Astronauts and the Side Effects

Penthouse takes a brief moment to think about some things most of us have probably never considered as we dreamed of being Astronauts.

The Effects of Space Travel on Astronauts

What happens to our bodies in space?

Astronauts become TALLER. The lack of gravity causes vertebrae to expand, which lengthens the spine.

Space travel gradually flattens the back of the eyeball. Forty-nine percent of long-flight astronauts report vision problems that can persist for years afterward.

Loss of cardiac muscle leads to reshaping of the heart, making it more spherical. Irregular heartbeats and arterial hardening have also been reported.

Exposure to reduced gravity causes muscle fibers to shrink almost immediately.

In space, an astronaut gets exposed to high levels of radiation, which can lead to radiation sickness, cancer, central nervous system effects and degenerative diseases.

Someone in space loses the same amount of bone mass in one month that a woman with postmenopausal osteoporosis can lose in a year.

Astronauts have been shown to lose 1/4 of their aerobic capacity after just two weeks.

On the other hand, just imagine a view like this unobstructed by the atmosphere:

Andromeda Galaxy Courtesy of NASA

Image Courtesy NASA

You would also be at least temporarily free from what can be a hugely annoying bit of modern life. We did think of a real downside, however. The nearest Ben & Jerry’s will be a really long drive.

SOURCE: madgetech / images: Nasa

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Who hates Bill Gates?

Ever wish you could predict the future? Bill Gates can.

“If anything kills over 10 million people in the next few decades, it’s most likely to be a highly infectious virus rather than a war. Not missiles, but microbes. Now, part of the reason for this is that we’ve invested a huge amount in nuclear deterrents. But we’ve actually invested very little in a system to stop an epidemic. We’re not ready for the next epidemic,” the Microsoft co-founder said at a TED talk in Vancouver in 2015.

Gates, the second richest person in the world with more than $113 billion in assets, has also put his money where his mouth is through the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation.

Established at the turn of the century and endowed with close to US$50 billion in assets, it has created financial incentives for the pharmaceutical industry to develop vaccines and therapies to address cholera, typhoid, malaria, polio, HIV/AIDS, diarrhea, and other diseases that continue to kill millions in the developing world.

More recently, the Gates Foundation announced a US$250 million donation for COVID-19 research and relief — ten times more than Gates’ protege Mark Zuckerberg pledged, yet only a quarter of the billion-dollar pledge made by Twitter founder Jack Dorsey. Nonetheless, Gates, who has donated more than $50 billion since 1994 and on paper plans to give away another $100 billion before he passes, is not only the most generous person in the world but the most generous person who ever lived.

But in recent months, Gates, 64, has also become one of the most hated people in the world. According to conspiracy theorists, he is an Emperor Palpatine-like character who has masterfully convinced us of his benevolence, while secretly plotting to implant microchips in people through COVID-19 vaccines in a plot for global surveillance and population control.

Since resurfacing on YouTube, Gate’s TED talk has been seen more than 64 million times and has been used by anti-vaxxers to argue Gates had foreknowledge of COVID-19, and that he cooked up the virus in his lab. Theories linking Gates to the pandemic were mentioned 1.2 million times on television and social media between February and April, making misinformation about the tech baron-cum-philanthropist the most widely spread COVID-19 falsehood, according to media intelligence company Zignal Labs. The second most popular conspiracy theory blames the pandemic on 5G wireless technology and towers.

Investigations by reputable fact-checkers like The Poynter Institute, First Draft, and the American Broadcasting Company that have shown time and time again no evidence exists to back the microchipping theory have not blunted the resolve of the anti-Gates camp. In the U.S., 44 percent of Republicans and 19 percent of Democrats believe Gates is out to get them, according to a survey by Yahoo News.

“Sometimes conspiracies are true. They are not conspiracy theories They are conspiracy facts,” tweeted Michelle Malkin, a political commentator with 2.2 million followers who’s been denounced by Jewish groups because of her support of Holocaust denialists. “There was a poll this week, I can’t remember how many people…what the number was…but it shows [an] increasing number of people have stood up and said I will not take the Gates Vaccine. I will not bow down to jackbooted globalists,” Malkin wrote.

The Bill Gates conspiracy movement introduces some very interesting questions: Why are so many people, many of them educated and worldly, so willing to believe a man committed to ending poverty and saving lives is the devil incarnate? What does Gates himself make of all this? And is there anything fundamentally wrong with a billionaire subsiding the healthcare that governments have failed to provide?

ABOVE SCRUTINY

Not only is Gates the world’s most generous man, but he’s also the smartest, according to Inside Bill’s Brain, a hit new Netflix docuseries. Gates is capable of reading “150 pages per hour” with “90 percent retention” and has a mind like a “CPU,” the series claims, citing his “encyclopedic assessment” of mosquitoes and how these insects transmit disease.

Inside Bill’s Brain also paints Gates as a man with a heart of gold. “Three million times a year parents are burying children because of diarrhea. And in the world where I am spending time in, I’ve never met a single parent who had to bury his child because it died from diarrhea,” Gates said of the moment he decided to reinvent toilets in the developing world.

However, Inside Bill’s Brain is not an objective documentary. It is a carefully calibrated public-relations stunt created, directed, and narrated by a close personal friend who glosses over the back story of how Gates got so bloody rich to begin with: by using monopoly tactics in the software sector that eventually compelled Microsoft to pay billions in fines and settlements for breaching antitrust laws.

“There are not too many people who can be Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker at the same time,” says Dana Gardner, an analyst who has covered Microsoft for more than a decade, told PC World magazine. “To a lot of people, he was the evil empire. He stifled innovation and creativity. He was aggressive in business. Not just aggressive, but hyperaggressive.”

The Gates public-relations juggernaut is not limited to Netflix. Since the pandemic began, Gates has thrust himself into the spotlight as a global vaccination figurehead, appearing on TV, and penned op-ed pages for the likes of The Washington Post that criticize the Trump administration for its lackadaisical handling of the outbreak.

Gates has also criticized the Trump administration for withdrawing funding for the World Health Organization (WHO), whch publicly praised the Chinese Communist Party for a “speedy response” to the new novel coronavirus. However, it was later discovered China labored to cover up the virus in the beginning — a move contagious disease experts say made the pandemic 20 times worse than it would otherwise have been.

Interestingly, the U.S. funding cut made the Gates Foundation WHO’s largest single donor to a tune of $150 million per year, giving Gates even more clout to shape his global health agenda. Inasmuch Gates has shown that philanthropy is a clear path to power and that the healthcare of billions of people is wholly dependent on unelected billionaires like himself.

“I do not think that most billionaire philanthropists have bad intentions, quite the opposite in fact,” says Gwilym David Blunt, a lecturer in international politics at the University of London. “[But] we should ask why we don’t have stronger international organizations that are not beholden to wealthy states or persons [because] too many people in the world have to rely on the generosity of philanthropists. It’s a stark illustration of the gap between the very rich and the very poor.

“You might say that the world is a better place for having billionaire philanthropists in it,” Blunt argues. “That is true. But no one with such power can be above scrutiny.”

BOGEYMAN FOR THEORISTS

Being skeptical about the benevolence of billionaires is reasonable. But writing (or believing) reports by untrained journalists and anonymous bloggers who claim Gates tests his vaccines on Africa’s poorest, maiming and killing thousands of little kids, is not. Nevertheless, misinformation has in recent months proved to be as contagious as COVID-19.

Kate Pine, an adjunct professor at Arizona State University studying psychological reactions to COVID-19, says people are more willing to believe outlandish claims when “they’re inundated with information, but they don’t have the information they want.”

John Cook, an expert on misinformation with George Mason University in Virginia concurs. “When people feel threatened or out of control or they’re trying to explain a big significant event, they’re more vulnerable or prone to turning to conspiracy theories to explain them,” he wrote in an essay for The Conversation. “It gives people more sense of control to imagine that rather than random things happening, there are these shadowy groups and agencies that are controlling it,” he wrote, adding: “Randomness is very discomforting.”

Matthew Hornsey, a social psychologist at the University of Queensland, argues the uncertainty of COVID-19 and restrictions of individual freedoms created a “perfect storm” for conspiracy theories. This includes anxieties about mass surveillance and COVID-19 government apps that exacerbate fears about the potential for microchipping.

“The fear of insertion of tracking chips and other things like that into our bodies has been a longstanding bogeyman for theorists,” says Mark Fenster, a University of Florida law professor. “There is a lot of tracking that goes on. But the suggestion that it’s being used in this manner and this way seems absurd.”

And while it may sound like a conspiracy theory, the Russian government is partly to blame for the Gates-microchip conspiracy, too. In May, the head of the Russian Communist party said “globalists” were supporting “a covert mass chip implantation” agenda. A U.S. State Department report recently found Russia is spreading misinformation about COVID-19 through “state proxy websites.” Don’t trust the U.S. government? Well, you shouldn’t. But the website of Zvezda, a TV channel run by Russia’s ministry of defense, claims “the head of Microsoft held a conditional exercise called Event 201, which simulated an outbreak of a new virus that killed 65 million people in 18 months.” The simulation did take place, but at Johns Hopkins Center for Health Security, the world’s leading authority on contagious diseases. And it was designed to help governments plan fast and effective responses — not as a dry run in an evil plot to eradicate an unwanted chunk of the human population.

For a long time, Gates refused to comment on the online war being waged against him, leaving it up to employees like Mark Suzman, CEO of the Gates Foundation, to put things right. “It’s distressing that there are people spreading misinformation when we should all be looking for ways to collaborate and save lives,” Suzman said. “Right now, one of the best things we can do to stop the spread of Covid-19 is spread the facts.”

But in June, Gates finally let her rip. “It is troubling that there is so much craziness,” he told the BBC. “When we develop the [COVID-19] vaccine we will want 80 percent of the population to take it, and if they have heard it is a plot and we don’t have people willing to take the vaccine that will let the disease continue to kill people.

“We are just giving money away, we write the checks,” Gates insisted. “We do think about let’s protect children against disease, but it is nothing to do with microchips and that type of stuff. You almost have to laugh.”

EYES WIDE SHUT

Part of the appeal of conspiracies is that their creators tend to be outsiders — independent sources who generally lack relevant experience and expertise but consider themselves the only ones in the world smart enough to see a higher truth.

Conspiracy theories are self-serving because they “can never be disproven,” explains Jennifer Mercieca, author of Demagogue for President: The Rhetorical Genius of Donald Trump. “He who wields conspiracy is very powerful because he can point suspicion in any direction he likes.”

But when conspiracies are exposed by reputable sources and backed up with detailed numerical research that takes time and patience to absorb, the public uptake is much slower — if at all, according to Cook from George Mason University. “Our brains are built for making quick snap judgments. It’s really hard for us to take the time and effort to think through things, fact-check, and assess,” he says.

The Bill Gates’s Charity Paradox, a lengthy investigation published by The Nation, offers a textbook example. The author, investigative journalist Tim Schwab, looked into more than 19,000 different charitable grants made by the Gates Foundation. His findings are startling.

In the past 20 years, the Gates Foundation made philanthropic grants worth $2 billion to multibillion-dollar corporations like GlaxoSmithKline, Unilever, IBM, and NBC Universal Media. Schwab also found around $250 million in grants given to companies in which the Gates Foundation holds shares or bonds: Merck, Novartis, GlaxoSmithKline, Vodafone, Sanofi, Ericsson, LG, Medtronic, and Teva, to name a few. “A foundation giving a charitable grant to a company that it partly owns — and stands to benefit from financially — would seem like an obvious conflict of interest,” Schwab wrote.

The Gates Foundation refused to answer Schwab’s questions, saying only that “grants are implemented through a mixture of nonprofit and for-profit partners, making it difficult to evaluate exact spending.”

No Such Thing as a Free Gift, a book by University of Essex sociology professor Linsey McGoey, also uncovered huge philanthropic grants made by The Gates Foundation to for-profit companies, including a $19 million donation to a Mastercard affiliate in 2014 to promote the usage of “financial products by poor adults.”

“It’s been a quite unprecedented development, the amount that the Gates Foundation is gifting to corporations,” McGoey wrote. “I find that flabbergasting.”

Even more alarming is the fact that all these grants are tax deductions.

“By Bill and Melinda Gates’s estimations, they have seen an 11 percent tax savings on their $36 billion in charitable donations through 2018, resulting in around $4 billion in avoided taxes,” Schwab wrote. “[But] independent estimates from tax scholars…indicate that multibillionaires see tax savings of at least 40 percent. For Bill Gates, [that] would amount to $14 billion — when you factor in the tax benefits that charity offers to the super rich.”

Despite the multibillion tax trick Schwab’s investigation unearthed, The Bill Gates’s Charity Paradox It’s been mentioned by more than one person. Maybe change to “has been mentioned by few on Twitter, including: Titus Frost, an anonymous self-declared “journalist” and “researcher” with more than 20,000 followers. His tweet on Schwab’s investigation generated nine likes from his followers, the same number generated by another post Frost shared headlined “Pirates Versus Gay Pedo Wizards.” Meanwhile, the #ExposeBillGates hashtag has been retweeted more than 178,000 occasions and accompanied by claims Gates is plotting to block out the sun.

HOW TO ARGUE WITH FOOLS

I’m at a bar talking to a woman. She is well-traveled and has interesting things to say. But when the topic of COVID-19 comes up, she brushes her hand through the air to indicate it’s all nonsense. “I will never take the coronavirus vaccine,” she says. “I don’t need it. I can cure myself. If I have children, I will never let them get vaccinated with anything.”

I ask if she was vaccinated against measles, whooping cough, and polio as a child. She says she was.

“Those vaccines probably saved your life or in the case of polio, your legs,” I tell her. “You benefitted from them but now hate them? And you won’t let your children benefit in the same way?”

“I can cure myself,” she repeats. “Anyone can. We have natural immunity. Look at a tree. If you cut a branch off, it doesn’t go running to the hospital. It secretes sap to heal itself.”

I am tempted to tell her she’s a moron who couldn’t cure a rasher of bacon let alone a virus that has baffled every single scientist on the planet. But I know nothing I say is going to change her mind, so I mumble an excuse about being late for something and take my leave.

“It’s hard to argue with conspiracy theorists because their theories are self-sealing,” says Cook of George Mason University. “Even the absence of evidence for a theory becomes evidence for the theory.”

But other experts say it is possible to argue with conspiracy theorists — and to change their minds.

The one thing you should not do when trying to debunk a conspiracy theory is to take poke fun at it or repost it on social media while poking fun at it, writes Whitney Phillips, co-author of You Are Here: A Field Guide for Navigating Polluted Information.

“Making fun of something spreads that thing just as quickly as sharing it sincerely would [because] the information ecology doesn’t give a shit [about] why anyone does what they do online. Sharing is sharing is sharing,” Phillips says, adding that respectful engagement is far more effective.

“From there you can aim your debunking at a target, like shooting a water gun through a hole in a fence,” she argues. “There’s no guarantee the person will be convinced by your correction, but at least the message is going to land where they can see it. Hooting jokes about the theory, in contrast, is like throwing a bucket of water at the same fence. You might make an impression on passersby, but otherwise, all you’ll have is splashback.”

Is detailed research-based argument — the method I have used in this article — a better way to sway the minds of conspiracy theorists?

Not according to Professor Mark Lorch, who teaches public engagement and science communication at the University of Hull in the U.K., who cites the popular science-entertainment TV show Mythbusters to prove his point: “You might be tempted to take a lead from popular media by tackling misconceptions and conspiracy theories via the myth-busting approach. Naming the myth alongside the reality seems like a good way to compare the fact and falsehoods side by side so that the truth will emerge. But it appears to elicit something that has come to be known as ‘the backfire effect’ whereby the myth ends up becoming more memorable than the fact.”

A more effective strategy, Lorch says, is to altogether ignore the myth or conspiracy theory and get straight to the point with short, sharp, accurate jabs.

In the case of the woman I spoke with who thinks she can cure COVID-19 and vaccines are harmful, what I should’ve said, according to this expert, is that “vaccines are safe and reduce your chances of getting the flu by 50 and 60 percent. Full stop. Next subject. What do you think about Bill Gates?”

For a more malevolent view of the situation, you might need to look back at our our most recent article on PenthouseMagazine.com to expand your imagination. For more on the Bill Gates Foundation, peruse away.

Germs in the Arsenal

Week after week early on, news about the coronavirus outbreak that began in Wuhan, China, in late 2019 kept getting worse. And with each passing day, the only thing we learned was how little we knew about it.

In places around the world, the number of infections and fatalities kept doubling. Every day brought another story of a city, region, or whole country on lockdown. As with any high-profile, high-drama story, misinformation spread wildly. And because so much of what we heard was contradictory, it was easy to become unsure about what material to trust. Paranoia seemed almost mandatory.

Initially we were told the virus was transmitted from animals to humans at an open-air “wet market” in Wuhan. Then we heard that China’s premier high-security bioweapons lab is only a few hundred yards from that wet market.

Chinese doctors suddenly appeared with dire warnings about the outbreak and then disappeared just as quickly, leaving the world wondering if they were permanently silenced by the virus or by authorities. Even though the World Health Organization early on declared this new strain of the virus to be a global health emergency, Chinese officials wouldn’t permit physicians from America’s Centers for Disease Control to enter the region and conduct independent tests.

Some Russian media outlets said the virus was an American-made bioweapon designed to cripple a Chinese economy that’s putting its United States counterpart to shame. Other outlets claimed Chinese military officials were making the same allegation.

Meanwhile, American radio host Rush Limbaugh said the virus is likely “a ChiCom laboratory experiment” being used as part of a grander Chinese scheme to destroy Donald Trump.

Others insisted Chinese scientists stole the virus from a Canadian lab, while some said it was part of a population-control plot hatched at a private British institute.

At the start, when the only casualties were Asian, there were rumors that the virus was engineered specifically to kill Asians.

It all sounds crazy, right? An engineered virus, not a tragic twist of nature?

Except it gets less wacky and paranoid when you consider that for centuries, governments, armies, and lone-wolf terrorists have deliberately infected people with deadly biological agents.

Did A Medieval Siege Launch the Black Death?

The earliest recorded occurrence of biological warfare comes in the Hittite texts of 1500-1200 B.C., which describe victims of tularemia — aka rabbit fever — being relocated into enemy territory to cause an epidemic. In the fourth century B.C., Scythian archers would dip arrowheads into animal feces to add infectious potential to their flesh-piercing points. Ancient Roman warriors were said to dip their swords into excrement and corpses, leaving victims both slashed and infected with tetanus.

In what may be history’s deadliest use of bioweapons, the outbreak of bubonic plague — the Black Death — that ravaged Europe in the mid-1300s may have started, some believe, during the 1346 siege of the Crimean city of Kaffa, when the plague-infected corpses of Mongol warriors were tossed over walls into the fortified town. It’s speculated that the inhabitants of Kaffa were then infected, leading to a continental domino effect that may have snuffed out as many as 25 million European lives.

The last known incident of an army attacking its enemy with plague-infected corpses occurred in 1710, when Russian aggressors tossed cadavers over the walls of Reval in Sweden.

It’s well known that the European conquest of the New World was facilitated far less by military aggression than by all the diseases — smallpox, measles, influenza, the bubonic plague, and more — Europeans brought over with them. Some historians estimate that these scourges killed up to 95 percent of the New World’s indigenous population. However, this mass death was almost entirely accidental. The only recorded incident of a deliberate sickening of native people involved the “gift” in 1763 of two smallpox-infected blankets from British soldiers to Delaware Indians. A letter from one British commander to another expressed the intent to “Inocculate the Indians by means of Blankets, as well as to try Every other method that can serve to Extirpate this Execrable Race.”

Though it’s not clear whether the blankets successfully transmitted smallpox to the Delaware Indians, smallpox subsequently took the lives of 500,000 to 1.5 million Native Americans.

World Wars, Biobombs, and Fever Spray

The first World War brought unprecedented carnage to Europe. It also featured more sophisticated methods of germ warfare, thanks to advances in microbiology. German agents used anthrax and glanders to weaken Romanian sheep, Argentinian livestock, and French and American cavalry horses. On the flip side, French saboteurs infected German-bound horses with glanders.

As for World War II, evidence strongly suggests that in the Battle of Stalingrad, Russian forces deliberately infected up to 100,000 German soldiers with a rare respiratory form of rabbit fever. The mode of transmission was most likely an aerosol spraying campaign. The most notorious WWII bioweapons facility was the Japanese military’s Unit 731, a sprawling compound of 150 or so buildings near the Chinese city of Harbin. By deliberately planting typhoid fever and cholera into Chinese water systems, as well as dropping ceramic containers holding plague-infected fleas onto Chinese cities, Unit 731’s biological weapons are thought to have killed anywhere from 200,000 to 580,000 people.

In what was known as “Operation Cherry Blossoms at Night,” Japanese forces planned to target San Diego with balloons containing plague-infected fleas, but Japan surrendered a month before the operation’s launch date.

The Cold War and Weaponizing Germs

Invading Russian forces captured some of Unit 731’s operatives, but most faced no postwar confinement (or prosecution) after cutting a deal with the Americans to share classified data about their unprecedentedly cruel experiments on live subjects. Throughout the Cold War, communist propagandists accused America of using bioweapons, whether against enemy forces during the Korean War or by systematically treating the Cuban populace as biological guinea pigs.

Although the U.S. denies these allegations — as you might expect — what’s undisputed is that America started its own bioweapons program during WWII and kept it running until the end of the sixties. The U.S. Army Biological Warfare Laboratories were established at Maryland’s Camp Detrick in the spring of 1943. Before being shut down by Richard Nixon’s executive order in 1969 — a year when the program’s budget approached $300 million — Army technicians researched smallpox, anthrax, brucellosis, botulism, plague, hantavirus, yellow fever, typhus, bird flu, and other diseases. The biological weapons they produced were then tested at Dugway Proving Grounds in Utah, as well as other open-air venues, often upon unsuspecting civilians.

During 1954’s “Operation Big Itch,” cardboard bombs containing hundreds of thousands of uninfected fleas were dropped to see if the fleas would remain alive and attach themselves to human hosts — which they did.

In May 1955’s “Operation Big Buzz,” 300,000 mosquitoes infected with yellow fever were dispersed by air and on the ground across parts of Georgia. And in “Project Bellwether” during the late 1950s and early 1960s, researchers at Dugway Proving Grounds continued dropping untold numbers of infected mosquitoes onto an unwitting American public.

During Senate subcommittee hearings in 1977, Army officials revealed that between 1949 and 1969, they conducted 239 open-air tests of biological agents on unaware soldiers and civilians. In September 1950, a U.S. Navy ship sprayed the pathogen Serratia marcescens toward the shores of San Francisco for a solid week. Subsequent testing revealed the pathogen had traveled more than 30 miles, leading to a sudden spike in pneumonia and rare urinary tract infections.

In 1951, the Army exposed African-Americans to the fungus Aspergillus fumigatus to determine if they were more vulnerable than whites to the infection.

In 1966’s infamous “Subway Experiment,” researchers dropped bacteria-filled light bulbs onto tracks in midtown Manhattan and discovered the microbes spread for miles.

In a 1968 report, the Army concluded that, “Similar covert attacks with a pathogenic disease-causing agent during peak traffic periods could be expected to expose large numbers of people to infection and subsequent illness or death.”

Since the Cold War was one giant death race, the Soviets were busy stockpiling their own caches of biological weapons. Together, the Soviets and Americans produced enough nasty germs and viruses to kill everyone on Earth several times over. In the 1920s, predating even the atrocities of Unit 731, Soviet authorities experimented with typhus, glanders, and melioidosis on live human subjects at the gulag on the Solovetsky Islands. In the 1970s, even though they had signed a pledge to discontinue bioweapons development, the Russians’ Biopreparat program employed an estimated 50,000 people.

Since humans are prone to error, this led to an accidental aerosol release of smallpox in 1971 that sickened ten and killed three. It also led to an accidental leak of anthrax in 1979 that claimed more than a hundred lives. It’s speculated that if winds had been blowing in the opposite direction, anthrax would have spread into urban areas and possibly killed hundreds of thousands. In a top-secret 1980s program ironically dubbed “Ecology,” the Soviet Ministry of Agriculture developed variants of livestock-killing diseases designed to be sprayed from airplanes over hundreds of miles.

Thirty years ago, after the lead Soviet scientist investigating the bioweapon potential of lethal Marburg virus died of the disease, authorities discovered that the variant taken from the man’s organs was more powerful than the original. The Soviet Ministry of Defense weaponized this new, super-deadly strain, which they called “Variant U.”

But lest you think it was only the Americans and Soviets, the U.K. conducted bioweapon experiments throughout the first half of last century and became the first nation to successfully weaponize biological weapons for mass production. British researchers also bombarded Scotland’s Gruinard Island with anthrax for more than half a century. Although Israel denies it, the International Red Cross reported that during the 1948 War for Independence, an Israeli militia released Salmonella typhi bacteria into the water supply of Acre, leading to an outbreak of typhoid fever in the port city.

During the Rhodesian Bush War (1964-1979), the Rhodesian government deliberately contaminated water along the Mozambique border with cholera. After the Persian Gulf War in 1991, Iraq admitted it had produced 19,000 liters of concentrated botulinum toxin, and loaded 10,000 liters onto military weapons. As far as China’s bioweapons program goes, it’s anyone’s guess. The country’s officials are masters of propaganda and secrecy, leading to the possibility that we may never be able to definitively rule out the idea of an intentional origin for this new coronavirus strain.

Biological Terrorism

Compared to conventional incendiary weapons, bioweapons are easy and cheap to produce — as well as difficult to detect. Not to mention a would-be DIY bioterrorist can take as many lives with a nickel’s worth of rogue germs as a government could with $10,000 in conventional weapons. The documentary Bioterror quotes Larry Wayne Harris, identified only as “a former member of a white supremacist group,” who explains how cheap and simple it is for ordinary citizens to acquire deadly toxins.

“Biologicals level the playing field,” Harris points out. “Before [there were] governments with massive stockpiles of nuclear weapons, with aircraft carriers, with all types of machine guns, stuff of this nature. The private populace did not have these. But trying to use a tank against a bottle of germs is stupid.”

In 1972, Chicago police arrested a pair of radical leftist college students who had planned to poison the city’s water supply with typhus.

In what’s known as the single largest bioterrorist attack in American history, in 1984, Oregon cultists who followed Indian guru Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh deliberately poured a brown liquid containing salmonella into salad bars at ten local restaurants in an attempt to incapacitate a sufficient number of ordinary citizens to swing an election in the cult’s favor. A total of 751 people were poisoned, 45 of whom were hospitalized, but no one died.

In 2001, a week after the 9/11 terrorist attacks, Americans were gripped with fear about a rash of letters containing anthrax spores that were sent to public officials. At least 22 people were made sick by the letters, and five people died, including two postal workers.

It remains to be seen how much total death and destruction this coronavirus pandemic will cause before a vaccine arrives, if one does.

Those who speculate about a lab origin for the virus can point to clues, rather than hard evidence or expert consensus. But is such speculation pure lunacy? It’s a pretty crazy world right now. Crazy developments seem the new norm. And bioweapons are very real. Sometimes it seems a little crazy thinking is warranted. Elton Cornell is a lover of fine wine, curvy women, and V-8 engines. He’s always right, but he takes no pleasure in it because the rest of the world is always wrong.

Historic Perspective on Germs

The strain of coronavirus that emerged in late 2019 in Wuhan, China, spread throughout the globe and is thus officially a pandemic — a term describing an outbreak occurring across multiple continents. The virus has claimed more than 300,000 lives as the world holds its breath and hopes things don’t go from very bad to apocalyptic.

The following diseases have led to the deadliest pandemics in history. Since these fatalities have occurred over centuries, even millennia, under conditions where record-keeping was often sloppy at best, the body counts are only estimated.

SMALLPOX (VIRAL)
Estimated All-Time Death Toll: 300-500 MILLION

Spread with alarming ease through contact with infected persons — or even items that they’ve merely touched — smallpox begins with a rash that leads to pus-filled blisters that lead to scabs and scars and lesions and howling pain and blindness and death. It’s been cutting human lives short for 12,000 years and was one of the deadliest agents in the near-genocide of Native Americans that occurred after Europeans arrived bearing their Old World diseases.

MEASLES (VIRAL)
Estimated All-Time Death Toll: 300 MILLION

Able to live two hours in airspace where someone’s coughed or sneezed, measles is so infectious it will sicken nine of ten unvaccinated/nonimmune people in one household. In 2000, measles was declared eliminated in the U.S., but last year, with more kids not being vaccinated, cases approached 1,300. Globally, it still kills nearly a million annually. In 1875, on the island of Fiji, measles cut down a third of the population; survivors torched entire villages, often burning the sick alive.

MALARIA (PARASITIC)
Estimated All-Time Death Toll: 300 MILLION

Spread via mosquito bite, a staggering 350-600 million new cases of malaria occur every year with a fatality rate of just under a half of one percent. Malaria’s existence has been documented since at least the time of the ancient Roman Empire (where it was known as “Roman Fever”), and its prevalence is thought to have been a contributing factor in pulling ancient Rome down into the Dark Ages.

BUBONIC PLAGUE (BACTERIAL)
Estimated All-Time Death Toll: 250 MILLION

Transmitted through bites from fleas who became infected after sucking the blood of diseased rats, the bubonic plague almost wiped out Europe twice — during the Plague of Justinian (541-542), in which half of the continent’s population died, and during the more infamous “Black Death” (1346-1353), which by some estimates wiped out two-thirds of Europe’s entire population. The last great plague pandemic was in China during the 1850s and took out 12 million souls.

INFLUENZA (VIRAL)
Estimated All-Time Death Toll: 200 MILLION

History’s deadliest flu pandemic was the so-called “Spanish Flu” of 1918-1920, which infected one-third of the entire world’s population and killed anywhere from 50-100 million people. It coincided with World War I but almost doubled that bloody conflict’s overall death toll. It was so widespread that even the King of Spain and U.S. President Woodrow Wilson came down with the bug. There have been other flu pandemics such as the Russian Flu and the Hong Kong Flu, but none have come close to the Spanish Flu’s murderous ferocity.

TUBERCULOSIS (BACTERIAL)
Estimated All-Time Death Toll: 200 MILLION

Since it’s an airborne germ and the air is free, an estimated one in every three living humans has been exposed to TB. The infection will remain latent and non-transmissible in 90-95 percent of cases. But when the infection becomes active, symptoms include night sweats, chills, chest pain, and coughing up blood. If left untreated, TB can mean a quick trip to the grave.

CHOLERA (BACTERIAL)
Estimated All-Time Death Toll: 100 MILLION

Acquired primarily through contaminated water and causing dehydration, vomiting, and pale, slightly milky diarrhea, cholera has been documented since the time of the ancient Greek physician Hippocrates. It remained relatively quiet for several centuries, until a series of seven pandemics emerged from India’s Ganges River starting in 1817 and persisting through the 1900s. In the 1990s, a new strain of cholera was detected that may signal a looming eighth pandemic.

TYPHUS (BACTERIAL)
Estimated All-Time Death Toll: 50 MILLION

Typically spread via lice or fleas, dirty water, crowded jail cells, or other conditions involving poor sanitation, typhus starts off with flulike symptoms before causing telltale red dots to spread all over the body. The dots blossom into foul-smelling open sores while the victim’s mind unspools into feverish delirium. A slow, painful death follows. It’s suspected that typhus caused the Plague of Athens (430 B.C.), killing a quarter of the city’s population. As Napoleon retreated from Moscow in 1812, more of his soldiers died from typhus than were killed by Russians. Speaking of Russians, three million of them fell victim to typhus during World War I alone.

AIDS (VIRAL)
Estimated All-Time Death Toll: 40 MILLION

Believed to have first been transmitted from chimps to humans in West Africa in the 1920s, close to two-thirds of global HIV cases are still clustered in Africa. South of the Sahara, an estimated five percent of the population is currently HIV-positive, meaning the overall death toll may eclipse 90-100 million in the next five years. After emerging in Africa, the virus was spotted in Haiti in the 1960s, then moved quietly to New York and San Francisco in the 1970s. It finally made global headlines in the early 1980s when a mysterious “gay cancer” was correlated to a sudden spike in deaths among young gay men.

Not to make light of a horrible situation, but this article could help make your global protests a bit more effective. Just sayin’ ….

Penthouse Halloween 2020

No doubt Halloween 2020 will different from the Halloweens we have become used to over the years. As with everything in the COVID-19 world, you might as well adapt. Obviously we should all VOTE next Tuesday, if for no other reason than to try and cut down the inescapable noise permeating our existence these days, but for the most part the Rage Against the Machine mentality will accomplish nothing much more than it ever has. You can beat your head against a wall all you want, but odds are good you will just end up with a bad headache.

Consequently, when the Penthouse Social Media Team offered up some of their creations for the Penthouse Halloween 2020 and said we could use the media, we readily agreed happily. The problem came with the instruction to “choose between” Pets Naomi Swan and Sabina Rouge. We will fill you in on a little secret here: When you give the Digital Team a choice between two Pets, we will always choose both.

So what you have here may seem a trifle confusing, it being basically two Penthouse Halloween 2020 promotions played back to back. Honestly, though, why should that be a problem? In fact, we were even able to wade through literally hundreds of photographs of Naomi and Sabina in order to offer up some entertaining still image celebration for the season. (That process might be more difficult than you think, and Penthouse Pets do not as a rule really, really love wearing clothes. So that’s a thing.) Granted, we have more treats than tricks here, but we were fairly confident that no one here would mind.

So what did we learn at this end, remembering we are a privileged yet jaded bunch around here? Well, basically that Naomi Swann has odd taste in party dates, and should you invite Sabina Rouge over to your place for a party, you might want to carve that roast beast yourself. She looks just a tad scary wielding that chef’s knife. That said, absolutely invite as many Pets as you can.

Let’s be honest: Not all things are better in moderation. Happy Halloween 2020, everybody. Eat some candy (or at least something else really good).

Considering you might want to know a bit more about Naomi Swann and Sabina Rouge, we decided to make that easy. Trick or Treat!

Landlord Sex — Return of the Barter System

Landlords Ask For Sex Instead Of Rent During Coronavirus

In 2016, Landlord Sex was porn’s fastest rising new genre. With the cost of living and rent increasing, owning property was the millennial dream. Property porn allowed us an escape – to view houses we could never afford … while banging busty real estate agents on the dining room table during the open-home viewing. It was the ultimate millennial fantasy.

And while some fantasies are best left as fantasies, that hasn’t stopped some landlords in the US from using the pandemic as a pick-up line. According to BuzzFeed News, some landlords are requesting sex in lieu of cash from those who can’t afford to pay rent right now.

With significant layoffs, and the fact the total of unemployed Americans sits at 22 million (and counting), only 69 per cent of renters in the US were able to pay their rent in the first week of April.

One woman, who lost her income due to the coronavirus pandemic, said she texted a potential landlord inquiring about a more affordable property, and he responded with a dick pic.

“We’ve received more cases at our office in the last two days than we have in the last two years,” one women’s advocate told BuzzFeed News.

Another recently unemployed woman asked her landlord if she could postpone rent payments until she could return to work. He replied by telling her she come over and spoon him instead.

Desperate measures call for desperate pleasures.


So that’s how the article from Penthouse Australia arrived in our offices, and it may be “fine” and even marginally interesting — albeit not very surprising, truth be told. Still, saying life continues to suck in America and then quoting BuzzFeed seemed to be lacking the expected depth, something rather critical to us. We do try to do more than just phone it in on this side of the world, even if we happen to be working from home.

Then we figured out what we needed. We real-quick brought in a couple of free-web-friendly, season-appropriate, shots of Rachel that went live on PenthouseGold and PenthouseVault a couple of days ago. (Basically, if you like videos, modern galleries, and the erotica in Letters, you want PenthouseGold. If you just want to experience the vintage layouts from the days when photographers used film and print magazines dominated the industry, you can pay less money and join PenthouseVault. With either choice, you will also get the more “revealing” shots of Rachel, of course.

And the moral of the story? When in doubt, go for Earl Miller. We do.

Lovin’ Us Some Alexis Love

Where Are They Now? … Alexis Love

Alexis says she “spent a few rewarding years feature dancing,” and then became an aesthetician. (Somehow that makes perfect sense, right?)

But according to Ms. Alexis Love, she still loves reconnecting with old fans and making new ones at her OnlyFans account. We do not find that particularly surprising, of course. You see, what started out as a way to keep paying rent during all the lockdowns has turned into a, “I’m sorry. You want me to come sit around a dirty set with a bunch of potentially infected people all day for how much money?” sort of a new reality.

Alexis Love Glamour Shot

Contrary to some beliefs out there, the women who get into this business do not always make the decision because they are stupid. As with any industry, you will find some folks with highly evolved levels of theoretical and philosophical rumination capacity. You will also find others who have those abilities … not so much, really. Still, voluntarily dealing with all the family, or public, or housing, or any number of “other” fields of harassment potential takes a special kind of person. Not to destroy the fantasy here, but they do not choose this profession only because they want to get laid. Any of these women could pretty much get that at any bar, any time, anywhere.

So at least hold your opinions in check when you meet them, or get a chance to talk to them online. In fact you can test our theory simply by looking up Alexis. Who knows? Maybe, you’ll, y’know, learn some additional interesting things @teamalexislove.

Oh! Regarding the single beautiful, albeit lonely, photograph here, we can explain. Alexis sent us a whole bunch of new pictures, honestly. She still seems to have an aversion to clothing, though, which does not fit within the Penthouse standards for publication out in the world where sensitive eyes might see. We did put the set up for the members of PenthouseGold (yesterday, in fact), but in order to see them, they’re going to want to charge you. (They love Alexis Love differently than we do, you see.)

Surely it would be worth every penny just to see Alexis Love alone, but we hate to appear sneaky. Alexis would not Love that.

Photograph (and the others inside) by Ryan Calerdon

Lockdown Halloween Party with Cam Girls

Lockdown is still very much a thing in the United States … so that doesn’t leave much room for a Halloween celebration. No bar hopping, no house parties, no ding-dong ditching, no outside crowds, no checking out hot chicks in their slutty maid outfits … which is, obviously, the best part of the night. We had memorable times on Halloween when we would go to bars or attend massive events just to look at beautiful babes in sexy outfits. Then maybe we could spark up sexual tension with a slutty witch or a big-breasted ballerina. And if the night went as planned, we were in for one hell of a one-night stand. But times are different now. Everything we’ve been doing these past seven months has been virtual- even contact with beautiful strangers. So, if everything is virtual, does that mean we can have a virtual Halloween party? Maybe one that ‘still’ ends with a one-night stand?

There are thousands of hot chicks who are celebrating Halloween this year. Camster.com has beautiful women all over the world who are dressing up. While we’re stuck inside fantasizing about that slutty nurse outfit or tight kitty cat suit, we can find girls in these outfits just by going online. Not only are these cam girls dressing up, but they pretty much guarantee a one-night stand. That’s kind of the main purpose why these girls became cam models- they’re looking for someone across the screen who will make them cum.

So when we’re in the mood to party this Halloween- live sex chat is where it’s at.

In fact, audience members can participate in the site’s Halloween contest. There will be a costume contest for models that viewers can vote on. Customers can also hand out virtual pumpkins. The models will receive a special prize, which leads to fulfilling every man’s desire. This could include dirty talk, roleplay, dildo fun, jerk-off instruction, and plenty more. There are cash prizes for the costume and pumpkin hunt contest winners- prices ranging from $100-$1,500. Customers can also enjoy game nights and raffles during these contests.

Something else to look forward to- roleplay is bound to take on an entirely new form in the season of the witch. These cam girls are already in costume so they’re set to bring their characters to life. It’s one thing to fantasize about the sexy vampire succubus on the street- it’s another to find a girl right across the computer screen who will ‘become’ that demonic seductress as she lures horny men to her lair.

Vampires not your thing though? Maybe you’ll find the ethereal princess or glowing mermaid online who wants to take you under the sea for some underwater sex. You may also find slutty Dorothy who’s waiting to cum in the merry old land of Oz. Isn’t dress-up fun?

Check out some of the top cam girls on the site who might play your favorite role in a very special Lockdown Halloween. Just put in a special request in their chatrooms and they’ll be happy to make this Halloween more magical than most of us probably expected it to be.

Sophia Sanchez

Lockdown Halloween with Sophia Sanchez

“Sophia is so so incredible. Incredibly sweet and sexy with one of the best ‘do me’ looks I’ve ever seen. You won’t ever regret time spent with Sophia.”

Angel Sweety

“Angel is a true barbie doll. She is gorgeous from head to toes. She has an angelic face, huge twins, perfect legs, a nice round rear end, athletic strong thighs, perfect toned legs, and cute feet. She looks like a college cheerleader, but with bigger twins.”

Olive Ray

“She is absolutely the hottest girl here. You ask, she does. She loves to cum and you can hear her cum!”

Bea Sweets

Lockdown Halloween with Bea Sweets

“So sexy. Love her body, WOW, and she’s flexible!”

Mia Wood

“Mia couldn’t look any prettier than she already does! With her stunning eyes, beautiful lips, absolutely gorgeous smile, phenomenal breasts, and the best booty for the world to see, she is simply amazing.”

Find thousands of cam girls on Camster.com and celebrate your own Lockdown Halloween this year. …

(And explore some of our earlier features, should you be feeling adventurous.)

Intentional HIV

Why These Cuban Punks Injected Themselves With HIV

For those on the outside, it’s hard to understand the punk mentality. That’s sort of the point. Being ‘punk’ is about shocking your parents, rebelling against norms and creating a counterculture wholly separate from stifling mainstream conformity. However, sometimes that devil-may-care attitude goes too far.

This was certainly the case for the Cuban punks who injected themselves with HIV-infected blood in the early 1990s. As foolish as it seems now, for the small group of dissident rockers and punks living in the confines of the tiny island nation, self-administering one of the deadliest diseases in the world was a way to escape on their own terms from a harshly oppressive regime that sought to eliminate their existence.

This tragic story of misspent youth started on Christmas Day, 1991. The Hammer and Sickle flag was lowered over the Kremlin for the last time and along with other Soviet satellites around the world, Cuba was cut loose and left to fend for itself. For the Cuban people, who were already amid an economic crisis, this was disastrous. The Cuban economy up until that point was floated primarily by Soviet support. Harsh trade restrictions imposed by the United States meant that the socialist republic relied on the Russians for about 80 per cent of its imports and exports. This was the beginning of a time Fidel Castro euphemistically referred to as the “special period”.

It’s not unusual for leaders of faltering states to tighten the screws and crackdown on dissident behaviour. And for a young punk who idolised a distinctly westernised brand of rebellion, the ‘special period’ was tough. If you were the sort of kid who grew a Mohawk, pierced any available surface and rocked out to the Ramones, you were likely to find yourself in direct conflict with the National Revolutionary Police Force — or worse — the army, who routinely beat, incarcerated and forced any young punks who dared stand up to the authority of the state into labour camps.

What’s a nonconformist to do when the beatings get too much and forced labour is in direct contradiction to everything they stand for? The solution for a tribe of punks and rockers who called themselves Los Frikis was to intentionally contract HIV. Sounds crazy, which it was, but there was a rationale behind this seemingly pointless act of self-destruction. “We gave ourselves AIDS to liberate ourselves from society and these laws about obligatory work, and to live in our own world,” said Luis Enrique Delgado, a Friki who was interviewed by Newsweek magazine in 1994.

The Intentional HIV Result

But rebellion wasn’t the only thing on their minds. Being HIV positive was a ticket to special sanitariums set up to quarantine infected individuals. Outside of the military’s control, the institutions were run by progressive public health officials who gave the patients access to food, medicine, and other comforts such as air-conditioning, that were scarce in Cuba. And perhaps more importantly, Los Frikis were allowed to be themselves.

The sanitariums became hubs of creativity. Gay men lived together, art classes and theatre troupes formed and loud heavy rock music blasted from the inhabitants’ dorms — it was an oasis of alternative culture in an otherwise inhospitable nation. As more rebellious kids caught wind of what was going on, the more HIV spread to bolster the Frikis’ ranks.

Juan Carlos Quintana, another young Friki who was interviewed by Newsweek, injected himself when he was 17 because he had fallen in love with an HIV-infected girl. They were married in the sanitarium, but by the time the interview took place, his wife had already succumbed to the disease. Juan Carlos, like most of the other Frikis, eventually died in a similar fashion. It’s hard to know if in those early days of the AIDS crisis they truly appreciated that a cure wasn’t coming or that adequate treatment would still be decades away from being perfected.

Was it worth it? In their defiance, they ended up hurting only themselves, so it would seem not. At least they got a little taste of freedom, even if for only a short while.

[Possibly, but Intentional HIV still ranks right up there with the stupidest ideas ever. -Ed. … Should you desire more rumination regarding those who revel in being “Punks” in the world, we have touched on the topic previously.]

The Virtual Orgy Explosion

People Are Having Orgies on ZOOM

Are you a Netflix or a Virtual Orgy kind of guy?

While COVID-19 caused elite sex club Snctm to cancel their infamous New York orgy for celebrities and the super-rich, London-based swingers club Killing Kittens wasn’t going to let a little pandemic shutter their hedonism. In March, the club hosted their first virtual orgy via video conferencing platform, Zoom, for 100 horny masked members, giving them a peek into 55 households; the conversation dotted with risqué burlesque and fire performances. While it’s obviously impossible to shag 54 other couples via the internet, Killing Kittens Founder Emma Sayle clarified the intention prior to the two-hour sexy house party by saying, “Obviously there’s not an actual orgy in place, but it’s adult, there will be a lot of nakedness and lingerie on display and people challenging each other to do certain things with each other.”

Shay and Ross, founders of Playscapes, an NYC-based sex club recently held a 60-person-strong orgy via a video conferencing app. The party included burlesque, hot wax, pole dancing, a squirting demonstration and a shower show, and ended with couples having sex on screen. “When you’re sex-positive or polyamorous and part of a larger community, there’s a disconnect [while self-isolating] from your partners that feels daunting,” Shay says. “Our friends were grateful to see familiar faces.” The event was such a success that the couple is planning another one. Sandra, a participant in the online orgy said, “At the end of the day, sluts will always find a way to be slutty and share the love, even during a freaking pandemic,” Sandra says. “I absolutely love it.”

In the adult entertainment arena, porn star Ivy Wolfe organised and shot a 20-minute lesbian gangbang with porn stars Joanna Angel, Aiden Ashley and Charlotte Satre, over “a well-known video conferencing platform,” XBIZ reported. The women filmed via their home isolations via a video app, while directed by Alexandre Sartre (no relation to Charlotte).

“During this quarantine period, we’ve all been struggling to stay busy and continue to create,” said the director, who is also a noted glamour photographer in both the mainstream and adult worlds.

“So Ivy and I brainstormed and came up with the idea of a ‘social distancing lesbian orgy’ with three of our favourite performers, all stars in their own right,” Alexandre Sartre added.

“If this long-distance lesbian orgy scene does well, we might consider doing more. Who knows? Shooting porn via videoconferencing might become ‘the new normal’ for the time being.”

“This is the new orgy!” says Angel. “Orgy in the digital age. This is the new way. It’s so much fun to masturbate with people! It really felt like we were having sex.”

The 20-minute scene, titled Quarantine Lesbian Circle Jerk is available through each performer’s OnlyFans accounts.

What a time to be alive.

Like everything in life, moderation may be key, however. Heed our warnings, as you remember our earlier Penthouse Tale of, well, tail.

A Friendly Global FU

How To Say “F***” Around The World

And though it’s a little more advanced, we’d also recommend, I’m deeply sorry for the public urination, officer. My bladder was about to burst.

But the second thing? How to swear like a trucker.

There’s a scene in Don DeLillo’s novel The Names where an American living in Greece is driving with some British friends. He mistakenly turns into a one-way Athens street and the driver coming at him gestures obscenely and yells a Greek word unfamiliar to the American. One of the Brits translates: “Masturbator.”

Another Brit chastises the American for his ignorance, arguing that learning “local terms of abuse and the words for sex acts and natural wastes” is a mark of respect for the culture. Meanwhile, Nobel Prize-winning Mexican poet Octavio Paz says cussing is “the only living language in a world of anemic vocables.”

And you know what? The fucker’s right!

Curse words are not only the funniest, most exciting part of any language, they’re also a great way to blend in with locals and tap into a place’s psyche. Consider “shit.” What does it say about us that we use the word for everything from actual excrement to our personal possessions to a bratty little kid?

Or take “motherfucker.” Any foreigner unclear on our society’s stance on incest would get set straight pretty motherfucking fast if they heard us spit out the word.

There’s also a practical reason for boning up on foreign profanities and slurs: It can save your ass. Knuckleheads, skinheads, fuckheads, homophobes, racists, and other assholes like to yell shit before they jump you, if that’s their game. But there are nuances. The odds of imminent violence go down if the word “cunt” is spoken by an Englishman. On the flip side, if a Canadian twice the size of an average NHL player calls you a “goof” in a bar, you better head for the nearest exit.

Here, then, is our guide to the world’s curse words, sex words, and you-better-run words, with an emphasis on the greatest of them all, the f-word.

MEXICAN SPANISH

You may be familiar with the verb chingar. It might seem like a pretty literal cognate to the English verb “fuck,” with all its offshoots. You can’t get much closer to being a fucker than being un chingón. Except in English, sometimes the word “fucker” can express admiration or affection. Like when we say, “He’s such a funny fucker!” Or, “Are you kidding? I love the fucker!” This approving sense is completely absent in chinga.

Etymologically, chingar means “to rip apart.” Octavio Paz attributes the word’s implicit violence to the Spanish conquistadors who chingado’d — fucked — the Aztec Empire right down the middle. This makes Hernán Cortés the original chingón, but remember, for every fucker there has to be a fuckee. It’s simple physics.

In the case of Cortés, his chingada — that which he fucked — wasn’t just the social fabric of indigenous Mexico. He also literally fucked his native guide and interpreter, Malintzin, aka Doña Marina, leaving her pregnant with the first mestizo child in history, and leaving the mixed-race children to come with the mother of all mommy issues. Traditional nicknames for Malintzin include La Malinche — roughly the Mexican equivalent of Benedict Arnold — La Llorona, the weeping wife, and, easy enough, La Chingada. So if you’ve ever wondered why some Mexicans get so worked up over the casual suggestion that they chinga their madre, maybe it’s because their ancestral madre got about as fucked as you can get.

FRENCH

The French, go figure, have a ludicrous number of expressions for fucking — more words for the act than sexual positions detailed in the Kama Sutra and practiced at Kink.com’s legendary Armory porn studio combined. They also have a variety of excellent fuck-yous, from the plosively straightforward baise-toi to the concise t’encul, which makes the five syllables of “fuck your own ass out” seem like sputtering overkill.

That said, in a culture this nakedly libidinous, insulting someone by referencing fornication doesn’t pack quite the same punch as it does in the U.S., where the “U” might as well stand for “unlaid.” Consequently, to really get a French person’s dander up, you’ve got to take the reverse tack. Try calling them mal baisé and see how long it takes the wine glass in their hand to connect with your skull.

Thanks to the wonderfully polysemous nature of French, with its words carrying so many meanings, when you hurl mal baisé at someone, you’re not only saying they’re “poorly fucked,” you’re also implying they’re terrible at fucking or haven’t ever been fucked at all! In a city like Paris, it’s the ultimate indignity. Sacre bleu!

FRENCH CANADIAN

When France surrendered Canada to England in the 1760s after a war and treaty, it forked Gallic culture in two very different directions.

While the European French underwent centuries of political revolution and social upheaval, their tongues and morals loosening along the way, Québec played relatively nice and let the Catholic Church run the show until the middle of last century. The result is a weird, horny little province where nudity is a regular part of breakfast (google “serveuse sexy”) and B&Bs leave books by the Marquis de Sade on the nightstands, but where the most potent word you can say derives from “tabernacle.” That’s the box in a Catholic church where they keep the communion wafers. Tabernak — French Canadian slang for “fuck” — is used to express immense excitement (akin to “Fucking awesome!”) or when a resident of the province smashes their thumb with a hammer. Tabernak! Tabernak! Tabernak!

Incidentally, two other big curse words are hostie (the wafers themselves) and calisse (the chalice you drink communion wine out of). These words are not only fully interchangeable, you can also cram them all together to make a triple-swear. Ah, calisse d’hostie de tabernak! It’s the holy trinity of cussin’.

REGULAR CANADIAN

These guys say “fuck” the same way we do, but boy, do they say it a lot. Half the time it’s not even really a word, but simply a sound they make to fill in speech gaps, like Americans might say “um” or “like.” If you really wanna get a Canuck’s goat, the best way is to disparage their work ethic. The insult “dog fucker” originated as a reference to someone so lazy they can’t even be bothered to find another human to have sex with, and so look to canines. While laziness is common around the world, proud Canadians really don’t like being called on it.

You can also call them a “goof” — the verbal equivalent of dropping an atomic bomb — to emphasize your Canadian target’s slacker ways. Maybe throw “Canuck” in there for added impact. For some reason it still bums a lot of them out.

ITALIAN

You know your culture might be a little on the religious side when you let the Pope have his own country inside your country. Ditto when you can watch reality TV stars screw on prime-time television, but then get kicked off the air for blaspheming the Lord.

If you’ve spent enough time around Italians, you’ve probably heard all manner of colorful signifiers for copulation and the anatomical components involved.

It’s entirely possible, however, your ears have never been blessed with the king-mother-god-emperor of Italian swears. It’s a two-word phrase so heavy, so laden with fury, that even Italians who regularly exclaim pota di Christo (“Christ’s cunt”) or cazzo Maria (“Mary’s dick”) would hesitate to let it pass through their lips.

You ready for it?

Porco dio. That’s it. “Pig god.” I used to think the porco in porco dio worked the way we sometimes say “porking” to mean “fucking.” Like, “No way, that dude porked Bethany?!” THAT at least made sense. I mean, sure, “fuck god” is a pretty extreme sentiment. But porco does not equal “pork,” not as a verb for “fucking,” not even as a noun. When an Italian yells “Porco dio!” the meaning is literal. “Pig god!”

Totally separate point: Did you know Ani DiFranco is Italian for “Frank’s anus”?

CHINESE

Say tso, like General Tso, but a little crisper on the “T,” like halfway to “ch.” Good, you just said “fuck” in Chinese. Now try tso ni. That’s “fuck you.” And finally, give me a tso ni ma. Very nice. NEVER say that with a Chinese person within earshot. It’s the Mandarin equivalent of saying, “Fuck your mom.”

Mainland Chinese culture is about as coarse as contemporary civilization gets. Be it the back-to-back-to-back trauma of the civil wars, the Japanese occupation, the Communist Revolution, and Mao’s Great Leap Forward, or just an inherent consequence of thrusting a billion people from farming to superpowerdom in less than half a century, even the most sophisticated urban dwellers of the freeishwheeling New China have some pretty rough edges.

If you keep your ears open at fancy government functions, you’ll hear the word shah-bih (“stupid cunt”) continuously muttered by everyone, from party ministers to the janitor.

Likewise, if you go to a punk rock show, prepare to have NU-BIH! shouted at you from all angles. In practice, it’s the equivalent of yelling “Fuck yeah!” But if you punch it into Google Translate, you get “cow vagina.” How agrarian is that?

ARABIC

God love a society where you can pick a fight by calling someone a shoe. “Hey! You’re a shoe!” BLAM. Seriously, though, don’t go calling folks “shoes” in the Middle East. Nor dogs, donkeys, or sons of these animals. They’ve already got enough on their regional plate without having to deal with your sass-mouth. That said, if somebody’s giving you a hard time, and you happen to be in the Fertile Crescent, a brisk, exasperated بعبوس (pronounced “baaboos”) should make your feelings about the situation pretty plain. Its literal meaning strays a bit from conventional notions of fucking, and is a lot closer to “get your finger out of my asshole,” but it nicely nails the spirit of being fucked with.

RUSSIAN

Cursing in Russian could be its own article. Hell, its own book. Hell, it is a book. Punk ethnographer Alexei Plutser-Sarno, part of the same Moscow art collective that gave us Pussy Riot, has been assembling a multivolume dictionary of mat for the past 15 years. Mat — pronounced “maht” — is Russian for “obscene language.” It derives from the Russian word for “mother,” as in “Go fuck your mother.” Real nice, Russia.

This mother tongue is so extensive, the first volume of Plutser-Sarno’s dictionary runs over a thousand entries and consists solely of expressions using the Russian  word for “cock,” хуй (pronounced “kwee”). So far he’s published three volumes of a projected 12: volume two’s all “pussy” (пиздá /“pizda”), while three is for “fuck” (ебáTь /“yebát”). He’s currently working on the next two volumes: four will continue his “fuck” work, while five focuses on “fucked.”

That’s right. The Russian f-word needs an entire dictionary for a single participle. Bear this in mind before you set out to get your ass kicked in the Russian Federation. If you think you’re getting under someone’s skin by calling their mom a сук /“suk” (“bitch”) or a блядь /“blyad” (“whore”), you need to know you’re in a whole separate league from people who regularly drop the word сукблядь /“sukblyad” (“bitchwhore”) in casual conversation and who are so far past telling you to go “fuck your mom” that they now just say, “Go to your fucked mother” (иди к ебаный мать /“idi ka’ebenyi mat”). Besides, блядь /“blyad” has become so commonplace in Russian speech, it’s turned into a conversational hesitation tool like “um” or “uh,” or a Canadian’s use of “fuck.”

Muscovites and their fellow Russians will probably just assume you have a very slow stammer.

EVERY OTHER LANGUAGE

Here’s the thing. No matter where you are on this great planet, if you really want to say the word “fuck” and have locals instantly understand you, just say “fuck.” No translation needed. Hip-hop, Hollywood movies, and the internet have done the heavy lifting for you. For all the lame aspects that have followed globalization and Western cultural hegemony (example: Bangkok is home to the world’s second-largest Starbucks), it’s helpful to remember that at no other point in human history has it been as easy for an American to be an asshole wherever he or she wants.

Thomas Morton is a writer, documentary-maker, and the creator of the TV series “Balls Deep.” He has learned to swear in the vernacular of 42 different countries, although a lot of them tend to run together.

Masking Affection with Penthouse

You can read lots of boring press release sorts of things all over where various people — famous and not — have donated their time to promote what should be an act of simple kindness. Then again, you will not find much in the way of “simple” in the year 2020. Consequently, we decided to wander the path via the unique vision of our social media team. Continue reading “Masking Affection with Penthouse”

Mask Kissing: Pent up During the Pandemic of 2020

Now That We Can’t Touch, What Are We Gonna Do?

For those of us worried about the transmission of the virus in semen (one of the dangers, you’ll recall, of the AIDS virus), it brought a modicum of relief to learn a recent study by a team of international researchers found a group of Chinese men showed no trace of Covid-19 virus in their semen when examined eight days to three months post-diagnosis.

The relief was short-lived, though, because a subsequent study by a Chinese research team detected the virus in a small subset of 38 infected men. American researchers cautioned against reading too much into this very limited study, however, with the Society for Reproductive Medicine saying the findings are not cause for alarm.

But that’s how it’s been during this crisis: up and down. Shifts in the medical science, weird new symptoms established (Covid toe, anyone?), alterations of epidemiological models—the very definition of a fluid situation, with thousands of lives at stake.

Along with big-picture grimness, there are those stressful hygiene protocols we’re trying to practice so we can avoid our own personal encounter with the “Invisible Enemy.” For the most germ-wary people, opening tricky packages and transferring food from just-bought containers can feel as delicate as defusing a bomb.

Physical distancing. Surface decontamination. Face masks. Sanitizing groceries. The list goes on. Suddenly, many of us are spending hours socializing or conferencing on Zoom at home, re-binge-watching cable shows, and checking out TikTok influencers.

You can’t hook up from six feet away. And the fact that people can be infectious without showing symptoms just adds to the risk of bodily contact with another. To make matters worse, the bars, coffee shops, restaurants, and clubs where we used to be able to meet someone new or take someone on a date might be closed, out of business, or operating with limited hours, smaller patron numbers, and physical distancing inside.

So what are our options when it comes to sex and romance during Covid-19?

We checked in with retired porn star Brittany Andrews, an AVN Hall of Famer, dancer, dominatrix, and an all-around glamorous blonde with a wealth of sex expertise.

“I’ve always been a safe-sex person,” Andrews tells Penthouse via the safety of Skype. “I was one of the longest-running condoms-only performers. And one of my favorite fetishes, being a natural-born germaphobe, was always foot-fetish stuff. A lot of that is pretty safe—I just show you my toes and feet. I think with this Covid-19 thing, sex will be activities that aren’t as intimate, and that don’t include a lot of saliva.”

Of course our new pandemic-altered reality comes at a time when hooking up was already pretty complicated, given our culture’s changed rules of sexual etiquette.

“Even before Covid-19,” Andrews points out, “we had the #MeToo movement. I feel like that made it difficult for men, in person, to hit on a girl. I think the way human beings connect today is a lot different from when you and I were younger.”

Though dating technology has moved a lot of the business of meeting and flirting online, Tinder and other apps are not to everyone’s taste, Andrews says.

“I have frequent conversations about sex and dating,” says the sex-industry veteran, “and there are still a lot of people who don’t believe in hooking up using apps. They prefer meeting people out in the world and seeing if there’s any chemistry in person.”

Needless to say, there aren’t a lot of hookups and romances kindling in public places mid-pandemic. So those who prefer to look for sex and love in non-digital ways may finally find themselves shifting to a greater reliance on phone and computer screens.

But this crisis is bringing change to everyone’s life, including those who live and love most digitally. The global upheaval will have multiple social and cultural repercussions. And with regard to sex and dating, the shockwaves may impact certain groups more intensely than others. Those who were the most sexually active pre-pandemic might be one group. Another might be people who are generally more anxious about germs and disease, whether or not coronavirus is raging.

People who adapt quickly to this uncharted world will help set the new trends and identify opportunities. And while scientists search for a vaccine, we can anticipate that in this high-risk period, fantasy, fetish, and flirting will assume larger roles.

By necessity, our sexual behavior will become even more visually oriented—a change well underway. In April, for example, the New York Times ran a piece on the sharp rise in people sending nude selfies to each other. The reporter interviewed a couple of guys who were receiving nude selfies from multiple people. A young woman in the article suggested delivering a little pleasure to someone via nude pictures of herself was, in a sense, one way she could do her part to help others get through this tough time.

Brittany Andrews reminds us that even during a pandemic, the human sex drive can’t be stopped. Consequently, there will be a broad range of sexual responses and behaviors manifested.

“People are horny and some are going to fuck, no matter what,” Andrews says. Then with a chuckle, she adds, “There are a lot of guys out there who will be like, ‘I’ll get some Covid-19 to bust a nut.’ We all know it.”

Interest in medical fetish gear has gotten a bump, according to Andrews. (A shrink might say that’s a way of sublimating or taming the anxiety we have about medical matters these days—sexualizing what’s scary). Fantasy scenarios involving face and full-head latex masks, latex gloves and aprons, and even more extreme applications like full rubber “gimp” regalia are having their day.

“It’s all about the memes of the gimp outfit at the grocery store,” Andrews says, laughing. “I mean, if we’re gonna do it, let’s just go there. I’ve been seeing a lot of my girlfriends capitalizing on the latex masks.”

Natalie Mars and her girlfriend Mistress Damazonia—one of Andrews’ favorite porn couples—have been exploring more medical fetishes. “I love them so much!” says Andrews. “Natalie won best trans performer for both AVN and Pornhub Awards. Her girlfriend has been playing the latex nurse with the mask and gloves and it’s so fucking hot.”

Miley Cyrus, Nicki Minaj, and the Kardashian Kult are all fans of latex fashions. Can it be long before Miley is posing in an N95 mask and matching monokini? Will we see PPE streetwear designs from Kanye West’s clothing company? And don’t be surprised if full-face shields, disposable industrial HAZMAT coveralls, balaclavas, opera gloves, and goggles are all featured on Fall Fashion Week’s runways. (Though whether any celebrities will be spectating in-person remains to be seen.)

“The other day,” says Andrews, “I picked up stuff from a girl I know who makes designer face masks. I’ve now got a Chanel one and a Louis Vuitton one, so it’s become its own fashion statement—like medical fetish goes mainstream.”

Along with this shift to online visual communication via Zoom, Skype, and FaceTime, and the surge in sex-industry cam sites and platforms like OnlyFans, brick-and-mortar adult retailers and their customers are also capitalizing on online modes of commerce.

One such retailer is Chi Chi LaRue’s Circus, located in West Hollywood, a store which had the rotten luck of opening for business just a few weeks before the pandemic hit.

Formerly called Circus of Books, this landmark location on Santa Monica Boulevard was the area’s first LGBT adult store. Such was its iconic status, the store is now the subject of a new, critically acclaimed Netflix documentary, Circus of Books. The film was directed by artist Rachel Mason, daughter of longtime owners Barry and Karen Mason.

Rob Novinger, CEO of the store’s parent company, Channel 1 Releasing, told Penthouse there’s been a spike in online ordering from the retailer’s digital storefront.

“For us, the surge certainly doesn’t replace the volume from our physical stores, but I’m not complaining,” Novinger says. “What I have noticed is people are really stocking up on the basics—just like people are doing with toilet paper. Lube, cock rings, dongs—BIG dongs. I think people must be utilizing their time at home for anal challenges.”

Novinger also notes a jump in local online orders from regulars who before shopped in-person.

When this Chi Chi LaRue’s Circus location does open its doors again, visitors are in for a treat, with all the erotic art, stylish Instagramable interiors, pink and orange color schemes, elaborate role-play costume and fashion items, aisle of lubricants, coffee-table books, and more.

But until that day comes, online is the way to go. And any product that can liven up staying at home is to be appreciated.

“Time for more self-love!” Novinger says with a smile. Then he adds, “I think that explains the surge in vibes, lube, and dongs. It’s a super strange time, but I think it’s pushing people to discover new things that maybe weren’t part of their normal routine.”

As for Andrews, “safer at home” in Las Vegas, she agrees that self-pleasuring is no doubt on the increase. “I’m going to assume a lot of people aren’t getting laid right now,” she observes. “If you’re single, I would think getting laid would be difficult.”

Elaborating, she adds, “I think people are going to be coming up with new ways to masturbate. With the whole camming thing, there are hi-tech devices where the other person can control your experience by using an app on their phone. I think there’s going to be more stuff like that—so you can participate with the other person.

“Before this whole thing began, I wasn’t really used to jumping on my computer and having whole conversations with people,” Andrews says. “I would schedule a Skype meeting every once in a while—but this is my third one today. I think this kind of communication is going to become more a part of everyday life moving forward.”

NOW FOR SOME “MASK KISSING” ADVICE

Sex Expert: Creativity Is Key

Los Angeles-based clinical sexologist Stephanie Hunter Jones, PhD, counsels clients who are negotiating new ways to hygienically hook up and feel sexy virtually.

“I think people are going to have to get very creative,” she says, “and that could be a good thing.”

Staying sexual during Covid-19? Here are four more observations from Hunter Jones:

Social distancing will take some getting used to.
“Clients I help to open up sexually and explore sexual experiences, they’re having a difficult time because they’ve had to tone that down. Some are limiting to one or two partners.”

Virtual reality is the new reality.
About half of Hunter Jones’s coupled clients are swingers. “They’re doing things virtually, to be as safe as possible. Zoom found out about it and they’re trying to crack down, so there are independent servers popping up to host new platforms.”

Singles might enjoy “no-touch” games.
“You can have conversations, enjoy a glass of wine, and get to know each other online because that’s the reality of what we’re living with right now. When it comes to meeting in public, yes, we have to wear masks, but you can use it flirtatiously. Maybe reveal your face a little at a time.”

Sexiness is healthy.
Feeling good helps support mental health and the immune system. “Sex is just one aspect of our sexuality. Sexuality is an essence of energy that lives within us. I’ve been working with clients during this time to get in touch with that essence—that passion.”

Dorothy Darker is only too happy to wear a face mask and keep a six-foot distance while riding out the pandemic in Los Angeles. She loves her dog and binge-watching Japanese cooking shows.