.
See? The awe and heartfelt esteem just leap off the page at you? Powerful stuff; we know.
Bottom line, we think everyone should celebrate as much as they can about anything they can think of, so we will respect the language choices here and happily move right along. In the interest of transparency, we should note that more than a few of us in these offices (virtual now or not) do happen to be of the opinion that there are only two types of food in the world: Mexican and Other. Consequently, we may tend to be biased toward those South of the (U.S.) border fiestas. And the fact that these same affairs often include tequila, you may wonder? Well that would be just a coincidence, at least as far as anyone can prove.
It might be a good time to move along, however, at least to the obligatory intermission.
Now we may vamanos to our… even more deeply personal and insightful revelations.
In truth, this gallery put together from the “picture” part of the company admittedly features a Guatemalan, a Cuban, and two women who at least claim 50% Mexican, so it does not technically fit the true heart of the international party rationale either, but we decided to run with it anyway, because … well, duh. Hey, we’re sticking with the theme, which happens to be important with parties, you know. Besides…
For the record, you have no idea how many “taco jokes” we had to edit away based on that video, even from people that have no idea what Jenna happens to be saying. Suffice it to say that our Cinco de Mayo 2021 present ion comes with a conclusion: Anywhere Ms. Sativa wants us to slather sour cream, we would be more than content to watch her lick it off. We’re givers. What can we say?
Instagram Feeds, because we care: Mia Valentine, Savannah Sixx, Alina Lopez, Jenna Sativa
When opposite sides of the fashion world collide, the results can often be a swing and a miss, a kind of mismatch of sorts that caters to neither element of the customer base. But when Italian luxury giant Ermenegildo Zegna announced a collab with Jerry Lorenzo’s Fear of God streetwear brand, ears around the globe suddenly pricked up.
Although on different sides of the fashion pyramid, Lorenzo and Zenga’s artistic director, Alessandro Sartori, share many of the same values. For example, both follow the design gospel of our times, unique craftsmanship and hybrid fashion fitting.
This collection is firmly aimed at the modern man who has an eye for luxury. Simply named FEAROFGODZENGA, it features a range of sublime pieces that are minimal yet eye-catching, made from only the best fabrics.
The 100 percent Cotton Shirt is a particularly attention-grabbing piece, an ’80s-inspired design with detachable shoulder pads that offer an imposing silhouette.
The Wool Trenchcoat is also another standout design, with its sleek and streamlined cut. It’s also 100 percent natural and features a classic shirt collar.
Lorenzo also brings his expert knowledge in producing high-end sneakers to the table. The casual yet elegant Suede Shoe is impeccable, with its monochromatic laces and cream rubber sole made for total comfort and style.
The collection might only be available in exclusive locations, in ten lucky boutiques across the States, Europe and Asia, but it is certainly one of the year’s standouts.
You may wonder, at least at this juncture, what the following three photographs have to do with, well, anything at all they were talking about in the magazine. Rest assured, the answer will be forthcoming in relatively short order. For now, simply consider that “Penthouse Fashion” existed well before — and extends well beyond — the admittedly quite impressive FEAROFGODZENGA line.
Pet of the Year 1979 – Cheryl Rixon 
Pet of the Year 1995 – Gina LaMarca 
Pet of the Year 1976 – Laura Bennett Doone
Women’s fashions will always possess a special appeal that the men will continue to have difficulty matching. HINT
Guess what? That fetish will almost certainly be far more common than you probably realize. Besides, what others think should never stop you from having fun in life. And on that note, we have a perfect way to explore all your wildest fantasies online no matter where you live or when you want to come out and play — thanks to Camster! (We’re givers. What can we say?)
Fetish cam lovers can feel skeptical about live sites like Camster.com, thinking the performers there focus only on the traditional live sex basics — dirty talk, titty play, dildo action … all the usual stuff. Should that be you, prepare to be surprised, though: Nearly all the camster players will also be more than happy to get into roleplay fantasies and fetish play. You can direct from sexy start to sticky finish, and trust us when we tell you they will be thrilled for the change in routine. As long as it’s legal, nothing will be too bizarre for your favorite Camster playmates.
So what are some other fetishes being performed online these days, you wonder?
One of the most common fetishes everywhere turns out to be feet. When a hot chick takes off her high heels after a long day and rolls down her stockings to flex those pretty toes in that red nail polish, for many that gives us all we need to get through the day. Or maybe you have a taste for other body parts like hands. Seeing those fingers caress her skin as she moves down to every inch of her body can be exhilarating without parallel.
Perhaps something beyond the mainstream on fetish cam does it for you? Domination and slave training always a popular option. Getting on your knees and worshipping that amazon above you can be a dream cum true.
Should you feel truly brave consider the fetish cam cornucopia that includes cuckolding, face sitting, jerk-off-instruction, small dick humiliation, teasing, spanking, latex, and any number of roleplay games — from traditional situations to completely imaginary ones! Have you always wanted to play nurse and patient with a hot chick? Or, teacher and student? Or do you crave something purely beyond the reality of our mundane lives? You could play Prince Charming, stiving to do whatever necessary to save your damsel in distress fethish cam friend. Ultimately, of course, you take her home and give that innocent princess the best fuck of her life, but the chase can make the prize always the sweeter. Heck, maybe this only happens after good old-fashioned dragon slaying.
Do you have something even kinkier that gets you hot? After all, when it comes to fetish cam play, pushing your own boundaries to explore the depths of your own sexuality tends to be rather the point. And remember: that girl across the screen might be doing the same if you ask her.
We can summarize this simply: Yeah, live sex chat can really be as creative as you want it to be.
Cam girls online perform all of these activities — including some you’ve probably never even thought of before. (But ask!) Better yet, they’re doing it 24 hours a day, every day. In fact, Camster models even have their fetishes listed in their profiles. So believe it or not, some of the most abstract sexual activities turn out to be actually some of the most common. These girls are here to listen to their fans’ needs and find out what makes them happy no matter how “weird” it may seem to the less enlightened<
We all have our things that get us hot. It might be huge tits, long legs, big lips, a firm ass, whatever. But sexuality will always remain personal, and what we consider sexy will obviously remain subjective. Some of us love flat chests, muscular legs, or meaty bodies. While some of the top cam girls online might qualify for what most of society deems as sexy, Camster.com offers girls of all types, and they love exploring fetishes — particularly those rare ones.!
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You know, maybe you should take a few minutes right now and check out some of the top fetish cam girls online right at this very moment. Don’t forget to find out what their biggest fetishes might be (currently). This list of names and playstyles will always help you get into the action even faster with the right kind of girl for your favorite kinds of XXX play at www.Camster.com today.
Just remember the fetishes listed are included, but not limited!
Conor McGregor was talking about himself and the Irish nation he represents, after an emotional victory in the octagon back in 2014. But he could well have been talking about the sport he long competed in.
In less than three decades, the UFC has gone from being perceived as a bloodbath freak show, to a highly popular sport with a regular global TV audience. Of the ten highest pay-per-view audiences of all time, there are already three UFC contests — two involving McGregor. While boxing still leads the way, it is worth noting three of those ten are Mike Tyson fights from back in the day. The recent Khabib Nurmagomedov versus McGregor fight is ranked third of all time, with only Floyd Mayweather versus Manny Pacquiao ahead of it as a pure boxing title fight.
At No. 2 is Mayweather and McGregor, when the two richest fighters in their respective sports met on Mayweather’s terms. If McGregor was to rematch with either Mayweather or Nurmagomedov, then a new record might be set.
McGregor has taken UFC to a new level. But Dana White is the man who gave him the platform and has set up the sport for success.
It’s as if White brought a communist ethic to boxing when he reimagined the UFC. No more maverick promoters, individual fiefdoms, breakaway organizations and economic divide. Just one dictator, largely working for the greater good — as well as himself.
Yes, you can still make far more money as a top boxer. Heavyweights Tyson Fury, Anthony Joshua and Deontay Wilder all earned as much as McGregor, if not more in 2019 — with far less fanfare. But the fighters on the undercards of UFC make more than journeyman boxers.
There is also only one organization in the UFC and one main promoter, and the events are organized and regular. Boxing tends to feel sporadic and random — big when a fight is being promoted, but you’re never sure when that’s happening next.
Dana just decides to get it on for the good of the sport and, of course, himself and his fighters. Eddie Hearn, Frank Warren, Al Haymon, Bob Arum, Don King, et al., shadowbox in business for their own ends.
Boxing is also more confusing than ever to the average gambler when it comes to who is the best.
In boxing, there is the WBC, WBO, WBA and IBF. Only dedicated boxing fans could tell you which is the most important. Throw in 17 weight divisions for the boxers, and that’s a hell of a lot of world champions. In the prized middleweight division, there are currently four different titleholders.
Watching Fury beat Wilder for the heavyweight title was exciting, but he’s only got one of the belts. He needs to fight Joshua for a couple of the others. Again, the promoters will decide if and when that happens.
UFC has eight weight divisions and eight champions — nine if you count Justin Gaethje, who has Nurmagomedov’s lightweight belt on an interim basis. It’s regular and pragmatic. More of a democratic feel to it, despite Dana the Despot.
There are even famous women in UFC. Most sports fans have heard of Ronda Rousey but would struggle to name a female boxer. Muhammed Ali’s daughter Laila doesn’t count.
The only thing UFC truly lacks is a longer-term narrative, with drama and characters.
Boxing has a legacy — from Tyson to Rocky Marciano and the middleweights of the ‘80s, Thomas Hearns, Larry Hagler, Sugar Ray Leonard, Roberto Durán, Oscar De La Hoya. Characters like King. Legendary stories like the Rumble in the Jungle. Even fictional heroes in the form of Rocky and Creed.
That will come for UFC, though. In relative terms, it’s a baby. The man in the street knows McGregor. He might know Nurmagomedov, the ferocious Russian grappler undefeated in 28 fights. But he probably couldn’t name Jon Jones or Georges St-Pierre unless he was a UFC fan. Even Aussies might not know they have a world champ at featherweight in the form of Alexander Volkanovski.
You can be sure, though, that UFC is coming for boxing, quicker than the right hand McGregor used to drop José Aldo.
“I’m the fucking future,” said McGregor when he was still a fresh-faced Dubliner, fighting for a few quid. Again, he could have been talking about his sport.
Should you wish to stay current on the athlete née medium, Mr. McGregor maintains a web presence as well.
Given an estimated 20 percent of people have tried some form of ethical non-monogamy, around 70 percent have had an affair, and the rest of us are too scared to admit it, it’s no surprise multiperson romantic entanglements are becoming — albeit slowly — fodder for TV and filmmakers
In a few short years, we’ve gone from the “Mormons only” polygamy storyline of Big Love, to the offhanded and non-defining non-monogamy of Ilana Glazer in Broad City. Refreshingly, Ilana isn’t a unicorn — a lover who falls into a relationship with an established couple in just the way that couple would want and is named after a mythical creature for good reason.
Izzy, in You Me Her, billed as TV’s “first polyromantic comedy” is one such creature. In falling hard for suburban Portland couple Jack and Emma, she allows ample space for the show’s writers to examine everything about coming out — to friends, neighbors and colleagues who just can’t understand why the loved-up “throuple” has lost its collective mind. Which is to say, the monogamy narrative in TV land and elsewhere remains the default, with queer, non-monogamous, asexual relationships being the stuff of the increasingly accepted (thanks, world!) “other.”
In Unicornland — an eight-part webseries about divorcée Annie — the established straight and lesbian couples are clearly the dysfunctional ones, having squabbles in her presence over how to tie bondage ropes and, incredibly awkwardly, describing unicorn Annie as a rarefied being who “deigns to bestow her presence on mortals.”
In Compersion — another superbly cast webseries crying out for a big-budget adaptation — a married couple with children navigate the tricky terrain of one partner wanting more than the other can give, starting with the daunting first step: “I wanna try polyamory … It’s something like, ‘You’re my husband, but I can have a boyfriend, too.’”
Ramping up the drama and steering clear of unicorns, Wanderlust follows parents Joy and Alan, who, beset by unresolved issues, open up their marriage, only to realize N+1 isn’t necessarily the magic formula they were hoping for.
On the big screen, Woody Allen’s 2008 film, Vicky Cristina Barcelona, remains something of a standard-bearer for straight male, non-monogamous fantasy thinking: two beautiful American women fall for an archetypical Latin lover, Juan Antonio, who remains in love with his gorgeous but unstable ex-wife, María Elena. Wouldn’t that be nice, men? (This is definitely not going to be your experience.)
Unicorns, meanwhile, enjoy a rare big-screen outing in the 2017 bio-drama Professor Marston and the Wonder Women, in the shape of Wonder Woman creator William Marston and his — and wife Elizabeth’s — polyamorous life partner, Olive Byrne.
It’s maybe not surprising that otherwise heteronormative male-female couples with an impossibly compliant sex-kitten love interest have dominated in the first wave of non-monogamous TV and film, and that webseries and outlier free-to-air comedies such as Threesome — with its two-men, one-woman triad — are still notable exceptions. It’s almost as if too much “weirdness” would blow our tiny minds.
But 2018’s Bohemian Rhapsody — for all its mixed reviews and rightful outrage at the near-erasure of Freddie Mercury’s queerness — does offer, very quietly, one of many polyamorous dynamics that deserves more screen attention, in the character of Mary Austin, who Mercury referred to as his “common-law wife.” In the film, as in reality, she exists not to the exclusion of other partners, but as a cherished source of mutual affection — the love, as the song goes, of Mercury’s life.
[Such was the article, excellent in its own right, as it appears in Penthouse Magazine. Given the freedom of the web, though, we felt like we could continue a bit. – Ed.]
Consider this, then, an addendum of perineum, if not precisely prurient, interest.
First off, understand that at this point in our burgeoning web publishing department, assignments get strewn out in classic, time-honored tradition. Senior editors carefully analyze the original article, divining from it the depths of meaning from nuance to pith. After hours of weighty deliberation, this wise editor graces the staff with the fruits born of proper (and darned impressive) rumination by assigning the absolute perfect literary lackey to translate the current epic from print to digital publication. In other words, somebody looks at a list of stories in an excel file and assigns them randomly to anyone foolish enough to check their email regularly.
Full disclosure here, it might be that some person of a certain age in our group needed to ask another person in our group — she being some three decades or so younger than our original person — to translate what the heck a “heteronormative” person might even be. Would we recognize this creature if we met one, say, in line at a vaccination clinic? Well, after a fascinating conversation regarding gender identification and the baffling complexity facing young people today, said old person found himself suddenly able to translate into a language possibly more easy to understand.
Take the following two photographs:
Now these photos feature (left to right, top to bottom): Riley Nixon, Joanna Angel, and Small Hands, then Brad Newman, Izzy Lush, and Jason Moody. Most importantly, however, may well be that you had a substantially different visceral reaction to the threesomes presented. Based on the completely unscientific strategy of simply showing a few people in the (virtual) office, the top and bottom photos bring about substantially different responses — particularly in males. Based on our polling data, and again translated into old-people speak, bisexual women have become fascinating, compelling, illusions of sexuality, quite possibly having moved all the way up to admirable on our mental scales. Bisexual men, though, still spawn often queasy feelings of confusion, unease, and occasionally downright open ooginess. Fascinating, right?
While the top two shots come from modern Penthouse polyamorous play, the last one comes from the “Penthouse Vault” section, an area devoted to remastering and republishing the classic magazine layouts from the lengthy Penthouse history. We would have included one featuring two men and one woman captured during these vintage days, but somehow we could not find one. Apparently bisexual — or at the very least quite comfortable with their sexuality — men did not exist in those days. Who knew?
By the way, we cannot say what you should feel about all of this. Honestly many of us cannot even say for sure what we feel about it. We can tell you, however, that each of these scenarios reveal themselves much more fully in the digital pages of PenthouseGold. That may not mean much to most people, but it gets the “Shameless Plug” portion of our directives out of the way completely, so we’re taking the win.
Rest assured, however, that even in the scenes featuring a woman with two men, the males participants remain at all times respectfully distant from each other — because, y’know, oogey.
The problem is gamers just want to play games; they have no interest in politics or in seeing social justice injected into their hobby.
Case in point is the closure of the controversy-laden Kotaku U.K., the British arm of the prominent media outlet.
Kotaku U.K. was one of several of the U.K.-based Future Publishing’s forays into the online gaming space. Founded in 2014, the publisher picked up localized rights to the Kotaku brand and worked in partnership with its U.S.-based counterparts, with its own writing staff and editorial direction. Unlike the original Kotaku, which also hosts some social justice-oriented articles, the U.K. version was prominent in its promotion of progressive political activism.
While it would be irresponsible to pin the blame entirely on certain writers, the site attained no shortage of infamy when it made routine accusations of “transphobia” about games like Cyberpunk 2077, Persona 5 and Catherine — among many other transgressors.
For most, the site’s closure came as no surprise. The news was overwhelmingly met with celebration on social media. Nothing of value was lost — and gamers found nothing they liked about Kotaku U.K.
Various writers hired for Kotaku U.K. were employed purely for nepotistic reasons rather than for their talents. They used the platform to push their politics down the throats of unassuming readers, who by and large visit the site to find news and information about the games they enjoy.
As Kotaku U.K. was part of a larger organization, it was seemingly used as a stepping-stone for writers to push their agenda and garner internet clout by writing inflammatory articles. Following the inevitable backlash of negative feedback for their opinions, these level nine nonbinary woke druids would become outraged and claim to be victims of an “Alt-Right Gamer” conspiracy, a narrative they have pushed endlessly in the media to demonize anyone who disagrees with them.
For game creators who refuse to conform to the woke agenda, the choice seemed to be either shut up or lose your business. You and your company will be at the mercy of game critics who write article after article, thread after thread on the internet about how toxic your game is. Like a racket, that was how Kotaku U.K. operated, and that’s how many other gaming sites operate today.
In reality, the choice is actually simple — ignore them. As these journalists and their ilk are not the ones driving profit for your company. They’re not the ones buying games. They’re not the ones even playing them.
The truth is woke game journalists are full of wind and bluster, signifying nothing. They don’t have the influence they claim to have, just a platform that’s constantly derided and mocked by the gaming community. Their supposed clout in the industry wasn’t even enough to keep the lights on at Kotaku U.K.
The opinions of game journalists, unpopular as they are, are constantly highly ratioed on social media. Most engagement they receive is negative. It’s a regular sight to witness on social media as droves of people work to challenge their harmful and unfounded clickbait assertions, only for the writers to avoid scrutiny altogether and privatize their accounts, while they wait for the embers of the fire they caused to cool down.
As for the publishers themselves, in order for them to garner trust again with their readers, they should go back to the roots of what made them successful to start with and write articles without an agenda and do some actual reporting on the games themselves.
“We will never win in Afghanistan … it gives us a place to go and be warriors.”
Former Special Forces Major Jim Gant said those words about a decade ago, while assessing the state of that war. A couple years prior, Gant had written an influential policy paper entitled “One Tribe at a Time: A Strategy for Success in Afghanistan.” General David Petraeus called him a modern-day Lawrence of Arabia. Gant earned a reputation in that war for being a master counterinsurgent or going native, depending on who you ask. So this American Spartan (the title of Gant’s 2014 memoir — written by his wife, Ann Scott Tyson) didn’t arrive at his conclusion of the war’s long-term viability without some hard-earned knowledge.
Yet the war goes on. In Afghanistan and beyond. The slow drift of the forever wars (nearing 20 years now, if you can believe it — old enough to buy its own beer) has seen our foreign policy go from the Powell Doctrine, to invasions without exit strategies, to occupations of various phases and fronts. We’ve brought the fight to the enemy from Baghdad to Niger, bombed terrorists from the Hindu Kush to the deserts of Syria. We’ve partnered with Kurds and Pashtuns, Sunni chieftains and Shi’a clerics. Young American servicemembers have died for the Global War on Terror, far from home, in a wide array of violent ways — sometimes believing in the cause, sometimes not.
Twenty years of war. Twenty years of bloodshed. Twenty years is a long-ass time, and also the length of a whole military career. That’s a lot of toil and deploying, even for professional warfighters, and it got me thinking: How are the veterans from early in this war similar to those now enlisting? How are they different? Have the expectations in the ranks changed at all, and how do those expectations differ from those who served pre-9/11 and those who joined up in the immediate aftermath of those attacks?
Will: I worked as a recruiting officer in New York a few years back, so I saw new recruits coming in. They changed a bit, but for the most part it was the same: They wanted to serve their country. Wanted college money, wanted to learn a trade. Now, their relationship to the wars? Yeah, that’s different. I talked to a young private last week, born in 2002. This is their normal.
Terri: Do I think my generation is different than the older ones? Huh. I don’t know. There’s the technology. I guess we’re like “digital natives,” as my dad would say. For Marines a couple years older, combat deployments were guaranteed. Now that’s less common. So maybe that’s a difference?
Ryan: Can’t speak for the other services, but I don’t think much has changed for sailors and the Navy. The mission set is the same: security and deterrence through sustained forward presence. Which is a lot of smart words to say: Be the biggest shark in the ocean — always.
Dion: I definitely noticed changes [in the personality types of soldiers] over my career. When I first came in, you were expected to do the job when ordered — no questions, no explanation needed, especially in combat arms. By the time I had my own platoon, though, explaining missions and objectives was part of the job. In some ways, that was good, made for smarter, more inquisitive soldiers. In other ways … I mean, it’s the green machine. Sometimes you just gotta crack skulls because your sergeant told you to.
Will: Only us old-timers now remember an America at peace. But that’s a lot of why I decided to stay in, make it a career. Same with a lot of people around our age, officer and enlisted. There’s always going to be an enemy. There’s always going to be a fight, somewhere. That sounds bad, I know, but that’s the reality. Best to keep it away from our shores as best we can, so our families can live in peace.
Terri: One of the great things about joining the Marines, about becoming a Marine, is the tradition. They drill it into you at OCS [Officer Candidates School] to the point that it becomes this real, tangible thing you’re aware of honoring and frightened of measuring up to …so for all the changes in generations and stuff, I think it’s the maintaining of excellence that’s most important. Times change, warfare changes, but the meaning of Semper Fidelis [Always Faithful] never does. That’s really cool.
Matt Gallagher is a U.S. Army veteran and the author of three books, including the novel “Empire City” available at Amazon.
Consequently, we couldn’t resist tagging along on her recent trip to Cancun, while shadowing photographer Dewayne Jones — who, y’know, kindly let us snoop.
A fitness enthusiast, Kindly’s social media is filled with shots of her perfectly toned body. Just one look at her photos from all over the world is enough to stir a sense of lust — both wander and otherwise — within her audience that amounts to several million followers.
Hailing from Bowling Green, Kentucky, Kindly counts herself as a lifetime “Big Blue Nation” (Univeristy of Kentucky) superfan, even though she now resides 60 miles down the road in Nashville, Tennessee. As with most people of merit, Kindly also loves animals and loves to travel, so if you’re looking to find a way to her heart, at least now you know where to begin.
Should you wish to catch up with the excellent photographer, Dewayne Jones on your own, the “interscopephotography” Instagram would be an excellent place to begin. Full disclosure, we cannot guarantee that Dewayne will invite you to his next shoot, but the search for inspiration will be worth the effort regardless.
ADDENDUM: So the magazine, being a paper product and thus limited by annoying things like “space” and “cost” and other equally mundane considerations had a quick mini-feature they were going to run after the Kindly layout. They called it “Sneaker Freak” and conceived it starring our own Penthouse Pet Violet Summers. Even after commissioning the professional shoot, they simply ran out of space for the “featurette” in the issue. We, of course, over here in the generally confusing-to-old-print-people world of digital publications have no such limitations, so we decided to go with the original plan. To put this in terms these aged folks should understand, and in the nicest and most respectful way we can imagine, we now wish them all a hearty and unabashedly vociferous neener-neener.
As over 10 million people have already figured out, you can easily find Violet on a current basis over on Instagram as well, but do not forget our own preserved for posterity celebration of her both here, and in a decidedly more revealing fashion over on PenthouseGold. … NOW we can “kindly” bid you farewell. Temporarily.
