At this point, we could have spun into some deep and erudite discussion regarding the meaning of Labor Day in general (and thus a Labor Day Pet specifically). The consensus in the room at that point and time basically boiled down to, “Wow! That would be exceptionally boring.”
So we decided to simply grab a couple of other pictures of the Pets included in our Labor Day video, which if not particularly clever, would at least allow you longer than a couple of seconds to look at each one of them.
For the record, in order of video appearance, our Labor Day Pets (on video) would be … Emma Hix (May 2020), Carolina White (September 2021), Kenzie Anne (November 2020), Anny Aurora (December 2019), Lacey London (March 2021). Cherie Noel (August 2021), Jisel Lynn (January 2019), Vanna Bardot (January 2021), Meaghan Stanfill (March 2020), Addie Andrews (June 2019), Lacy Lennon (November 2019), Carolina White again (because cowgirls rock), Sky Wonderland (July 2021), and Blake Blossom (December 2020).
In fairness, there were a few flickering body parts in there which we could not identify — a fact that really did not disturb any of us, truth be told. Whatever the case, we salute the video editor that managed to put all of those people in a 60-second video. We were going to conclude with interviews of some of the social media people about how professionally relying only on those with attention spans measured in seconds might not be the wisest long-term strategy, but we could not get one to sit down for the interview.
What a long, strange trip it will be.
By the way, should you really, really want to know about the origins of Labor Day, you can look on History.com for some insight. We should warn you, though, that history seems to have a lot more flashing advertisements than it used to back in the card catalog days.
Of course, it couldn’t be that their own policies are unattractive to the vast majority of people who oppose them. Trump would not have won the election in 2016 if the left’s notions of progressivism were as compelling as they believe. Continue reading “GamerGate”
With their booties twerking and bosoms bouncing, Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion are jaw-droppingly gorgeous in the video for “WAP.” But the song — whose title is an acronym for Wet-Ass Pussy — ultimately blew the doors wide open for women to speak freely and candidly about their sexuality, making it a modern-day anthem for a new wave of feminism.
Upon its release last year, the Cardi B tune, which features fellow rapper Megan Thee Stallion, sparked discussions often absent from mainstream media and usually restricted to adult magazines. One may not think the phrase “wet-ass pussy” in itself could ever be particularly shocking — especially at time when porn is so easily accessible and men have been explicitly rapping about sex for decades. However, in the time it took for the ladies’ dangerous curves to be showcased in their video — alongside sleek leopards and tigers — Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion had nearly every conservative figure in America taking up airtime to huff and puff — and even allegedly pour holy water in their ears!
It was as if the pundits were grousing: How dare Cardi B radiate unfiltered sexual heat and commit the audacious offense of rapping about her own female body and her own lived experiences!
But is audaciousness necessarily a bad thing?
Indeed, Rep. Maxine Waters echoed the word in praise of “WAP” when the Democratic congresswoman from California said, “Now that is audacity! That is audacity. That is the ability for women to take charge of what they want to say.”
Waters went on to commend Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion for using their art to take control of the prevailing narrative about women and sexuality in hip-hop, one that has long been dominated by men.
Cardi B — a former stripper herself who refuses to hide her past in shame — not only challenges the patriarchy but is a beacon of light to all women who are tired of living in a society still being dragged down by a serious madonna-whore complex. Most importantly, though, as a sex-positive feminist figure, Cardi B is inclusive of all women and expresses this in both the lyrics of “WAP” and its video.
The clip provides a bevvy of lush and extravagant scenes and cameos from stunning women, including artists Normani, Rubi Rose, Sukihana, Rosalía and Mulatto. But Cardi B also invited beauty mogul and Keeping Up with the Kardashians star Kylie Jenner to strut her stuff — and then fought back against critics who demanded her pal be removed from the clip! Cardi B explained, “I wanted a lot of different females, not just female rappers … And I’m like, ‘These are the girls that I personally like.’’’
This spirit of inclusivity is an overdue slap in the face to those who insist women must meet certain criteria to be considered feminists or must fulfill certain domestic roles in order for society to validate their femininity. As the song’s lyrics boast: I don’t cook / I don’t clean / But let me tell you how I got this ring!
It’s true that sex-worker exclusionary feminists exist — and many are also the driving forces behind policies that ultimately limit a woman’s choices, including how she may earn money. Cardi B clearly has no time for this nonsense. As the tune says: There’s some whores in this house. Clearly, Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion are proud to be alongside them. After all, why shouldn’t they be?
While some might focus on the tune’s erotic and whimsical descriptions of sex acts, the ultimate takeaway from the song is that a woman’s sexuality is a source of both power and freedom, and it’s telling that some people are still terribly threatened by that.
But for all of us “certified freaks” out there, Cardi B’s encouragement of women to embrace their bodies and sexuality without fear or shame already resonates and holds immeasurable value. However, if everyone embraced the sex-positive message of “WAP,” the benefits to society at large would undoubtedly trickle down. And if Cardi B — who’s continued the charge with her sassy single “Up” — keeps at it, our cups will runneth over in no time!
Yeah, this whole thing makes so much more sense when you realize that WAP does not represent some advertising slogan that means What About Pepsi? See, that was really confusing. … Now before you go thinking us all hopelessly aged, Cardi B did in fact do a Pepsi commercial for a recent Super Bowl, although the producers perhaps wisely let her reflect the New Wave Feminism silently. If you have ever heard a Carld B song — including most definitely “WAP” — then you will likely understand this decision. Even people born before the RAP Music craze understand the Carli B style, however.
Tana Douglas was just 16 years old when she took her first job as a roadie with AC/DC. As the world’s first female roadie, she’s worked with some of the best known, most loved and infamous rock ’n’ roll bands. Her career spans more than 30 years and three continents. She now lives in California, and as she launches her first book, Loud, she speaks to Penthouse about her past, music, bands she loved — and loathed — life lessons and forgiving her mother.
Your book is a compelling read. How did you find the writing process?
It was tricky! I didn’t have any diaries to work from, so I found myself jumping back and forth between tours, trying to make sense of it all. It’s not an easy job making my story digestible for people to read and follow. I started writing and messed around for about a year. I put it down for a year and a half, and then came back to it. So, the whole process took about two and a half years.
Did the experience take over your life?
Yes! I converted a room into a writing room. There were Post-It Notes stuck all over the walls. I kept putting bits in and moving them around. It was like a huge jigsaw puzzle! It was strange, reliving it all, but it’s like free therapy.
You took your first job at 16. What advice would you like to have given to yourself at that age?
Run! No, but as strange as it may sound, it was the safest place for me to be at the time. Sure, parts of it were dark and sordid. People think, “These road crew people are rough. They drink a lot, do drugs. They’re on the road the whole time. They womanize.” But these bands took me in and adopted me, in a way. A lot were very protective of me. Although they weren’t aware of quite how young I was, right back at the beginning. There was a nurturing quality to them that they don’t admit to very often. It’s certainly not the side that people see. For me, it was a safe place to land. I could still be in Kings Cross [a red-light district in Australia], if I would even still be alive.
We’ll talk about Sydney, but first I want to discuss your early years. You start your book writing about being woken up by your mother and told you were leaving your home.
Yes, when I was four, I was taken from the only home I’d ever known in Brisbane in the middle of the night. My mother woke up me and my half-sister and said, “We’re leaving. We can never be happy here.”
And this all came as a shock to you?
Well, as children we thought we were happy. No further explanation was given. We were just woken up, and we left my father asleep in bed. It all went downhill rather quickly from there.
What do you mean by that?
My mother wasn’t stable; she had a lot of demons. She had a really serious road accident in her 20s, and we think that caused a lot of mental damage. It’s the only thing I can identify that I can use to justify her behavior. There’s no other excuse for her.
You write about her drinking and constant moving.
It all shaped my worldview. Growing up in that kind of turmoil, it makes it really difficult as you grow up. You have no clue about relationships. I didn’t know what a relationship was meant to be, or what a family is supposed to be like. In many ways, AC/DC — Malcolm and Angus [Young] especially — became like my family. A road crew is like a family unit; it made me feel safe. My father did try to fix me, but I was 11 by then and I was quite feral! He was saying, “Oh my God, let’s put her in a boarding school. Let’s try this or that.” I suspect he didn’t know how deep the damage was.
Music was an escape for you from a young age?
Yes, from a very young age. Janis Joplin, The Animals, The Stones — listening to music on a radio or stereo. When I listened to The Animals sing: “We’ve got to get out of this place,” I thought, Well, hell yes, sign me up.
Janis Joplin was a huge influence on you?
Her music is heart-wrenching, and I suppose I saw her as a bit of a role model — not that that’s a good thing in many ways. But she stood up for herself. She was a fighter. If I had any role model at that point, it would be her. I was always drawn to darker music because it reflected my life. I was never one for poppy, happy songs!
One of the many reminders of the early days in the Australian music scene.
OK, let’s talk about Sydney, Australia. You write about “rubbing elbows with the Sydney mob.” Your encounters were terrifying, including one with a murderous pimp.
I’d come out of the rain forest, which was very not me. I was a little too organized, and I needed to be progressing in life. I ended up in Kings Cross. I adapted easily. I do tend to adapt well, and I found myself getting very sucked in to the scene there, very quickly.
It’s one of those areas in Sydney that has lots of characters.
Yes! Some of the strangest characters that you wouldn’t think had a soft side, but they took me in like a lost kitten. Terry the Kid was one of the Sydney mob who took a shine to me. He would take me to posh restaurants, like I’d gone to with my dad, and he’d order Bombe Alaska, which I loved. And he took me to Randwick Racecourse, which I always enjoyed.
But there was a dark side, too.
I had a lucky escape from a pimp, who was a really nasty piece of work. He basically decided I should be one of his girls. He had a group of very young girls, and I mean very young. I talked to them and befriended them. When he kidnapped me at gunpoint, he decided he was going to shoot me up with heroin, and I was to be one of his working girls. That was my signal. Something inside me just knew: “I’ve got to get out of this place.” And that was the change that got me into music.
Can you see a blessing in the way that all unfolded?
When I think about it, if that pimp hadn’t kidnapped me, and I hadn’t gotten scared and decided I had to make a change, I doubt I’d still be alive. Those young working girls don’t last long, unfortunately. So, I doubt I would have ever made it out of there alive. Plus, he was actually knocking off his girls, which I write about in my book, too.
Tell me about your bond with AC/DC.
They were still in the process of writing their first album. I was the band’s first backline roadie, which meant looking after the stage equipment, instruments and vocals for Bon [Scott] when rehearsing. The bond is so strong between us because we were all so young. It leaves an imprint on you. I was a very young girl, who’d run away from home. We were all learning, and that bond lasts a lifetime. Those guys will always have a special place in my heart; I couldn’t get rid of it, even if I wanted to. I’m so grateful, looking back. It could have been a very different situation. I mean, it’s not always good living in a house with musicians! But we had a family bond that was stronger than any of that side of band life.
Angus Young, being Angus Young, with Bon Scott, on stage at Nuremberg, 1979.
Angus Young in the moment on stage, 1979.
So you’ll always be in touch?
Absolutely. Any time I’ve crossed paths with them over the decades, it’s been like stepping back into the same old shoes. It’s just there. And it’s something that I’m really grateful for.
Can you share a favorite memory?
I think the bonding times, especially when it was just the five of us — Malcolm, Angus, Bon, George [Young] with Harry [Vanda] coming back and forth. We’d sit around and listen to music for hours and hours, and talk about how it made us feel. Malcolm especially was very generous that way. He and Angus once put on Elvis Presley’s “Heartbreak Hotel.” I ran from the room screaming, “No!” The only thing I’d seen of Elvis in my childhood was those horrible movies. “I can’t listen to this,” I said as I ran away.
Malcolm must have got up early to go to a record store because he came back home with a record that wasn’t widely released. It was called Insane Asylum by Kathi McDonald. He chose [the title] track, a version of “Heartbreak Hotel,” because she’d worked with Janis Jopin. And, specifically, he chose that song because he knew I’d relate to it. He said, “I want you to listen to this,” sat me down, played it, and I said, “I love it!” He said, “That album’s for you to keep.” Those sort of moments, when someone goes out of their way for you like that, they stay with you forever.
You say the Australian music scene revolved around the pub circuit.
At that time, yes. It was rough and ready! It was incredibly healthy. There were pubs everywhere. You could do 12 or 14 shows a week. When we were working, the manager, Michael, said, “Right, let’s put these guys to work.” And we did! I can still hear us playing at the Matthew Flinders Hotel on a Sunday afternoon. There would be over a thousand people watching. It was wild and woolly, you know! The Bondi Lifesaver was a bit trendier; the clientele were a bit more, how should I say, diversified. It was known as the wife-swapper. We looked at each other at one point and said, “We’ve done really well. We sold out four nights in a row.” AC/DC were a power to be reckoned with, that’s for sure.
And you were with them for years as they changed?
They certainly changed over the years. When Phil [Rudd] joined from Angry Anderson’s band [Buster Brown] that was a whole new scene. We toughened up pretty quickly! And you know, just because those fans had enjoyed seeing Phil in Buster Brown, didn’t mean they’d love him in AC/DC. And then, in country towns, guys had worked hard on those ranches since they were little. They don’t tend to like strange men coming into town and messing with their women! It’s not every day you have a knock-down fight with Deep Purple. Those things stay with you.
Tana Douglas has a special place in her memory for touring with Suzi Quatro.
Talk to me about working with Suzi Quatro.
That was after I’d worked with AC/DC, the first time I’d worked with a woman. And I think it was the first time Suzi had a woman working with her. It was funny to watch the male audience members. There were grown men passing out. Oh, the memories of that! One time, at the Pavilion, the guys were passing young men onto the stage who’d been overcome by Suzi’s presence. Remember, there were no crush barriers in those days, so the guys would pick them up and pass them to the side. There was one guy lying in a hallway, and everyone was like, “What shall we do with him?” I was standing over him as he came round. He said, “Ohhhh, Suzi,” and passed out again. I was wearing a leather jacket, but if he was so far gone that he thought I was Suzi, he wasn’t with it! Somewhere, he probably still tells the story today about when he came round at a concert to see Suzi Quatro standing over him.
Tell me about the Wings tour party with Paul McCartney in the ’70s.
We threw a party for the Wings tour; it lasted three days! The neighborhood was a little over it by the end. All the Australian crew, the U.S. crew, the U.K. crew, then various members of bands turned up. Jimmy McCulloch, then the brass section of the band. It just kept growing. The police arrived, and we just said, “It’s a party for the Wings tour,” and they blocked off traffic to the street! The neighbors had been complaining for days, but the cops just blocked off the traffic. It was quite the bash, and you know, several people from that party have remained lifelong friends.
Three days worth remembering?
Well, three days well forgotten!
I loved your descriptions of life on tour in your book.
Life on tour gets very surreal. You’re living in a bubble. You lose touch with reality; there is no reality. These tours go on for 12 or 18 months, and if it’s a good team fit, you do it all again. You build up a tight affinity with each other. You don’t let outsiders in. If you know you can all rely on each other, you close the doors. You don’t like a stranger coming in, unless someone knows them and vouches for them. I got to the point where I didn’t bother to learn names. I’d automatically turn off and think, What’s the point of remembering, I’m never going to see them again. I still find myself doing it to this day. I’m still really bad with names. It’s a false world you’re living in.
And it’s hard to adapt coming out of it?
It’s really hard to adapt to coming out of it. Lots of musicians have serious mental health problems. With road crew professionals, you’ll find many have a hard time with their wives, partners, families or siblings. You’re so close to your bandmates, and then all of a sudden you’re thrust back into a world that’s alien.
We don’t tend to talk about mental health and the road crew.
There are organizations these days to address these issues, but back then there was no support. Remember, we’re alpha personalities. We don’t like saying, “I’m hurting,” or, “I can’t do this,” probably because we know if we do say that, someone else will come in and take our place. On tour, life doesn’t slow down.
You write that internationally touring bands were the real magic, as they gave you access to the world. Was traveling a priority for you?
It was the only priority to me! It was, without doubt, my highest priority. I never wanted more money, or anything financially precious. I just wanted more; I knew there was more out there, and I wanted to discover it all. I wanted to experience different cultures.
Has that love of travel stayed with you?
It hasn’t stopped! I haven’t stopped moving on! I’m somewhere for a few years, and then I want to continue learning. There’s forever more out there.
Tell me about Status Quo.
Status Quo is one of my darling bands, above most others. They were such fun to work with. Again, it was like a family unit. We built our own systems and worked with them directly, so that broke away another layer of separation. They’re funny guys, and they were at their peak. They were having a ball, loving the shows, loving their music, loving their fans. I worked with them at the perfect time. There’s a magic when a band’s first forming. They’re still fresh and so vibrant. I don’t like working for old, jaded bands, and, unfortunately, there are a lot out there!
What are your memories of Iggy Pop?
There was some guy at a show in the U.K., who was trying to get backstage at Iggy’s show. The guy didn’t have a pass. In fact, it was a prime example of me being bad with names. I got back to the dressing room and said, “He says he’s supposed to be here,” but I couldn’t remember his name. They asked, “What does he look like?” I said, “Kind of average, kind of old.” “What do you mean by old, how old?” they asked. “At least 27 or 28,” I replied. Then I realized that’s how old they all were. That was my cue to leave!
It was in 1970 on the Whitesnake tour that you found out you were pregnant. What memories does that bring back for you?
Getting pregnant wasn’t something that was in the cards, you know. It was terrifying to be honest. I got on a plane from Europe to Australia, and I fell apart. I didn’t know where to turn. I thought that Australia was at least the only place where I had a bit of support. I hadn’t seen my mother since I started working with AC/DC. We’d spoken, but I hadn’t seen her. I’d spent all my time around guys, and I had no one to talk to. I knew it would be a deal-breaker for my career. It was a huge decision to make, all of a sudden. I didn’t know how well equipped I would be to handle a family of my own. I didn’t want to deal with the father. But I had my son, and my mother decided it would be a good idea [for her] to raise him. We agreed that I would continue to work in Europe and support them both. It didn’t work out.
Your mother let you down again?
I thought she was better; I thought she didn’t drink anymore. She had a bigger place. I got her settled. She had a garden and was cooking and doing all sorts of things I hadn’t seen her do before. I’d heard stories about grandparents being closer to grandchildren than [their kids], and maybe it was just wishful thinking. Unfortunately, she still saw it as a way to torture me.
You ask in your book if you’re allowed not to love your mother.
Just because someone’s a parent, loving them isn’t obligatory. I understand there’s natural DNA, but that only goes so far. I can only speak from my own experience, but you have to decide if you’re prepared to love someone without any boundaries. I got to a place where I finally forgave her for what she did to me and my son. What’s that saying? Seek revenge, and you should dig two graves, one for yourself. Finally, I realized I had to let it go. I came to as much peace as I could find. But let me say, it wasn’t easy.
You have some memories of Elton John.
I worked with Elton for four years, which were during his difficult years. He went through a really rough patch. He threw great parties. People used to loving doing his tours for the eye candy because you never knew who was going to turn up. But he’s just not my kind of person. I’m not a fancy dresser. I don’t drive expensive cars. I don’t eat with gold cutlery. There’s a side to him that’s really nice, and that’s flourished later in life. He’s got a family now. He seems happy with his husband [David Furnish] and children [Zachary, 10, and Elijah, 8, who were born via surrogate in the U.S.]. At the time I worked with him, you couldn’t have paid me any amount of money to do another tour with him. So, it makes me happy to see he’s come through it.
In your book, you mention Yoko Ono and Sean, her son with the late John Lennon.
Yoko came onstage at Madison Square Garden to commemorate John. She had Sean with her. It was a big deal then. There were lots of security men in black around, maybe a dozen. They came up onstage with her. Remember her husband had been shot, and she had his child with her. I had a sweet moment with him, little Sean. They were dragging him up the steps, and his shoelaces were undone. I grabbed him, put him on my knee and started doing up his laces. All these men in black swarmed around shouting, “Freeze.” I said, “His laces are undone.” Sean smiled, gave me a hug, said thank you, and they whisked him up onstage.
In your epilogue you write, “If you want it done, leave it to a roadie.” Does that kind of sum it all up?
We roadies don’t mess around! We don’t have time for red tape. We just do the job. If anyone asks you do something, you just figure out how to do it. We find solutions. Management companies and agents, they’re the ones going through emails and contracts. When I was asked if I could get INXS, I said sure. I spoke to people I knew and made it happen. It’s just how you do it. You reach out to a friend. That’s just how we roll!
You also included a memoriam in the book. Was that your idea?
Yes, and it’s not a full list. It’s just a short list of people who have passed from within the industry and are relevant to the stories told in the book. Each chapter has a song title, which gives you some idea about what’s going to happen in that chapter. I also included a playlist. My book basically gives the reader broad coverage of three decades of music. I really hope people enjoy it.
LOUD: A Life in Rock ‘n’ Roll by the World’s First Female Roadie | Tana Douglas (ABC Books, $34.99). Buy the ebook via Apple. Should your tech be evolved beyond analog amps, you can also grab LOUD for your Kindle. As an unsolicited endorsement, we can tell you that at least one of the Kindle people here really enjoyed the “Loud” ride.
Welcome, Alain! The Quo initiation for a photographer new to our group, Alain le Garsmeur. Meanwhile I’m try to call the show.
For more Roadie Tales, you may look behind one of our other Penthouse Doors. Handy, that.
Sex acts and fetishizing body parts go in and out of vogue in pop culture. In the ’90s, we were all about blowjobs and big boobs, but these days, we’re all about the booty. Bums aren’t just having a moment, though — our obsession with the ass runs deep and has reached fever pitch. Welcome to 2021, where having a shapely derriere is in fashion, anal sex is mainstream and rimming is the new second base. We’re in the age of the ass, and there’s no escaping it. Not that we’d want to.
Whether it’s the “forbidden fruit” taboo aspect of sticking our tongue in someone’s backdoor, the potential for both pain and pleasure that can come with a touch of backdoor sex, or the simple fact that we like to admire butts, so it’s expected that we would want to touch them — asses have a universal desirability among both men and women.
A survey conducted by The Journal of Sexual Medicine in 2010 found that 40 percent of women aged 20 to 24 had tried anal sex, up from 16 percent in previous years. More recently, a 2017 study of more than 3,000 sexually active Millennials found that 36 percent engaged in female anal sex and 15 percent in male anal sex “at least some of the time.” One 2018 study published in the journal of the American Sexually Transmitted Diseases Association even suggested that “anal sex is more common than having a Twitter account in the United States.”
PornHub data also shows that the number of searches for “anal” increased by a massive 120 percent from 2009 to 2015, suggesting that our obsession with watching anal action is continually growing. Especially in Russia. Apparently, internet porn users in Russia are more likely to search for videos featuring anal sex than people from any other country.
Prolific porn star Asa Akira even once tweeted, “Ass is the new pussy.”
But it’s not just porn (and the Russians) that are focused on the female derriere, though — asses have also heavily infiltrated pop culture. Throughout the late ’90s and early 2000s, we all gawked at Jennifer Lopez’s ass like it was a mystical creature, yet a decade later, celebrities and influencers are tripping over themselves in an attempt to get the biggest, roundest bum.
We see anal sex and rimjob references in TV shows and movies like Narcos, Sex and the City, Broad City, Bad Santa, Girls and How to Get Away with Murder. Butts have also had a long history of being idolized in song, from Queen’s 1978 ass anthem “Fat Bottomed Girls,” to 1992’s “Baby Got Back” and Nicki Minaj famously singing, “Somebody point me to the best ass-eater” in the song “Dance (A$$)” by Big Sean, and in “Anaconda” she sings “toss my salad like his name Romaine.” Hell, popular musician Flume was even filmed eating ass on stage at Burning Man in 2019.
In the last few years, there’s also been a shift in sex toy companies focusing on more creative and ergonomic toys for anal play. Anal toys come in various forms now and often include vibrators and various attachments, with some having the ability to be controlled remotely via apps. You can buy lubes specifically designed for anal use. And interest in pegging and strap-ons for straight couples has been increasing.
Forrest Andrews, a product developer at Aneros, the world’s first dedicated prostate massage maker, said, “The market for prostate products has been steadily on the rise.” A decade ago, sex toy shop Babeland only carried a few prostate-focused toys, but today they stock almost 30 different models by a bunch of different companies.
Just for fun, we looked up the history of butts on Google, and you might be amazed and the number of responses returned (566,000,000). We liked the Allure article the most, probably, but we did not quite make it through that entire list, truth be told. Mostly we all sat back in wonder and awe upon reflection of the modern world. Before Google, you see, one would have had to use a card catalog at the local library to do a search like this, which would be a bit like using a screwdriver to paint your car. Proper tools are important, as you may learn someday in your own lives. Then a few of us spent the next few minutes trying to explain to all the younger members of our group what a card catalog was — and a library. We’ll leave out that part of the conversation, because there may have been a lot of cursing.
The bottom line (according to Ms. Wee) would be: We’re in an anal revolution — no ifs or ands … just butts. Ya bum.
[Please NOTE that the opinions of the author in no way represent those of Penthouse itself. Editorials exist so that people may share their point of view freely — if not always particularly sanely. -Ed.] Continue reading “Anne Boleyn”
Herb says his interest in photography coincided with the birth of his first child in the mid-’90s and adds, “I had the opportunity to restore an unused darkroom in our house and spent countless hours down there in the cellar, developing film and printing my pictures.”
His passion for photography was driven by the need to be creative, yet he says he lacked traditional artistic skills and admits, “I struggled to learn five chords on the guitar, totally failed to learn the piano and have no skills in painting.”
Instead, he turned to photography, using light to paint the beautiful muses that are his canvases. “In the beginning, I just wanted to take pictures,” Schatten says. “A big game-changer for me was seeing that interesting light is the key to presenting something differently. This holds particularly true for nude photography, which is all about mood and lighting for me.”
For Schatten, the appeal is in showcasing sensuality, rather than sex appeal. “As you get older, the pure sexual side of the female form gets less interesting. I’m always searching for the underlying beauty as well as the potency and power of women. You can see naked bodies everywhere but present a woman in a way where she has a secret, and the guys go crazy. They’re always craving the forbidden fruit.”
When it comes to the type of models he prefers to shoot, he says, “I don’t have any strong preferences, but I tend to lean toward models older than 25 or 30. These women often have a more intense body expression when compared to younger models.”
When asked if he has ever had a muse, Schatten’s quietly coy. “This question makes me smile. I have photographed one particular woman over and over again, but I never published any pictures of her. She’s a teacher and obviously nude photographs on social media aren’t OK with her line of work. We are always joking that she is my muse, which is to some extent not that unfounded, as she really inspires me.”
The secret to a great photo?
“A photograph must not reveal everything. There has to be some kind of hidden part, a secret, or even something mysterious. This is what draws and keeps the viewers’ attention.”
You would expect a photographer to have an Instagram account, and you would be correct here. Somewhat surprisingly, though, Herb Shatten has a compelling YouTube channel as well. Based on the update frequency it appears that this may have been another on the road of artistic interpretations, although that does not diminish its impact in the slightest.
For the record, art photographers can get away with a lot more on Instagram than we ever could.
The 42-year-old New Orleans Saints quarterback, who started his career with the San Diego Chargers, announced on Instagram that he would retire after an epic 20 seasons.
Brees posted, “After 20 years as a player in the NFL and 15 years as a Saint, it is time I retire from the game of football. Each day, I poured my heart and soul into being your quarterback. ‘Til the very end, I exhausted myself to give everything I had to the Saints organization, my team and the great city of New Orleans. We shared some amazing moments together, many of which are emblazoned in our hearts and minds and will forever be a part of us.
“You have molded me, strengthened me, inspired me and given me a lifetime of memories. My goal for the last 15 years was striving to give to you everything you had given to me and more. I am only retiring from playing football; I am not retiring from New Orleans. This is not goodbye, rather a new beginning. Now my real life’s work begins!”
Fellow NFL quarterback Tom Brady said, “Congrats, my friend, on an incredible career. Thank you for the inspiration and dedication on and off the field! Look forward to seeing what’s next.”
What’s next for Brees, to start, will be a broadcasting job with NBC Sunday Night Football. Though he’s leaving the field, Brees also leaves behind plenty of career accomplishments worth cheering about.
We could start by praising him for being the NFL’s all-time leader in career passing yards at 80,358.
We could then congratulate him on ranking second all-time in touchdown passes at 571, with a completion percentage of 67.7 percent. It’s worth noting when it comes to that stat, he’s second only to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers’ Brady.
Bear in mind, his is also a story of triumph. Brees had a successful football career at Purdue University, but he wasn’t widely recruited by NFL teams because he wasn’t considered tall enough by typical quarterback standards — even though he stands at six feet.
At one point, he was off the field with a shoulder injury that was so bad his entire NFL future was in doubt. But, like all of the most inspirational winners, he refused to give up. He persisted, trained hard and never lost his focus, going on to completely rewrite the NFL record books.
He leaves the game having successfully become one of the greatest quarterbacks in NFL history.
And, most of all, he won hearts after his 2006 arrival in the Big Easy when he helped revive the Saints franchise — and the city of New Orleans — in the wake of Hurricane Katrina. [While this article came via our wonderful friends at Australian Penthouse, we really do need to step in here and point out that in all their faithful research, they sorta forgot to mention that Mr. Brees also won a SUPER BOWL for the city (XLIV) — once taunted as “The Aints” around the NFL. Yeah, we know: details, details… -Ed.]
Brees’ name is now synonymous with establishing a winning culture — and he’ll forever be remembered for all he’s done for his team and his community. [Stepping in again. Sorry. Australia is a long way away from New Orleans, so we understand how they might be unaware, but a big part of what Drew Brees has done for the community was the formation of The Brees Dream Foundation using his own name as the URL. Heck, that might be even more important than 80,358 passing yards. Who can say? We did feel it significant to mention, however. -Ed.]
On a more pure sports note, and at the risk of subjecting you to the overwhelming advertisement, popup, visually-assualting hell that is the modern “major company” website, CBS Sports did in fact run an excellent article on some of the most extraordinary sports aspects of the career of this once cast off hero. Just try to focus on the words; that would be our advice.
As a post-footnote thought, however, we do have one final reflection. Don’t you wonder if when Brees walked into the Saints building for the last time to announce his retirement he said, “Well now, just call me the breeze; I keep blowing down the road?” … For the record, a slight possiblity exists that we wonder different things than most people around here.
Whatever one’s views on the virtues or otherwise of the modern Roman Catholic Church, it can’t be denied that today’s breed of popes are a fairly well-behaved bunch. Popes, by and large, act in the way in which popes are expected to act. But it was not always thus: For quite a large chunk of the church’s history, it seemed as if popes were selected exclusively from the ranks of humanity’s most dedicated and energetic scoundrels, cheats, thieves, fornicators and murderers. Indeed, it was often their talents for corruption and violence that won them the papacy in the first place — and once in, they weren’t shy about deploying every dirty trick at their disposal to stay there. It was in this atmosphere, in the late ninth century, that the church hit a real high point, when one pope had the corpse of another one dug up so he could put it on trial, in what became known as the Cadaver Synod.
Between the years 872 and 965, more than two dozen popes came to power — and more often than not, left again with all possible speed. The jockeying for the top job resembled a roller derby, and it was in this fevered climate that Pope Formosus grabbed the big chair, amid accusations he had attempted to undermine his predecessor and execute a coup. He was also accused of dodgy dealings when he was a bishop — fortunately, today, the idea of a bishop behaving immorally is unthinkable, but back then it was quite common.
Part of a pope’s job in the Dark Ages was political intrigue, and Formosus participated enthusiastically, inviting Duke Arnulf of Carinthia to invade Italy and crowning him Holy Roman Emperor — a much coveted title that nobody ever quite understood. Such actions made Formosus plenty of enemies, all of whom were pretty pleased when, five years into his reign, Formosus Poped his clogs in 896.
Formosus was succeeded by Pope Boniface VI, who disappointed his many fans by dying about two weeks later. Boniface was succeeded by Stephen VI, who decided his first order of business would be to make clear to everyone that Formosus’s shenanigans would not be tolerated. In January 897, seven months after Formosus’s death, Stephen VI had the ex-pope exhumed and brought to the papal court for judgment.
The body of Formosus was propped up on a throne, and everyone did their best to ignore the smell, which must have been pretty overwhelming, even for a historical period known for its utter lack of hygiene. The man was in no condition to answer questions, of course, so a deacon was appointed to answer for him, and, to make his job easier, given the answers beforehand. After a series of questions from Stephen, such as “When you were bishop of Porto, why did you usurp the universal Roman See in such a spirit of ambition?” — which left the corpse embarrassingly flummoxed. Formosus was pronounced guilty, a verdict which most neutral observers agreed was entirely fair. He was stripped of his vestments, all of his acts and ordinations were declared invalidated, and the fingers of his right hand that he had used for blessings were cut off before the much abused body was thrown in the River Tiber.
Incredibly, after the Cadaver Synod, Pope Stephen found his decision to dig up a dead body and put it on trial led to a dip in his popularity, especially after Formosus washed up on the riverbank and, according to witnesses, began to perform miracles. Stephen was deposed, imprisoned and strangled by year’s end, maintaining the continuous action of the Vatican’s revolving door.
In December 897, Pope Theodore II annulled the Cadaver Synod and ordered Formosus be reburied in Saint Peter’s Basilica. Later, Pope John IX convened a synod which prohibited trials of corpses, thus dashing hopes that Catholicism would stay this entertaining forever. But history buffs will forever have the Cadaver Synod to hold on to: a reminder not only of a time when the most powerful men in the world thought cross-examining corpses was a reasonable use of their time, but of the fact that history, by and large, is much more insane than most people think.
Not that we’re saying you should ever take the “word” of any exhaulted religious leader without a healthy dose of salt. Understanding that, you may consider the New Advent version of Formosus’ history. Just remember that salt itself has an austere Biblical history, should religious research become your lot.
Colin Burn redefined the meaning of high-end sex toys when he made headlines in 2018 after creating the world’s most expensive adult plaything: a $1.8 million platinum vibrator encrusted with 2,000 flush-set diamonds and topped with royal-blue sapphires and rare pink diamonds.
Throughout his three-decade career as a fine art jeweler, Burn’s work has received accolades from the Australian and Japanese governments, as well as leading Australian sporting groups, which has helped him forge a successful career. We spoke to Burn about the impetus behind his art, his unique online museum — Treasure the Erotic — and essentially, how an apprentice electroplater from Perth, Australia, came to design some of the world’s most opulent and aspirational sex toys.
What inspired you to become a jeweler?
My career commenced in Perth as an apprentice electroplater, [utilizing] the science of coating base metals with protective metals like chrome, silver or gold. After graduating, I moved to Sydney and worked for a silverware-making company owned by the renowned Australian jewelers Angus & Coote. Working at the factory inspired me to advance my precious metalworking skills into fine jewelery making. I moved back to Perth and commenced experimenting with the idea of coating natural elements with precious metals. This process is a difficult science that took me two full years of trial and error before inventing my own unique formula to master the technique. This inspired me to start my first jewelery company, “Kristen Leigh,” in 1985 (named after my daughter, who was born that year). The unique jewelery I was creating was made from real flowers and leaves that I would coat in pure gold and often set with precious gems.
How did you transition from creating commercial jewelery to designing diamond-studded sex toys?
Over the years, my commercial work became well-recognized and used as national gifts by the Australian government, which led to interest from the Japanese government. In 1993, I was selected by JETRO — a Japanese government organization that assists trade between countries — and taken to Japan to participate in their prestigious Export to Japan Study Program. This limited and hand-selected program commenced a lifelong love affair with Japan and further inspired me to create a wider variety of fine jewelery for the Japanese market. In 1997, I moved to Broome, setting up a retail jewelery store, and continued to create jewelery for my Japanese clients using Broome South Sea pearls. In 2004 after a cheeky dinner conversation with friends, I hatched the idea of making a luxury gold vibrator. Always up for a creative challenge, I set about making the first prototype, which quickly led to a full-fledged business concept of creating luxury adult products for the Japanese market.
What is the symbolism of using octopuses juxtaposed with nudity in your work?
This concept came from my time spent in Japan. I became fascinated with the art of Hokusai, perhaps the most famous of Japanese artists. His shunga woodblock print “The Dream of the Fisherman’s Wife,” depicting two octopuses making love to a Japanese pearl diver, seemed to have spurred a sexual fantasy culture within Japan called Tentacle Erotica. It seemed prolific in many of the manga magazines and in erotic Japanese movies. This concept inspired me to create my gold, pearl and diamond sculpture “Hokusai Dreaming” as a depiction of this famous Hokusai print. I wanted to pay homage to this powerful work depicting the sensual culture of the Japanese people, who are deeply connected to the ocean.
Tell us about your Treasure the Erotic site.
Treasure the Erotic is an extravagant and opulent exhibition of symbolic erotic artworks created by myself and Aaron McPolin — having over 50 of the world’s most opulent and expensive erotic artworks, each provoking and challenging the audience to consider how they value and honor their own eroticism.
As artists, we feel in our modern society explicit pornography seems to have claimed the forefront of the sexual narrative, overshadowing eroticism and its important nuances [and] leading to a misunderstanding and often a devaluing of the erotic.
Our Treasure the Erotic museum offers a metaphorical insight into various erotic realms, each emphasizing these nuances of sensuality and eroticism that the viewer may have never encountered or considered to explore. We address these realms through photographic narratives and exquisite jewelery sculptures, each crafted from the finest quality materials, which establish a symbolic distinction of genuine worth that simply cannot be devalued — no matter the individual’s personal opinion or viewpoint toward each object. I think the works are best described as luxury trophies to the erotic, held aloft like ceremonial swords paying homage to various fetishes, taboo ideals and practices of human eroticism.
What inspires you to make high-end artful sex toys?
For me, they exist as symbols of the erotic, more like ceremonial swords rather than a simple tool of pleasure. They are in themselves art, commenting upon society as totems with symbolic significance. Through luxury and art, we value our clothes and our cars, so why not our sexuality? I find it bizarre to think that we do not always place the highest value on our most intimate practice, to be human is to be erotic, to love is to be intimate and vulnerable, to value and trust another. It seems society has evolved to forget past monuments to our fertility, gods of fertility and ritual fertility ceremonies and practices; it’s as if we have somehow lost our way. I see erotic artworks as a testament, a shining light to those who feel lost, to reengage society in the value of their own and one another’s eroticism, rather than shunning sexuality down dark alleyways, behind closed doors, or by denouncement of others who choose to explore what they crave, desire and need to connect with others and themselves.
Have you ever had any pushback or negative feedback over your pieces?
Yes, of course, all artwork is subjective. We find that when discussing the erotic, it often puts a mirror to the viewer. They can accept, confront or dismiss what we are projecting through the artwork, but more often we see a positive reaction to the artwork, once people see past the objectification and more into the symbolism and important narrative that the work denotes. The viewer simply wants to know more. It opens up many questions they may have been unwilling to ask without the artwork opening the door for them to do so. There are also those who are dismissive of the art or derogatory toward it. That’s OK, too. The artwork is there to confront their values, whatever they may be. Usually their reaction is simply an exposure and bringing to light perhaps fixated, stagnant and regressive beliefs and preconceived ideas to shun eroticism, to hide eroticism and also to be ashamed of what we are as people. We encourage everyone to interpret the art in their own way. The artworks are purely martyrs to encourage a dialogue about our eroticism, whatever that may be.
What materials do you have a preference for using, and where do they come from?
My metal of choice is 24 karat yellow gold, and my favorite gem is the Australian South Sea pearl. Of course, in my work I use a multitude of fine materials, including various golds and the
gold is soft and has such beautiful flow with rich color, and the South Sea pearl has such a smooth texture and rich luster. When you incorporate these two materials, it’s pure joy. Both of these elements come from Western Australia, which makes it even more special for me.
Are your pieces functional?
Most of my works have been dildo sculptures, as I find them to be a more organic and historic as art objects and less commercial like a vibrator, which is more a mechanical object. However, for my most luxurious piece — the Pearl Royale — I did decide to make that one a vibrator. In my design concept, the South Sea pearl atop the crown is actually a luxury pearl necklace, with a key attached, and when inserted into the top of the crown, it turns on the vibrator. I thought this was such a cheeky design element as the wearer can have this luxurious pearl necklace and those admiring it would not know its real purpose as a luxury key to pleasure. My works are primarily contemporary art sculptures to the erotic, however I guess they can all be used for erotic purpose should the art buyer feel that way inclined.
Tell us more about the Pearl Royale, your $1.8 million vibrator.
The Pearl Royale is the feature piece in my collection. It’s made from pure platinum and set with over 70 carats of the world’s finest diamonds, sapphires and South Sea pearls. This opulent sculpture I would say best represents the symbolism of treasuring the erotic. When conceiving the art, I wanted to encourage discussion and question society on the value we place on the sexual experience. From my observation, it seemed society could not reconcile such a luxurious item for the act of sex. I was of the mindset if we readily accept genuine luxury into other aspects of our lives, then why not the sexual experience? So, when it came to designing it, I was thinking of pure hedonism. It had to be outlandishly extravagant with a high level of status. I was thinking of kings and queens, so the concept of a royal scepter was my inspiration for the overall design. I wanted to create a piece of jewelery art that could proudly sit alongside the world’s finest crown jewels to ultimately symbolize how we should treasure the erotic!
Treasure the Erotic Visually
You can read much more detail about these pieces of art, so at this point it would be just wrong not to give you an easy way to head off to see Treasure the Erotic on your own. Thus we have done just that. … Spoiler Alert, however! … At least as far as we could tell, nowhere in the descriptions does it mention whether or not any of these are dishwasher safe.
What is it about dark hair that men find so appealing? Maybe it shows on a woman a depth of mystery — a secretive side to probe? The initial look you get from a Camster Brunette certainly gives off the vibe that with just the right touch, you’ll be able to uncover secrets … many, many secrets. After all, when she reveals her hidden aspects she becomes all the more alluring — all the more powerful, all the more triumphant in her femaleness. Or maybe brown hair is just hot because it reminds us of something else hairy (or not). Who knows? Continue reading “Camster Brunettes”
Think luxury. Think really, really, screw the world I want to play luxury. Then close your eyes.
Scratch that last part. You can’t read with your eyes closed. Our bad. … Still, with all the chaos running rampant … well, everywhere … at the very least we need to keep our brains exercised with goals. One does not need to spend thousands of dollars to be happy, obviously, but the ability to do so can make the journey more pleasant. On that note, then, let us provide you with some fantasy that does not actually involve a beautiful naked woman. (That said, all of these things would be better if enjoyed with a beautiful naked woman. Just sayin’.)
Sound Luxury Advice
Montblanc has built a reputation with quality luxury accessories, seamlessly blending form with function. From their outstanding signature fountain pens to their sleek and stylish leather wallets, the German manufacturer’s creations are crafted from the finest materials, making them favored by fans of quality and performance.
Recognizing more people are meeting online rather than face-to-face, Montblanc has heeded the demands of its loyal customer base to create a pair of multifunctional headphones that meet the brand’s high-quality standards.
The Montblanc MB 01 Over-Ear Headphones have literally been designed to redefine your expectations of working and listening. A clever blend of leather cushioning enables all-day comfort that feels natural and light when worn.
Their minimalistic form and colorway also mean they’ll never look out of place, regardless of whether you’re in full work attire or winding down at home. You can take calls, listen to music or simply cancel out the hustle and bustle of the office around you.
A proximity sensor automatically plays and pauses audio when applying or removing the headphones, while you can also manually control music, volume and power. Supreme clarity will have you discovering elements of your favorite songs you never knew existed, while a built-in microphone allows you to drop into a call whenever you need.
Bring out the LASER Luxury
Hisense may have started out as a white goods producer in China nearly 70 years ago, but they have transformed into a leader in high-end electronics.
A recent addition to its catalog is the game-changing L5, a pioneering piece of technology that offers perfect 4K, Ultra HD imagery on a 100-inch screen, with the goal to introduce the ultimate cinematic experience to people within their own homes.
A JBL Cinema Sound System provides surround sound quality usually reserved for multiplex theaters, offering a truly immersive experience with everything you watch.
The high-end home cinema also features a dual color laser that sharpens everything you see onscreen, ridding the risk of light dispersion while offering a more natural viewing experience. This means it actually adapts to its surroundings, so you always have the best, sharpest image displayed right in front of you. Moreover, a VIDAA operating system brings it in line with the plethora of Smart TVs that are currently on the market.
Users can also gain instant access to providers such as Netflix and Amazon Prime Video, as well as Vudu, without the need to cast from your phone to an exterior Chromecast or Firestick. Being a market leader in home TV does come at a cost, however. You’ll find the most recent version of the L5 available for $6,999, but all things considered, it might just be a bargain. You will never need to fork out for a trip to the movies again.
INSTA- Inspired Luxury
It takes a certain type of person to be the CEO of Sotheby’s International Realty France-Monaco for over 30 years. An individual who knows the value of all things luxury. Berliner Alexander Kraft is that very individual, a man who just may be the most dapper chap on Instagram.
During his journey, studying law in the U.K., U.S. and Germany, Kraft has managed to develop a timeless style that has become the go-to example of the classy modern man.
The proof is all on his Instagram account, where the current Monaco resident regularly posts snaps of himself in all his grandeur at locations reserved exclusively for those who have a bit of money to throw around.
He’s even produced his own collection of impeccably tailored garments under the name Alexander Kraft Monte Carlo, a range of timeless pieces that ooze class and style. From camel hair polo overcoats to stately tweed trousers, it’s made for those who hold only the highest standards.
Ghost with the Most (Luxury)
The Latest Unveiling From The World’s Most Renowned Luxury Marque Rolls-Royce is a true architect of the luxury vehicle.
The name is synonymous with luxury, success, fortune and a high-end lifestyle — the royal family of car manufacturing. Since 2010, the Ghost has been one
of their most sought-after models, a car sighted in only the most prestigious global locales.
Rolls-Royce has given the Ghost an upgrade for 2021, with plenty of personalized options to give you your own custom version of this bestseller. First up is an impressive 6.75L V12 – 850NM 563BHP engine that delivers impressive torque with low RPM, helping power and performance go hand in hand.
But its the subtle innovations are what really make this version of the Ghost stand out. Its laser headlights give you up to 600 meters of visual range, twice that of a standard LED. Effortless door opening ensures you will never have to struggle to step out with grace; it’s like a virtual chauffeur at your beck and call.
And if you do just so happen to have a real chauffeur, you can sit back and relax in front of your built-in smart screen for meetings on the go. If you and your partner also require a little on-the-road aperitif, there’s a champagne compartment fully equipped with glasses and a bottle holder.
And what would a Rolls-Royce be without the Spirit of Ecstasy proudly sitting atop the car’s hood? Well, for this 2021 edition, the statuette appears from nowhere once the car is put into drive mode — as graceful as the vehicle it sits upon.
So there you have it, our luxury list of things we simply must have — just as soon as we get a seriously big raise from the (clearly comatose at that point) boss here. Ah, well. Without dreams, what do we have in life really?
Do not be shy about looking for more detail on some of these enhancements to one’s physical station. by all means. Only one of them costs as much as a house in some places — or a carport in Los Angeles. Consider @alexander.kraft and a life well earned. Think about the 4K Experience of The Boys on an 8-ft television screen of your very own. Or do what we do an imagine how many Pets you could get to ride with you in one of these Ghosts of Christmas Every Day. Seriously, why would you ever get out of the car?
Montblanc has built a reputation with quality luxury accessories, seamlessly blending form with function. From their outstanding signature fountain pens to their sleek and stylish leather wallets, the German manufacturer’s creations are crafted from the finest materials, making them favored by fans of quality and performance.
Hisense may have started out as a white goods producer in China nearly 70 years ago, but they have transformed into a leader in high-end electronics.
It takes a certain type of person to be the CEO of Sotheby’s International Realty France-Monaco for over 30 years. An individual who knows the value of all things luxury. Berliner Alexander Kraft is that very individual, a man who just may be the most dapper chap on Instagram.
The Latest Unveiling From The World’s Most Renowned Luxury Marque Rolls-Royce is a true architect of the luxury vehicle.