Consider this a continuation of our “really fun for cocktail party” conversation blurbs. Also feel free to have a beer bash instead of a cocktail party, because snooty can only be so fun.
Let Go with A “Unique Perspective”
An American hacker has taken down North Korea’s internet, grinding emails and government websites to a halt — all while in his pajamas.
The hacker, who goes by the alias P4x, launched repeated “distributed denial-of-service” (DDoS) attacks as revenge for an unsuccessful cyberattack allegedly taken out against him by the nation’s government from the city of Pyongyang.
While it was initially assumed the sustained and disabling attack was the work of intelligence agencies in response to recent missile tests carried out by the communist state, sources said a regular Joe is responsible for the crippling cyberassault. Wired magazine described the anonymous hacker as “one American man in a T-shirt, pajama pants and slippers, sitting in his living room night after night, watching Alien movies and eating spicy corn snacks, periodically walking over to his home office to check on the progress of the programs he was running to disrupt the internet of an entire country.”
P4x told the publication North Korea’s out of date operating systems meant he could easily launch his attack from the comfort of his own home. He said, “It felt like the right thing to do here. If they don’t see we have teeth, it’s just going to keep coming. I want them to understand that if you come at us, it means some of your infrastructure is going down for a while.”
So now that you have some sense of our direction today, consider …
When Brownies Go Postal
Britain’s Royal Mail launched an investigation after a bunch of wasted postmen were seen staggering around the streets after “accidentally” consuming brownies laced with cannabis. A colleague posted a video of some of the extremely disoriented mail carriers on social media with a caption that read: “Today almost all the posties in Clapham accidentally ate hash brownies, and I had to pick them up one by one because they were so high.
“One guy said he was walking to a door and thought he was walking forever. Say a prayer for him right now. Hopefully, he is asleep or he is singing with unicorns.”
In the now deleted video, which was shared via Instagram Stories, one of the carriers in question can be heard saying he ate four of the hash brownies by mistake, while another said, “I think it’s weed.”
Apparently, the potent brownies were sent to a vacated property and didn’t include a return address, and after a month of sitting in the sorting office, the staff decided to help themselves to the seemingly harmless treats.
While the postmen giggled their way through the ordeal, as shown in the video, Royal Mail didn’t see the funny side and is considering disciplinary action.
Seriously, who eats random food they just find somewhere (well, presuming they have another choice to avoid starving)? More importantly, who wastes good hash by putting it in brownies you do not even eat yourself? That’s just crazy.
Unique Perspectives on Other Edibles
Raw-Dogging
Raw diets have been trending for a few years now, but one man has taken it to the next level: only eating raw meat to see how long he can survive.
On his Instagram account @rawmeatexperiment, the unnamed man posts daily videos of himself in public scoffing various uncooked animal parts—including massive ribeye steaks, chicken breasts, organs and fish filets—and washing them down with jugs of raw eggs or milk. He said the goal of the experiment is to eat raw meat every day until he dies from bacteria.
The format of each video is the same. He sits in public, consuming a large portion of raw meat he’s just purchased at his local supermarket or butcher.
He wrote on one post, “Another Saturday, another raw cow heart to eat in public. Tbh it might be the raw meal I look forward to most. The taste is pleasant, and the texture is wonderful. I don’t eat much of the white fat tho. Camel milk is also brilliant. It tastes like you spilled regular milk in the desert and tried to lick it back up off the sand.”
According to his account, the man was a vegan for more than a decade. But after experiencing some health problems, a friend suggested he eat meat as a way to combat the issues. As he shifted to a raw meat diet, he said his health issues began to clear up, so he decided to make a public experiment out of his journey.
He wrote: “I support animal nutrition, but I’m not telling anyone you have to raw dog life to be healthy.”
At day 97, he’s still alive and kicking—unlike his meals.
Wine Spo-Dee-O-Dee
You’ve probably heard that red wine, in moderation, is believed to have certain health benefits. But a new study has shown a couple of glasses of vino might supercharge your immune system to the point that it wards off coronavirus.
Researchers from China’s Shenzhen Kangning Hospital found people who drank white wine, red wine and champagne on a regular basis were less likely to catch COVID-19 than their non-drinking peers.
The researchers reported: “Our study suggests that subjects who usually consumed red wine and white wine and champagne above guidelines, and sometimes consumed one to two glasses per week [of fortified wine] within the guidelines, appear to have chances to reduce the risk of COVID-19.”
While white wine drinkers, who consumed up to five glasses a week, faced a 7 to 8 percent less chance of catching coronavirus, the study showed that one to two glasses of red wine a day actually lowered the risk of catching COVID-19 by 10 to 17 percent compared to non-drinkers. It wasn’t such good news for beer and cider drinkers, though, with the research showing that drinking those types of booze seemed to increase the risk of catching COVID-19.
“Consumption of beer and cider increased the COVID-19 risk, regardless of the frequency and amount of alcohol intake,” the researchers said. “Furthermore, heavy drinking is not recommended for all alcoholic beverages.”
Spuds Spo-Dee-O-Dee
We all find the aroma of a bucket of hot french fries irresistible, but would you want to smell like them?
The Idaho Potato Commission released a limited-edition fragrance dubbed Frites by Idaho, which is made from distilled potatoes and essential oils — and apparently smells exactly like greasy, salty french fries.
Jamey Higham, president and CEO of the organization, said, “Whether you’re at a drive-through restaurant or dining in, it’s near impossible to not grab a fry and take a bite before you dive in to your meal. The smell is too good to resist.”
Clearly, because the 1.7-ounce bottles, which retailed for $1.89 apiece—approximately the same price as an order of fast food fries—sold out within hours to fans who couldn’t wait to get their hands on a bottle of stinky tater juice. One review of the now sold-out fragrance marveled, “Close your eyes … take a wiff … potato farm take me away … incredible.”
Approaching this in reverse order here, we have but minimal commentary on these unique perspectives. First, why would you want to just smell french fires when for the same price you could eat them? Second, it could be that the relatively higher consumption of beer and harder alcohol has more to do with potentially virus-spreading activities than the type of booze ingested. Finally, we just have one word in response to that only eat raw food theory. ICK-ICK-ICK!
Hanging by a Thread
It’s all fun and games until you end up with a six-foot nylon string stuck inside your penis during a sex game gone very wrong.
A 37-year-old virgin from Indonesia found himself hanging by a literal thread after masturbating with a length of stiff string, which unfortunately ended up getting stuck in his bladder.
The unnamed man headed to a local hospital after experiencing hours of abdominal pain and an inability to urinate.
After a failed first attempt at removing the foreign material, the man was put under anesthesia and doctors were able to remove “a black bundle of string” with a pair of forceps from the depths of the man’s bladder.
He spent two days in the hospital and made a full recovery.
Yet another example why no strings attached is the best approach.
It may seem a tad judgemental to label the unique perspective on self-love demonstrated here as clearly the act of a virgin, but we can say for certain that the fellow clearly had a quite positive response to a nurse inserting a catheter at some point in his past.
Storm in a D Cup
People who live in the U.K. are used to weird and unpredictable weather, but Mother Nature put on an X-rated show for Glasgow residents following Storm Dudley, when clouds resembling giant breasts filled the sky above the Scottish city.
After the storm passed, Brian Morrison posted a video to his Twitter account which showed a bountiful sky full of bulbous boobs.
Twitter went into a frenzy over the chesty clouds, while other users were quick to explain the strange shapes as extraterrestrial.
It turns out the clouds are technically mammatus clouds, which are made primarily of ice and are created by turbulence and cold air sinking below the cloud. The process creates puffy protrusions on underbelly of storm clouds.
Utmost respect intended here, anyone that sees boobs in those clouds may need to get out of the country for a bit and head to a city with a local strip club. Our interpretation clearly helps with their opinion, but full disclosure, we added this month’s Pet Linsey Donovan to the landscape. Maybe they were just imagining her — a few months in advance. Who knows?
At this point we should probably just close this now surprisingly long discourse, but that would hardly be like us, so we’ll add just one more point. We noticed early on here about the cocktail party vs. beer bash debate, but it brought to mind a question. Can one still find a good coffee klatch if one desires? Second question: has anyone ever attended an actual “cocktail party” that was defined as such? … We found a relatively recent article on potential themes with unique perspectives — which matches our theme today, helpfully enough — but they still sound rather snooty. We say fire up the portable grill in your friend’s driveway and have a tailgate soirée for no particular reason whatsoever. (You use your friend’s driveway because who wants to clean up after that mess?)
