“They say you always remember your first time, and that applies to porn mags as much as anything.”
The Penthouse World According to Steve Agee
Writer/comedian/male heartthrob Steve Agee will never forget coming across his first stack of nudie mags in an abandoned jack shack in the seventies. It was a different time: a stony age of innocence, when a woman’s hair, both upstairs and down, was long and luxurious and Americana reigned supreme, from the rock ’n’ roll that ruled the airwaves to the muscle cars and motorcycles that defined a generation.
When Penthouse asked Agee, a photographer in his own right, to creative direct Pop Shots, we assumed he’d go with an intergalactic, cosmic vibe to tie into his role in the upcoming Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2. We couldn’t have been more off the mark.
Instead of spaceships and aliens from another dimension, Agee opted to “Make Pop Shots Great Again,” in the wake of the election, with a gorgeous girl next door and some badass American choppers.
Not to get too nostalgic, but it felt as if Bob Guccione himself had reached down and blessed the shoot … and then “grabbed us all by the pussy.”
Your parents shipped you off to military school midway through high school. Did you manage your first roll in the hay prior to that?
No, I was 19. It was after high school, freshman year in college. But the first time I’d seen any form or porn or naked girls was when I was 10 or 11. Me and my friend were out shooting BB guns in the hills near my house in Riverside, California, and we found an abandoned shack full of newspapers and magazines for recycling. There were old Penthouses and that was the first time I’d seen naked women. It was the seventies and they were awesome: tube tops, no tops, Daisy Dukes. That’s why when Kimberly Kane mentioned Pop Shots, I already knew what I wanted to do: a seventies-looking girl on choppers in the desert.
Give me the Steve Agee definition of beauty.
I love long feathered hair. I like a free-spirit-looking hippie chick. The more natural the better. When Penthouse sent me a list of models, Elena was my first choice. She had that seventies look and she didn’t disappoint. She was terrific.
A lot of bush back in the seventies…
A lot of bush, I don’t mind that.
I don’t mind it at all, but there’s been a bald-is-beautiful movement over the last 20 years. What’s your take on that?
I don’t mind that either. I’m of the philosophy that beggars can’t be choosers. Whatever you’ve got, I’m okay with.
Do you prefer seventies bush, or the current rage of pseudo-bush?
I like right in between. Not halfway down the leg or up the belly button. A nice trimmed one is good.
I was a comic book nerd growing up, and some of the best characters and storylines were created in the seventies. Were you into comics as a kid?
I was never a comic-book kid. I just did Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, which is a huge thing for Marvel, but I somehow missed the bus on comic-books and I’m kind of bummed. I’m still a sci-fi nerd, and Guardians takes place in space, so it was really cool to be on these sci-fi sets. I loved it.
Is there any secret Steve Agee insights you can share, or can you tell us about your days on the set? Or have you been sworn to secrecy?
I had to sign nondisclosure agreements. I could be sued for a lot of money if I say anything. Money that I don’t have. All I’m able to say is that it comes out May 5th.
When did you get interested in photography?
I took a photography class in college, but back then it was all film and I didn’t have the patience for developing, so I took the more financially stable route of comedian. Years ago I was a writer on Jimmy Kimmel’s show, and I realized at one point that I had all this access to guests backstage, especially bands; I could just stand on the side of the stage. So I bought my first camera. It’s just a hobby, but I really like it.
Having that kind of access, I’m sure you got to witness some backstage hijinks. Any good stories to share?
Tracy Morgan used to hang out in the green room, even when he wasn’t on the show, because Jimmy had a notoriously awesome green room with a bar and a pool table. One night, a few of us were in Jimmy’s dressing room and Tracy walked in and he was in character, acting like he was a high school football coach and it was halftime. He started talking to us like we were football players and he was really disappointed in us [because] we had a shitty first half. He kept calling Jimmy’s uncle, Frank, Coach Casino. He’s like, “We got to do this for Coach Casino, y’all! He’s got cancer!” He stayed in character for like 20 minutes. It was so amazing to sit there and witness that.
Is this your first time shooting porn?
This is my first time shooting naked girls, yeah. Not recreationally, that is.
Have you shot homemade porn that you’re proud of?
Proud of? No. I’m not the most fit guy, so you shoot something with a girlfriend or whatever and watch it back and you’re like, “Oh, fuck, man! This is so uncool!” The lighting in my room is horrible and the shadow my balls cast all the way across the room was terrifying.
Are you worried those tapes might one day leak out?
No, I wouldn’t care because I’m a comedian and I have a sense of humor about all that stuff. I would find it kind of funny.
If you ever hit hard times, what do you think the high bid would be for a Steve Agee sex tape?
Oh, my God! Probably a warm sandwich.
In 2005, you worked on an animated show called House of Cosbys. Have you ever been roofied?
No. I don’t drink so I’ve managed to avoid that, but I don’t know who the fuck would want to roofie me anyway. We’re lucky to be guys. I’d hate to be a girl with the amount of shit you have to deal with and be afraid of.
As a fan of his growing up, what’s harder to accept: that Cosby is a rapist or having hemorrhoids?
Probably Cosby as a rapist is a little worse than hemorrhoids, but hemorrhoids are horrible, dude. They’re the worst. I did a show once [with] a whole bit about hemorrhoids, and afterward a woman came up to me at the back of the room, like, “Steve, I’m a doctor at a clinic in Santa Monica and we specialize in hemorrhoid treatment and we have a new procedure and I think you’d be a great candidate. Hemorrhoid surgery can be really painful when they laser or clip it off. Ours is noninvasive. What we do is pull it out and tie it into a knot and then put it back into your asshole.” This doctor of medicine called it my “asshole.” I was like, “No, I’m not going to be coming down to your van in Santa Monica and letting you poke around in my asshole looking for hemorrhoids.”
What if that was just her awkward pickup line?
She failed. That was a horrible pickup line.
You said you don’t drink. What’s your vice now?
It was weed, and then I managed to taper off of that. Other than food, I meditate a lot now. I found I was relying on weed too much when I was depressed, and I was like, “I think this might be making me a little more depressed.” I still smoke once in a while, though. I love that it’s legal in California now. People are worried that crime will go up, but that’s not the case. If you look at Colorado alone, crime has not gone up and they’ve made a shitload of money taxing it.
As we’re talking, only three days have passed since Trump was elected and we’re all in shock. What’s your biggest concern? Obviously there are many.
I can see him sending off nuclear bombs. He seems like such a loose cannon that if some other country was like, “Fuck you!” He’d be like, “Oh, fuck me?” Boom! And just launch nuclear missiles. I’m sure the process is a lot harder than saying, “Fuck you!” and hitting a button, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he sent us to war. Also, just the possibility of him repealing a bunch of laws like the legalization of gay marriage, or overturning abortion, or the pot law we just discussed. It’ll be interesting to see.
What if he decides to send all non-gingers to death camps?
Oh, man. If non-gingers are going to death camps, I’m good. I’ll re-highlight my hair just to show that I’m ginger, because it’s starting to fade.
Gingers get a bum rap. Was that ever an issue for you growing up?
It was fine. I think it’s worse now for kids if you’re a ginger. It didn’t seem to be a big deal when I was a kid, other than the sunburns.
Let’s end this on a positive note then. What advice can you pass on to young gingers who are just coming to terms with their orangeness under Trump’s regime?
Just stay strong. Wear hats. Go out at night in the cover of darkness. Go out in groups. There’s safety in numbers.
We are trying desperately to avoid thinking about Donald Trump actually winning a Presidential election in the United States of America, not to mention trying even harder to avoid thinking about it possibly happening again. … Instead we will wonder aloud to no one in particular about when naked women became “porn” in the vernacular. People get all bent out of shape about that word, so you’d think we should at least be able to come to a consensus on defining it. … Then again, Trump. … Drat! We can go see what Steve Agee might be up to in order to distract us.
Also, the photographs were by both Steve Agee and Kimberly Kane, but they did not tell us which came from which. So we’ll link to Kimberly as well, since she happens to be one of the most honest-to-goodness dazzlingly impressive women we have ever met in this business. And we have met a lot of women in this business.
