Sex advice if not from an expert, at least from someone who has had a lot of sex.
Nothing’s Shocking
“I am not a licensed therapist, guru, or magic relationship mender. This is sex and love advice from a guy who has seen both failure and success in the relationship department. I am a little jaded, a little disillusioned, a little sarcastic, yet very honest. Answers may be sincere, absurd, comical, or sometimes flat-out wrong. You’ll have to consider the source, I suppose.”
We now continue with our efforts to explain Shocking Temptation. Honestly, we should admit that this would be one of those times when the journey holds much more entertainment value than the destination ever could.
Two months ago I began dating a great, sweet guy. We had sex right away and seemed to share the same wants when it came to the bedroom. I was thrilled! But he recently told me that I am “oversexed” and that he’s afraid all we have between us is physical. He makes me feel guilty every time I want sex. What gives? Don’t guys want sex a lot? What can I do to convince him that we have a great relationship?
Don’t guys want sex a lot? Hmmm. Well, yes, we do — just not always with the same person. (That is, if you are talking about guys like me.) Here’s the thing. If you have to convince your partner to engage in sexual relations, there may be something else going on in the relationship that you need to look at. I know that I wouldn’t be interested in sex with someone I had to “talk into” bed, let alone be interested in potentially feeling guilty about it later. That sounds like a recipe for future resentment and miscommunication, and the way into a dark emotional forest. I suggest you forget about how things started and focus on where they are now. The two of you need to have an open and honest discussion about your needs and desires, with a healthy acknowledgement of each other’s boundaries. Nobody likes to feel obligated to “service” their partner, and forcing the issue can backfire, creating a dynamic that can cause the less interested party to become never interested. In some extreme cases, a “cornered” partner feels suffocated and turns elsewhere for sexual release, as if it were a last gasp of fresh air. Be careful and have the talk.
I cannot have an orgasm with a partner inside me. I can do it myself, with toys or without, and I can come from his hand instead of mine. But I cannot come during intercourse. I have had great sex-one guy even hit my G spot, which totally blew my mind-but, alas, no big finish. Right before the big moment I go numb, sometimes even with oral. Any ideas? And should I tell partners about this? When I have told a guy, it became all about his desire to make me come. The sex became mechanical. But if I don’t tell him, how can I ever work on it with someone?
I don’t think I can really help you here. as I have no experience with this. I have been able to make every partner I’ve ever had climax with little to no effort … and if you believe that, I’d also like to give you an opportunity to purchase some shares of stock I’ve been sitting on.
Actually, this is a fairly common issue among women, which is why you may be better off discussing it with a girlfriend or another woman you trust. But since you asked, there are many factors that could be at play. The physical shapes of both you and your partner (for instance, a curved penis is more likely to hit the G spot than a straight one), positions, and even mental blocks or an inability to let go entirely during sex can cause frustration in the bedroom.
There is also plenty of literature out there about such issues. In fact, let’s put it this way: If this weren’t common, there wouldn’t be so many books published on the subject. Don’t feel like a freak. Let yourself off the hook and do the homework. In the meantime, you can always try clitoral stimulation during intercourse with your hand or a toy while your partner is inside you. There’s the grinding method, where you stimulate the clitoris during sex on the man’s pelvic bone above the penis. During oral, have your partner place his finger(s) inside you as he uses his mouth. Feel free to direct him verbally. Trust me, he’d rather you tell him what to do than fumble around down there forever and accomplish nothing.
In terms of talking about this with a partner, there’s no need to make it a heavy issue. Take the attitude that the two of you are on an adventure and have fun trying out all kinds of scenarios. That could bring you closer as lovers, and that in itself could solve the problem. Good luck!
Please settle a dispute. My friend says that if a man’s balls have an odor, you should not tell him. You should Just not go out again with someone who thinks so little about his hygiene. I think you should mention it as gently as possible, then suggest a shower together before sex.
Looks like you found a pretty great solution. A shower could be a fun way to freshen up together while keeping egos intact. Boy, do I wish it was that simple for men! We can’t really say, “Hey, honey, wouldn’t it be fun to go in the bathroom and administer a Summer’s Eve together?”
My vote is to tell him or her. Nobody wants their sex life to turn into a test of wills to see who can put up with a partner’s lack of hygiene the longest. Even a box of baby wipes by the bed can serve as an emergency solution when necessary. Cater to his ego and say, “Damn, you smell a little too manly, baby. Mind rinsing off?” But be aware that you’re giving him the right to say something to you if he needs to. Men have it lucky, as usually their issue is nothing more than a need to clean up. Women have it tougher.
Their vaginal odor (or lack thereof) is caused by a variety of reasons: diet and weight, sweat, yeasts, a multitude of microscopic bacteria, pH imbalances, the tightness of their jeans or clothing, their menstrual flow, the type of underwear they wear, wiping back to front instead of front to back … okay, that’s enough. Looking at it that way, it’s almost hard to believe that men try as hard as they do to get into a place like that! In fact. with all you women have to deal with, I say you absolutely have the right to say something to your man if he isn’t clean.
My friend says that men are only into the chase and that without it they’ll lose interest. How long should I make a man chase me before I give in and go out with him?
I can only answer this from my perspective, of course. A little chase is fun, but after a while a girl can make a guy work so hard that he gets bored of the game and loses interest. In this day and age, where there are so many ways to meet people, including so many internet sites, too long a chase could land you in the frozen-dessert aisle at two in the morning, searching for that perfect pint of ice cream to eat in front of the TV as you attempt to stuff away the loneliness caused by your own game-playing. Be careful.
I’ll chase a girl down the block for sure, but she’d better not try to make me cross the street. More than likely there’s another girl standing on the corner who’s even more intriguing. If you want to hang out with someone, hang out with him. Life is too short for all the bullshit so many people put themselves through. Throw away all those books of rules and advice on how to get a man and all that garbage. Those books are basically full of tools of manipulation that cause the reader to behave in a way that is deceptive and ultimately not who she is. Eventually, she will be found out and the man will ask, “Who are you? What happened to the girl I met?” The answer, of course, is, “That girl? She was full of shit and only acted that way because she wanted to trap you and get you locked in. She has no idea who she is so she left it up to some how-to guide to trick you into believing she had life skills.” Just be who you are.
Why can’t men just have sex and not get attached? Is there some Shocking Temptation a regular sex partner cannot provide? Or is it just me?
Ha-ha! Well, I don’t know, really. I think many men have the same question regarding women. The fact of the matter is, people need to discuss this prior to a sexual encounter. I have been told that I am extremely up-front about my lack of interest in relationships, sometimes too up-front, yet I never find myself with this dilemma. If you make your boundaries clear ahead of time, then when the need to reiterate comes up, things will go more smoothly and you can be guilt-free. The idea here is to protect yourself and the feelings of your partner.
The only downside is that sometimes people are Interested in more than a one-night thing, and stating your intentions could end with you spending the night alone. If your intended partner isn’t receptive, you have to respect that. I say, better to spend a night alone than to mislead someone.
What I’m getting at is. if you have this talk before jumping into bed, it’s no longer your problem whether or not your partner gets attached. He knew what he was getting into. Let him deal with it.
For the record, many men only obsess about the ones they can’t have sex with. It all comes down to whom you are choosing to be intimate with. Things have definitely changed, though. I remember when the only way a woman could get rid of a guy was to fuck him. Then she’d never hear from him again! (Just kidding … but not really.)
Our Shocking Temptation Conclusion
If you missed Dave Navarro’s Shocking Temptation insights earlier on the site, we have helpfully provided a path for you. We do try to help people along their paths, after all. It can get pretty weird out there. While we’re at it, we could point out that even by our own Legacy survey here, men have been wondering What Women Want for at least decades. We still have no frickin’ clue. … Maybe we should get a lesbian to write us an article on the topic. Perhaps she would have better insights. You can always hit up Dave Navarro directly and see if he wants to come back and help us out again. That dude’s got to know at least a few lesbians.
Just to add a tiny bit more (fantasy) bang for the — well, lack of buck, technically — we decided to drop in another shot from our current Pet of the Month, LaSirena69. If you cannot think of anything temptingly shocking to pursue with LaSirena69, you should really see a doctor. You’re not well.
