The Best Spa Getaways in America

THE CLIFF HOUSE

Cape Neddick, Maine

If you fancy a romantic New England getaway, you can’t go wrong with this stylish cliffside resort. With ocean views up the wazoo, this historic hotel has all the best modern amenities, including an outdoor heated pool and a 9,000 square-foot spa. Gorge yourself on local seasonal fare at the resort’s “farmer to fisherman” eatery, or at the seasonal, onsite lobster shack. In summer, there are fireworks every Sunday, followed by s’mores around a fire pit.

CALDERA HOUSE

Teton Village, Wyoming

A five-star Jackson Hole chalet, Caldera is steps from the tram, which zips you to the mountaintop in ten minutes. Each of its eight suites comes with a fireplace, chef’s kitchen, and living and dining areas. Come in the winter for primo skiing, then hit the spa for a massage, sauna, and dip in the heated outdoor infinity pool. In warmer months, there’s hiking, fly-fishing, and white-water rafting.

MONTAGE PALMETTO BLUFF

Bluffton, South Carolina

For some next-level Southern hospitality, this 20,000-acre community along the May River offers boating, fishing, a nature preserve, naturalist-led alligator “hunts,” and a Jack Nicklaus Signature golf course, among other diversions. Guest rooms, suites, and cottages with screened-in porches are available in and around the plantation-style inn, and the numerous bars and restaurants, concerts, and a world-class spa will ensure you’ll never want to leave.

SALISH LODGE & SPA

Snoqualmie, Washington

After a $13 million renovation, the WWI-era inn (also known as the Great Northern Hotel in Twin Peaks) emerged a sleek mountain lodge boasting one of America’s best spas. Thirty miles east of Seattle, it’s surrounded by hiking paths, biking trails, lakes, and golf courses. Each of its 86 rooms comes with a fireplace and spa shower or tub; if you’re lucky you’ll get one overlooking Snoqualmie Falls.

OJO CALIENTE MINERAL SPRINGS RESORT & SPA

Ojo Caliente, New Mexico

An hour north of Santa Fe, this southwestern oasis has been revivifying guests since 1868. Spend your days exploring a thousand acres of trails, then return for a yoga class and a soak in the mineral pools and mud baths. The spa offers extensive body-treatment options, with seasonal specials for couples. Stay at the historic hotel, or in your own private, pueblo-style cottage or house.

Image courtesy of Salish Lodge & Spa.

Our Favorite New Sex Toys for Couples

Cresendo by Mystery Vibe

The Crescendo boasts that it’s the “world’s first luxury bendable vibrator that can adapt to any body shape.” Sounds pretty good, right? But this sleek, pliable rod is better than good. With six powerful motors and custom-vibration capability, the whisper-quiet Crescendo is perfect for every couple since it adjusts to fit both of you. An ideal starter sex toy. Continue reading “Our Favorite New Sex Toys for Couples”

Road Trip Right This Summer

USE A PAPER MAP

Google Maps and Waze are great tools for when you’re trying to get from A to B in the city, but when it comes to making your cross-country dreams a reality, you need to go old-school. That means trusting a paper map. Digital maps only tell half the story, and you’ll miss out on all the exciting backroads and side streets that could lead to discovering something cool. Road tripping is all about exploration and seeing everything you can, so don’t deprive yourself. Spend the five bucks and get a paper map.

PRICELINE IS YOUR BEST FRIEND

Priceline, Hotels.com, Trivago, and all the hotel apps are going to help you out once you hit the road. Booking in advance isn’t necessary now that you can get a five-star hotel for the price of a three-star a few hours before check-in. These apps are made for road warriors, so take advantage of the comfort, luxury, and ease.

STICK TO THE SMALL ROADS

You aren’t going to find anything out of the ordinary by taking the freeway and stopping at some run-of-the-mill rest stop when you need to take a leak. Get off the main road and do some exploring. Getting lost is the point. America is chock-full of rustic mom-and-pop stores with the wildest trinkets, taxidermy, Americana, and vintage guns. Ask questions. You never know what you’ll find.

KEEP YOUR TRUNKS IN THE BACKSEAT

When driving across the country, you’ll be amazed at how many remarkable bodies of water we have in this great nation. Be sure to take a detour and dive in! Are you heading through Brattleboro, Vermont? Check out Indian Love Call. Find yourself in Texas? Be sure to map out Barton Springs in Austin. Want to blow your mind? Check out Hot Springs National Park in northern Arkansas. Sure, the hotel pool at the Loews Santa Monica has all the luxury one could want, but there’s nothing like jumping into fresh water in the middle of nowhere.

GET THE GASBUDDY APP

This app is one of the most helpful digital devices when you’re road tripping. It lets you know where the nearest, cheapest gas is so if you’re running low you’ll never have to fret.

PACK CAMPING GEAR

Even if you never plan on sleeping outdoors, we highly suggest you pack some rudimentary camping gear just in case. You never know what you’re going to come across, or if the mood to sleep under the stars will strike. Driving down the West Coast is heaven, and there are so many beachside places to stop for the night. Basics include a two-person tent, a roll-out mat, sleeping bags, pillows, a multipurpose knife, and a high-quality cooler for snacks and drinks.

MAKE SURE YOU HAVE AAA

This tip seems like a major “duh,” but you should never hit the road without making sure your membership is up-to-date. You never know when you’ll need a tow.

TASTE IT ALL

As you travel through each great state, be sure to taste the food of the land. Don’t go to New Mexico and have sushi. Get on your iPhone and find the best green chili the state has to offer. Eat lobster in Maine. Chow down on deep-dish pizza in Chicago. If you find yourself in Cincinnati, you have to try the Five-Way Chili. For those who are adventurous, get the Garbage Plate at Nick Tahou Hots in Rochester, New York. Map out your trip like it’s your very own episode of Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives, and go nuts.

KNOW HOW TO CHANGE A TIRE (AND HAVE THE TOOLS TO DO IT)

There’s not much more to say here. Just do it.

FIND A GOOD COPILOT

No trip is complete without the perfect copilot. This is the person who’s best at reading maps, locating killer hot spots, and picking the best songs. Playlists are going to set the mood and keep morale high on those long drives, so embrace the shuffle on Spotify and be prepared to get weird.

How to Tell a True-ish War Story in 2019

War is hell, but that’s not the half of it, because war is also mystery and terror and adventure and courage and discovery and holiness and pity and despair and longing and love. War is nasty; war is fun. War is thrilling; war is drudgery. War makes you a man; war makes you dead.”

The great Tim O’Brien wrote that in The Things They Carried, his groundbreaking short-story collection about the Vietnam War. It’s been a couple years since I last revisited that book, but I was brought back to those lines recently when I traveled to rural Oklahoma for the wedding of one of my former soldiers, Smitty.

It’s been ten years since we served together in a scout platoon in Iraq, a number that defies memory, but there it is. Some days it feels like yesterday that we were walking the sand alleys of the sectarian villages north of Baghdad. Other days, it feels like a few years back—but a decade?! Naw, a decade ago would mean we’re old now. And that can’t fucking be.

A third soldier from our scout platoon, Chris, also attended the wedding. He’s been on two more combat tours since ours, and is still in the Army. Over some post-ceremony beers, he discussed the mind’s slipperiness of time, and why he still serves. “It’s always there, you know? Every day, every minute matters over there. It’s not the same in the States.”

Wise words from a career military man.

Hell. Mystery. Terror. Holiness. Death. All of that and so much more. As any military veteran can tell you, reunions like we had at Smitty’s wedding can be balm for the soul. I’ve spent a lot of my life since Iraq writing and reasoning and reckoning with what we saw and did. Many vets—most, really—don’t get that.

I’ve been blessed to tell our stories. Some vets don’t want to look back at that part of their lives, choosing instead to pack it all in and go forward that way. To each their own, of course. But even for an oversharer like me, there was something really freeing about trading old war tales with the men who were there beside me back when.

Our first firefight. The night with the IED emplacers on Route Lincoln. The time we rolled up on a post-car-bomb scene and found wild dogs licking up the scraps of a dead sheik. The wild, manifold smells of the desert. The tinny, mechanical sounds of the outpost. The scattershot images of the Iraqi soldier bleeding out on the examination table in the medic station, despite everyone doing everything they could, trying their absolute best, before the medevac got there.

Those missions and patrols have lingered with me for a decade now, and aren’t going away anytime soon. Turns out they’ve lingered with Smitty and Chris, too, and that shared understanding and experience (plus a few Bud Lights) loosened something in us all.

It felt like church, to be honest.

We tried not to dominate the after-wedding celebration, but we probably did. I feel bad about that now.

There’s danger in this kind of talk, though, talk soaked in good nature and fuzzy nostalgia. Time’s eased the burden of the moment. We know how the stories end: We live. Most of our friends do, too. As I watched others from the wedding gather around our table, listening in because they cared (a good thing, of course), I realized this was a microcosm of how modern America interacts with war.

War is something that happens over there, to other people, in other places. It’s foreign, both geographically and figuratively. So we three vets—me, Smitty, and Chris—our stories were conduits for everyone else. There’s power in that. There’s responsibility, too. How to talk about our time in Iraq without mystifying it, without romanticizing it?

It’s a fine line to walk. We all did our best, in our ways, I think. Telling it straight and honest and keeping it more light than heavy, given the circumstances.

Was that the right call, though? Tim O’Brien has another passage in The Things They Carried about this very dilemma. (Because of course he did.)

“A true war story is never moral,” he wrote. “It does not instruct, nor encourage virtue, nor suggest models of proper human behavior, nor restrain men from doing the things men have always done…. There is no rectitude whatsoever…. You can tell a true war story by its absolute and uncompromising allegiance to obscenity and evil.”

I didn’t think of that passage at the wedding, only later. And it’s probably for the best, as there were kids around and their parents probably wouldn’t have appreciated my insistence on cursing while exploring the philosophical nature of men and evil. Still, it’s a complicated thing, and something that military veterans across America wrestle with when their friends and family ask them for a story, for a sense of life overseas, for a piece of over there.

Give what you can but nothing more. That’s where Chris landed, a couple hours and a few beers later, when everyone else had gone home and it was just the two of us, shooting the shit in the restaurant corner. Because he’s still in the Army, he’s more focused on what comes next than what happened.

“It’s all back there,” he said. “Not saying I don’t think about it, because I do, and it’s good to. But you can get stuck back there, if you’re not careful. It happens. I’ve seen it. They get stuck, brother.”

I wrote that down in my phone. It’s a good line, I thought.

I should use it in my next column.

“Hey,” I said, pointing to my phone. “Wanna call some of the guys?”

I meant fellow soldiers like C-Well, and Prime, and wild-ass McClure. We’d been talking about the other guys from our platoon all night—where they’d been, what they’d done that short decade ago. Inspired by Chris, I wanted to hear more about what they’re doing now and where they’re at. We both knew a little bit of their lives from Facebook. But that’s not real life. That’s not their voices. That’s not their now.

“Love it,” Chris said.

So that’s what we did.

Tom Hück: Shaking up the Art World

For more than two decades now, some of the most twisted, hilarious, shocking, satiric, brilliant, and original American art has been produced by a stocky, tattooed guy in St. Louis, Missouri, called Tom Hück. Much of that work—small-batch prints made from large woodcuts—began life in a studio and print shop just north of downtown in a neighborhood of brick-built former factories that got pretty gritty for a while but has bounced back recently, attracting artists, small startups, craft brewers, and the like.

Head to a certain stretch of Washington Street and you’ll see a storefront sharing a two-story building with Bootleggin’ BBQ. Across the broad street, the kind with diagonal parking, is the Brick River Cider company. As for that modest storefront, its window is home to a poster reading, “TOM HÜCK’S EVIL PRINTS: ST. LOUIS.” It’s got red and black lettering, with a logo of a grinning, googly-eyed devil. “FINE ART PRINTMAKING: PRINT OR DIE,” reads another poster. If that doesn’t get your attention, maybe the one carrying the print shop’s slogan—“DISGUSTING THE MASSES SINCE 1995”—does the trick.

Inside, the red and black color scheme continues. Young tattooed assistants dressed in black T-shirts stand at work tables, getting prints made. You can smell ink, paper, and oil. A monstrous piece of machinery—Hück’s custom-made printer—sits at the heart of the space. And startling woodcut prints, some as tall as eight feet, grace the walls. Every square inch of these illustrations is filled with detail, figures crowded into frame. There’s violence, sex, rural people behaving badly. I see weird bugs, demons, skulls. A KKK hood. A bare-breasted woman in bondage. But the vibe’s not exactly grim. There’s dark comedy.

There’s social satire, directed at inequalities and social oppression. Bodies and faces are stylized, features exaggerated, like in the id-powered cartoons of Robert Crumb.

And as in the medieval paintings of Holland’s Pieter Bruegel, or the work of eighteenth-century English satirist William Hogarth—two artists critics cite when discussing Hück’s prints—the imagery seems to capture stories in progress, with subplots and mini-dramas unfolding in the intricate details.

The effect of viewing multiple Hück prints at once is potent—like a boot to the gut. The print shop has a rebellious, underground feel, almost like a punk rock club. I see posters for thunderous bands like the Misfits and Motörhead on the walls. And then I meet Tom Hück himself, a bulldog of a man, 47, dressed in a black shirt and black jeans. With his Van Dyke beard and mustache, bald head, and sleeves of tattoos, he could pass for a Hells Angels biker, or an Iron Maiden roadie. But he’s warm, funny, and talkative.

Hück works primarily in woodcuts, ingeniously updating a painstaking, pre-modern form. He spends months into years on his bigger creations, if you count the composition time along with the carving. He often uses four-by-eight-foot plywood sheets. A world-renowned artist, Hück’s work has exhibited at New York’s Whitney Museum of American Art, the Minneapolis Institute of Art, Harvard University’s Fogg Museum, and other prestigious venues. The Whitney owns a work titled Chili Dogs, Chicks, and Monster Trucks. Other Hück works are Up Dung Creek, The Transformation of Brandy Baghead, and Hillbilly Kama Sutra. Currently he’s spending time in Aberdeen, Scotland, on a two-year residency. While abroad, he’s creating an epic three-panel woodcut called A Monkey Mountain Chronicle: The Great American Turdburger Conspiracy.

The residency’s press release promises a work about “bad health care, conspiracy theories, fast food and fat America, and the coming, resulting apocalypse!”

Tom Hück Shows off Art Courtesy of Tom Hück

Who are your artistic heroes?

Albrecht Dürer, that’s my hero. I found his work when I was 13 on a trip to Europe with my grandparents. I went to the Sistine Chapel and there was a gallery and they had all of Dürer’s apocalypse woodcuts. That’s a powerful thing to see when you’re 13. Those prints are dark and lurid. The horrors of Babylon nights—dragons, demons, devils. Any one of those prints by Dürer could have been a fucking album cover for Iron Maiden. Dürer was born in 1471, I was born in 1971. He was famous in the Middle Ages for his prints.

I mean, you’re talking a long time ago and this guy’s still relevant today. To me, and to most people who make prints, he sets the high bar for the craft and the medium. The way he synthesized his talent and his imagination, plus the fact that he could reach so many people with his graphic work. He was a smart cat. He figured out, Hey, I can make prints of originals to reach lots of people. I can get famous and make money. I can make copies of my stuff, printing with woodcuts and ink. I can have my stuff in multiple places at once, all over Europe.

How’d Evil Prints come about?

It started, what, 24 years ago? I can’t believe I’ve been able to make this thing survive for almost a quarter-century. I was 22, and came up with Evil Prints because, in the art world, for the longest time, printmaking had been associated with huge, famous shops—Tyler Graphics, Graphic Studio, Crown Point Press, Landfall Press. They would publish blue-chip artist prints. They were big, prestigious shops, and here I was, setting out to be a self-publisher.

I was making my own prints—there were only a few of us doing that. Richard Mock was one. Another was Bill Fick. He started this thing called Cockeyed Press. He’d do linoleum cuts, not woodcuts. These crazy monsters with really cool, dark imagery. They had social commentary about gang violence and politics. He’d make posters of these things, not prints, and they’d have slogans. He’d mail them to print shops across the country. People would get this badass poster and they’d be like, “Look at that.” They’d stick it up on a wall. And they’d get to know the work. The posters would say, “Published by Cockeyed Press, New York, New York.” I saw one and figured Cockeyed Press was major, like Graphic Studio or Tyler. Bill became my one of heroes. I even went out to visit him in New York.

So I go to Cockeyed Press and it’s a closet. I thought it was this big shop with assistants, people helping him, his elves. It was just Bill sleeping on a foam cushion underneath his press, in a closet in New York. I was like, Okay, I get it. It showed me the way. You could come up with a name and do it yourself. Evil Prints began in my parents’ basement. I didn’t even have a press. But I had a name. That’s how I started to compete with these big shops. This was 1995, before the internet took off.

I’d put a card out in the mail every three months with one of my images and the line, “Published by Evil Prints, St. Louis, Missouri.” People thought it was this big-time print shop. But it was my folks’ basement. Most people who do printmaking teach at universities. They use the university’s equipment, because this stuff is expensive. I used to teach, but I don’t anymore. I left teaching a decade ago. Over time, I just built up piece after piece of equipment, paying cash for it, and I’ve always had my own independent shop.

When you first meet someone, how do you describe what you do?

I want to be the Ozzy Osbourne of the art world—an American print warlord. It’s difficult, because the general population doesn’t know much about art. When you tell them you’re a printmaker, they don’t know what that is. I end up just saying I do drawings about how fucked-up we are as a society, and make copies of the drawings. People need to see the stuff. They get it after they see a print being made. When they see you carve it, ink it, and then run it through a printmaking press, they get it. A lot of people did some of that stuff in high school, with pieces of linoleum and even rubber-stamp printmaking.

My work mixes the whimsical and the terrifying. I want to ride a line between these two things. It’s a balance between the two—that’s what my heroes did. All the artists and musicians I love, they work this line, this balance. As far as being underground, I always say that printmaking in general is frowned upon by the art world. Hardly anybody knows anything about it, so we got that on our side in terms of punk rock credibility. When somebody doesn’t give a shit about what you’re doing, you can really sneak up on people.

How’d you get your work in museums?

When I started out, I was going around pitching my prints directly to museums—doing cold calls—which was unheard of. I got lucky, and sold to two really big museums right away. Before my work had even been seen by the public, Harvard’s Fogg and the New York Public Library bought from me. The Whitney came later, in 2000. Any bit of money that I can make off my work is a lot of fucking money. I’ve never lost sight of that. Over time, the more things sold, with the work getting known, the bigger it got. The more expensive it got.

When we were out on the road with the Outlaw Printmakers, we were tabling prints in rock clubs. Kids were coming up to my table and saying how much they loved my work, but said I didn’t have anything they could afford. That’s when I started making affordable prints. Stuff under $10 that I can crank out really fast. I print a lot of them. I do $10 prints, I do $25,000 prints, everything in between. Starting this fall, I’ll have a whole new body of affordable prints called Apocalyptic Pets. Adopt one, take one home. For ten bucks, you can get a print.

New York Print Week, every October, is big, and I’m fortunate enough to have a dealer like C.G. Boerner representing my work. It gives you visibility—a platform to be seen by the right people. If I hadn’t sold to museums right away, I don’t know if I’d still be here doing this. The business of art sucks, but I’m lucky being able to do museum-level stuff. I won’t bullshit, it’s something you think about when you’re a kid. Being in a museum. In my case, I make art that I want to look at. But I’m fortunate, because I know at a certain level if my stuff’s going to a museum, it’s going to live on a bit after I’m gone.

Electric Baloneyland Art

How’d you make Electric Baloneyland, from 2017?

Typically a print like that, they’re big triptychs. Three panels. That set took four years to do, and I was working every day on it. I also worked on small stuff. During the day, I go back and forth between projects. I’ve got to have small prints coming out all the time to fucking pay the bills. But larger things, they’re very mental, very physical. They take a long time to plan, a long time to do. I’m not one of these artists that just cranks something out. I think about stuff, and plan things out in my sketchbook a long time in advance. Woodcuts take a long time. In a way, the slowness of the project as I move it along allows me to get ideas for what I’m going to do next.

When people see my stuff, they’re like, What the fuck is going on here? They run away from it in a way, but they’re always drawn back in because they’re entertained. There’s a lot of craziness and repulsiveness you’ve got to deal with. I want people to come back to my work. I want them to be a bit horrified, but intrigued. I’m trying to take dark, lurid, terrible things, and make them beautiful from a craft perspective. That way I can get my point across—what I’m trying to say as an artist, a commentator on society’s ills. Again, it’s a balance. I’ve got a bit of the higher-brow stuff going on, too, which is the way it should be, if you’re making stuff that matters. But I want to get my stuff out to everybody.

Some of the biggest-name artists were printmakers, right?

Yeah, artists everybody knows—Picasso, Rembrandt, Matisse. They all made prints. Part of it was economic. It’s extra money. Prints aren’t as expensive as paintings, so it’s a common thing for artists of every caliber and level to engage in making them. Picasso was one of the most badass printmakers who ever lived. Rembrandt might be number two, along with Dürer. Goya’s a famous painter who’s also known for his prints. The German expressionists—Egon Schiele, Oskar Kokoschka—they all made prints.

They wanted to reach a lot of people with very emotional, content-filled imagery. Quick Picasso story. When I was in kindergarten, we watched film strips. Actual film, on a reel. There was one with Picasso painting a bull on a piece of glass, but he was looking at us, the viewers, through the glass. He didn’t even look at what he was drawing. He was smiling, painting the bull. I was like, That guy is a badass! I want to be like that guy.

Can you tell us what Woodcut Bootcamp is? It sounds wild.

It started in 2006 as a way of making money in the summer, which is usually a terrible time for sales. Basically, it’s a ten-day intensive workshop where people come to study with me and I teach them how I make big woodcuts. They make one large woodcut print themselves. Usually about 15 people are all working and sleeping in my shop. It gets pretty smelly. It’s nonstop art-making. They’re all pretty beat by the end, but I guess it’s my way of keeping the woodcut tradition and practice alive by passing it on to other artists. They come from all over the world now!

During the workshop, I teach art-historical background, sketchbook and drawing approaches, and complex carving techniques. We also show them how to print these big damn blocks by hand or on a press. Woodcut Bootcamp now sells out every year and it’s become a sort of tradition out there in the world of printmaking. Those that survive it get a Dürer tattoo at the end. Almost like joining a cult!

Tom Hück Working

Can you tell us about any new projects?

I’ve got the follow-up to Electric Baloneyland, A Monkey Mountain Chronicle. It’s about gluttony. Not necessarily or specifically American. I mean gluttony in terms of overindulgence in religion, food, politics. Overindulgence in sex, which I’m all for. It’s about over-the-top conspiracy thinking, overindulgence in bullshit. Nice, uplifting stuff.

It’s going to be a triptych on paper that actually folds up like an object. It’s big, and there’s a front, a back, and side panels. You’ll walk around it in a room. It’ll be displayed like an artifact. I’m working with Peacock Visual Arts in Aberdeen, Scotland, on it.

I’m also working on a smaller print set called The Four Seasons, which is all about global warming. I just finished Summer. It’s giant mosquitoes attacking fat people on a beach. Winter is a giant snow-cone tornado with lightning. Spring is going to be a plant basically strangling people with allergies. The fourth one, Fall, is going to be a Halloween/witch thing. I’m also doing an NRA beauty-pageant piece for Landfall Press. And The Tommy Peeperz is a triptych about the first time I saw breasts in real life.

It was June 15, 1983. About 1:30 in the afternoon at the local pool. Stephanie, the gorgeous lifeguard, dives in to cool off and the moment she hits the water her top comes down for a split second. I almost drowned. She was a senior in high school, I was in fourth grade. I was underwater, in the shallow end, with a snorkel and goggles on. I had a clear view of what happened. It was like something that was only there for me to see. It was fantastic enough that I’m still obsessed with it decades later.

Tom Hück Carving

All images courtesy of Tom Hück.

We’re Crushing on Kacey Musgraves

COUNTRY music artist Kacey Musgraves was just nine when she wrote her first song, “Notice Me,” for her elementary school graduation in the rural community of Golden, Texas.

It took a while, but notice her they did, and now the 30-year-old Musgraves is positioned to become one of the biggest voices in music, competing with the likes of Taylor Swift and Carly Rae Jepsen, but with a sweet country twang. Musgraves’s latest album, Golden Hour, pulled in four Grammys in February, including Album of the Year, and has sent her on a whirlwind concert schedule she’s dubbed the “Oh, What a World Tour.”

Like country legends Dolly Parton and Tammy Wynette, Musgraves keeps it simple onstage, with her acoustic guitar, fringed minidresses, and big, inimitable voice, which is why we love her. In interviews, she comes across as poised and polite, sometimes as starstruck by fans as they are by her. She’s the quintessential Texas girl-next-door who’d rather be out riding horses than checking emails from her manager. But hey, she’s got a lot of business to handle these days.

To see Kacey’s current tour dates, go to kaceymusgraves.com.

Good Habits: Weird History

THE Billboard Hot 100 isn’t a perfect metric for listing the biggest songs in America—its measuring criteria are constantly shifting, for instance, making it difficult to compare chart positions over time—but it’s always a fascinating snapshot of certain periods in pop-culture history. And when things get weird, the results are frozen in time for all to see.ake the week of December 7, 1963. Despite the decade, little of what we now think of as “sixties music” had arrived on the charts yet. At this point, the Beach Boys were around, and the Kingsmen’s iconic cover of “Louie Louie” had spiked to No. 4. But the Beatles and the rest of the British Invasion were still months away from crossing the Atlantic. Mostly, it was a simpler time on the Billboard charts, the domain of singers like Chubby Checker and Elvis Presley, whose “Bossa Nova Baby” was still hanging around the charts at No. 29.

But the No. 1 spot in the country? That belonged to “Dominique,” a gentle acoustic sing-along, sung entirely in French, written and performed by a Belgian woman in full habit—Jeannine Deckers, better known across the English-speaking world as The Singing Nun.

Jeanne-Paule Marie Deckers was born in 1933 and grew up in Brussels. After college she joined the Dominican Order and moved into a convent. In her spare time, Deckers was a singer-songwriter, and her musical talents quickly caught the ears of her fellow nuns. Once they realized what she could do, they sent her off to Philips Records to record an album that could be privately used to promote the convent. But when Philips executives heard Deckers’s material, they smelled a commercial hit and offered her a record contract as Soeur Sourire, aka Sister Smile. “Dominique,” an ode to the founder of her order, took off on the European charts in 1962, and was exported to the United States soon afterward.

As improbable a hit as the song might seem today, “Dominique” nonetheless followed what would become a familiar pop trajectory. It rocketed up the Billboard charts, in part due to the comforting feeling of innocence it conjured in the wake of the JFK assassination, and Deckers even came to America to perform it live on The Ed Sullivan Show—once again beating the Beatles to the punch. It was there she received the moniker The Singing Nun, and a few years later Hollywood came calling, adapting her life story into a musical of the same name, starring Debbie Reynolds.

But fame, as always, came at a cost. Deckers felt that her persona was difficult to live up to, and that the Church, which handled much of her career, including her income, was too controlling. “I was never allowed to be depressed,” she said later.

In 1966, she left her convent and started releasing music that was increasingly critical of the Church, including the pro-birth-control song, “Glory Be to God for the Golden Pill.” After the failure of another album (sample song title: “Sister Smile Is Dead”), Deckers returned to Belgium to open a school for children with autism. By the late 1970s, the Belgian government went after her for $63,000 in unpaid taxes, which Deckers claimed ought to be paid by the convent. She briefly returned to music, releasing a disco version of “Dominique” that sounds pretty much how you think it would. Finally, in 1985, struggling with both her finances and her mental health, Deckers and her female roommate committed suicide together. Some later sources, like the 2009 Belgian biopic Sister Smile, argue that the two women were long-time lovers.

As for “Dominique,” it remains one of only a handful of foreign-language songs to ever hit No. 1 on the Billboard Hot 100. The song has had a curiously lengthy legacy in American pop culture, too, being referenced in TV shows from The Simpsons to Mad Men to Everybody Loves Raymond. Most recently, “Dominique” was darkly repurposed over the course of the entire season of American Horror Story: Asylum, as a torture device played on an endless loop by a sadistic Catholic nun in the hallways of a mental institution.

It may not be the legacy Deckers had in mind, but given the surprising and tragic arc of her post-Billboard career, that sounds about par for the course.

Image via Getty

The Tinderization of Culture

IF, in the last half decade, you’ve been dumped, or done the dumping, or gotten late-night drunk and decided it was time to explore your options for 15 minutes before becoming overcome by shame, or if you’ve ever been single, or know single people, or if you just, like, have the internet, you know about “the state of dating.” Virtual dating has gone from video personals to three photos on Tinder and a prayer for rain.

Culture is like that, too. Instead of buying records, we stream music on services that plop ads in between our favorite songs. Welcome to our current cultural moment—getting face-fucked by a nonstop stream of information and entertainment.

Famed sociologists Donald Horton and Richard Wohl called this “para-social interaction,” and it’s making America stupid. In 1956, they introduced the concept because TV sets were being bought for most households. People were suddenly “interacting” with strangers for the first time on a national scale. Back then, the friendship was one-sided and completely controlled by the performer.

“There are, of course, ways in which the spectators can make their feelings known to the performers and the technicians who design the programs, but these lie outside the para-social interaction itself,” the sociologists wrote for Psychiatry: Journal for the Study of Interpersonal Processes. “Whoever finds the experience unsatisfying has only the option to withdraw.”

That’s how it used to be, but a lot has changed in the contract between the performer and his or her “friends.” Social media gave the performers unprecedented ability to market themselves to us. It’s also transformed marketing into an activity almost more relevant than the performance itself. Chrissy Teigen hasn’t actually modeled in however long. Emily Ratajkowski is more famous for taking off her clothes on Instagram than she is for taking off her clothes in the “Blurred Lines” video. Alexis Ren…well, you get the idea.

Whether they are models, porn stars, or Star Wars actors, performers are now generating their fame from direct audience interaction. This means that we are now closer than ever to being actual friends with actual celebrities. Rather than reading about them on TMZ after their overdose or reenacting Basic Instinct outside Les Deux, we watch celebrities melt down on Twitter in real time.

This is a problem because it pushes the formerly easy-to-understand para-social interaction into this bizarre gray area where the celebrity creates the illusion of friendship with normal people—well, as “normal” as a person running a stan account can be. It’s also a problem because we are constantly inundated with celebs or wannabe celebs who desperately want our attention. And we give it to them, because we want to be friends with famous people—or at least talk shit to them in a venue in which there’s a chance we’ll be acknowledged.

What’s it like to have a large group of hot people who want to be friends with you, but present very little concrete information about their actual lives? Also, you’ll never meet them in real life and they for sure don’t want to fuck you. Basically, pop culture is now Tinder.

We get cultural information at an unprecedented pace. Rather than one episode a week, Netflix drops a season on us all at once. And in order to stay relevant—and keep getting those sweet-ass likes—there’s huge pressure to have an opinion about everything. But how do you have an opinion about everything when “everything” is infinitely inconsumable and only growing larger by the moment? Simple—swipe right, swipe left. Scarlett Johansson is somehow playing another Asian character? Racist! Swipe left! There’s a whole sitcom that’s fronted by a woman? Feminist! Swipe right!

See how easy that is? We do it all the time about everything. Basically, there isn’t an opportunity to think for more than two seconds about anything. And why would you? Thinking is hard and for nerds.

Of course, the natural next step is to say: Do something. If everything is racist, and everyone is sexist, and apparently every comedian is somehow racist, homophobic, and possibly a pedophile, then there has to be real stakes. Otherwise we’re just pissing in the wind. So, we get these massive campaigns targeting whoever is, that day, a racist or a rapist or whatever else the online hordes have decided that person is. A large slice of online culture swipes left on a person, place, or thing, and then has to go on [insert social media platform here] and post exactly why they swiped left, and how that person, place, or thing has been personally offensive to them.

Like Tinder, these cancellations have real-life consequences. If you’re a well-intentioned but clueless person, maybe you make an apology afterward and hunker down for a while. If you’re some stupid joker that makes some stupid joke, maybe you have to change your name and live in oblivion forever.

And here’s the thing: It’s obviously bad to be racist or homophobic and beyond bad to sexually assault anyone. Basically, everyone agrees on this except certain elected officials. But the pace and speed with which people are branded as one thing—which then becomes their log line forever—is crazy. We all think prominent people are kind of our friends, and that we actually know them, and then we decide that nobody should ever know them ever again. Which is insane.

But you—yes you, reader—can fight this. It’s super simple. First, take a deep breath. Second, log off. Third, go smell some flowers or something and stop pretending you know famous people. It’s demented.

Reich Rolled: Gaming

WOLFENSTEIN: YOUNG BLOOD, BETHESDA SOFTWORKS

(PS4, XBOX, NINTENDO SWITCH, PC)
COMBAT coots and hand grenades replace high-tops and Rubik’s Cubes in the alternate-1980s setting of Wolfenstein: Youngblood, the latest entry in the series that popularized the first-person-shooter genre back in 1992. The Nazis have won World War II and completed their global domination in the intervening decades. Into this nightmare scenario steps Jessica and Sophia Blazkowicz, twin resistance fighters who try to put history back on track. Players choose one of the sisters and try to liberate Paris from hordes of swastika-sporting stormtroopers. And while knocking down Nazis never gets old, it won’t be easy: This installment arms the Führer’s forces with technology well ahead of the 1980s, including hulking mechs and energy weapons. It’s the sort of fireworks you’d expect if the Third Reich kept up R&D for another four decades.     

Missions have Jess and Soph doing more than mucking up the Nazis’ new world order. They’re on the hunt for their father, William “B.J.” Blazkowicz, a grizzled American war veteran and the longstanding hero of this series. He went missing in the last installment, and now it’s his daughters’ turn to infiltrate forest fortresses and mountaintop eagles’ nests looking for clues. In a series first, you don’t have to tackle the goose-stepping fascists solo. A buddy can fight alongside you as either Jess or Soph online. Your co-op colleague doesn’t need their own copy of the game if you buy the Deluxe Edition, which comes with a Buddy Pass allowing one friend to partner up whenever you play. (It’s also a good way to dip your toes into the game if you want to try before you buy.) You can play missions in any order while unlocking new abilities and gear, including Nazi-pulverizing power suits, making for a more freewheeling way to sabotage Hitler’s final solution.

ROADWORTHY: Four High-Mileage Mobile Games for Summer Trekking

The Elder Scrolls: Blades

(Bethesda Softworks, Android, iOS)
Previous chapters in this series are known for their endless quests and sprawling realms—a lot to pack into a small package. So this mobile version splits it all into three scoops: a Town mode in which you rebuild your village, an Arena where you brutalize other players, and an Abyss with a bottomless dungeon to explore.

Project Cars GO

(Slightly Mad Studios, Android)
Car aficionados covet the Project Cars series for its impeccable re-creations of exotic autos and true-to-life handling specs. This mobile spin-off promises that same attention to detail while adding customizability to the mix, letting gearheads monkey around under the hood. The graphics still scream along, so you’ll feel like you’re going fast even if you’re stuck on the tarmac in real life.

Super Mario Maker 2

(Nintendo, Switch)
If all your summer downtime makes you antsy, why not do something constructive? This game-making kit gives you everything you need—lava pools, bottomless pits, power-ups, and baddies ripped from Mario’s world—to create the perfect classic side-scrolling experience. Or stay lazy and download levels from players who’ve made more creative use of their vacations.

Diablo Immortal

(Blizzard/NetEase, Android, iOS)
This series’ simple hack-and-slash formula—inspired by the Gauntlet arcade machine that ate all your quarters in the eighties—pares down perfectly onto the mobile platform, with touchscreen slaying that works surprisingly well. Add in massively multiplayer online play and an endless supply of randomly generated loot, and Diablo Immortal becomes an on-the-go game with unlimited mileage.

Todd Snider: A Ghost in the Catalogue

There’s this song Todd Snider’s been working on for 30 years now. Call it the white whale of his songwriting career: a crafty, elusive creature, with size, connected to the depths. The search for it—the quest to get the song right—drives him on. It drove him while starting out, when mostly all he had was a dream, and lots to learn, and naysayers to ignore, and nothing gigs in half-empty bars to play. And it kept driving him on through mid-career drug problems, health problems, and relationship problems.

Fifty-two years old now, with shaggy blond hair he might accent with a beard and floppy hat like Neil Young used to wear, Snider has bright, animated blue eyes. He holds your gaze when he talks, telling stories that make you laugh or think. And sometimes, discussing his work, he seems to reengage with the essence of a song right on the spot.

But talking about this one, the song that’s eluded him all these years? Snider shakes his head a little and stares off to the side.

He wrote the first version when he was 22, and called it “Where Will I Go Now That I’m Gone?” Three decades later, it’s a tune that still makes him stare into the distance. Like it’s out there somewhere, the secret to making the song work the way he wants it to. Like if he keeps looking for it, traveling here and there—he’s done a ton of rambling, in the finest folk-troubadour tradition—maybe, just maybe, it’ll appear.

We’re seated at a small kitchenette table inside his tour bus, which is parked behind the historic Wealthy Theatre in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Snider’s faraway look, as he reflects on that just-out-of-reach, spurring-him-on song, comes after a lively 90 minutes of talking to me about politics, drugs, his family, his fans, and life on the road.

That’s the thing with folk singers, Snider says. You don’t even need to ask them a question to start getting answers. But when he gets to talking about music, the focus of his life, he slows down and has an air of searching for something, like a guy on a beach with a metal detector, sweeping the sand, believing he might find an object of value in the very next moment.

A laid-back individual who favors jeans and sneakers, and sometimes performs barefoot, Snider—his fair hair and casual manner suggestive of the late Tom Petty—gets into a marveling mode, even a reverential one, when speaking of times when songwriting can feel magical.

“When you’re letting these sounds that come out of nowhere start guiding your decisions,” he says, “it feels like, Oh my God, there’s a ghost here.”

Speaking of connections to the beyond, a tether through the ether linking the living and those who have passed, there’s a song called “The Ghost of Johnny Cash” on Snider’s new album, Cash Cabin Sessions, Vol. 3, released this spring to much critical praise.

The album’s title nods to the fact that Snider recorded it at Johnny Cash’s old Tennessee hideaway and recording studio, a place still hosting top musicians, and run by Cash’s son, John Carter Cash. Snider first visited in 2015 to watch Loretta Lynn record a couple of songs they’d written together. While there, he had a dream that began to recur.

In the dream, Snider is asleep on the floor in a certain part of the studio, only to be awakened by the Man in Black himself. Cash’s son later told Snider this was the spot where his dad had died, on a bed set up in the studio during the legendary musician’s last days. It wasn’t long after this that Snider returned to record some material for his band Hard Working Americans, a supergroup featuring members of the Chris Robinson Brotherhood and Widespread Panic. And then last autumn, Snider recorded ten spare, acoustic tunes at Cash Cabin Studio. The tracks are heartfelt, moving, funny, and political, with attention given to the craft of songwriting itself, and the songwriter’s life.

On “The Ghost of Johnny Cash,” Snider strums Cash’s beloved, century-old Martin guitar, and sings about Loretta Lynn dancing with Cash’s ghost outside the cabin at night.

Though words like “hippie” and “stoner” have been applied to Snider—a guy who does like his weed, doesn’t carry a wallet, has played in jam bands, and enjoys conversational tangents—he is anything but a slacker when it comes to songwriting. He’s intense, dedicated, studious, and aims high. He says he doesn’t trust a lyric unless it’s been around for a year. Reviewers of this new album have been hailing its songcraft mastery.

The renowned music critic Robert Christgau gave Cash Cabin Sessions an “A,” and wrote on Vice’s music site, Noisey: “You’d never know from its offhand feel how practiced this material is. That’s one reason it’s so replayable…. The other, of course, is that the words are good.”

No Depression put it this way: “Snider is a force of nature. He’s a brilliant songwriter who’s always searching for the next chord, the next story, the next joke, the next idea, the next experience he can turn into song.” Rolling Stone adds, “His lyrics are razor sharp, unsparing, hilarious, and surprisingly tender…. The most provocative moments are topical, when Snider takes scalpels to modern cultural cancers and musical histories both.”

And Folk Radio magazine delivered a rave: “Gripping from start to finish…piercing, precise. Snider’s sterling acoustic guitar work is arguably tighter than ever…. [The album’s] heard as if you are face-to-face with the man, sipping or smoking on something fine, reclining on his porch-side or slumped, quietly contemplating it all in some backroom bar.”

The review conjures a songwriter “spitting blue-collar grit like Springsteen, careening with the same charm of Kristofferson and with the slick wit of [John] Prine, [Randy] Newman, and [Loudon] Wainwright.”

Snider’s productivity and focus are well-known to fellow musicians and others in the music industry, who aren’t fooled by the toker’s drawl. He’s recorded 14 original albums since 1993, released both live and cover albums, appeared on compilations, and made records with other bands. He’s also written a rollicking, laugh-out-loud memoir, I Never Met a Story I Didn’t Like: Mostly True Tall Tales, published in 2014. If he’s not songwriting or recording, he’s touring. He’s played thousands of shows, and the total would be even higher if health and drug issues hadn’t sidelined him at points.

“For [Snider], the clever part of songwriting, that’s the easy part,” fellow songwriter Bobby Bare Jr. once observed to The Austin Chronicle. “That’s the natural part of his talent. But what makes him better than everybody else is how hard he works at the craft of those clever ideas. That’s what great songwriters do. They work hard on what they stumble upon.”

That Folk Radio reviewer is not the only critic to mention Snider in the same breath as some of our songwriting elites. And the East Nashville mainstay has also influenced and helped pave the way for younger, Grammy-winning country stars like Jason Isbell and Kacey Musgraves. On Cash Cabin, Isbell provides harmonies on a terrific track called “Like a Force of Nature.” Isbell and his wife, 37-year-old songwriter and violinist Amanda Shires, also contribute backup vocals on two of the political songs, “The Blues on Banjo” and “A Timeless Response to Current Events.” Rootsy, pointed, and conversational, “Blues” calls out NRA-beholden politicians and border-wall hysteria, while “Timeless” takes on phony, divisive patriotism.

Like Snider, Isbell and Shires have decided ignoring politics isn’t an option, not in the current climate. Younger Nashville musicians of a progressive bent can look to Snider for an example of a veteran musician who’s found a way to give compelling voice to his political convictions without sacrificing musicianship—like a latter-day Woody Guthrie.

He’s keeping a close eye on what’s going on, politically and culturally. When we meet on his tour bus, he’s got the TV tuned to CNN, makes reference to the politics of Meghan McCain, and criticizes the “prison-industrial complex.”

But of course what most often catches the attention of fans and musicians (count comedian Richard Lewis among the former; Lewis, a Snider friend, gets a mention on this new album) is his musical prowess and creativity—his deft way with a song. Snider took up the craft of songwriting in his late teens, when music put a hex on him. That hex is still as strong as ever. An hour before his sold-out show in Grand Rapids, he can’t quit thinking about that damn elusive song, the one whose final form he seems doomed to forever chase.

“It’s the worst problem I’ve ever had,” Snider says, shaking his head again. “That’s the thing. You just keep looking for it. I don’t even know what it is.”

Todd Snider in Concert

Inside the 400-seat theater,  the lights dim and Snider comes onto the stage, a mile-wide grin on his face, raised hands making peace signs. A crowd of mostly middle-aged fans rises and applauds. After getting ready to play, Snider nods hello and begins to strum and sing. Moments later he backs away from the mike, and you can hear him chuckle in disbelief as the crowd continues singing his song louder than he was singing it.

Later on, there’s a moment of magic as everybody in the theater who can whistle does so in unison, right along with Snider. And then there’s the interlude when his brown-and-black dog, Cowboy Jim, a fan favorite who’d wandered onstage earlier, comes back out and starts barking in seeming agreement as Snider sings a line about an old radio station that carries veiled social commentary: “We used to listen then.”

Intimate accidents like the crowd turning into a whistling chorus, or Cowboy Jim’s perfectly timed woofs, which sent a delighted charge through the theater, are the kinds of things that have kept Snider hooked on performing music his whole adult life.

“I get goosebumps just thinking about it,” Snider tells me later, using the words “electric” and “cosmic” to characterize those moments of sudden communal harmony. “You’re part of this gig and you feel like you’re part of this bigger thing. It’s like God wanted it to happen. So, it’s like, Let’s drive another six hours and do it again!”

THOUGH in person, in his book, and in his music over the years, Snider has never had a problem discussing his life’s journey, which has seen its share of ups and downs, he chose to limit the autobiographical stuff on this new album. Half the songs address societal and political matters, while three more explore music-making itself, and Nashville musical history. Had he wanted to mine his recent life for material, there would have been a lot to consider. He got divorced in 2014. He also started abusing painkillers, a habit that began when he developed a back problem. He spent too many days in a narcotic haze, and missed some shows. But he’s feeling a lot better now, and says weed’s all he needs.

His new record doesn’t touch much on his divorce, despite its impact on his life the past few years. Snider doesn’t really see the point, he tells me, in those “bummed about a girl” musical laments. “Sometimes I think those songs get so whiny,” the songwriter continues. He believes “Like a Force of Nature” says enough about what he’s been through, and says it in the right way.

Wise, moving, and unsentimental, this tune, with perfect phrasing and subtle wit, opens, “Well, if we never get together again/ Forgive me for the fool I’ve been/ See if you can remember me/ When I was listening to my better angels.” The narrator then confesses to a need for constant motion, an urge so strong it’s like a force of nature.

“I can’t keep myself from moving,” Snider sings, his tone weathered, a voice with mileage on it. As it happens, the songwriter himself, he estimates, has lived in 50-plus residences, to go with decades of cross-country touring.

When it comes to the early part of his roaming life, biographical accounts tend to vary a bit, as Snider’s story has acquired some romantic lore over the years, troubadour tales taking on lives of their own. But a teenage relocation is a constant in the different accounts. Born in Portland, Oregon, Snider moved from suburban Beaverton to Austin, Texas, in his teens. His parents had gone broke, and his older brother had found work in Austin, which helped motivate the change of scene.

While growing up, Snider found his dad a mysterious figure. He says his family had money for a while, and then suddenly lost it all. Later, his parents got divorced.

“I think my dad did a lot of coke and was gambling,” Snider tells me. “He was a wild fucker.” Snider says he never knew exactly what his dad did for a living, but it was construction-related. He describes his late father, Danny, who died at 54, as “tough.”

Years ago, Snider heard rumors that his dad had a hand in organized crime—a theory buttressed both by an Oregon reporter, who once told the songwriter as much, and by the fact that a family friend eventually got murdered in a hit. Snider says he doesn’t doubt the rumors about his dad, but he can’t say for sure if they’re true.

Early on, Danny Snider made it clear he didn’t approve of his son’s career choice. He told the aspiring songwriter that if he didn’t drop the music dream and find a real job, he’d spend his life playing the same shitty bars for the same shitty pay. A conservative Republican, Danny didn’t find songwriting a reputable profession, didn’t share his son’s love of poetry, and distrusted the politics of folkies who strum guitars and pen lyrics about life, love, planet Earth, and social injustice. During his early twenties, Todd would get in heated political arguments with his dad. When the musician would accuse right-wingers of racism and homophobia, Danny would come back and call his son a fag.

As a young man starting out in music, Snider found himself looking beyond his dad for support and inspiration. With his personality and talent a combination that could get him noticed, he had the good fortune of finding father figures who also happened to be some of the country’s best songwriters. One of those was Jerry Jeff Walker, who wrote “Mr. Bojangles.” Snider has said seeing Walker play solo at an Austin bar helped show him the way: Instead of running around trying to get a band together, he could just be a man with songs and a guitar.

After sending a demo tape to Memphis singer-songwriter Keith Sykes, a friend of both Walker and John Prine, as well as a member of Jimmy Buffett’s Coral Reefer Band, Snider was encouraged by Sykes to move to Memphis and join the thriving music scene there.

Eventually, Snider snagged a regular gig at a club called the Daily Planet. Meanwhile, Sykes was doing what he could to help Snider launch his career. The songcraft education that began in Austin—how to chart rhyming patterns, for example—accelerated in Memphis. Snider was learning from Walker, Sykes, Prine. And from Jimmy Buffett himself he gleaned a few parlor tricks when it comes to working a crowd.

From all these guys he also learned how to grind, Snider tells me. With their stories of starting out, and from his observations of these mentors in action, he got an idea of what it takes to succeed. It might mean playing nightly shows to 15 or 20 people for who knows how long. And it definitely means working on a song until it’s perfect. Even if it takes 30 years.

In 1993, Buffett signed Snider to his Margaritaville Records label. Danny was there the night his son put his signature to a contract for his debut album, Songs for the Daily Planet, released that year. Seeing tangible signs of his son’s music success impacted the elder Snider. “I remember that night felt like show business,” Snider recalls. “Like something a dad could get. He was like, ‘I’m really proud of you. You’re working hard.’”

Danny Snider died less than a year later.

FOR years, Todd Snider assumed he’d die in some sort of accident. A car crash. A tour prank gone wrong. He’d think of Elvis dying on the can. Buddy Holly in a plane crash. Janis Joplin’s heroin overdose. He says his mom, Micki, was always worried about him. She still worries. And his dad worried, too, but more about his son’s financial and marital prospects.

Truth be told, with all the drugs Snider has taken, he has flirted with death. And in 2016, he says he started regularly taking acid to go with the pills, drinking, and heavy marijuana use.

Snider was scheduled to play a music festival in Chillicothe, Illinois, but collapsed and had a seizure before taking the stage. His manager, Brian Kincaid, helped carry him unconscious to the medical tent. An ambulance arrived. Snider remembers coming to en route to the hospital. Kincaid remembers Snider waking up and promptly laughing as a young paramedic kept missing Snider’s veins with the IV needle—the result of a fast, bumpy ride and Snider’s inability to remain still. “I was tripping balls,” Snider laughs. “I was talking to him like, ‘Well, it’s me and you, kid! This is going to be a weird way to go.’”

Miraculously, Snider recovered enough to play a gig the next night in Nashville. Doctors had flushed him out with fluids overnight and through the morning. With Kincaid’s help, they got him on the bus and drove as fast as they could to Music City. Years ago, Snider might have skipped the show, he says. In his younger, wilder days, there were times when he was getting busy with a girl, or simply got too wasted to perform. “There’d be maybe 300 angry people somewhere and none of them would sue me,” Snider says. “I’ve been really good about it in the past few years, though.”

Last year, he did have to cancel some tour dates for medical reasons. He suffers from chronic back pain and has arthritis in his neck. While explaining how hard it is for musicians to stay in shape and routinely see a doctor, Snider points to the left side of his neck. He says a doctor found a trio of discs scraping into each other. His fans—especially the ones Snider’s age or older—are understanding when his spine problems cause cancellations, and send him well wishes, or share their own tales of chronic pain.

He’s trying to live right these days—or right enough. Snider hopes missing gigs—for any reason, but especially because of drugs—is a problem in the rearview mirror. He doesn’t want fans to ever again have to post things like this 2017 comment after some shows were dropped: “This is nothing new for Todd. [You] never know if he’s going to play an awesome show, nod off and walk out mid-set, or not even play at all.” Other fans posted about how unwell he looked. Suspecting it was “not going to be a good ending” for Snider, one commenter wrote, “Shall we predict his death?”

Snider says life and death have been on his mind recently, in part because his dad died so young. He talks to his brother Mike about this. Mike’s 54, the age their father died.

INSIDE the Wealthy Theatre that night in Grand Rapids, Snider gets big laughs talking about his weed-fueled adventures. He mentions how, at Cash Cabin Studio, he got so high he wandered the surrounding forest for hours to “find a song.”

A fantastic storyteller, with a gift for comic confessions and candid recollections, Snider keeps fans as entertained between songs as he does during songs. With me on the tour bus, he shared tales of epic acid benders he says lasted for days. And just as he does in the theater, on the tour bus he spoke of the importance of persistence, of how he built his career through years of staying at it, never giving up. “It all just slowly works,” he said. “I’ve never had a hit, but I’ve got like a million albums, and you just keep plugging away.”

That night in Michigan, Snider abandons his set list early, letting the crowd and their shouted preferences guide what he plays. Eventually, he lets everyone know it’s time for a last song, and starts softly strumming the opening chords to “Working on a Song.” It’s a tune from the new album, inspired by that song he’s chasing.

“I never gave up on it,” Snider tells the crowd. “I always thought…I’ll get this one day, you know?” A hush descends inside the theater as he begins to play.

“When that idea first came to me, I was only 22,” Snider sings, more slowly than usual. “By 25, I had realized it was all that I could do/ To make it to the end, but then again, I always knew/ If I never got it finished I could die trying to.”

If Snider’s addictions have nearly killed him, the place where he stands now, that stage in Grand Rapids, gives him life. And being hooked on the art of words and music, an art that helps make his *pain vanish and helps others forget their own pain—that kind of addiction’s all right, if not always easy.

When Snider talks to me about that quest song, one he’s shaped into at least ten versions and tried to cowrite with other top songwriters, including Kix Brooks and the late Susanna Clark, he says it means something different to him now.

“It’s about what am I going to do when I don’t sing anymore,” he says, looking down at a Sharpie pen he’s twisting back and forth in his hands. “I get why Willie [Nelson] plays every night. I didn’t used to, but now I do. I don’t want to finish my songs. I don’t want my show to get over. I’m not going to freak out about dying, but I enjoy being here.”

Up on the stage, Snider sings, “They said maybe you’ve been chasing a song too long/ It’s turned into a song about a song you’re working on/ I mean it’s gone, man, come on, let it go/ But you know, giving up a dream is just like making one come true/ It’s easy to sit around talking about, it’s harder to go out and do.”

The 52-year-old performer slows down on the guitar, then strums his final chords. The theater lights fade. Showered in the adoration of a standing ovation, Snider sets down his guitar, slides his hands into his pockets, nods “thanks,” and walks off the stage.

Sean Neumann is a Chicago-based journalist and musician who spends much of the year touring with his bands. His writing on politics, sports, and television has appeared in Rolling Stone, ESPN, VICE, and more. Follow him on Twitter @neumannthehuman.

Kiteboarder Susi Mai is Our Muse

Sisu Mai — professional kiteboarder, environmental activist, and entrepreneur—has spent her life living by the ocean, loving the ocean, and soaring above it.

This German-born daughter of pro windsurfers got to know the Caribbean first, after her family moved to seaside Cabarete in the Dominican Republic. Rebellious as a girl, Mai turned her nose up at windsurfing because that’s what her father did when he wasn’t running a B&B with Mai’s mom.

A fluent speaker of Spanish, German, and English, Mai was a teenage beach bum, with a perpetual sprinkling of sand in her blonde hair. It wasn’t until she was getting ready for college that she discovered the sport that would catapult her to fame.

“It was the early 2000s. I remember there was this French guy kiteboarding on the beach,” she tells Penthouse by phone from her home in Hawaii. “He was flying through the air. I immediately saw this as windsurfing, but lighter, better, and much cooler.”

Mai says the way kiteboarding harnesses the wind, plus the sport’s risk, is what appealed to her, and she began riding with boys on the beach. She had no idea of her skill level or how she compared to other female riders. And she didn’t care. She fell in love with the sport.

“Kiteboarding fools you with how fun it is,” she says. “It’s about feeling in control of some awesome nature. You’re flying like a bird over water. You’re weightless. Airborne. At the same time, you’re getting this great full-body workout.”

Mai says the opportunity to compete fell into her lap. She got a wild card pass to enter the 2003 Kiteboarding World Cup, held in her Cabarete hometown. She snagged the silver medal, with world champion Cindy Mosey of New Zealand winning gold.

With a surge of confidence and a growing reputation for executing daring, sky-high tricks, Mai went on to win Red Bull’s “King of the Air” competition in 2003, 2004, and 2005. Just like that, she found herself a sponsored tour athlete, competing, training, and performing nonstop in what she now calls a “hamster wheel” for six years.

But ultimately, knee injuries, three surgeries, and post-op bedrest forced Mai to look beyond the world of kiteboarding competition. “My injuries were downers, but they taught me something,” she recalls. “It’s a very strange feeling to have your entire existence taken away.”

After her first injury, Mai devoted herself to designing a kiteboarding line specifically for girls, called Siren Series by Susi Mai, with financial backing from her then-sponsor, Cabrinha. “I was literally designing kites from my hospital bed,” Mai laughs.

But it was earlier, in 2006, when she met venture capitalist Bill Tai, a former computer-chip designer. Kiteboarding had just taken off with Silicon Valley types, including Google founders Sergey Brin and Larry Page. Tai had kiteboarding friends coming to Hawaii and needed a teacher.

“There’s a lot of common ground between someone who can start their own company and someone who can kiteboard,” Mai explains. “You have to be able to do ten things at once and take risks. Also, kiteboarding is inherently geeky, when you get down to the aerodynamics of it. Brainy people love it.”

Legend has it that Tai emailed her saying, “Hey Susi, together our names spell MaiTai. We need to do something on it!” The two got together and formed a Hawaii-based event, MaiTai, that gathered kiteboard-loving executives at Twitter, Facebook, Google, and other tech firms for hands-on instruction from pros like Mai and her friends.

The exclusive event also featured top athletes, investors, and innovators who shared an addiction to high-risk thrills. When not in the water, these people cooked up new deals and raised funds for ventures like the big-data company Treasure Data, and the app Voxer. They also organized ocean-conservation initiatives such as shark-tagging.

“There was a great synergy between these two groups of people that made a lot of sense,” Mai remembers. Soon, other money-men who loved kiteboarding were knocking on Mai’s door, including Virgin Group founder Richard Branson.

“I basically became the informal kite caddy for the Branson family,” Mai jokes, adding that the whole clan is filled with risk-takers who love the challenge and adrenaline rush of kiteboarding. “It was my job to make sure they all stayed alive.”

After a ten-year run, MaiTai is giving way to new ventures and collaborations. Mai’s latest endeavor, The Ocean Summit, organized with marine conservationist Jeremy McKane, gathers a diverse group of scientists, policymakers, tech investors, athletes, and artists who share a passion for ocean conservation and environmental activism. The location is Branson’s Necker Island, where they all brainstorm on how to help protect the ocean.

As kiteboarding continues to grow in popularity, Mai hopes her crossover work with tech titans and ocean conservationists will make a difference in the world while enhancing the sport she adores. Laughing, she says, “For the first five or six years of my career, I was just explaining to people what kiteboarding actually was. They thought I filled my kite with helium. Maybe we didn’t quite become the next golf, but our community has made a difference.”

Susi Mai Kiteboard and Sun

Comedian Andrew Schulz: Interview

Andrew Schulz doesn’t care about anyone’s feelings. See for yourself on his YouTube series Views From the Cis, where he riffs on eating ass, floppy vaginas, and the usefulness of the word “tranny.” You can also listen to his debut comedy album 5:1:1, his podcasts “Brilliant Idiots” and “Flagrant 2,” or—better yet—catch him on his ten-city Matador Tour, now through November. We met up with the 35-year-old comedian to discuss his unorthodox strategy for releasing content, and why now is the best time for comedy.

Why did you decide to start releasing content the way you did?

First of all, everybody said no. I filmed my own special, doing sets in five different comedy clubs and the cab rides in between. The idea was, this is what a New York comic goes through. I knew the industry wasn’t going to let me in based on my name, so I captured what it is to be a New York comic and that still didn’t work.

I was really down. I was fucked up. But I had to find my own way in. So I started asking friends about comedy specials, ’cause you can learn everything about your industry by asking people who are not in your industry. Everybody would say, “I just watched this guy’s special. It was really funny, but I didn’t finish it.” I’m like, okay, boom, the special is too long. So I turned my one-hour special into a 15-minute special. Four clubs, one night—I called it 4:1:1. I put it out on YouTube and it got a good reaction. I sold out shows that very same weekend in San Diego. I was never a guy to sell out shows. So I go, “Okay, there’s something to this. Shorter is better.” Then I said, “Fuck it, I’m going to start giving away a new joke every week for a year.”

I’d looked at certain people, like this singer named Russ who would put a new song out every week. I looked at vloggers like Casey Neistat. I looked at the people who were winning in the new digital media age. Their success came from consistency. They put [material] out every day or every week. It wasn’t about one big event.

So, every week I put out clips on Twitter,  Instagram, and YouTube. The clips started to go viral and then my YouTube guy was like, “Yo, something wild happens when people watch a video of yours—they end up watching two hours.” Netflix and Comedy Central can’t get people to watch one hour of stand-up. I’m putting my shit on YouTube and people are watching two hours.

You mean they go from clip to clip?

Exactly. When somebody puts a one-hour special out, that person’s saying you have to sit and listen for an hour. There are many things wrong with that, but what’s most wrong is the viewer is not in control. If you give them a three-minute clip, another clip is going to pop up right after, and they make the choice to watch it.

So you took advantage of YouTube. 

YouTube is the future, except people are caught up in the traditional structures of media so they don’t understand it yet. They don’t want to believe that their industry is crumbling right in front of them. It’s like the person who won’t leave their house in a hurricane. They see the hurricane, but they don’t want to believe their house is going to be destroyed. That’s the industry right now, with all these agents and producers and everybody in L.A. The hurricane is here, but they’re staying in the house because they don’t want to live in a future where that house doesn’t exist.

It’s changed the way I view media. That’s why the greatest thing that ever happened to me was having all the networks say no, because adversity introduces you to yourself. I needed to be put in a situation where I could thrive, especially for the type of comedy I do.

Do you think there’s an attack on free speech within comedy? 

This is the best time for comedy. This is where legends are made. Lenny Bruce, Richard Pryor, George Carlin—these people were made in times where there was massive restriction and the world needed them. It needed their voice. It needed their rationale, their takes on the world. It needed speech with that amazingly beautiful cloak of comedy that can protect undeniable truths, if done really well.

Everybody, including Judd Apatow, was mad about Louis C.K.’s Parkland shooting joke. Isn’t it “ape shall never kill ape” in the comedy world?

You could say somebody’s not funny. You could say a joke isn’t funny. But you can never say what someone should or shouldn’t do with their humor. Comics are the harshest critics of each other. It seemed like a convenient time to dogpile. And you can’t do that, especially if you’re a comic. Because it’s not about Judd, or Louis. It’s about the no-name comic. What Judd was doing was enabling outrage. He’s enabling this “cancel culture.” And the reason he can’t do that is because…comedy has been very good to him, and has provided him with amazing things in his life. So you’ve got to nurture that and allow all the different types of art that could come out of that, plain and simple.

We’re living in a time where dogpiling and outrage culture are so prevalent. Why do you think that is?

Everybody wants retweets. It’s selfish and self-indulgent. That’s all it is. It’s like if you’re not funny, you’ll just be an activist.

That seems like the new career move right now. These actresses who can’t get work anymore all become activists.

Absolutely. You know, it’s like one of those situations where you can’t get angry because this is what humans are, right? I’m not upset when humans dogpile. It’s in our nature to do whatever it takes to be accepted by our tribe, because being outside the tribe is dangerous and lonely and used to get you killed. There are very few of us that can see the right and the wrong in this tribal mentality. The idea that there are gray areas in everything is a hard thing for people.

There’s a reason why, when a dictator takes over, the first people to get killed are comedians, and I’m using the word “comedian” loosely. Comedians are philosophers. And the reason we get killed is because we might say some shit that exposes the hypocrisy of the new administration. The powers that be recognize the power of a thinker, so thinkers got to go.

American War Cinema in the 21st Century

Someone recently asked me, “Why aren’t there any good movies about today’s wars?”

Looking back on it, this question was, perhaps, posed to me at an unideal time. Three rum eggnogs in at a holiday party I hadn’t really wanted to be at in the first place, I took the question like a dog getting its tail stepped on at midnight.

“No good movies about the wars? What? Fuck that question,” I said, before deciding it was the exact right time to paraphrase Tupac. “Fuck that question as a staff, record label, and as a motherfucking crew.”

The guy who’d asked it stammered out an apology, which made me feel bad. He’d just been trying to make conversation, after all, and talking with veterans can be tricky business for civilians, so I’m told. My drunken self was contributing to that gulf. My wife’s diligent eyes across the room made it clear I was to PLAY NICE. So I did my best to assure him I’d been joking, and tossed out some film suggestions about modern war that I’d found engaging.

That there haven’t been good films about the global war on terror isn’t a rare idea. Where’s the Apocalypse Now of Iraq? Why no Platoon-like epic about Afghanistan? For Christ’s sake, is there even anything on 9/11 that comes close to touching what From Here to Eternity did for Pearl Harbor? (Pearl Harbor itself, though, sucked donkey balls. I will die on that hill. Anyhow.)

And it’s not just random dudes at holiday parties saying this. In late 2018, even Hollywood golden man Tom Hanks voiced the opinion. “I don’t know that Hollywood could create an authentic story about Iraq or Afghanistan,” he said at a Washington gala for the Elizabeth Dole Foundation. “We argue about this all the time, what’s going to be the venue for the story that needs to be told.”

Far be it for me to disagree with Captain Miller of Saving Private Ryan fame, but, well, fuck it. I am. Not only do I think the folks in Hollywoodland can make good films about modern warfare, I think it’s already been done (with room for improvement, as time goes on and, well, maybe the wars actually end?). Here’s a completely subjective list of one great and four pretty good-to-goodish works that meet the ever-vaunted Gallagher Quality Threshold.

Three Kings (1999)

Two decades old and still the GOAT of modern war flicks. What’s amazing about Three Kings is how prescient it is–it’s set during Desert Storm, but manages to foresee the dark ambiguities, sectarian violence, and ruin that awaited Babylon in coming years. There’s blood, there’s treasure, and sex between a Green Beret and an enterprising reporter looking for a tip. (Womp womp.) Throw in a killer script and some great performances by Ice Cube and Spike Jonze, and we’ve got ourselves an underrated classic of the genre.

American Sniper (2014)

I’ll admit to a real love-hate relationship with Clint Eastwood’s American Sniper. It’s a splendidly made film from an aesthetic perspective, and the end scene is damn near perfect. But beyond the shine, given the attention it received and its star-studded cast, it lingers four years later as a huge opportunity wasted to challenge people’s mindsets about the war on terror, rather than reinforcing them. Chris Kyle the man was way more interesting than Bradley Cooper’s stoic, sheepdog John Wayne impression made him out to be: Kyle was funny, tender sometimes, and sometimes a really obvious, really awful braggart and liar. Super complicated, super raw, super honest, always interesting. A man that interesting deserved a war film about him as he actually was.

Argo (2012)

Ostensibly about the 1979 U.S. hostage crisis in Tehran, Argo pulsates with contemporary foreign policy issues in a wild, rollicking story that might make you forgive Ben Affleck for his stone-voiced turn at Batman. Based on a real-life event known as “the Canadian Caper,” Argo accomplishes the rare double feat of getting viewers to root for the CIA while also providing some perspective on the “others” who label America the Great Satan. Is it a coincidence that two of the best films about the war on terror are technically set before it commenced? Reader, it is not! History needs perspective, and perspective can often serve as art’s lifeblood. Some famous dead poet said that, I think?

Sand Castle (2017) 

A Netflix film, Sand Castle offers a gritty, grunt-view window on Iraq that’s common in our contemporary war literature but, curiously, hasn’t penetrated much of television or film. (Pet theory: Americans like soldiers in a vague, cipher-like way, but have a harder time reconciling those sanitized notions with the realities of angry, rough men and women looking to carry out violence for our state.) Sand Castle’s not without its faults–too much verisimilitude, not enough narrative arc, at least to these eyes–but screenwriter and U.S. Army veteran of Iraq Chris Roessner deserves a heap of credit for breaking through the civilian-military divides of twenty-first-century America and getting this thing made. Having talented, creative veterans like him operating in the arts is vital to our cultural and societal understanding of just what the hell has been going on since 9/11. Rich people reading this: Give that man some money to make his next film, this Penthouse columnist demands it to be so.

Homecoming (2018)

Yeah, yeah, this is a television series and not a film, and I’m cheating on my own list. Who cares? I wanted to write about Homecoming. It’s on Amazon Video! It stars Julia Roberts! And honest to Christ, it’s one of the more powerful and innovative works of antiwar art I’ve come across in years. Set in Florida at a private contractor’s medical facilities devoted to “curing” veterans’ post-traumatic stress, Homecoming is more thriller than drama, and benefits immensely from the tonal shifts therein. It doesn’t use combat or post-traumatic stress as much more than a backdrop, allowing the storytelling to free itself up for what’s happening here, stateside. It’s streamable in that addictive, lose-a-weekend sort of way; give it a run and let the commentary about the military-industrial complex’s exploitation of young people and their ideas of soldiering soak in after the fact.