“One man’s rubbish may be another’s treasure.” — Hector Urquhard (1860)
Weird People … Weird
Strange things can happen when people take an expression and try to interpret it literally. And then there are the people who should take things literally but do not for some weird reason. We decided to take a few moments away from the beautiful to simply celebrate the weird — and, y’know, make us all appreciate our own lives a lot more.
Put a Bag on It
A young Vietnamese couple ended up in the hospital after attempting to have sex for the first time using a plastic bag as contraception. The unnamed students were too shy to buy condoms, and, reportedly, the boy believed that using a plastic bag would be just as effective.
Things did not go as planned, however, and both suffered genital lesions, abrasions, and bleeding.
Nguyen The Luong, deputy director of Hanoi Kidney Hospital where the students were treated, told the local press that the pair are recovering with the help of antibiotics and “disinfectants.” He went on to say that using plastic bags as contraception is a terrible idea; they provide no protection from STIs or pregnancy and can cause vaginal tearing, since the bags have no elasticity or lubrication.
A recent study by the Medical University of Hanoi and Hanoi Medical College found that of the nearly 3,000 students surveyed, only 16 percent claimed to have had sex, and a third of them didn’t use condoms their first time. The study also found that approximately 25 percent of Vietnamese students are too embarrassed to buy protection. Hopefully this incident, which has garnered worldwide attention, will convince at least some of them to get the fuck over it.
We have no trouble believing that people who wish to have sex might try anything that seems even remotely plausible in order to accomplish that objective. We do have a hard time believing that only 16% of students in medical school will admit to not being virgins. Just a hunch, but this could be a cultural thing, the admission, not the act.
Super-Weird Request
This past September, a Seattle man was taken into custody after asking local police if they had come across his missing briefcase full of cocaine. According to Seattle police, Officer Doug Jorgenson was directing traffic when a man approached him and handed over a briefcase.
The man said he’d been out walking his dog when another man stopped to pet the dog. When he walked away, he left his briefcase behind. Hoping to discover the owner, Jorgenson opened the case and discovered 154 grams of cocaine, a cellphone, a scale, 50 diazepam pills, some marijuana, and the ID of the 19-year-old briefcase owner.
Not long after the case was turned in, a man approached a group of police officers outside a Seattle Seahawks game and asked if they’d come across it. Officers said the man told them, “It contained some important paperwork, and he really needed it back.” Police later arrested the man for possession of narcotics with intent to sell.
Honestly, this could have turned out for the best. If that’s how well you’re reasoning at 19 years of age, you likely do not have a great criminal career ahead of you. That said, it appears that young people have substantially higher recidivism rates — by like fives times — than their older, wiser, brethren. Of course it could just be that a bunch of them died doing stupid things before they could ever become older offenders.
Weird but Hopefully True
Coffee lovers can say good-bye to Viagra now that a new coffee called “Stiff Bull” offers an erection that can last for days. Billed as a “relationship saver” on its website, Stiff Bull contains all-natural herbs that “grow wild in the jungles of Malaysia and have been used for centuries by the people of Asia and South America to greatly improve sexual health, libido, and overall wellness.”
The company claims drinking Stiff Bull can produce an erection that lasts up to three days, although we’re not sure why this is a selling point.
The FDA has urged people to stay away from the coffee as it contains a “secret ingredient,” the Viagra-like drug desmethyl carbodenafil. The drug isn’t listed on the coffee’s packaging and can be harmful to men suffering from diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, or heart disease. The FDA wrote in their advisory, “This undeclared ingredient may interact with nitrates found in some prescription drugs such as nitroglycerine and may lower blood pressure to dangerous levels.”
The report goes on to warn consumers the coffee could cause a huge drop in blood pressure, leading to dizziness, fainting, blurred vision, and nausea.
We certainly do not want to get into a safety debate with the FDA, but if you’re not taking prescription drugs, you can at least think about ordering this weird coffee online. That said the side effects “dizziness, fainting, and blurred vision” sorta just sound like you’ve been putting that erection to good use already.
Normal Sex. Weird Collateral Damage.
A woman from Chicago, identified only by her initials, N.P., is suing sex-toy manufacturer Standard Innovation for allegedly spying on her while she used her vibrator. The sex toy in question, the We-Vibe Rave, is a G-spot stimulator that has smartphone-controlled functionality, enabling people who are not in the same place to exchange messages, participate in video chats, and remotely control the device using the app.
The woman instigating the lawsuit said she used the sex toy a number of times before learning via a Defcon hacking convention talk that Standard Innovation was retaining her personal usage for marketing purposes. The Canadian company collects data via the app, including when it’s running and what the vibration setting is. It was discovered if users registered their email addresses, the company could obtain their personal information.
Eve-Lynn Rapp, an attorney with the law firm representing N.P., said, “This is one of the more incredible invasions of privacy we’ve ever dealt with.”
She explained how the company uses the information to increase the sale of their products, stating, “Given how personal the information is, what the company was doing is inappropriate.”
Standard Innovation released a statement stressing they take issues of privacy very seriously and have updated their terms and conditions, giving users the option not to have their … er … data tracked.
While truly creepy and weird as a policy, we’re thinking that maybe this offended woman does not know how law suits work. If you’re offended when some random company knows when you masturbate, you might not want all that specific data into a public court record. … It seems a weird response, certainly. Maybe just stop using the app?
Weird and Snobby
The craft beer craze of the past decade has created millions of beer snobs, many of whom are more than happy to lecture you on the difference between a Belgian dark ale and a West Coast IPA. But it seems they might not actually know what the fuck they’re talking about. A team of German scientists at the Technische Universität Dresden’s Institute of Food Chemistry have proven that it’s impossible to tell the different chemicals that make up the taste of beer.
The scientists were working on breaking down the components of beer and noted the levels of chemicals varied so much within beer styles of a certain sample, that there’s no way the human palate can distinguish the small nuances of different beers, such as a lager and a stout.
The scientists collected data by looking at a particular group of chemicals known as Maillard Reaction Products. These compounds are known to give beer its taste and color, and are released during the brewing process when the grains are roasted and converted into liquid malt. Publishing their results in the Journal of Agricultural and Food Chemistry, the scientists agreed there are different chemicals that form the taste and color of a beer, but that these chemicals are so complex the average beer drinker can’t tell the difference.
And here we thought the Maillard Reaction was just the thing that made grilled steaks taste great. We have no idea about the science of the whole thing, but anyone who thinks you cannot tell the difference between a lager and a stout should maybe get out of the lab and actually DRINK the beer. Just sayin’ …
So there you have it. People do strange things, and we all like to hear about it because that helps us think our own strange things simple pale in the face of true weirdness. You may notice that we avoided any potential — and readily available, we assure you — odd stories about our Penthouse Pets, which can happen on a whole new level of weird. We did that because we like to empower them, not make them feel bad in any way. Also, we did not want to get fired.
