Mac DeMarco: Hungover with the Prince of Indie Pop

Mac DeMarco is hungover this sunny August afternoon. But it is the first time in a long, long time. When he invited Penthouse into his home, the critically acclaimed indie-pop star had just wrapped up a summer tour with four sold-out shows in Los Angeles.

“There is a special kind of pressure with the hometown show with all the friends there,” DeMarco sheepishly admits while he brushes his teeth. “Even though it wasn’t a big venue, I got nervous. The first show kind of went sideways. I vomited onstage, I pissed my pants, and I burned some cigarettes on my chest and my tongue. I’ve never done that before.”

To anyone who has followed DeMarco’s career from the beginning, this kind of show is par for the course. Back in the day, when he was infamous but not yet famous, he was known for summoning the spirit of one-man freak show G. G. Allin, once even allegedly swinging from the ceiling with a drumstick up his ass.

Now, domesticity has struck the 28-year-old musician, who just bought a house in L.A., a total fixer-upper that was inhabited by an eccentric gay couple who left an epic collection of porn in the dilapidated basement. Contractors got to work on the house right away, transforming the mess into the adorable white and blue bungalow we’re sitting in today. “We painted it like a Greek restaurant,” he says as he shows us around. “Too bad I’m not a Greek guy.”

After almost a decade of top-selling albums, wild, sweaty shows, and headlining huge festivals such as the Pitchfork Music Festival, Coachella, Fuji Rock in Japan, and performing on The Late Show With Stephen Colbert, ABC’s Charlie Rose, and at Radio City Music Hall, he’s taking a quick breather, settling into life with his girlfriend and their new home. Even more recently, DeMarco departed from his long-time label, Captured Tracks, to start his own enterprise, Mac’s Record Label. His first release Here Comes The Cowboy drops today.

Though he seems like an eccentric goofball in person, DeMarco’s music is a radical combination of Morrissey’s emotive melodies with the quirky comedy of Jonathan Richman and a pinch of yacht rock. On his earlier albums, he wrote catchy romantic songs about the things he loves, like his long-term girlfriend, blue jeans, and Viceroy cigarettes. But in recent years, he’s explored deeper emotional territory, even penning an entire album about growing up poor in rural Canada with his (now estranged) drug-addled father and struggling single mother. His fans are obsessive and look to the hoser like he’s a god. And he kind of is. After all, no one plays guitar like DeMarco. He championed a new genre of indie rock for millennials.

Only eight years ago, DeMarco was sleeping next to a water heater in the closet of a punk house in Vancouver, British Columbia. Now he can sell out the Hollywood Palladium in five minutes and has more money in the bank than he ever dreamed of. But that doesn’t mean DeMarco is spending recklessly. In fact, he still drives an old Volvo and wears his undies until they disintegrate.

That’s showbiz, baby.

Photography by Gerald Acuna

Comedian Ester Steinberg is our Muse

Without a personal Muse, life can be pretty boring. Without a Penthouse Muse, life is just sad.

Hollywood’s new “It Girl,” comedian and actress Ester Steinberg, may be a J-Date user’s wet dream, but she’s even more spectacular when you get her in front of the camera. Her new comedy album, Hebrew School Dropout, is available now and (spoiler alert) it’s totally hilarious.

We could say that no muse is bad muse, but that would be completely inappropriate, so we will not.

Interview: Georges St-Pierre

Georges St-Pierre is known as the G.O.A.T.

For those unfamiliar with this bit of sports parlance, it stands for the “Greatest of All Time.”

It’s a huge claim to make about a fighter, and St-Pierre (also called “GSP” or “Rush”) isn’t the kind of guy who would make it. There’s no Conor McGregor-esque showboating with GSP. He has no need to lord his incredible record over you: the 2,204 consecutive days defending his title; the plethora of fighting publications ranking him as the greatest welterweight fighter of all time; the rare ability to not only fight across divisions but to be the best. He’s earned the right to call himself a bad motherfucker, but during our interview, he was genial, polite, even friendly. Maybe it was because GSP, now 38, was older than most champs. Or maybe it was his Kyokushin karate training, a martial arts discipline that emphasizes humility and self-control. Or perhaps years of cage fighting in the UFC taught him that, when you get down to brass tacks, hubris gets you nowhere.

In November 2017, the Québec native returned to the octagon after a four-year hiatus, moving up a weight class and choking out Michael Bisping to claim the middleweight title. The fight, held at Madison Square Garden, was Canada’s most-watched pay-per-view event ever, and had UFC commentators saying it looked like GSP had only been gone four months, instead of years. His decision to leave fighting in 2013 was made partly because he needed a break, psychologically, from the sport he loved, and partly due to dissatisfaction with the ways the UFC was dealing with drug cheats. During his time off, St-Pierre indulged his other passion, paleontology. Yes, the guy famous for beating grown men to a bloody pulp in fight after championship fight is a huge dinosaur nerd.

It’s this multifaceted nature—his fierce combativeness in the ring, his geniality in person, his enduring dedication to such a physical sport, and his geeky love of paleontology—that made him so intriguing an elite figure in the UFC. Was St-Pierre the greatest fighter of all time? It’s a matter for debate. But without a doubt, GSP was one of the most interesting.

We sat down with St-Pierre to talk about what motivates him, what secrets he discovered that kept him on top for so long, why he retired for the first time in 2013, and which beautiful woman, attending one of his fights, briefly made him lose his focus.

What was behind your decision to walk away from the UFC in 2013?  

I had a lot of personal issues. The pressure of always being in the spotlight and being criticized—it really got to my head to the point it was driving me a little bit crazy. I was developing anxiety and so, for my own health—for my mental health—I needed to leave. Also, I had problems with the UFC and their drug-testing policy. I knew a lot of people were cheating. It had been bothering me for a long time. I was carrying this with me for a long time, fighting and trying to perform and it was starting to affect my performance.

What inspired you to get back in the ring?

When I left, I never said I was retired, because I thought I wanted to come back if changes were made. Now, with the USADA [U.S. Anti-Doping Agency], the sport is cleaner. Also, I wanted to come back to do something special, to do something unique. Something that would be different from what I was doing in the past.

Fighting for the middleweight title interested me. I always received a lot of criticism from the fans. They said I didn’t finish fights, that I fought surgically, that I didn’t take enough risks and never went up a weight class. So, I wanted to shut up these three criticisms in one fight and that’s why I came back. I was very hungry for that fight. I came back and it was a good night for me.

You were only the fourth fighter in UFC history to be a multidivision champion. I get the idea you don’t like to be told you can’t do something.

If someone says you can’t do something, that’s when you need to do it. It’s a rare achievement, so that’s why I wanted to do it. I did it for myself. A lot of people do it for other people, but I wanted to do it for myself, for my own legacy, to be able to know that I did it.

Being a champ and having a belt—what does that mean to you?

The belt, the name…it’s more of a symbol. To be honest with you, the more experienced I became, I realized there is no strongest man in the world. This doesn’t exist. When you have a belt, most people, for them, it means, “Oh, I’m the most bad-ass man in the world.” It’s not true. Maybe the baddest man in the world is sitting on his couch eating popcorn, you know what I mean? You’d never know. The more experienced you are, you realize what it means. Winning a belt just means on that night, at that particular moment, you beat that guy. You were better than that guy. It doesn’t mean you’re better than all the other guys. Or it doesn’t mean that the guy you beat that day won’t beat you another day.

So a lot of things changed as I matured. When you’re young, you want to be known as the “baddest man,” and when you get older, you realize [they’re] just symbols. I wanted to do it for myself and to have the belt. It was a great achievement, but for me it doesn’t mean the same thing that it means for a lot of the people.

What do you say to those who argue MMA is too violent?

It’s very dangerous. When people say, “It’s a barbaric sport, I don’t like it, I don’t want to watch it,” they’re right that it’s a barbaric sport. Like boxing is a barbaric sport. Like American football is a barbaric sport. Rugby is a barbaric sport. But you know what, I love it. I did it and I grew up on it. It’s just a different form of entertainment and people have different tastes for different things.

I think everybody secretly loves it. I had a girlfriend that said she hated it, but every time the fight started she’d be glued to the screen.

Dana White once said something I thought was very clever. Say you’re at a football match or a rugby match, in the seats, watching the match, and a fight breaks out in the crowd. Everybody will stop watching the match and start watching the fight in the crowd.

Because it’s part of our nature. It’s part of who we are. I can put anybody in a situation where he will have to fight. It can be my mom, who is the nicest human being, but I can put her in a situation that she would have to fight to defend herself or defend the people that she loves. Everybody can relate to that, that’s why it is so popular.

You were talking about the psychological pressures of fighting. How do you deal with that aspect of the sport?

That’s a very important aspect to fighting, and it applies to every sphere of life—sport, business, when you ask a girl on a date. It could be anything. In my sport, there are skills and there is confidence. Some people have the skills, but they don’t have the confidence. It’s like having money in the bank without spending it.

Other athletes have the confidence but don’t have the skills. It’s like a dream that can never be achieved. That’s what my trainer, John Danaher, would say to me and it was very, very smart: “The key is to have the skills and the confidence.” That’s what makes a good athlete. You need both. For example, Michael Jordan. Michael Jordan started acting like a champion before he became a champion. LeBron James, same thing. Tiger Woods in golf, same thing. Every actor—Arnold Schwarzenegger—same thing. They have that kind of confidence. Confidence is sort of a mental game. Confidence is a choice you can work on.

I wasn’t always that confident before a fight, but I could work on it. I had tricks I used to make myself confident, so when I went into the fight, I could pretend that I was confident, even if I wasn’t. I became confident using these tricks. And confidence is very important for a fighter, important for a businessman, important for everything you do in life. Because when you do something, you need to have trust that when you do it, you can do it 100 percent, no reservations, and confidence is a big part of that.

Who do you view as the top fighters in those middle divisions?

MMA is a sport in constant evolution. Someone could be good today and in six months, there’s going to be another guy who’s going to come out of nowhere, do something incredible, and he will be the guy to beat. He will be hyped up as the best-ever, so we never know. Right now, I like Khabib [Nurmagomedov]. He’s incredible. He’s an amazing fighter. But I’ll also go back to something I said earlier. It’s not necessarily the best fighter who wins a fight. It’s the fighter who fights best the night of the fight.

You’ve been called “The Greatest of All Time” and you’ve spoken about your true loves and what excites you—women, dinosaurs, and fighting. So I’ve got three final questions. First, who’s the greatest woman of all time?

Greatest woman of all time? My God, that’s a hard question. I’ll mention one very beautiful woman, Cindy Crawford. I remember she came to one of my fights and I saw her in the crowd and lost focus for a second. I think she’s amazing.

Obviously, now we need to know the greatest dinosaur of all time.

For me, it’s the Tyrannosaurus. T. rexes had the best olfactory senses of all the dinosaurs. That means a blind T. rex could still find you. The T. rex didn’t need his eyes to hunt. That’s something people don’t know. The T. rex was an amazing creature.

Sounds terrifying. Last one: Who’s the greatest fighter of all time?

That’s hard to say. Like I said, it doesn’t exist. We can just pile up the achievements of the athlete. And the sport constantly evolves. The fighters of today are better than the fighters of yesterday, and it goes on like this. Someone can be good today, but in ten years there are going to be guys that are better. That’s what I believe—that records are meant to be broken.

Pop Star Emily Vaughn is Our Crush

Pop star Emily Vaughn has a love/hate relationship with social media.

The 24-year-old Florida native was recently in Hawaii trying to unplug from a busy life in Los Angeles when she looked at her phone and instantly regretted it.

Checking social media, she came across a post that brought all her anxieties to the surface. Another up-and-coming pop star had released a single with the same title as one of Vaughn’s songs. Its cachet was lost.

“I do struggle with depression and anxiety, and being on social media can make it even more difficult,” the singer admits. “There’s always something to compare yourself to. My generation are the guinea pigs of how this tool will affect our mental health.”

Like most in Gen Z would, Vaughn took to Instagram to write about her feelings. She tapped out a long message about anxiety, depression, and mental health. She posted it, closed her phone, and felt relief.

“It’s ironic I’m bitching about social media,” Vaughn says, “because I owe my whole career to the internet.”

She grew up on Merritt Island, near Cape Canaveral, with a musical mother who also taught visual art. Vaughn and her sister played piano and guitar, and sang, often performing in school musicals and choir.

“Coming from a town of 30,000 people, I never imagined I could actually be a pop singer,” Vaughn says. “No one in my town was doing things like that.”

She was writing songs, though, sitting on her bedroom floor with her guitar or perched at the piano, her voice memo app on. Soon, she started putting the music online, hoping to catch the attention of some industry insider. Eventually, she was discovered by a music manager who flew her out to L.A. for a meet and greet. It went well (obviously), and Vaughn moved west in 2017.

Her singles have popped online, gathering a whopping three million-plus listens on Spotify. She’s been praised by Nylon, Interview, and V magazine for her infectious, daring hooks and lyrics that mix emotion with tongue-in-cheek humor that come off sweet as honey.

Her debut EP, Bitch Bops, dropped in April, and soon she’ll be hitting the road for her first American tour. For now, though, she’s thriving off the loving fans who slide into her DMs and let her know that her music has brightened what had been a shitty day.

“I have a spin to my music that is vulnerable yet cocky,” she says. “I want people to listen to my music and feel as confident and excited as I did while writing it. When fans reach out to me and say that my music makes them feel like that, I’m so happy.”

Emily Vaughn Promotional Photograph

Emily Vaughn

Photography by Justin Gilbert

Actress Jamie Lee Refused

2019 is shaping up to be an exciting year for actress/writer/comedian Jamie Lee. Season three of the Pete Holmes/Judd Apatow HBO series Crashing premiered in January, starring Lee as Ali Reissen, a sassy New York City stand-up. She’s also appearing in another HBO comedy hit, 2 Dope Queens. We caught up with the 35-year-old comedian by phone to discuss her evolving role on Crashing, her hometown of Dallas, and why she refused to be a goat on her wedding day.

Your 2017 debut comedy album, I Mean…, features hilarious riffs on hookups, tying the knot, and rough sex. Does stand-up still give you a safe space to navigate the dark corners of your brain? 

Without comedy I might not have an outlet for exploring my dark side, and I feel very grateful to be able to do it. I mean, other types of writing and performing are really satisfying, but stand-up is kind of a catchall that lets you write and perform and sort of say whatever you want. And connect with people over ideas that maybe they’ve thought, but didn’t have the confidence to articulate.

The flaws that I see within myself, when I put them through the filter of comedy, I only appreciate more. I start to view them not as flaws, but as things that define me. What’s important about stand-up is that it takes the things you might deem bad or complicated and makes them kind of hilarious and beautiful.

In season three, episode four, of Crashing, you take on the obnoxious and overrated comedian/club owner Jason (Dov Davidoff). Was there catharsis in that?

My character, Ali, is dealing with this headliner who says whatever he wants, and thinks that makes him edgy and important. Ali proceeds to stand it up as a lot of totally off fluff. It was really thrilling to be able to portray a comedian who was taking a stand, and standing up to him.

One of the things I like about Ali is that she’s subverting people’s stale notions of female comics.

It’s really important to have this depiction of a girl stand-up on TV right now. We’re obviously living in a pretty complicated climate where a lot of people are putting close eyes on these issues of sexism and sexual harassment and being “woke.” Episode four does a really good job of tackling all of those things, and in a pretty realistic way.

I think my favorite moment would be the parking-lot scene at the end. Jason was provoked to come at me. Ali probably wouldn’t give him the time of day otherwise, but because he was attacking her directly, she really let him have it.

You’ve said that episode six, which you wrote yourself, is your favorite.

Yes. The episode is very relatable to me in my own life because when you do a stand-up set on a late-night TV show for the first time, you have a lot of friends who want to make a party out of it.

As a comedian, there’s part of you that’s really proud of yourself. But there’s also a part of you that has a lot of shame and you have a kind of fraud syndrome, and you feel a little embarrassed because there’s so much attention on you.

What’s your advice to emerging female comedians?

The advice I wish I could have given myself is to try and tune out the noise as much as possible. Try to focus on yourself and remind yourself that you are just as worthy of this pursuit as anyone else. All of that sort of positive self-talk is really helpful, because it’s a really formative time in your life, and in your comedy life. Be a kind voice in your head because, at the end of the day, only you can motivate yourself to keep going.

What do you do for balance?

I recently got into working out pretty intensely. I was not an athletic kid at all. I did not play sports. I could barely run without getting winded. And then, within the last two years, I got a personal trainer and she really kicked my ass. I leave there being like, Oh, I guess I am capable of moving my body.

You live in L.A. now. Do you miss your home state of Texas?

I do. When I was a teenager in Dallas, I thought it was a little boring, but there’s this area of Dallas called Deep Ellum, which has a lot of really cool music venues. Now every time I go back, there’s a new cool neighborhood to discover. In parts of Dallas where there was no population, [there are all these] really cool bars and restaurants. So yeah, it’s really changed a lot since I’ve lived there. Now when I go back I’m like, Ooh, it could be fun to live here. I wish that L.A. would up and move to Dallas.

Any imminent projects you can tell us about?

I just closed a development deal with [the channel] Freeform for a show called The Girlfriend. I wrote the show on my own and it would be for me to star in. It’s about a girl who finds out she might be dating a murderer. It’s sort of a female Breaking Bad. I also wrote a book about planning a wedding and modern-day wedding culture [called Weddiculous], and we’re working on turning it into a TV series.

It’s cool that marriage is increasingly egalitarian and inclusive. Your zinger “[My father] is not giving me away, because I’m not a fucking goat” makes me laugh. 

For my wedding, there were definitely some traditions we adhered to and then others that we were like, “That’s just not for us,” which I think is what everybody should do. We didn’t do the father-daughter giveaway. I think that we’re in a space right now where everyone wants to be talking about it more openly and honestly, and challenging some of these things that we were force-fed to be true. And they’re just not.

As this is Penthouse, what does being sex-positive mean to you?

Sex-positive means to each his own, not judgmental of one person’s sexuality or sexual dispositions. I feel like I fall into that category. I think the more open we are about sex and sexuality, the less alone we all feel.

Image courtesy of Sechel PR.

Peter Lloyd

Stand By Your Manhood was dubbed “The Bro Bible” by the press, and men everywhere were pumped on Lloyd’s dry wit. But unlike Jordan Peterson’s best-selling book, 12 Rules for Life, Lloyd poses funny hypotheticals, like the politics of penis size or if watching pornography makes you a misogynist. He also addresses more serious topics like rising suicide rates and how the school system is failing young men. Lloyd was ridiculed by female talk-show hosts while on his press tour, but he laughed along with the jokes and reminded them that almost all the professional references in his book were from women, and that his editor was also female. We asked Lloyd for his two cents on all the so-called man-bashing that’s taking place today.

Why write Stand By Your Manhood?

I wanted something that countered that toxic narrative and gave men the affirmations they deserved, while also being funny. Bizarrely, these feminists often hate women, too–especially the sort who appear in Penthouse. So while the book gives blokes their balls back, it also serves women, too.

Is there a feminism you could get behind and, if so, what does it look like?

Oh yeah, but it would be a feminism that didn’t require reference or a name. It would just be women living fully-realized, self-determined lives alongside men, and thinking nothing of it. I don’t want women to be indebted or answerable to the sisterhood in any way, shape, or form. I don’t want them to be bogged-down or distracted by the politics of the past. They’re better than that. Personally, I love women like Camille Paglia, Ronda Rousey, Christina Hoff Sommers, Pamela Anderson, and Ayaan Hirsi Ali–they’re all very different women, but they all embody these qualities. They’re free-thinking, free-living people who are also fucking fabulous. They just happen to be women.

So many books have been written for women on this subject. Why has your version for men caused so much controversy?

Publishing is a very political, female-dominated industry and its output is tightly controlled, so I guess they think my manuscript slipped through the net, and it drives them nuts! To me, that’s deliciously funny. Not least because, years ago, women with a voice were seen as dangerous. Now it’s men like me–but I love that. It means the book is countercultural. It’s a little bit punk rock, which is way more fun than being the status quo.

Image courtesy of Peter Lloyd.

The Foggy History of Hangovers

That’s why writing a column like this one is a pretty plum gig. No matter how innocuous the topic might sound, you’ll inevitably come across a story that seems totally bizarre to our modern sensibility if you’re willing to dig deep enough. So with this month’s theme of hangovers, I was sure I was once again in the clear — after all, what could be an easier target than the disastrous aftereffects of too much booze?

Reader, I appear before you today humbled. After spending hours poking around online, and stomping around multiple university libraries, I am here to report that hangovers are…kind of boring, historically speaking.

At first glance, this makes no sense. Getting drunk is an act that’s nearly as old as humanity itself; some researchers believe people were making alcohol even before we figured out how to grow our own crops. And as long as we’ve been drinking, we’ve been drinking too much, and then rolling around on the floor as our heads and stomachs team up to punish us for our liquid gluttony. In all that time, the course of history hasn’t been altered by a particularly nasty hangover or two?

Well, it has. We just don’t know about it. In truth, the reason the history of hangovers isn’t all that weird is because, unlike a lot of things, they aren’t some mysterious experience that science can only explain retroactively. The cause and effect are fairly obvious, and has been understood as such at least as far back as ancient Greece: Drink too much, and you’ll pay for it later. So stop talking about it so loudly, and pass me the Advil already.

Not that that dissuaded anyone from partaking in the first place, of course. The Greeks loved their wine so much that they created a party god, Dionysus, who was responsible for the all-important grape crop. They also believed that people who preferred water to alcohol weren’t just boring, but actually smelled bad. The Greeks didn’t believe in a hangover god, though (an unusual omission that would later inspire author Terry Pratchett to invent one). Instead, they knew to seek out better-quality alcohols, and, when all else failed, to sleep the rest of the day away.

No matter the part of the world, wherever alcohol appeared, hangovers weren’t far behind. And each culture grappled with them in its own way. The oldest-known Arabic cookbook, from the tenth century, suggested adding an early kind of lemonade to your alcohol to stop a hangover before it started, and if that didn’t work, downing a bowl of yogurt-y stew called kishkiyya.

In the exceedingly formal society of sixteenth-century Japan, meanwhile, it was considered polite after an alcohol-heavy event to demonstrate the extent of one’s hangover — even if you didn’t actually have one. To fake it, people would send late thank-you notes to the host, written with intentionally sloppy handwriting.

But if humans have long understood the what of hangovers, sometimes a little too well — I’m partial to Kingsley Amis’s description, from Lucky Jim, of feeling like you’ve “somehow been on a cross-country run and then been expertly beat up by secret police” — they continued to struggle to understand the how. However, hangovers are starting to get their due from scientists. Recent studies have tried to break hangovers down into their constituent parts, from dehydration to nausea to a catch-all category of leftover fermentation chemicals in your stomach called “congeners.”

Still, the search for a cure remains as elusive as ever. In fact, by far the weirdest part of hangovers isn’t their past, but their future. As we speak, plenty of private companies are hard at work on developing a workaround — all that remains to be seen is which version gets to market first, and which one takes off with the public. Will it be RU-21, a Russian-made pill originally developed by the KGB? Or the tea company Tetley, which plans to roll out a special hangover tea by 2026? Or how about one of the many groups working on so-called “synthetic alcohol,” which is supposed to manipulate and massage the neurotransmitters that give us the feeling of being drunk?

Personally, I’ve learned to avoid the problem by drinking two beers and then quitting. But the estimated $148 billion that hangovers cost the U.S. economy in lost productivity each year suggests that a more pressing solution might be useful.

Sticky Situation

This past December, a town in Germany made international headlines when a local chocolate factory’s storage tank ruptured, literally repaving the streets with a layer of chocolatey goo so thick it took 25 firefighters armed with shovels, blowtorches, and hot water to chip it all away.

The story was a funny little curio, to be sure. But for fans of weird history, it also couldn’t help but bring to mind one of the oddest and most infamous events of food-related disaster on record: the Great Molasses Flood of 1919. And since I haven’t covered it in these pages yet—and also because it just celebrated (if that’s the right word, which it isn’t) its centenary in January—now feels like as good a time as any to dive back in and get reacquainted.

The date is January 15, 1919. The scene: the North End neighborhood in Boston. There, by the harbor, sits a massive, 90-foot-wide tank capable of holding more than two million gallons of molasses, which at the time was being imported from the Caribbean to be distilled into rum and ethanol. But this was no ordinary molasses tank. No, this tank was an incredibly shoddy molasses tank. It was built a few years earlier for the nearby Purity Distilling Company, but for some reason was never properly tested, and problems were evident early on. For one, the tank had a leak so bad that local kids figured out they could bring over empty cans and scoop up the dregs for free. When notified of this issue, the project manager responded by having the tank painted a molasses-y shade of brown, so that the leaks would be harder to see.

On that fateful January afternoon, the gigantic tank, full nearly to the brim after a recent deposit, split open for good. 

“A dull, muffled roar gave but an instant’s warning before the top of the tank was blown in the air,” wrote the New York Times the following day. And the ensuing wave of molasses that flooded the streets of Boston was nothing short of surreal. Eyewitnesses estimated the wave was between 8 and 15 feet high, and it moved at 35 miles per hour—in every direction. In a matter of seconds, two full city blocks were submerged.

The explosion devastated the surrounding area. The gooey wave moved so quickly it caught bystanders before they were able to get to higher ground. Even when the molasses leveled off at about knee height, cooling in the winter temperatures, it was still so sticky that people couldn’t escape easily. 

“Here and there struggled a form,” wrote the Boston Globe, “whether it was animal or human being was impossible to tell.” Meanwhile, the force of the explosion itself toppled several buildings and destroyed a chunk of an elevated rail line shortly after the train had passed over it. In all, 21 people were killed, and another 150 were seriously injured. The last victim wasn’t found for more than 10 days.

After an inquiry that lasted three years, an auditor found that the tank wasn’t built to construction standards, and for a long time, it was assumed that the rivets were to blame, in conjunction with a dangerous buildup of carbon dioxide inside the tank. More recently, however, a local engineer, who studies the flood as a hobby, found the type of steel used in the tank was, in fact, the main culprit.

While not considered a risk at the time, engineers now know that this kind of steel is too brittle, and therefore more likely to crack under duress. In this case, the steel was also only half as thick as it should have been, given how much liquid the tank was meant to hold. This same steel was also used in the construction of the Titanic, which is not generally a comparison anyone wants to be part of.

Following the inquiry, the company that owned the tank, U.S. Industrial Alcohol, was forced to pay $600,000 (roughly $6.5 million by today’s standards) in settlements. Cleanup in the surrounding blocks took weeks, and far longer in all of the outlying areas and corners to which the molasses ultimately spread. And once the streets were officially scrubbed clean of the deadly, sticky mess, reports persisted of the smell of molasses in central Boston for decades afterwards.

Please Stop Being Outraged: The Culture War Isn’t New

Pity the rookie combatants in today’s culture wars. It can’t be easy to join a battle that’s been waged since before they were born and to think it’s new. I’m talking about free-speech warriors in neatly pressed Fred Perrys and un-scuffed boots, collecting their “blocked by” Twitter designations like medals, and howling their God-given right to make rape “jokes.”

All the young dudes hoping history will judge the video games they play to be as cool as rock ’n’ roll—a cohort of guys who, when they’re no longer young, seconds from sliding toward the great apolitical beyond, will—like dying Confederate soldiers picturing their mothers’ faces — envision Eminem himself laying a cooling hand upon their wrinkled foreheads.

As a veteran of the music-culture wars, I remember Tipper Gore’s denunciation of both the Dead Kennedys and Prince back in the eighties. It was alarming. Moreover, I’ve been engaging in lengthy arguments in defense of some sketchy black metal since the 1990s. I like to think, then, that my take on these rookies—the boys who are proud—has more behind it than the jerk of a knee.

If you’ve never heard of Hollywood’s Hays Code (puritanical censorship of movie sexuality), or Fredric Wertham’s 1954 book Seduction of the Innocent (comic books create juvenile delinquents, it argued), or the hysteria about jazz (“It’s the music of drug-using Negroes!”), followed by hysteria about rock ’n’ roll, disco, porn, punk, Dungeons & Dragons, heavy metal, hip-hop, and more, then yes, it must seem like we’re living in very combative times indeed. And we are! But not more so than any other. It only feels that way if you’re a person who really, really wants to wear that Burzum shirt onstage, or thinks that any episode past the second one of the new Roseanne was funny.

Maybe we’re at war, maybe we’re not. Far be it from me to diminish anyone’s heroic narrative. But this idea that cultural clashing has our country doomed? C’mon, it took almost 200 years for Rome to fall. Unless America peaked in 1812 (and unless you think Tchaikovsky’s famous overture was about the British burning the White House, when it was about Napoleon in Russia), we should be okay at least until the end of Radiohead’s album cycle.

I have perspective—and not because I’m a nerd. While I wear glasses and have weird breath, I’m not really smart enough to be a proper nerd. I’m using the broader, original definition of the word, the one that means being good at science and math, as opposed to being a guy who worships mass-media franchises like Star Wars so much he’ll send death threats about casting. But I’m nerdy enough to have a passing interest in the last hundred years of popular culture and, baby, let me tell you, it was turbulent.

Comedian Lenny Bruce and crooner Frank Sinatra (pre-Republican version) both got fucked with. There were laws against dancing that are still on the books. Weird as it may seem in a world where all moms have terrible tattoos, I remember a time when a mohawk and ripped shirt could get you beaten to within an inch of your life. What made it especially wild was that, for the most part, the culture wars were fought by artists, African-Americans, and gays on one side, and organized religion and the truncheon-wielding state on the other.

It wasn’t until the disco backlash—where rockers and long-hairs across the country, forgetting that Little Richard himself once sang about anal sex, waged a record-burning war on the infernal blackness and gayness of this glittery dance music—that sectors of the general population took the initiative. But by 1985, Tipper Gore and the Parents Music Resource Center had restored the gnashing of teeth and pulling of hair about bumping-uglies content in art to its rightful, bureaucratic place: Washington, D.C.

In the 1990s, with the advent of the term “political correctness,” we witnessed harbingers of today’s culture wars. Fugazi and their ilk bummed out thousands of punks by demanding they do less shoving of strangers at their shows. That the prerogative to take a running jump from a stage prior to crashing on someone’s head would be seen as a cultural imperative might arguably be considered fucking insane, but then again, “go my own way” non-neighborliness, “don’t tread on me” politics, and, for that matter, states’ rights, are as much a part of the American identity as the Freedom March.

That strain of solipsistic individualism won the frontier West, and pointing out the human cost to this expansion is pure sissydom, they argue, so you can understand why so many young men hated Bikini Kill. It’s like those bitches hated fun.

Somehow, despite the reign of PC terror, Nu Metal and VICE still happened, so maybe, just maybe, the dour cultural killjoys weren’t as powerful as some put-upon dudes thought. Or maybe the “culture wars” are not, in fact, wars; they’re just culture. Nobody wins or loses and the sides overlap. It’s just the push and pull and cyclical noise we all make together.

In fairness, I should acknowledge that friends and peers of a more—cough—libertarian bent make an (occasionally) potent argument that, in the year of our Lord 2018, leftists have taken over the government’s role as art- and freedom-haters. They argue that not everything has to be political, and that uptight, indoctrinated squares are constantly rallying their online mobs to crush any art or opinions that stray from (cultural Marxist) orthodoxy.

I don’t disagree that perpetual outrage can be a hell of a drug, and of course some people really are just puritans—in the thirties, they’d have been Stalinists—but I just can’t muster the rhetorical reach to equate hard-rock band Black Pussy losing shows in Portland because of their name with, say, President George W. Bush denouncing Ice-T’s band Body Count for “Cop Killer.” The difference in power dynamics is just too vast.

It maybe doesn’t help that some of the most strident voices railing against social-justice warriors are people like Brett Kavanaugh’s conservative crony Mark Judge, a sometime music writer, who, while denouncing a fellow music writer’s argument against cultural appropriation, bizarrely referenced Sonic Youth’s novelty side-project, Ciccone Youth.

As with most situations in our time of degraded discourse, it’s the dummies and dullards who get the most clicks, so it’s easy enough to find examples of pure insanity on both sides (yes, I can think of examples of said dummies on my side of the fracas, but I’m not going to name them because they’re hella embarrassing).

But idiots on both sides is not the same as “very fine people on both sides.” While I like a bit of nuance now and again, if your beef is in exact accordance with that of the state—in other words, you view your opponents as mouthy, marginalized miscreants shitting in capitalism’s punchbowl—you’re perhaps not the free-speech underdog you imagine yourself to be.

It’s been a rough few months for those staring back at me from across the field of cultural combat. Two bands not exactly noted for their liberal uptightness, Texas thrashers Power Trip and New York hatecore pioneers Sheer Terror, have both publicly stated that Proud Boys are not welcome at their shows. I don’t imagine it’s fun when musicians you’ve delusionally decided share your worldview want nothing to do with your eternal crybabyness. Culture war is hell when metalheads and skinheads both agree that you’re too evil to live and too corny to kill.

At least the alt-right can take some comfort in the fact that the army, police, and every branch of government is in their corner. It must be nice to know that, in this grand clash of civilizations, this Custer’s Last Stand against dark-skinned Star Wars cast additions—not to mention rappers who decry your use of the N-word even though they use it, and comic book-ruining feminazi hordes—your President Dad has a shit-ton of guns and will wait outside the show in case you get picked on in the mosh pit.

A comfort, for sure, but one that hardly makes for a sexy T-shirt.

We tried to point out the irony in being outraged about people being outraged, but editors as a rule do not readily appreciate nuance. … Apparently readers find it boring. Who knew? … Gosh, without editors we’d apparently all be really stupid. Thank goodness for them, then.]

UnYourself: Why Won’t My Wife Fuck Me?

Here’s the main lesson I learned from writing my memoir Unwifeable: If I had not done all that painful work to ultimately “own” everything I feared made me unwifeable, I never would have been able to —i n the end —find the partner of my dreams.

This archetypal go-to-battle-with-your-demons lesson is called by many names. There’s “lean in” and “the hero’s journey” and “phoenixes rising from the ashes.” In the book The Gnostic Gospels one particularly illu minating passage reads: “If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.”

It’s one of those universal truths that intersects with all the great stories. The darkness you fear most will often present you with the Battle Of Your Life. Confront it valiantly, and only then, can you achieve far greater freedom than you ever imagined.

Consider the very first episode of Game of Thrones, for example. A series-defining moment occurs when the “imp” Tyrion Lannister (Peter Dinklage) tells Jon Snow (Kit Harington) to stop protesting when people call him a “bastard.”

“Let me give you some advice, bastard,” Tyrion says. “Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.”

Truly, there is so much vulnerability and power in confronting ourselves. Scared you are unworthy? Nervous you are unsuccessful? Afraid you will be forever unlovable? Well, that’s why I’m calling this advice column “Un Yourself.” Let’s turn the paradigms upside down, inside out and confront it all.

But now, let’s go forth and tackle the first question to UnYourself. And boy is it ever a doozy.

Sexless In Not Really Seattle writes: “I haven’t had sex with my wife for ten years. I’ve given up that it will ever happen again, and I do admit that my resentment seeps into our relationship. What can I do?”

Dear SINRS (amazing acronym there, by the way):

Most people will not admit it, because this is one of those insidious plagues that is simply not discussed in polite society, but your challenge is more common than you may think.

Marriage is one of the hardest—and some evolutionary biologists would argue “most unnatural”—institutions in the world. There are so many damn advice books out there (Men Are From Dickbags, Women Are From Cuntfucks, etc.), but not to worry because—guess what—I have read them all! “Why?” you may ask. Well, two reasons, really.

1) As a “sex and love” reporter, I have been forced to read more of them than the average person just on account of it being my dumb job.

2) Honestly, I just really love self-help.

First things first, when it comes to marriage, the gold standard here is Dr. John Gottman—and, by extension, the scientific research conducted at the Gottman Institute.

For a taste of exactly how science comes into play in the studies he’s done, I recommend this extraordinary segment on This American Life.

In the episode, the researchers at the Gottman Institute are able to predict, with almost total accuracy, which marriages will stay together and which will not. How do they do it? Easy. The study participants are asked to discuss a sensitive topic of disagreement. As they either bicker and escalate or quibble and calm one another down, the researchers take to coding all of their interactions (an eyeball or a sarcastic sigh, for instance, might be marked as “contempt”).

What they find is that you don’t actually need to agree with your person about everything. Because everyone disagrees. Some marital researchers even posit that the No. 1 predictor of divorce is conflict avoidance. Until that wondrous day when we are able to clone a version of ourselves just to fuck over and over again as our AI-Me sycophantically agrees with every word we say, cheering us on and on as we bad-decision-it-up into personal apocalypse, we will always be forced to deal with—contemptuous sarcastic sigh here—other people.

For the longest time, do you know what grudge I nursed above practically all others?

I was so pissed at men who did not follow to a T the imagined script I had set out for them.

Men were terrible.

More often than not, this irrational resentment decreased my sex drive.

Like your wife, I did not start out this way.

To get my sex drive back, I needed to confront severe, deeply buried issues of incredible contempt and resentment simmering beneath the surface.

Similar to my eventual realization that other people are not actually disappointing or offending me by failing to follow some imagined script I wrote for them in my head, sometimes your wife’s issues of contempt and resentment might be illogical.

But oh my God how deeply it is in play.

And if you love her: It needs to be honored, respected, and validated. Because, like you, she really is doing her best with what she has. She’s not trying to be unreasonable. She’s just trying to protect herself.

You can only understand, to use a Jaws metaphor, what size boat you’ll need (therapy, a divorce, or a sort of modern understanding wherein your wife agrees you can meet sexual needs and desires outside of the marriage) when you accurately understand just how big the damn shark is in the first place.

This means ignoring Mayor Larry Vaughn, dude.

Or in this case, all the terrible advice pushing you to either cheat or take the seething martyr route and suck it up as a consequence of A) you cheating years ago, B) you traveling too much for your job, C) forgetting her birthday this year, or D) whatever ingrained self-loathing from your childhood you’ve projected onto your wife and circumstances.

The reality is that the only way you can figure out the root of the problem and develop an informed plan for what to do is to uncover the true nature of what caused your marriage to break in the first place.

Because a sexless marriage is a broken one.

Now I have several friends who are the smartest individuals I know who are just dead-set against therapy, so I know exactly how difficult it is to convince someone to see a shrink. In fact, for many years it was impossible to convince me to see one. But then I discovered something that shifted my whole perspective: Seeing a shrink is no different than going on a first date.

As in, check this out, you can just make up an excuse to leave. So many people feel like because they’ve had one or two or 29 bad experiences that all psychiatrists are worthless. Interesting fact: Not true.

The secret is to develop a litmus test and do research as if your mental health life depends on it. Because it does. My favorite strategy: Ask for recommendations from smart folks who you know do not tolerate fools.

But first let’s validate your concern: Yes, many shrinks are drawn to the field because they are indeed bat-shit crazy themselves. However, there are just as many who have done the difficult psychotherapeutic work to slay their pesky, meddling egos in order to best help you learn how to slay your own.

The speech I was given that finally got me to go see a psychiatrist came from a doctor friend of mine.

As I told him about all of my bad experiences with shoddy therapists who had given me awful advice or whom I simply did not think were smart, he listened patiently. “I don’t need to see a shrink,” I protested. “I write morning pages every day, and I have some great friends who I can talk to about my problems.”

“Mandy,” he said, “your writing can’t talk back. And your friends don’t have the training.”

What do you know: The doc was right.

Eventually, when you really do the work to find the right marriage counselor and/or personal therapist to unravel what shit is going on in your sexless marriage, you’ll be able to develop a tactical plan to what you can do in the future.

When you have that, then you can start communicating in terms that will not be alienating, resentment-filled, and cruel, as so many (and definitely me) often resort to because abuse and trauma and resentment shaped our internal roadmap.

Here’s the carrot I can promise you, too.

Life — and sex — gets ah-fucking-mazing when you start the journey. Trust me on this one.

To even bring up some of these incredibly sensitive topics with your wife, I recommend a book that was a game-changer for me.

It has a weird name, but the principles are revolutionary. It’s called: Nonviolent Communication.

If you want another reason to read it, consider this: The very sexy Manhattan Madam first recommended it to me when I was in the initial stages of courtship with my now-husband and she was in prison, and we emailed every week about what the hell was going on in our vastly different life situations.

“Read that book,” she said, and holy fuck, the Manhattan Madam was right.

It teaches you how to communicate in a way that strips most of our natural instincts to condemn, brutalize, blame, and be wantonly cruel by bringing up are always at the ready Wrongs That Have Been Committed Against Us That We Can Use Against Another Person So As to Justify Whatever Shitty Thing We Have Just Done or Said.

Because once you start to chip away at all of the bullshit that has created a sexual ice block in your relationship, you can actually figure out how to start fucking again.

The principles of nonviolent communication break down to a four-step process which is: observing what is going on without judgment, clarifying the feeling this situation creates, identifying what need this triggers for you, and then, in a kind and positive way, formulating your request.

If you want some sample scripts (and good advice), read this

Kiwi husband’s tale about how contempt eroded his wife’s ability to feel like she could enjoy sex, and he was trying desperately to use the principles of NVC to save their relationship. The Reddit community chimes in with an array of helpful sample scripts he might be able to use, including this one:

It sounds like you are really scared to just talk about your needs such that it is easier for you to say ‘sex just isn’t who I am.’ If that’s the case, I feel sad because I want to meet my needs and your needs as well.”

To even broach the topic initially, certified sex coach Hillary Berry gives this terrific template example:

Honey, when I noticed that you froze and withdrew from me last night when I tried to initiate sexual touch, I felt discouraged because I enjoy sharing touch and I want to connect with you intimately. Can you let me know what was going on with you in that moment?

Of course, if you haven’t had sex in a decade the script would likely read more along the lines of:

I love you so much, and I feel so discouraged by what’s happened between us over the years. Being physically close to my partner is an important need for me, and I’d love to start the process of talking so that I can be meeting your needs as well.”

Now, let’s just say that you’ve done all of this already and the issue that is at play is an age-old predicament when two people who have been fucking each other forever simply get sick of each other and fall into a routine. The wife is upstairs with her vibrator, you’re on PornHub, and the emotional disconnect is as wide as the Grand Canyon.

Well, I have good news for you.

All hope is not lost!

A whole new world of discovery exists out there for you if you can keep an open mind and be kind to your wife as you bring her into the process as something that can benefit you both.

If you don’t write about sex regularly, it’s easy to not be aware of how much progress has been made in the field of re-invigorating sex lives that used to be considered DOA.

Sexual doulas and sexual medicine and sexologists and sex coaches and female-vetted tantric practitioners. Orgy domes and sex clubs and kinky play parties. Chakrubs and secret favorites and utterly innovative new robotic devices like the Osé that mimic the sensation of a blended orgasm.

Say your wife has trouble orgasm-ing. Consider finding a specialist who can assist in ways that will likely turn both of you on. The practice of “orgasmic meditation” is trendy AF (and totally cult-ish), but like most organizations that advertise “you too can attain a level of higher consciousness if you spend enough money,” there are some great core lessons about how to stroke the clit that are gangbusters effective.

Visit women-friendly sex shops like Babeland and make your wife a co-conspirator on a journey of re-igniting your love life together. Talk to people who make you feel safe and get their tips for how they get turned on and how they come.

Here’s a for-instance. Several years ago, I mistakenly believed butt plugs were only meant for gay dudes until some sweet bisexual girl told me that nothing increased her orgasm like a butt plug—and boom, pop, she was right!

Really talk to your wife, make her feel safe (using those sample scripts or some authentic variant thereof), and no matter what, try to be aware of all those little things that men do that make women feel like shit—and don’t fucking do them.

I’m talking about the little emotional affairs with hot chicks. Nothing turns off a woman like making her feel like shit. You may not even realize you are doing it. Find out. Ask her. Actively try to make her feel special and safe.

Because I promise you: Make your wife feel like it’s the two of you against the world, and pretty soon, the world of sexual miracles will come to you.

Intellectual Dark Web Sex Expert Dr. Debra Soh

Debra Soh, a 28-year old Canadian neuroscientist and sex researcher, saw her public profile climb last May when she was included in a New York Times article highlighting a group of bold, dogma-challenging intellectuals, academics, scientists, and cultural commentators. Titled “Meet the Renegades of the Dark Web,” the piece, by Bari Weiss, became a culture-wars lightning rod, bashed and saluted on social media.

Along with Soh, the rebels included Jordan Peterson, Sam Harris, and Christina Hoff Sommers. Joe Rogan, on the strength of his interview podcast, and comedian Dave Rubin, thanks to his free-thinking YouTube channel, also made the roster.

“If you produce findings that the public doesn’t like, you can lose your job,” Soh told Weiss, referring to today’s walking-on-eggshells environment for researchers, not least in her charged field, sexology.

And with the politics of gender and sexuality even more fraught in academia, Soh decided to leave life as a university researcher to write and speak freely, using her expertise to counter perspectives that might fit some ideological agenda but are not supported by science.

Today Soh writes about sexuality, biological differences between men and women, free speech, political correctness, and more, contributing to an impressive range of publications, from North American newspapers to Harper’s, Scientific American, and Playboy.

“I’ve stopped censoring myself,” she tells Penthouse. “I used to worry that things I say might alienate some people, but I’ve realized I can’t live like that. We should be able to speak about facts and the truth without fear of being punished for it.”

Recently, Soh has criticized the way coverage of topics such as gender differences and transgenderism has been politicized, leading to non-scientific viewpoints. In her columns, in conversations with Rogan and Rubin on their hugely popular shows, and elsewhere, Soh has also exposed weaknesses in the assumptions and operations of corporate and academic diversity policies, such as those in place at Google and Harvard University.

Addressing the politics surrounding transgenderism, Soh says, “There is a long history of transgender activists going after sex researchers if a scientist produces findings that activists don’t like. I left academia [so] I could defend what the science says, particularly about children who are gender-dysphoric [who feel they were born in the wrong body]. The majority of these kids will outgrow their feelings by puberty, which is considered a controversial subject in today’s climate.”

“I take a lot of pride in having been a sex researcher,” Soh adds. “My colleagues should be able to do their work without having to deal with activists’ bullying and intimidation.”

Besides hosting her own popular podcast, Wrongspeak, alongside Toronto author, editor, lawyer and ex-engineer Jonathan Kay, Soh is developing new projects for 2019, but her lips are sealed. Meanwhile, she’ll continue to expose the way political correctness and academic leftism is interfering with scientific progress and cogent debate.

Despite being regularly attacked by activists on Twitter, Soh feels optimistic.

“I see a backlash to political correctness coming,” she says. “We saw it with the 2016 election, and I see more on the way because people are understandably fed up.”

A Nun Is Raped In Harlem

THE CRIME

Bo Dietl and Tommy Colleran were hard, cynical New York police officers. But they had never heard of anything like this.

There were still other cops on the scene, moving about quietly, softly. The nun — a white, 30-year-old, sparrowlike woman — had been taken away hours earlier. Peter Christianson, from the sex crimes unit, came up to Bo and Tommy.

“Petey, what happened?”

“Bo, it’s fucking crazy. Two guys took a nun in there, punched the shit out of her, raped and sodomized her, stuck a broom up her and some candles, carved crosses all over her butt and breasts—27 crosses, Bo, with a goddamned sharpened nail file! They pissed on her, threw her downstairs, and left her for dead. And they may have used a crucifix, we don’t know. We’re checking all the crosses inside.”

Tommy suddenly hit himself hard in the chest. The thud made everyone jump.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding. In a convent?” His eyes filled with tears. “Oh, Mother of God, they didn’t do that.”

“Oh shit,” exhaled Bo. “How is she?”

“We don’t know. She’s in shock at the hospital.”

“Have you got anything?”

“Well, we’ve got a couple of junkies who were in the building across the street that said they saw two black guys on the corner, one tall, one short with like a limp. They never actually saw them coming out of the place though, so maybe that wasn’t them.”

Bo and Tommy crossed the street and studied the convent from there. Behind it loomed a dark, four-story brownstone with a ladder leading down from its roof.

“That’s how they got in,” said Bo flatly, pointing.

“Since when have you heard of a sex crime with two guys doing it, Tommy?”

The other said nothing. He lit a cigarette and threw the match into the gutter.

“And if they were just sex guys, they would have gone straight through the front door, not entered through the friggin’ roof! These were burglars. The sex offense was an afterthought; these bastards came here to burglarize the place.”

For a moment the two cops stood still, breathing hard and steady, not speaking.

Like a wide asphalt canal, 116th Street bisects Harlem, running from the Hudson to the East rivers. Our Lady of Mount Carmel convent sits on the southwest corner of 116th and, ironically, Pleasant Avenue. This is the heart of the tiny Italian section: a poor, detached, defiantly white, and surprisingly safe enclave tucked in the corner of the city’s huge black and Hispanic community.

The convent is a plain three-story building, light-colored and clean except for a little pale-blue and red graffiti that ribbons its front wall. Inside, it is Spartan. The small group of nuns live in tiny rooms meagerly furnished, each with a cot bed, plain wooden chair, simple night table, and small cheap chest of drawers. The walls are bare, except where the sisters have hung holy pictures and crucifixes. Unshaded bulbs light the landings with their dead glow. The chapel is small and plain.

Facing the convent, a line of buildings and a vacant lot stretch out like a row of bad teeth with one missing. The buildings in East Harlem are either tenements or shells. They stand side by side regardless—uniformly soot-darkened and braided with rusty and uncertain fire escapes, poor men’s terraces. Some of the empty apartment houses are incongruously ornate under the dilapidation, like the dirt-stained and moss-covered, but probably once fine, marble headstones of a run-down graveyard. These buildings are boarded or bricked over at street level. But they are not entirely deserted. Creeping into them, with what is left of human instinct after even the need to eat has been forgotten, are the junkies, New York’s undead.

Tom Colleran turned to Pete Christianson. “How long did these animals…violate her?” he asked.

“Apparently about an hour 45 minutes, we don’t really know. She figures she was unconscious about 45 minutes. She came to at the sound of the noon church bells and called the precinct.”

“Jee-sus,” whispered Bo. “Who’s got it?” he asked.

“Sex crimes.”

“It ain’t a sex crime.”

They got back into their car and swung west along 116th, looking for the people who usually knew everything that went on locally. They stopped at Andy’s Colonial Tavern and talked to some of the people Bo euphemistically calls “Italian businessmen”; they had not heard about the nun being attacked. The officers continued down 116th, stopping in each of the narrowly fronted, brightly glowing cigar and grocery stores still open. It was the same everywhere. No one had heard about the atrocity or could imagine who would do such a thing.

As the terrible news spread across the neighborhood, the two cops discussed the possibility that the rapists were junkies on angel dust, a drug that can inflame its users with a mindless viciousness. So they decided to hit a junkie joint on 115th Street—an abandoned apartment in a tenement that drug dealers had taken over, reinforcing the door from inside and cutting a hole in it through which to sell their wares.

The two cops drove up and parked diagonally across on the pavement. Tommy went into the building. Bo got on the hood and silently pulled himself up to the fire escape. He waited outside the blackened second-floor window. From inside, he could hear voices and people moving around, then the rapid bang of Tommy’s gun butt at the door and his muffled voice demanding: “Police! Open this fucking door!” At the furious sound of the toilet flushing as the panicked junkies tried to get rid of their drugs, Bo crashed through the window, gun drawn, bellowing: “Freeze!” He rose quickly from the floor, one hand holding his gun, the other instinctively sweeping fragments of glass off his clothes. He ordered the door opened. Seething, Tommy entered clutching his 9-millimeter automatic with both hands and yelled: “Get up against the fucking wall!”

For an hour they questioned the junkies, who were scared and suggested anyone or anything that they could think of—all obviously worthless. By the end of their tour that night, Bo and Tommy had to concede defeat. The streets were dry.

For four days the story was kept out of the press. When it broke, what ensued was the thunder of a public’s grief and outrage and behind it the reverberation of their disbelief: New York has come to live with violence, even murder, and almost no longer notices it. But this was too horrific. It cast a gray pall, an odor of bereavement, over this normally dispassionate city and, while the nun’s desecraters remained free, suspended it there.

They probably would never have been caught but for these two anticrime plainclothes cops, both Catholics. The official police task force had 100 of the city’s top detectives, with nearly another hundred backing them up part-time. But after a week and a half had passed with no results, Bo Dietl and Tommy Colleran asked to have three days to work the case on their own: Bo had received a piece of information that was so weak he was embarrassed to report it, but he inexplicably believed it would lead to cracking the case.

Later, these two men would talk about their investigation as a mission from God, a miracle. At any rate, in three days they caught both rapists.

THE COPS

At the time Bo and Tommy had worked together for four years. All over Harlem they were known and, they will tell you, respected—others will say, feared. The truth is that in areas like Harlem there is no difference; the polite semantic distinction between respect and fear has long since been worn away and the two separate concepts have merged into an instinct, a reflex. “You can’t talk to these people,” says Bo. “You’ve got to whack them a few times before you can talk to them. You’ve got to get down on their level. If you try to treat them like gentlemen, they tell you to go fuck yourself.”

In his eyes you can see the hardness the street has engendered, and the instinct it has honed. But you can also see the sensitivity that drives him: Reflected in those bright, clear brown orbs are particles of all the tragedy he has witnessed in his 14 years as a cop. He retains it not morbidly or proudly but unavoidably. All good cops do. It collects on their souls like coal dust on a miner’s lungs.

Although only five-eight, Bo is phenomenally powerful, with the chest and shoulders of a bull and the arms and fists of a heavyweight. Instead of having the usual sepulchral features of a veteran cop, he is boyishly handsome. He smiles warmly and laughs easily, with the strange sound of his laughter seeming to end before it starts. He speaks rapidly, almost percussively, in a husky, cheery voice. Sometimes in his enthusiasm to say something he explodes it, an arm flailing up and backward in a reverse karate chop that is dismissal and acceptance at the same time.

But Bo’s extraordinary career has made him a legend among his peers; they can’t talk about him without smiling and gently shaking their heads. He has over 1,300 felony arrests to his credit—the average for a police officer is 12 a year. He seems to fear nothing and on the street the “skells”—felons, whom Bo describes as “low-grade scumbags,” as if to imply there are better grades of scumbag—fear him because they suspect he is crazier than they are. Bo encourages this fear. ”I’ll fight a guy,” he understates. ”I’ll get involved. I won’t shoot a guy, but I’ll immobilize his nose, mess up his day.”

But he has never fired at a suspect, preferring to rely on his strength and speed. He confesses, however, that his reluctance to shoot is an Achilles’ heel that may someday cost him his life. Once it nearly did: With gun drawn, he was backed all the way down an alley by a suspect with a knife, and was actually stabbed before overpowering the man.

Bo came to the “Two-Five” (the Twenty­Fifth Precinct, which covers East Harlem) in 1975. By then he already had a reputation for spectacular collars and intermittent brushes with authority. His partners had aptly nicknamed him “pit bull,” and Patrolman’s Benevolent Association official Paddy Burns had defended him so many times that he later joked that when Dietl became a detective, the promotion left Burns with 50 percent more time on his hands.

In Harlem, Dietl’s new lieutenant asked him if he would work decoy. They hadn’t done it before because it was considered too dangerous, but now the Two­Five had an assault and robbery epidemic on its hands. Bo readily agreed, as long as he could train his own backup team. Tommy Colleran was one of the men assigned to work with him.

Because Colleran resembles a latter-day frontier sheriff, and because he hero-worships John Wayne, the Two-Five christened him “Cowboy.” He stands a little over six feet and is erect, square, strong, and solid-looking, though he’s neither broad-shouldered nor particularly muscular. In fact, he looks older than his 42 years. He smiles appealingly, but his eyes are hard and penetrating—not unattractive or unkind, just unafraid.

He speaks in a voice absurdly low and deep, which actually becomes harder to follow the more he drinks—and it continues to get quieter, so that you move closer and closer to hear him at all, trying desperately to disregard all other sounds and concentrate on the low hum the way you would on a faint radio signal.

His fellow cops love to tell the story of the time he was shot and lying in a hospital with five bullets just removed from him. He wouldn’t let anyone tell his wife how bad he had been hit, so when she entered the room, she found him with his usual stoical face, trying to smile. She went to him and touched his shoulder, and he winced, saying painfully: “Careful, honey, I stopped a little lead there.” Shaking, she took his hand and he, again wincing, said (the Cowboy voice getting understandably weak): “Don’t touch me there either; I caught some lead there, too.” Astonished and frightened, she sat down and put her hand on his thigh. Once more, his face registered tremendous pain, and he forced: “Not there either, honey; I got a little lead there, too.” Whereupon, almost exasperated, she asked, “Where can I touch you?”

He had been off duty when he was shot. He and a partner were drinking uptown when the partner got into an argument with a black man. Finally, Tommy said he’d fight the man, who replied, “Sure, man, you’ve got a gun!” Tommy took it out of his holster, slammed it on the bar, and hissed, “C’mon motherfucker, let’s go, you and me.” When they got out to the street, the black man pulled a gun from his trouser belt and unloaded it at Colleran. Inside, the bartender screamed: “They’re shooting your partner!” but the other cop stayed frozen on his bar stool and said he didn’t hear any shots. After Tommy got out of the hospital, he went up to his partner at the station house and said: “There’s a lot of talk, Jimmy—listen, it was your argument, I got involved, that’s okay, I went outside—but there’s a lot of talk going around that you’re one big faggot.”

Colleran lives for being a cop. His father, whom he calls “the toughest man I ever knew,” was a policeman and a rebel in the IRA in 1916 “when it really was an army, really fighting for something, and when it never would’ve killed children.” Tommy also tells you, in an almost reverent tone, that he was shot in exactly the same places as his father had been a half-century earlier.

Tommy sees himself as a pro’s pro and appears only to be really comfortable in the company of other cops. Until recently he spent his entire career, starting in 1970, at the Two-Five. He has been shot at 22 times, if you count the bullets, which he does, on seven separate occasions. He once killed a man in a fierce shoot-out on 118th Street under the rusted girders of the Park Avenue el. For four years afterward he had nightmares, although his action had been entirely justified—the man having fired at him from point-blank range. When he went to see the mother, to offer his condolences and explain what happened, she thanked him for shooting her boy. All these years later he is still affected by that: “Slap my face, get mad, scream at me, do something, but don’t thank me for killing your son!”

From the beginning, Bo liked working with Tommy. They matched as perfectly as they contrasted. When they worked decoy together Bo asked Tommy to make him a promise. “One guy got his throat slashed from ear to ear, and I was always afraid of getting stabbed in the back. So I said to Tommy, ‘You want to back me up, there’s only one thing I ask you. If I get it, if I buy it, I only want you to do me one favor: I want you to get him, and I want him to die, too. That’s my biggest thing—if he kills me, please, you kill him.’ And I used to go out with that; if somebody got me, at least Tommy would get him. Once I had that in my head, that made me feel so comfortable out there.”

Bo was the motivator of the partnership, the leader. But it was the chemistry between the two that made it work so well: the balance of indomitable scrapper and thoughtful, quietly dependable backup; affable extrovert and stoical introvert.

Bo recalls, “The great thing was, Tommy believed in me. When he believed in me, he made me believe in myself. If I quit, Tommy would quit, and I didn’t want to quit, because I always wanted to show Tommy: Lookit, we can do it.”

In the months preceding the nun’s rape, Bo and Tommy were on a roll—every case they “pulled down” was a success.

THE CASE

Although Bo and Tommy were not assigned to the rape investigation and had their hands full with other cases, everyone they knew, especially the Italians in Harlem, kept pressuring them to “go after the nun-rapers.” The Italians regarded Bo and Tommy as different from other cops and trusted them in a particular way: They liked and respected Dietl and Colleran precisely because the two were not pure. Honest, yes, and dedicated lawmen certainly, but men who, like themselves, understood and still retained the raw vulgar texture of the streets. So the community residents expected more, too; they expected, without consciously thinking about it, the two cops not merely to understand, but to share their outrage.

On the second Monday after the rape, Bo was drinking alone at the bar in Rao’s, one of his favorite neighborhood hangouts. Once again, the regulars asked Bo what he was doing about the nun’s rapists and expressed their clear opinion of the rest of the police force. At the end of the night, Vinnie Rao motioned Bo into the kitchen, where he imparted to the lawman a single strand of information that he hoped could become a rope. “Bo, I don’t know if this is anything, but I was sweeping outside the other day, and some guy came up to me and said: ‘If you want the guys who raped the nun, they come from 125th Street.’ Then he kept walking through the park.”

It did not matter to Bo that even a child would have seen that this was no real information. Even a child would have screamed back at the old man standing in the glare of his scrubbed and ancient kitchen: “This doesn’t help us, don’t you see? It wouldn’t do much for us even if this guy told you he did it himself!” It didn’t matter what a child might have said—because this time the child would have been wrong.

From Rao’s, Bo went to the Adam’s Apple. About 2:30 in the morning, the place virtually empty, Bo’s friend Felix slid into the seat next to him and asked the usual question. Bo just looked at Felix, and he felt as if a sledgehammer had suddenly come down on his head. He spurted, “Felix, we’re going to break that nun case!” Everything inside him had suddenly exploded in a brilliant flash. It seemed to him that he and Tommy had been singled out by God to rectify a terrible wrong, and for that inspired moment everything came together in his vision of certainty—their recent successes, their measure of Harlem, the faith everyone placed in them, and Rao’s morsel of vague hearsay, which Bo suddenly and inexplicably knew was the absolute truth.

The following day, Bo said nothing to Tommy. He called Pete Christianson and repeated what Rao had told him. Christianson confirmed that the old man had given other detectives the same information when they questioned everyone in the neighborhood. And Pete told Bo what he already knew—that it didn’t mean much. They had received hundreds of similar tips.

“Pete, have you got anything?” Bo asked before he hung up.

“To be honest, we don’t have a damn thing. Nothing. You might as well work on this as anybody.”

The next day, when they were finished working, Bo told Tommy he’d meet him later at the corner bar; he had to go see someone first. He went to the precinct captain, Louis Fortunato, who congratulated him for recently solved cases.

“Okay, I’ve got one for you now,” declared the stocky cop leaning over his superior’s cluttered desk. ”I’d like three days to work on this nun case with Tommy ”

“What d’you mean?”

“I’ve got a little information.” He didn’t want to go into it, but the look on Fortunato’s face insisted, so he continued, “Cap, we got some information from our people. It ain’t much, but we might have something. You might think I’m fucking crazy or something, but all Tuesday I was shaking. It was like I was hearing voices or something.”

Fortunato gave Bo three days.

He hurried to the bar and told Tommy.

When he finished, Tommy studied his partner and said, “We’ve got just about shit here. There’s no evidence, nothing.”

“No, Tommy, listen, I feel it in my bones! I don’t know what it is, something spiritual maybe; I can’t explain, but I got the strongest fucking feeling I ever got.”

“You’re out of your fucking mind.”

Bo persisted and the more they drank, the more Tommy began to believe they had a chance. “All we can do is sonofabitch try, right Bo?” They drank until 2:00 A.M. before finally deciding to get some sleep. Outside they hugged and kissed like brothers—as they always did when they separated—and Bo shouted after the retreating form of his friend, “Tommy, you better be there, Tommy. Eight o’clock, we’re starting this thing off.”

They met at the precinct, hung over awfully, and the first thing they did was get a can of beer to take the edge off the way they felt. Then they started at the East River and worked west along 125th Street. Sticking to their original hunch that the rapists were burglars, and remembering the junkies’ description of the tall and short blacks they had seen by the convent, Bo and Tommy went from building to building, questioning everyone about a “Mutt and Jeff” burglar team. They had a composite drawing of what one of the men might have looked like. Showing it to each potential witness, Bo flatly inquired, “You know anyone who looks like this Mutt?”

They continued this type of elementary, painstaking questioning until midnight. Then, exhausted and wanting a drink, they decided to call it a night and go to the corner bar.

As they walked from their car to the bar, Tommy said, “This is getting futile, Bo.” And Bo himself was thinking, I’m playing with myself. We ain’t gonna catch anybody like this. But he didn’t let on to Colleran. Inside they found their sergeant, Bob Stephens, and a couple of others from the squad.

“What the hell are you guys working on?” asked Stephens.

“The captain gave us special permission on the nun case.” Bo told them what he and Tommy were doing. The others, except Stephens, laughed. Bo burned inside. “We’re going to break this case,” he said, more hurt than angry.

They played poker in the back of the bar and continued drinking. At about 4:00 A.M., Bo announced, “C’mon Tommy, let’s go, it’s time to work again.”

They drove slowly up Park Avenue and witnessed what they had seen a hundred times before: the savage landscape of Harlem mysteriously softened by the kindness of night. The burnt-out buildings that in daylight soundlessly glared with their charred, sardonic grimaces, now dissolved into the dreamlike darkness—the darkness itself stained by the gentle frozen light of street lamps, by the burning white eyes of the few cars gliding and bumping over the roads like giant rats hurrying along a corridor, by the now limp, then furious light of the all-night grocery stores and fast-food places, and by, where it is seen between the impervious and sleeping buildings, the city’s reflected iron glow in the sky.

The only people on the streets were prostitutes, pimps, and nickel- and dime­bag pushers. Bo and Tommy got heavy with all of them, threatening to lock them up every night from now on if they didn’t come back with information.

They worked through the not-morning, while the pimps and prostitutes disappeared, withdrawing like shadows banished by the fuller light, and were replaced by the thick flow of humanity that surges through Harlem by day. Around noon, a Hispanic informant directed them to a nearby tenement. Inside, said the man, lived a burglar named Harold Wells. Wells had a friend, a short guy, who had helped him rip off a discotheque owned by a Harlem mobster, Nicky Barnes.

The building, at 62 East 125th Street, was five stories high, dirty brown, and partially abandoned. Inside, garbage was strewn on the floor and stairs, and its smell permeated the narrow hallway. Bo knocked at the first apartment. Through the door, he and Tommy heard a girl calling, “Cops are here, cops are here!” The door opened, and a crowd of youngsters, giggling and slapping each other quiet, faced them. In the background, Bo thought he heard the sounds of a couple in bed.

“Where’s Harold?” he asked.

“He lives upstairs, second floor.”

“Does he have a friend he hangs out with?”

“Yeah, a short guy.”

“What’s he look like? Does he limp?” All the kids were talking at once. Someone said, “No, he walks with a bop.”

“He walks with a bop?” In the hallway, Bo imitated an exaggerated ghetto bounce.

“Yeah, he walks like that!” shrieked one of the little girls.

Bo looked at Tommy. “Which apartment does Harold live in?”

Someone told them and they went to it. An old man with a glass eye opened the door. He was Wells’s stepfather and the building superintendent. He invited them into an untidy but clean single room with the kitchen in the center. The pale, colorless light of indirect sunshine washed the room. A pretty, wide-eyed three-year-old girl sat on the couch.

The two cops explained about the nun and showed their drawing. The old man shrugged; it didn’t look like Harold, he said. He was cordial but evasive, saying that he hadn’t seen his stepson for a week. Finally, Bo handed him a card. “Lookit, please call if you hear anything.”

They crossed the hall to an abandoned apartment into which a cable ran under a slightly ajar door. They pushed it open and entered. The apartment was dark except for a candle flickering on the floor. Suddenly a huge, seven-foot-three black man tried to slam the door shut. Bo and Tommy pulled their guns and shouted, “Police!” The giraffelike black man stared murderously at them.

“We’re not looking for you. Chill out, chill out!” screamed Bo. “I don’t give a fuck what you’re into! I want info on your friend Harold.”

“He hangs out with Max. I haven’t seen him since Monday. He lives with the old man.” His voice was tremendously deep, and his eyes were wild. When he was sure the cops weren’t interested in him, he became extremely cooperative, telling them that Harold’s nickname was “Chicago” and that Nicky Barnes’s men were looking for them. No, he didn’t know anything about the nun.

They went back to the old man: “Look, don’t fuck us around! Where’s Harold?”

“I haven’t seen him since Monday,” he replied sheepishly.

“All we’re concerned about is the nun case. We don’t give a fuck about any of these other burglaries.”

They left the building and continued along 125th. By late afternoon, they were deep in the heart of Harlem and going through the projects. The evening turned nasty as a tremendous rainstorm crashed over the city.

They drove to the Colonial, parking right outside and dashing through the torrent into the restaurant. Inside, they slapped the rain off themselves, and Bo kissed the Italians at the bar and told them he was working on “the nun caper.” He lamented, “I think I fucking missed the guys that did it. I think we missed them. I feel these are the freakin’ guys. I don’t know what Tommy feels.” He looked at his partner, then turned back and blurted: “Tommy feels like another scotch and soda!”

Their seafood salad arrived and Tommy, still just drinking, didn’t eat. He stared at his gleaming plate of octopus, calamari, and shellfish. “C’mon Tommy, eat,” implored Bo, his mouth full.

“How can you eat that fucking stuff?” returned the other. “I never eat anything that has one eye and looks back at me.”

The phone rang at the bar. It was for Bo. When he returned to the table, his face was deadly serious. “The old man just called. The precinct is looking for us. He’s got info, let’s go.”

They raced back to the precinct, picked up Bob Stephens, and then tore up Park Avenue to 62 East 125th Street. The old man opened the door to their knock and looked cautiously along the corridor, then invited the rain-soaked cops in.

Two black women in their fifties sat on the couch, silent and apprehensive. The little girl was still there, awake, now lying on the bed propped on her elbows. Bo and Tommy went with the old man to the kitchen table.

“What’s up?” Bo asked.

“I don’t know if my stepson did anything, but…he was here earlier.”

“Listen,” interjected Tommy softly, “wouldn’t you rather him be vindicated in your own mind? Cooperate with us and we’ll talk to him.”

The old man nodded. “Let me tell you something: If my stepson had anything to do with this nun rape, I want to know,” and he jabbed himself in the chest, his glass eye peering in one direction, his good eye looking straight at Bo.

“I should have called you earlier,” he went on. “After you guys were here this afternoon, Harold came here. He had a girl with him. When he heard you were looking for him, he asked me for money. I gave him money, and he left for Chicago with his girl. They went from Port Authority. He was very nervous. If he had anything to do with raping the nun, I want him to be caught.”

Stephens’s and Tommy’s eyes widened; Bo was shaking in the chair. “What time did he leave?”

“About five o’clock, for the Port Authority.”

It was 11:00 P.M. now—Wells would have been on the road six hours. Even though Bo was cautioning himself, This is still nothing, we haven’t talked to the guy yet, he was so excited that he bounced up and kissed the old man, telling him, “There’s a $10,000 reward. You’re going to get it if this is the man who did it.”

“I don’t want any reward. If my stepson had anything to do with this, I want you to arrest him.”

Emotionally, Bo hugged him. “l love you. You don’t know what you’re doing for us! If ever I can help you with anything in your life, you call me and tell me.”

Back at the precinct, Bo phoned Captain Creane, who was with the task force, and told him about the old man. Creane told Bo to contact the sex crimes unit. But it was midnight and no one answered. When Creane called back, he told Bo that he had just spoken with Inspector Sibone, then chief of detectives for Manhattan North, who remembered them from a previous case. Sibone said that if Dietl and Colleran thought they were onto something, then he would be willing to take it seriously. Moments later, Sibone himself called.

“What have you really got?”

“Inspector, I don’t know what we fucking got, but I’ve got the strongest feeling I ever had in my life. We got a guy on the run to Chicago because he heard we were looking for him. He’s definitely a burglar, and he’s tall and works with a short guy that bops, and those might be the guys those skells saw at the convent. We haven’t spoken to the fucking guy, but I think he’s one of them.”

“Okay, I’m authorizing you to fly out there. See what flight you can get.”

They phoned the airports, but there were no more flights leaving that night for anywhere. It wasn’t even possible to charter a plane.

Bo got a brainstorm. He called the Chicago police violent crimes section. A Sergeant Kelly answered.

“Lookit,” explained Bo, after telling him the background, “we’ve got a guy coming out on a bus, a possible suspect. We haven’t talked to him, but you’ve been a cop a lot of years, and my partner and I have got a feeling that’s unbelievable. We want you to follow him when he gets off the bus.” Kelly willingly agreed—the Chicago papers had been full of the case, too. Bo described Wells from a photo the stepfather had given him. “Just follow him, now, till we get there. Don’t pick him up,” stressed Bo.

When Sibone called back, Bo told him what he’d done, and the inspector said he’d see them both in the morning. The two cops could not go to sleep. Instead, they spent the night trying to piece together an ID on Wells. They couldn’t. He had no previous record.

Sibone arrived a little before 7:00 A.M. Tommy was out getting breakfast. Suddenly the phone rang. It was Sergeant Kelly. “We’ve got your boy!”

Bo went cold all over. “What do you mean, you’ve got our boy? You’re supposed to follow the guy, not grab him!”

“No, no, no,” protested Kelly, “he ‘fessed up to everything.”

“Why’d you pick him up?” stammered Dietl.

“He got off the bus with his girlfriend and he told us everything. All the details. He was afraid the mob was going to get him.”

Tommy had returned and was standing over his partner, their breakfast on a tray in his hands. Bo abruptly leapt up and threw the tray into the air. “Tommy, we got him!”

For the next few minutes, mayhem erupted in the precinct. Like an inflated but untied balloon released, Bo tore through the station house. He came back into the squad room and he and Tommy bear-hugged.

Wells had named Max Lindeman as the man with him at the convent. Tommy recognized the name—he had locked him up during the 1977 blackout for looting. Now Tommy called home and woke up his son to locate Lindeman’s record in his dad’s arrest files.

Meanwhile, Bo ran outside, took one of the blue-and-white radio cars, and, with lights flashing and siren wailing, rushed over to 116th Street to yell the news at the waking neighborhood—screaming out the window in a voice soon hoarse from the effort and brittle from accumulated exhaustion and exhilaration. Some old Italian widows on their way to early morning mass, dressed all in black and looking like ageless and enduring crows, came up to the car that he had stopped in order to speak to them. As he told them the news, he could see the emotion on their faces—faces that looked as if they had long since exceeded the time when it was necessary to express emotion—and he heard their ancient, weak, but indomitable voices blessing him.

He went to the convent and told the nun who answered the door that he and his partner caught the rapists. They hugged each other, silently, for a moment. From there, he went to Rao’s, pounding on the restaurant door till Vinnie, still half asleep, irritably opened it. Bo planted a big kiss on his cheek and spurted, “We got ’em, the guys that raped the nun!” Rao’s face lit up and then they, too, embraced.

When Bo returned to the precinct, he found it full of police brass, case investigators, and press. The squad room was as crowded as a platform waiting room after a train has been canceled, and just as impatiently tense. But Bo discovered that he and Tommy were being pushed out. All over the station house, meetings were being conducted without them. He couldn’t even get to speak to Sergeant Kelly again; the sex crimes detectives had him exclusively. To add to the insult, some task force detectives were wandering around dousing enthusiasm by saying they didn’t think Wells was guilty—they suspected the Chicago police had beaten a confession out of him.

Bo and Tommy became as depressed as they had been elated. And then Bob Stephens walked quietly over and said, “Let’s go get Max.” In the confusion, everyone had forgotten about Lindeman.

First the trio went to his mother’s address, but found only her and her boyfriend there. Like three crazed men, they hit the most likely junkie joints, broke down doors and grabbed junkies, slapping them around and putting their heads down toilets—”Where’s Max? Where’s Max, you fucking junkie!” they shouted each time.

Eventually they returned to the precinct where there was a message waiting. Max’s mother had called: He was with her now and wanted to surrender to Tommy, who, he remembered, had bought him a packet of cigarettes when he was in jail in 1977.

So Tommy went to collect the fugitive. Lindeman walked into the squad room between Stephens and Colleran, almost hidden by the two much larger men. Lindeman was very short, just over five feet, and wimpy looking, though with an attempt at arrogance.

“Your partner gave you up in Chicago,” growled Bo.

“Fuck you, I didn’t do nothing,” spat back Lindeman.

Bo’s mind went black and the anger burst inside him. He threw a punch into Lindeman’s face, sending the man sprawling across the wall of the interrogation room. Tommy jumped on Bo and held him down while his partner seethed at Lindeman through gritted teeth: “You fucking scumbag! After what you did—what did you do in there? How did you rape that nun?”

Lindeman was against the far wall holding his face and pleading, “Keep that little guy off me!”

“What happened out there? WHAT DID YOU DO TO THIS NUN? Let me go, Tommy, I want to shoot this motherfucker now!”

Tommy held on and dragged him out of the room. “Bo, just take it easy, take it easy.”

Bo calmed down and went into the viewing room where he could watch and listen to the interrogation. For four hours, Pete Christianson and Danny Ruffle, from sex crimes, and Tommy questioned him, never losing their patience, although not getting anywhere with the frightened, 22-year-old suspect who kept repeating, “I don’t know what I should do….” To which Tommy would reply, leaning forward with a soothing voice that sounded like a priest’s, “You’re going to have to answer to that man upstairs. Cleanse your soul.” When he could see that they were getting absolutely nothing out of Lindeman, Bo would burst into the room and pretend to go for him, screaming that he was going to let him go so the Mafia could get him, while the others “restrained ” him. After each explosion, Lindeman would be nervous for a while and talk, but still deny being in the convent.

Once more, the people in the squad room were saying they didn’t think this was the rapist. Detectives stood with Bo in the cramped dark viewing room, leaning against the filing cabinets or sitting on the spare desk and watching the proceedings going on in the brightly lit room next door. Repeatedly they shook their heads, “Dietl, this ain’t the guy.”

Now it was late afternoon. Bo was watching alone—leaning forward against the lighted glass like a child pressing his face against the window of a closed toy store on a dark Christmas Eve, any sense of how long he had been there, or in how much discomfort, washed away by his obsession with what lies on the other side of the glass—when Lindeman, alone with Danny, suddenly but slowly dropped his head into his hands and mumbled: “We were smoking dust that day and all I remember is grabbing the nun…”

A sensation more intense than any Bo had ever known overwhelmed him. He described it later as “20,000 of your best orgasms rolled into one.” For a second he didn’t move. Then he flung open the door and burst into the squad room. It was mostly empty now. Tommy was smoking and talking with two cops from the DA’s office.

“Tommy, he ‘fessed up,” Bo shouted. “We’ve got two guys, now, in two places, that said they did it! Tommy, it’s over! It’s over!”

TWO YEARS LATER

It was a summer evening. Bo and Tommy had been reassigned to different precincts in Brooklyn soon after they broke the case. But they had returned to the Two-Five for a retirement party.

They came off the East River Drive at 116th and stopped the car opposite the convent. A few lights shone in windows on the corner of the dark street. In the car, there was only the glow of the dashboard as Bo spoke quietly to a friend in the back seat.

The rapists had been able to cop pleas, Bo explained. Because the nun didn’t want to testify, Lindeman got 20 years and Wells 15 years. In fact, Bo said, the nun even forgave her assailants and prayed for their souls.

The friend asked if they ever met her.

“No. The only contact we ever had with her was after we cracked the case; she sent Tommy and me a dozen red roses, and said she would say a prayer for us every morning for the rest of her life.”

For a moment, no one said anything. Then Bo broke the silence. “We don’t go to church every Sunday, but believe it or not, after we broke the case we started to go.

“Everybody said it was great police work, but I go beyond that. Did you ever believe in miracles? We had nothing, but we were steered to take on the case, we were steered to go to the building where the old man lived: It was a miracle.

”And after that,” he continued shortly, “nightly we would be drinking up at the corner bar, me and Tommy would start hugging. This was months after. We would get a feeling sitting there talking where our whole bodies would go into a thing and the chills would come back. And I’d say to Tommy, or he’d say to me, ‘We did something, Tommy, something no one else could have done. And they can never take it away from us!’”

The car was purring, the engine still on. Bo turned to face his friend behind him and, his eyes alive with the recollection, told how his young daughter had brought some of his clippings to school and declared: “My daddy is a famous detective. He raped and killed a nun!” Then he roared the laugh that exploded over everyone else’s—”Aaahahaa!”—threw the car into drive, and lurched it away from the curb toward the party.