Jayden Cole

Jayden ColePenthouse Pet of the Month December 2009

Height: 5’10”
Measurements: 35C-24-36
Hometown: Long Beach, CA
Fun Fact: Big Extreme Sports Fan

Favorite food: Sushi.

Favorite drink: Sake.

What’s the hottest movie sex scene?
I like anything with Megan Fox.

Your biggest turn-on:
When a guy can make me laugh, I’m all his.

 

So we learned all of that years ago when Jayden did her Pet Questionnaire for the magazine. Some time has passed since that highlight, of course, so we did a little catching up with Ms. Cole, because … well, she’s still fascinating. These questions come from the ManyVids folks, which adds a different flair to them certainly. Honestly, we could not remember the last time we heard someone ask a porn star her favorite color. It sounds like Jayden’s answer should have been “marinara,” but you can judge for yourself.

What is your favorite thing about working in the adult industry?

The personal freedom that I have been able to enjoy in my career is immeasurable. I can basically work anytime, from anywhere. I love bringing my followers along for all my adventures, and the harder you work, the more results you see, no matter what your goals are!

What inspired you to work as a content creator?

I never really thought  of  myself  as a content creator; I feel like I just naturally progressed into it. I don’t think I would have been prepared for getting to have a say in every aspect of my content when I first started shooting. I’m so happy to have gotten the experience early on in the industry shooting for other companies to gain the knowledge and experience necessary to eventually have total control over every aspect of my productions.

Who is your hero?

My hero is myself. Looking back on how I’ve handled life’s  challenges and obstacles, I’m proud of how I went about everything with strength and grace, staying true to  myself, and never let anyone bring me down to their level. I never let anyone or anything keep me from staying kind and finding joy every day.

What is your favorite color?

My favorite color is anything that has a blue/green/teal shade; it reminds me of the ocean and nature.

What type of movies do you enjoy watching?

I’m  honestly  horrible  with  movies. I don’t remember the last one I saw from beginning to end; no movies have really gotten my attention over the past decade, but I love documentaries and nature shows!

If you could change anything in this world, what would it be?

I feel like there are quite a few things that this world needs in order to have a bright future for the next generations to come. I’d probably start by limiting everyone’s access to the internet, myself included, and remind everyone daily that there’s no value in being better than anyone else.

What do you look for in your partners?

I really look for someone humble and true to who they are. No acts, no role- playing, no trying too hard to impress others. Just honest and comfortable in their own skin.

What is your favorite travel destination?

I like to go where there is good scuba diving! Basically, anywhere I can dive every morning, lay on the beach all afternoon and eat well every night.

If you could go anywhere in the world, where would it be?

I’ve already knocked a few of my top destinations off my list, but when I get more experience diving, I will be going to the Galapagos Islands!

If Jayden Cole had a superpower, what would it be?

I wouldn’t mind being invisible sometimes.

What is the most important thing in your life?

Family and taking care of myself!

Penthouse Cover, December 2009

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Should you wish to keep some Stormi Maya memories of your own, a Penthouse Magazine Subscription might be just the ticket. We have individual issues available digitally, but if you still like the feeling of paper in your hands, we can send you Penthouse or Penthouse Letters every month — right to your door, just like when Bob Gucionne started this adventure.

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What is something you can’t resist?

Tom Ford men’s cologne. It doesn’t matter if it’s on a man or a woman; if I smell it, I’m intrigued.

What’s something nobody knows about you?

I moved to Montana this year and started a new business selling berries and other fruits and vegetables to different local vendors. I plan on expanding every year with different varieties of sustainably sourced products. Montana has a great program (Made in Montana) where they prioritize locally made products in every big commercial store and market to incentivize people to keep farming.

What’s your idea of a perfect date?

I cook a lot at home, so when I go out, I like to get dressed up, have a three-hour dinner at a fancy restaurant, then  go home, put comfy clothes on and have some good dessert, whether that’s food or my date’s company. Simple, but so good!

What is the most random fact about Jayden Cole?

I’m taking cooking classes. My next one is all about ravioli!

What’s the Jayden Cole guilty pleasure?

Currently, I’m on a Woodford Reserve kick.

What is your favorite comfort food?

I lived in coastal Georgia for most of my childhood, so my favorite comfort food is gumbo and biscuits

Are you a morning or night person?

Definitely a morning person! I love being up before the world is awake.

Do you enjoy staying in or going out on the town?

Staying in 90 percent. Going out 10 percent. That’s my perfect balance.

PenthouseGold Banner for Jayden Cole

Once a Pet, always a Pet. Give Jayden some love when you run across her. She deserves it. You can also, of course, check out the more modern (defined as chosen under owners after Friend Finder, maybe not the best carriers of the Penthouse Brand flag) Pets on these very pages.

For the Love of Psychos

On-Screen Psychos

Psychos are good for the chills — Fatal Attraction, if nothing else, put a whole generation off rabbit stew — but they’re also lots of fun to be around.

It’s hard not to enjoy the babyishly brutal Peter III of Russia as played by Nicholas Hoult in the Hulu series The Great. (The fact Hoult’s most memorable performance before that involved him singing “Killing Me Softly” as a kid without friends in 2002’s About a Boy was a clear warning.) It’s equally hard not to cheer for the Joker as he repeatedly tries to end boring-as-batshit Batman. Likewise Moriarty (possible psycho) as he torments goody-two-shoes coke fiend Sherlock Holmes, and Wile E. Coyote (definite psycho) as he tries to flatten Road Runner.

Tim Roth’s character in the new film Sundown was described in The Guardian as a “wonderfully relaxed sociopath,” and the movie itself was dubbed the “funniest” and “nastiest” at this year’s Venice Film Festival — a classic blend of right-on and revolting.

Villanelle (Jodie Comer) in Killing Eve is a “living, breathing, shopping, killing psychopath” — not to mention babe — whose attractiveness to Eva Polastri (Sandra Oh) is perfectly believable. Dexter Morgan (Michael C. Hall) in Dexter is a square-jawed, cop-come-psycho who kills for, um, good. Patrick Bateman (Christian Bale) in American Psycho makes us laugh while cleaving heads. Annie Wilkes (Kathy Bates) in Misery is a lovable homebody who hobbles a writer with a mallet and Norman Bates (Anthony Perkins) in Psycho wears his mom’s clothes — lol.

The stylized brutality of the screen sociopath is a salve for society’s chafing manacles. Unlike us, they’re given free rein to do whatever they want, which usually involves sticking it to the man, literally.

If you’re conflicted about having feels for screen psychos, take heart from the fact that you’re not a psycho. Real psychos lack empathy and wouldn’t feel conflicted (or any other emotion) about cheering for the bad guys in A Clockwork Orange. They probably don’t even Netflix and chill because they reportedly have no creativity or inner life.

Hannibal Lecter (Anthony Hopkins) in Silence of the Lambs, with his love of art and literature, not to mention his appetite — in a good way — for Jodie Foster’s Clarice? Killer, please! A 2014 Belgian study by forensic psychiatrists looked at 126 fictional psychopaths and concluded Anton Chigurh (Javier Bardem) of the Cohen Brothers’ No Country for Old Men was the most clinically accurate portrayal. Which is to say: If a dude with a terrifying haircut and air-powered bolt gun asks you for a quick game of heads or tails, keep walking. The same study found that — as in real life — there were far fewer female screen psychos than male. The majority of those that exist — just think Catherine Tramell (Sharon Stone) in Basic Instinct — tend to be sexy killer nymphs, which again is sadly unrealistic, unless you’re a spider.

I mean, I say “sadly” but I don’t really mean it. What do you think I am — a psycho? 

Clearly the preceding article as it appeared in Penthouse Magazine puts forth a lot of purely editorial opinion, and around here we vigorously defend the right to hold – and voice – one’s own opinion. That said, if you ever find yourself rooting for the villains in “A Clockwork Orange,” at the very least you need a nap.

 

On to a completely unrelated more pleasingly visual topic, this seemed like a grand time to do one of those thinly disguised plugs for paid memberships. … OK. So that’s not entirely true, this actually has no disguise at all. It would be more of a blatant plug, although that does not make it less valuable, should your interests lie in the Penthouse Vault arena.

In manner of explanation, we jumped into that section of the membership site and sort of randomly picked an assortment of images to display in this gallery – and we say “randomly” because we do have the “people need to be clothed” rule in the free areas of sites the Penthouse main office controls.

If you happen to be unaware, the “Vault” section of PenthouseGold remasters original chromes (usually chromes) from any point in the magazine history where photographers were using this old-school recording method call film. (You may need to look that up on Wikipedia if you find yourself unfamiliar with the term.) We can assure you that Psychos was not a theme in any of these shoots, but as you can see, we do have a history of interesting photographic excursions.

You might also be interested to know that every one of these pictures in this Flirty Dozen comes from a gallery set on PenthouseGold published since the first of this year. (That would be roughly over the last couple of months, should you be reading this article later and not want to do the math.) … Currently the site boasts well over a thousand individual layouts remastered and republished in digital format, so should you be a fan of Penthouse history, you might enjoy that section, even despite the standard video emphasis that all modern adult sites employ. You can get videos in thousands of places on the web – including free places, obviously – but you can only find Penthouse layouts on PenthouseGold.

Exclusive rocks, right? We have always been just a tad bit different in this company, and have always taken pride in that fact, truthfully.

For the record, naturally, Penthouse has never, ever shot a single model from the Psychos category; we want to be clear about this. … That’s our story, and we’re sticking to it.

St. Patrick’s Day 2022

An Eternal Moment for St. Patrick’s Day 2022

The editing department always does these “promotions” for the various holidays, and to the extent we can out here in PG-Land, we like to show them off too. Granted one minute of beautiful women you cannot touch — almost certainly even if you met them in person — may not be the most fun you’ll have all day, but it’s a lot cheaper than a strip club. And you don’t even have to leave home.

The keen eyes out there will recognize our St. Patrick’s Pets as Gianna Dior, Anny Aurora, Kenzie Anne, Tahlia Paris, Meaghan Stanfill , Stormi Maya, MSPUIYI, Violet Summers, Hanna Carter, and Lacey London. Now we got that list from the editors, and we went to try and put all those names in order of appearance, but we kept getting distracted. Hey, maybe 1-minute videos do have their place in the world. At least we didn’t go to all this work only to have the video disappear in 24 hours, after we get beyond St. Patrick’s Day 2022. (Social Media people can be baffling to those of us who try to insert some sense of value into their work. Of course, most of us also actually read for fun, so clearly we’re beyond hope.)

By the way, we do feel obligated to mention that you can see all of these stellar Pets in rather more revealing exposure on PenthouseGold, should you wish to join that membership site. And by that we mean we are obligated to mention that. Sometimes the PenthouseGold people think we’re having too much fun and not enough business. Oh, bother.

In that now reverent mood, we continue. … And now for something completely different…

A Moment in Time

Jova is a San Francisco-based photographer and videographer, whose cinematic photographs of nude women painted in natural light evoke film stills — and may leave viewers feeling like voyeurs witnessing intimate moments. Penthouse spoke with Jova about how he went from being a fashion photographer to shooting nudes, his favorite photo shoot and how his work straddles the fine line between beauty and vulgarity.

How would you describe your work?

Simple, pretty, effortless. I have embraced those three words for a while, as a way to describe the majority of my shoots. I love to capture moments where the model is expressing an emotion or a feeling, but also allow them to feel natural and tell a story. These words also extend to the wardrobe, props and even hair and makeup. The more organic everything looks and feels the better.

How did you get into photography?

My shoots early on were fashion shoots. I would photograph a lot of fashion shows and do photo shoots for designers for their websites. During one fashion show, I met a person who owned a nude magazine. I then booked my first nude photo shoot with a very experienced model. I was very nervous and had the worst possible gear, but showed up anyway. Daria was an angel. She patiently guided me that day. My confidence in doing nude photo shoots went from zero to 100.

What draws you to shooting nudes and erotic imagery?

I have always loved doing shoots where the model is in the most natural state. I love to create beautiful shapes and moods, where the model can express herself and feel confident and powerful. It is very rewarding to see a woman feel absolutely beautiful and empowered, while showcasing her sensuality in the nude.

What makes a photo sensual to you?

A combination of mood, pose and setting. Telling a story is not as easy as it sounds. It takes effort from both the model and the photographer to create the right mood and capture it in a way that is elevated and classy. There is a fine line between beautiful art and vulgar work.

Tell us about your favorite photo shoot.

My most recent trip to Joshua Tree with Deisy Leon was one of my most favorite shoots. We spent four days shooting, and we created several incredible photo sets. We managed to explore the park and found some amazing locations, including the place we stayed.

A Moment with Jova on St. Patrick’s Day 2022

(y’know, because we care)

Gloria Leonard once famously described the difference between Art and Pornography as, “The lighting.” … While that may not be entirely accurate these days, it could be a fun conversation starter should you wish to connect with Jova via Instagram or Patreon. … Nothing good ever came from starting a conversation poorly.

Erotic Color

Go with the Flow

Artist Lara McKenzie creates erotic watercolor illustrations from a female point of view under the moniker Wet Strokes Art. Penthouse spoke with Lara about how the COVID-19 pandemic kick-started the company, where her inspirations come from, and how she uses her artworks to empower other women to harness their sexuality.

How did you come to create Wet Strokes Art?

I’ve always done something to do with art. I’d say it was innate; it’s always been part of my being. Throughout school I studied fine art and textiles, and after school, I was trying to decide between the two, and I ended up doing a Diploma of Arts in Fashion Design at Australia’s National Art School. I ran my own fashion label for a while, but I’ve always had my heart in painting, so it didn’t last. Basically, I went back to painting and spent quite a period of time playing with a lot of different styles from hyperrealistic oil painting to acrylic abstractions. I was introduced to watercolor about five years ago, and it was a real aha moment for me.

Through oil painting, acrylic and watercolor, I was always painting suggestive flowers, and I was kind of on the periphery of erotic art. I never honed in on erotic art until I created Wet Strokes Art. Now I do that full-time. Wet Strokes Art was actually my COVID baby! I was painting but moving between styles and genres. I delved into erotic art around February 2020, and Wet Strokes Art was born.

What is it about watercolor that lends itself to erotic art?

As far as watercolor goes, I find it quite expressive and free. I like the analogy that I’m playing the alchemist with watercolor because you’re mixing water and pigment together and creating different mediums and textures, and you never quite know what the outcome is going to be. There’s a bit of the unknown, while at the same time there are elements of surrender and control with watercolor, which I thought was a really good analogy for intimate moments.

What draws you to creating art?

I find erotic art really exciting. There is so much potential for inspiration. I like creating art that celebrates sensuality, sexuality and passion. Not everyone is comfortable talking about sex, and I like that art can be a way of opening that dialogue.

Also, I’m a private, introverted person, so art is how I best express myself. I also find painting to be quite therapeutic. I’ve had periods of depression and anxiety in the past, and painting has been my therapist to get me through difficult periods. I feel like when I paint, nothing else matters and everything else shuts off. It’s like my meditation, and it brings me a lot of personal fulfilment.

Your art is very sensual and often puts the focus on female pleasure. Is this part of your intention with Wet Strokes Art?

Absolutely. It feels natural for me to portray pleasure from a female point of view, being a woman myself. I wanted to bring intimacy, connection and emotion into my artwork as well. Instead of a disconnected porn stereotype, I try to portray sensitivity through my erotic paintings. I hope my work empowers women and gives them a sense to go and explore. It’s important to remember that women are sexual creatures, too. A lot of the time women forget that, shelve it or prioritize other areas in their lives. I want to empower other women through my art.

What inspires you?

As far as artists, my all-time favorite is Georgia O’Keeffe. I’ve loved her work forever. I think she was so ahead of her time. Her paintings are so feminine and suggestive. She was revolutionary as an artist and as a female artist. As a result of her influence on me, that’s how I got into starting to paint suggestive flowers.

Is your work ever inspired by your own experiences or fantasies?

I would definitely say my own experiences and fantasies inspire my work. For me, for a painting to be successful and to feel like the painting has worked, I have to have a sense of connection to it. I need to feel immersed in what I’m creating. The research side of things can be fun, too.

What’s been the most memorable moment of your erotic career so far?

Besides hearing from Penthouse, the most surreal moment has been when a representative contacted me on behalf of a Middle Eastern sheikh who was interested in my art. They set up a meeting with me and him online, and I was expecting to be commissioned for an artwork. But what he actually wanted was to fly me over and become his in-house artist for him at his home. Although I was flattered, I politely declined!

Because Ms. McKenzie still works when we can all find her, you may do so at Instagram or via her website. Should you follow that Instagram link, you will discover that the company clearly views paintings different from photography.

Eat Rich

Nothing Exceeds Like Excess

Eat Rich Bar BillThe Founding Fathers’ Bar Tab

A whopping bar bill for a 1787 farewell party for George Washington is still intact. Who needs to read books when you can read bar tabs, right? According to the receipt, what the Founding Fathers drank during their shindig in Philadelphia is enough to put anyone’s binges to shame — and its total would top more than 17 grand in today’s dollars! Keep in mind there were only 55 attendees, and they supposedly packed away 54 bottles of Madeira, 60 bottles of Bordeaux, eight bottles of whiskey, 22 bottles of porter ale, eight bottles of hard cider, 12 jugs of beer, and seven large bowls of spiked punch. Impressive.

Eat Rich Verification: “USA Today” … (because that’s a bastion of scholarly excellence).

Gordon Bennett Jr.’s Cow Yacht

The son of the founder of the New York Herald was born to riches. While his father was well respected for being a hardworking businessman who thrived on making money, Gordon Jr. was merely known for spending it. He once threw a roll of money into a fire simply because it was too large to fit into the pocket of his pants. He bought a whole restaurant because he was annoyed that someone else was sitting in his usual seat. Plus, he had a yacht built with a room especially reserved for a cow, so he could have fresh butter every morning. Believing he would get better butter if the cow was happy, he installed a fan to cool the cow in the heat and supplied a stack of wool blankets to keep it cozy in the cold. 

Eat Rich Verification: “Mental Floss” … (because flossing is important).

Chowing down with King Louis XIV

Imagine eating so much your stomach ends up twice the size as that of the average human. That’s what happened to French King Louis XIV. Louis, who reigned for 72 years until his death in 1715, was renowned for running his daily routines around food. His evening meal took place around 10 p.m. and typically consisted of 20 to 30 dishes. There were hors d’oeuvres and huge pyramids of fruit served, as well as roasts, chicken pies, turkey, duck, boar, venison, oysters, salmon, sardines, and even turtles with rice and vegetables. His sister-in-law, Princess Palatine, is recorded as saying, “He could eat four plates of soup, a whole pheasant, a partridge, a large plate of salad, two slices of ham, mutton au jus with garlic, a plate of pastry, all followed by fruit and hard-boiled eggs.” Some guests would join him — not to eat but just to sit and watch him chow down. 

Eat Rich Verification: “The Roaming Boomers” … (They’re old. They wander.)

E. Berry Wall’s Bonkers Wardrobe

You would have found Evander Berry Wall strolling the streets of New York City toward the end of the 19th century. He became a millionaire by the time he hit 18, and when he turned 22, he inherited more millions from his father and grandfather. He famously spent it all on clothes. There are reports he bought 5,000 neckties and 300 pairs of gloves, refused to drink anything except Champagne and once changed his outfit 40 times before lunch. He outdid even himself when he rocked up to a party wearing black patent leather boots up to his hips. 

Eat Rich Verification: “Men’s Flair” … (because sometimes they forget to have any).

Emperor Caligula’s Gold Rush

Yeah, yeah, we know that Emperor Caligula loved wild sex parties, but he also had a fetish for gold. The third Roman emperor, whose reign ran from 37 to 41 A.D., forced his servants to pile up his gold reserves simply so he could roll around on the metal because he loved the feel of it on his skin. He also fed his favorite horse oats mixed with gold, and to show off how rich he was, he served guests loaves of bread made of solid gold. Sometimes, just for the hell of it, he threw it on the ground so he could walk across it.

Eat Rich Verification: “Museum Hack” … (because just walking through the door is SO 2019).

Marie Antoinette’s Chocolatier

Think obscene luxury — then double it. Marie Antoinette loved anything and everything to excess and threw ridiculously lavish parties. The last queen of France before the Revolution had extravagant taste in clothes, accessories and food. Each day, she started with coffee and a pastry and then sat down for a big lunch, which sounds pretty standard. But some of her snacks included macaroni, cheese and vegetables cooked in cream. And she loved sweets and desserts: petit fours, crystallized fruits, wafers and whatever her staff could serve up to make her eyes dance. She loved chocolate so much she had her own chocolatier at the Palace of Versailles. The wife of King Louis XVI especially liked liquid chocolate, which she drank with whipped cream. 

Eat Rich Verification: “Histoires de Parfums” … (because it’s in French, so it’s gotta be fancy).

As you likely pick up on by this point, we ended up in some pretty bizarre places in our efforts to verify the blithe claims made in the first Penthouse Magazine issue this year — which fit the space they needed to fill exactly, by the way. Not that they would just make things up for sure, but MSPUIYI and Tahlia Paris were pretty darned distracting, so we could not blame them if they got distracted for a second. … Well, in our digital travels we ran across a wonderfully illustrated list of the most expensive food in the world. While we would not normally send people off to click-bait sites, we found the pictures and the information — NOT fact checked, btw — wonderful and facinating.

Around here we ended up really, really wanting to taste chocolate pudding that costs $35,000 a serving. Sadly, we could not get a volunteer to pay for it (let alone share it). We also have some serious doubts about being able to run that through the expense account for reimbursement. So if any of you out there ever make it to the wilds of England to try it, please let us know what you think. Oh, and if you install the free privacy-protecting DuckDuckGo browser extention, it will block all those annoying tracking ads, by the way.

Highlife Dreams

Highlife Dreams of the New Season

Granted, some people think these “style” sections can be a little silly on occasion, but honestly we really like the chance to play a little “What if …” every month or so. Highlife Dreams are wonderful. Who wants to dream of stuff that seems possible, after all? Those folks need better dreams.

Lamborghini CountachBack to the Future

Impressed? Yeah, so are we.

Automobili Lamborghini recently unveiled this beauty — the Countach LPI 800-4, a futuristic limited edition with performance every bit as hot as its looks. The design and boundary-pushing technology in this hybrid-electric sports car fall nothing short of exquisite.

With its aspirated V12 engine and Lamborghini’s hybrid super capacitor technology, the Countach LPI 800-4 retains the inimitable V12 experience and sound. Its longitudinally positioned engine combines with the hybrid technology developed for the Sián FKP 37 to deliver peak Lamborghini performance.

“It is a Lamborghini that innately expresses the marque’s enduring and emotive power: always inspirational and thrilling to see, hear and most of all drive,” says Automobili Lamborghini President and CEO Stephan Winkelmann.

The original Countach launched in 1974 and became the poster car of the ’80s. With its fresh design, featuring the sharply angled “Italian Wedge” shape, the Countach was unlike any other car on the market and was the ultimate symbol of an ultra-cool lifestyle. This new version retains the unconventional motif, pushing the brand into the now — and the future.

The Countach utilized the best available technologies to produce an extraordinary car, and this visionary philosophy reflects in the Countach LPI 800-4 and its modernized profile. It develops the original model’s characteristic lines to create a new realization of the iconic automobile’s design.

The new Countach has no fixed rear wing outside the pure lines, featuring air scoops integrated fluidly in the strong shoulders of the car. Never fear Lamborghini veering too far astray, though, as vintage vehicle’s distinctive slatted gills remain in this modern marvel, er, model.

We left out the list of specs on this car that appeared in the magazine, because we honestly didn’t know how many people would be that interested. (You can visit with the “Lambo” online if you really want to pump up those Highlife Dreams.) In brief terms, it does go from 0 to 60 mph in less than 3 seconds, so merging into the freeway will be a breeze, although top speed falls a little under 3½ times the national speed limit, so plan accordingly for getting from point to point. Depending upon where you live, you’re either going to get to your friend’s house really, really fast … or you might be calling that friend to come bail you out of jail. It just depends.

Nippon Erotica: Shunga CollectionWatch and Learn

You know when you want to get laid. Now, how do you make sure women get that vibe from you, too? (HINT: “Drooling” would be a bad answer.)

In 17th century Japan, high-class society utilized watches as pickup tools. UNDONE’s Nippon Erotica: Shunga Collection appears as a modern interpretation of that aesthetic.

Consider these watches business in the front, party in the back. Obviously you have the watch face to actually tell the time — honestly sort of a must-have in the world of top watches, we have learned — but the watch face also features, an abbreviated glimpse of an amorous couple at play, no matter what the time of day.

Now comes the fun part, though. Flip the watch over, and you’ll reveal a full image of the pair from the face of the piece engaging in sex. Sort of a piece on a piece, as it were.

Cool, huh?

Established in 2014 as the world’s leading custom wristwatch label, UNDONE has once again hit the mark on unique personal accessories. An entire team of industry veterans operates the company with a singular goal of ensuring that each of their unique watches go beyond functional fashion: They tell stories.

UNDONE’s Shunga Collection explores both the art of escapism by high society in the 17th century and shunga, a type of Japanese erotic art usually executed in the style of ukioy-e. The company has limited each of the collection’s two styles — Edo and Meiji — to 300 pieces worldwide, and every watch possesses a unique serial number.

Translated literally, the word shunga means “picture of spring.” With a little bit of cultural awareness added to the mix, you might know that “Spring” happens to be a common Japanese euphemism for sex. (That sort of adds a whole new depth to “putting a little spring in your step” now, doesn’t it?)

If you want a striking watch that also works as a conversation starter — not to mention a signal to potential partners who are also on the prowl — you have found it! 

Kind of adds a whole new realm of possibilities to hanging around the bar, right? Picture asking someone, “Can you hold my watch for me while I play this game of pool?” … If you actually make it TO the game of pool, you clearly asked the wrong person. It beats the heck out of waiting until 2:00 a.m. if you happen to pick the right person, though. (Undone Watches)

Luxurious and Highlife Dream LOUD

Imagine a Collaboration. … OK. Now imagine no more.

Everyone seems like they want to collaborate these days, and long may it continue, we say. It would have taken a true visionary to have pictured outlandish L.A. skate brand Palm Angels trading ideas with Vilebrequin, a Saint-Tropez swimwear stalwart, though, but that happens to be exactly what we have here. Oddly enough, the similarities have started to become clear.

Both of these brands tout luxury that screams expression. Whether you’re in downtown L.A. or sailing through the Mediterranean, you still need and want to be seen, right? More importantly you want to be seen and envied. Enter our two outlandish co-conspirators, now, and start planning your next beach blast.

The Highlife Dream collaborative collection between Palm Angel and Vilebrequin, as you may have guessed, centers around shorts. You’ll find them playful, colorful, basically everything you want for fun in and around the water, and probably more, based on the attention you’ll be getting. From camouflage colors for those who favor Palm Angels, to beautiful teddy bears for those who like the extroverted French touch, the fun-loving sunshine crowd can find something for everyone.

Each pair features a double Palm Angels/Vilebrequin logo on the front of the waistband — just in case others aren’t as sure about the quality you have wrapped around your bum. As well as appealing to the eye, though, this collab also focuses on appealing to the planet-conscious crowd. All shorts are made from 100 percent recycled polyamide, meaning less overall environmental impact. Make your imprint with your cheeks, not your carbon footprint, after all.

Compared to some of the items we feature in this Highlife section, a $360 price tag for shorts this awesome almost feels like a bargain. These did run as a one-off promotion, though, so maybe grab some before they all jump ship?

Nighttime Fashion Takes a Bow as Well

Now Imagine dressing like Brad Pitt.

… And then you’ll need to keep imagining, because we did not have permission to use Brad’s image on the site here. He looked darn good in the magazine, though. And we did show you pictures of the nifty board shorts, which almost counts, we figure.

Look at it this way, you could always Subscribe to the Print or Digital Editions, and then you’d see all the pictures all the time — including the ones that feature the ever-popular Fashion Au Naturale. Seriously. People love that line.

So we have a little Highlife Dream fun every so often, and we like to hope. Without hope, what do we have in life really? … We have reality, that’s what. And reality bites a great deal of the time.

Shibari

Erotic Rope Bondage

We’re not saying that you will instantly convince your partner to submit to being tied up if you simply claim you want to do so because of the beauty you will create together, but calling it “Shibari” can’t hurt as a way to broach the topic.

The word itself is specific to tying or binding, but the practice is actually an art form that includes the wrist-knot chain, knot-tying of hands and chest bind — which is a figure-eight knot — as well as more advanced techniques, as you progress.

Shibari — a building of trust

Originating in 13th century Japan, the artistic form of Japanese rope bondage has had many different interpretations throughout its history. Most of the art form comes from the modification of judicial hojojutsu — the ancient Japanese martial art of restraint using cordage — and ukiyo-e woodblock prints of various torture techniques and methods for restraining and punishing prisoners.

The word for the Japanese practice of Shibari literally means “to tie,” and today it is treated as a consensual experience for the purposes of art or arousal with a rigger — “top” or “dom” — tying up another person, a “bottom,” “sub” or “bunny.” The Japanese art of kinbaku, or tight binding, is primarily aesthetic, as opposed to the more provocative art Shibari aims to express.

“The intricate practice delves into intimacy, trust, and bliss.”

Beauty in Suffering

The intricate practice delves into intimacy, trust and bliss via a ceremonial and delicate process.

The practitioner is binding their partner with a specially treated jute rope, and depending on the top, they may use diverse forms and styles of binding.

Connective Rope is a practice that focuses on touch, feel and arousal and builds connections with the submissive through intimate rope play, closeness, touch, pace and rope placement.

Alternatively, Artistic Rope concerns itself with aesthetics, including contorting the body, morphing limbs and body parts through binding or suspension, and highlighting and pulling parts inward or outward to define and enhance form and shape.

One reaches Beauty in Suffering when the subject is positioned in contortions designed to create controlled reactions toward a certain experience. These stress positions are enhanced by the pacing and timing of the session.

As an art, Shibari can be as delicate, soft and beautiful — or as harsh — as the practitioner desires. A common attribute observed about Shibari is the building of trust among participants.

Ultimately Trust resides as the key ingredient in all Shibari pursuits. The artist must develop on the sub’s journey to rope space, where the bound partner will go through a series of consensual gates and will no longer try to control their environment, becoming relaxed and entering a state of bliss. The rope adopts the role as the messenger in this journey, aiding in the transition from one mindset to another. Some say Shibari can reduce anxiety and depression while promoting an improved mental well-being for up to a week after a session.

Intimacy and devotion

Shibari requires years of dedication and practice, and a true practitioner treats the rope itself with great respect.

Jute is the cord of choice, burnished and bathed in beeswax and camellia oil, and slowly baked. This process gets repeated to create a soft yet strong binding rope. The artist matches concern for the subject being tied by the ceremonial care of the rope. A unique trust, respect and detailed understanding of one another results from Shibari performed expertly.

The art form requires a mastery of intricacy, a balance of the body and mind. On a primary level, the rope requires careful placement and an understanding of the subject’s sensitive areas. The rigger must be careful not to pinch vulnerable nerves, to keep blood flowing to the fingertips and toes and watch for any discoloration.

The dangers of a suspension without proper considerations can be permanent muscle and nerve damage, extreme exhaustion, collapse, fainting and intense muscle cramps. So one must always pay close attention to the process and the partner, Let your passion and an appreciation of elegance be your guides. Just take it easy and enjoy the learning process!

Aaron McPolin is an artist, photographer and videographer. His work delves into areas of subculture, shining a light on taboo realms, and is inspired by psychology, history and the challenging of social norms. Read more and shop on his website:

Shibari artist: Paul Kabzinski … As with most educational aspirations, while you can learn a great deal for free, for true excellence you likely need to learn from someone who makes a living in the art. In that vein (so to speak), we offer Shibari Study. If you’re just not up for twenty-five bucks a month, though, looking for videos on sites trying to sell you “gear” can be illuminating as well. As one might imagine, the rope used in this art tends to be of critical importance, so we can suggest deGiotto Rope as a place to peruse those ties that bind. … Yeah, sorry again. You should hear all the horrible puns the boss lady nixed. This one had us tied up in knots.

PTSD Prison

Warrior Wire: From PTSD to Prison

James White was just the kind of man the military likes: tough, hardworking and willing to face the fight. Over the course of four grueling tours in Vietnam, he rose through the ranks from a gunner to a helicopter pilot, and then a member of a special operations group. He scouted for missing GIs, conducted reconnaissance into Laos, Cambodia and China, and earned the nickname “Sneaky” after navigating a dense minefield without a scratch. “I would fly and get shot at four to 10 hours every day,” White told me. He returned from one particularly harrowing mission with his copilot’s brain splattered across his flight suit.

“I drank single-malt scotch, a fifth of it every night, just to go to sleep,” he said.

When White left the military after serving for a decade, he had the accessories of an American war hero: He had earned numerous military ribbons and was the first enlisted Marine since World War II to be honored with the Distinguished Flying Cross. Internally, however, he was struggling with untreated mental trauma—and as a result, he was plagued by insomnia, consumed by alcoholism and fueled by adrenaline. He often tested his own will to live, which included taking up skydiving and regularly pulling open his parachute at the last possible second. “When I came home, they said I was a totally different person,” he recalled.

White’s pain was eased when he found companionship in Nancy Napoli. It was love at first sight as he watched her water her lawn. They married in 1978 and settled in Palm Springs, Calif., where White worked as a construction foreman. But according to White, not long into their union, Napoli’s abusive ex-husband began threatening the couple, and then he molested one of Napoli’s daughters from a previous relationship. The pair took out restraining orders against the ex, but reportedly, the man repeatedly violated them. “It was an ongoing war,” White said. “It was either him or me that was going to die. I guess I became the valor.”

Fed up, White dressed in his military fatigues on April 2, 1980, brushed black paint across his face, and drove to the machine shop where the ex worked. Then he shot and killed him.

White would later be diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), but his trial occurred just months after this illness was first recognized by the American Psychiatric Association. In court, White was painted as a crazed Vietnam vet, convicted of murder and given a sentence of life without parole.

He is part of a generation of veterans who have languished behind bars as researchers have cemented connections between military mental trauma and behavioral shifts that can lead to run-ins with the law. We now understand PTSD as a disorder that can cause flashbacks, nightmares and hallucinations—and can lead to destructive behavior. According to a 2020 study by the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA), veterans with PTSD are about 60 percent more likely to be caught up in the criminal justice system than those without it.

Studies have also confirmed a long-suspected reality: Incarceration exacerbates mental illness. Yet more than 100,000 veterans remain locked up, a disproportionate number of whom served in Vietnam.

All major American military conflicts—from the Civil War to the invasion of Iraq—have spawned mental health epidemics treated chiefly through punishment and incarceration. But it wasn’t until 1980 that we recognized PTSD, and the Vietnam generation became the first to benefit from a diagnosable condition that could help explain some transgressive behavior. Still, many were swept up in mass incarceration. By 1986, a staggering 20 percent of state prisoners reported prior military service. Two years later, the VA found nearly half of Vietnam veterans with PTSD had been arrested or sent to jail at least once. “When it came to my peers in Vietnam, we became trained killers taught to search out and destroy the enemy,” Floyd “Shad” Meshad, a veteran advocate and friend of White’s, told a reporter in 2018. “And they didn’t de-tune us when we came back.”

White is a living example of how the military—and the public—treats veterans      who act on war trauma. And the stigma is even worse for active duty service members facing the military court system, which has exclusive jurisdiction over crimes committed by active members—on or off the battlefield.

Military courts mimic the trappings of the civilian legal system. But, in contrast to civilian courts, military defendants don’t face a jury of their peers; they’re often judged instead by higher-ranking service members handpicked by a general. They can be convicted without the unanimous consent of that jury and have limited avenues for appeal. Many face no trial at all. Instead, they are processed by administrative boards with loose rules about evidence, testimony and the burden of proof. Commanders control cases at nearly every turn, bringing charges, convening the court, supervising prosecutors and picking a jury.

In the military court system, ensuring justice often takes a back seat to competing priorities, particularly the requirement to maintain “good order and discipline.” Sentencing practices are therefore severe and clemency standards narrow. Rampant prejudice against PTSD is exemplified by so-called sanity boards, which are convened to determine whether defendants are mentally fit to stand trial.

Army Major Karl V. Umbrasas, a clinical psychologist, recently analyzed a sampling of service members who had been put through sanity boards—and found that PTSD was almost never treated by the court as the severe mental disease that clinicians deem it to be. “Despite the prevalence of PTSD in the U.S. military, its impact on criminal responsibility in the military justice system is unclear,” he wrote.

For veterans in the civilian legal system, however, there’s hope. One of the largest strides has come through veterans treatment court, the first of which launched in 2008. Today, there are 100 civilian courts in 25 states that provide therapy, mentorship and VA benefits to veterans, including those charged with violent felonies.

While White never enjoyed the compassion of this system, he was given clemency and released from prison in January 2020 at the age of 77. Two days later, he took up the mission of freeing other veterans, work he intends to continue until the day he dies. He corresponds with 300 veteran pen pals locked up across the country, informs them of relevant state laws, helps them fight for parole and connects them to VA benefits once they’re released from prison.

His PTSD makes it impossible for him to get a good night’s sleep, so he conducts much of his advocacy in the wee hours of the morning, following his daily perimeter checks. White begins his messages with his own story and ends on a hopeful note. “I explain who I am, where I served, what I did,” he said. “I want them to know they are talking to a combat vet who knows their experiences. I tell them I did my 40 years, but I came out. I tell them that they can do it. They can hang in there and get it done. It’s important they know someone who has walked in their shoes, so to speak, who’s been able to manage things and be successful. And be free.”

We have covered PTSD a lot over the years in Penthouse, and we plan on continuing to do so until the government steps up to honor its commitments to these broken men. We ran a Penthouse Legacy article on the issue in these very pages. We are rerunning the various help resources available from that article below.

Break the PTSD to Prison Chain

USE THE SERVICES if you need them. Consider donating to them if you do not. It will take us all to win this battle.

Val Dodds

On the Edge with Val Dodds

Height: 5’11”
Measurements: 34C-28-32
Hometown: Lincoln, NE
Fun Fact: Denver Broncos fan

Sassy beauty Val Dodds jumped into adult entertainment with both feet. The Nebraska native made headlines in 2013 when she was busted for posing in the buff on the football field of her old high school — and served 30 days in jail for indecent exposure!
The blonde beauty has come a long way since then. She keeps a busy schedule modeling, feature dancing and shooting movies—and now she’s gracing the pages of Penthouse!

But the leggy lovely hasn’t lost her thirst for adventure and says her most remarkable sexual experience happened in a department store dressing room, and the 27-year-old stunner admits, “I’m up for anything public!”

Do you have a dream job?

Herpetologist. When I lived in Vegas, I fell in love with how many different reptiles are out there! [Contrary to what you may presume, herpetologists to not in fact study herpes. Please do not get confused.]

Most orgasms in a day?

Eight. [If you’re still counting, you need more.]

Which celebrity do you most admire?

Shakira. She’s so talented! Singing, dancing, XX xx skateboarding! She can do everything! [Yeah, people that talented can really be annoying, right? ]

Do you have a pet peeve?

When things aren’t clean. I’m kind of  a clean freak. [Not our favorite kind of freak, but we could hang with Ms. Dodds if it required washing a dish or two and picking up our socks.]

Photographs by The Edge Image

We love this new “Social Premiere” feature. We’re now supposed to tell you to Subscribe — which we have now done. See Val Dodds naked in print, yada-yada. Admittedly this one came from the Nov/Dec issue of Penthouse from last year, but as we all know, a few things in life never suffer from being “dated” in appearance. Actually, we can imagine a lot of interest in seeing Val “dated” now that we think about it.

Before we get to that, though, we can learn some thing not making the magazine cut. …

How did you get involved in the adult industry?

Started my own website and posed naked at my old high school and got sentenced 45 days in jail then started shooting for bigger companies after my story was out!

Are you attending/did you attend college?

What school? Nope!

What do you do for a living?

I recently started a tanning business right before Covid, and still shoot for the adult industry! Keeps me pretty busy 🙂

What is your favorite thing about your job?

For spray tans I love giving women a natural golden glow for their special occasion! They are always so excited and its just an awesome feeling that I could boost their confidence with just a spray tan!

Favorite shows and movies?

The 2021 Cruella de Ville movie right now!

What do you think is the hottest movie sex scene?

A Knights Tale

Favorite foods and drinks?

Runza and Unsweetened Tea. [If you need some help on what a “Runza” might be, you may know it as a “Bierock” should you have some German heritage. If neither of those help, think of a beef, cabbage, and spices mixture baked inside a fresh roll. Then think, “Yum.” We suggest adding beer, but that could be a personal thing.]

Favorite way to get a workout?

I go to the gym every morning! I lift weights for an hour then finish with 45 mins of cardio!

What is your favorite fantasy?

To own a zoo.

What is the most exciting place you’ve ever had sex?

A Church.

What gets you in trouble the most?

Not being patient. [Well, that could explain the “church” answer, certainly.]

Celebrity sex fantasy?

Elvis Presley.

OK. Full disclosure that last question was in the magazine too, but the answer felt like it deserved coming at the end so that we might consider what it may say about our lovely Val Dodds. It could mean a lot of things, so feel free to ruminate at your leisure. For our part, we’re truly proud we did not say anything about Val being a hunk of burning love or how she makes us all shook up. … Amazing the restraint we can show. Truly.

Should you love the photography here — like we did — you should check out The Edge Image on Instagram — like we did. Val, as one might expect, has Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, and even a dedicated web site where one can purchase all sorts of interesting things. We will, of course, not reveal the office favorite option, because that would reveal too much about us.

Internet of Things

The Hidden Cost of IoT

From the GPS in your car, to the smartphone you use to watch videos and check your work emails, technology is indispensable. We’re stuck in a digital box with no escape, and that box is getting smaller and smaller, with the advent of always online, internet-connected devices that are part of the so-called Internet of Things (IoT).

The Internet of Things offers the promise of convenience at a low, corporate-subsidized price tag for a high-quality product that does what you need it to do. You don’t even own it. However, it comes with a hidden cost. This digital reality in which we live provides corporations with all new ways to monetize our existence.

Your life, experiences and habits are for sale. Everything you do is tracked; nothing is off-limits. How many times you open your fridge? How many times a week you wash your clothes? How often you sip your drink? It’s all for sale. Corporations are selling that information, and governments are buying it.

As mundane as it seems, it’s in the interest of every marketer to know what your habits are. Nestlé wants to know how many scoops of sugar you put in your cup of coffee, how much milk you put in it and how many times a day you drink it.

They sell you products they know you’ll want to buy through targeted ads — and then some. Corporations will argue that information helps them make better products — and that may be so — but the one-size-fits-all approach distills every unique experience into something generic. A cup of Nescafé, while decent, will never taste quite as good as your personal cup of coffee.

You are for sale — whether you like it or not.

Security and privacy are sacred, but the Internet of Things deprives us of our most intimate human experiences. To be part of this new digital reality, we end up sacrificing what little privacy we have left for ourselves without even realizing what we’re giving up. With the ever prevailing claws of the IoT encroaching into our daily lives, it’s impossible to escape. There is no “off” switch or opting out unless you want to live as a pariah in the wilderness — as Henry David Thoreau did in Walden.

The United Kingdom is now set to launch a social credit program to tackle the country’s obesity crisis. This program, which is modeled on a similar scheme in Singapore, calls on citizens to install an app that tracks the dietary habits and physical activity of those who choose to opt-in.

In return, the high-performing users are rewarded with “loyalty points” to be exchanged for discounts, free tickets and other incentives — all subsidized by the taxpayer, of course. Based on some cost-benefit analysis, the economists behind the strategy figured out it’s cheaper to train people’s behavior than it is to treat them after they get sick and depend on the socialized National Health Service to take care of them.

Either way, it’s behavioral conditioning. Such systems, which operate on information provided by the Internet of Things — allow coercive governmental and corporate forces to run massive, country-sized Skinner boxes and silently dictate the behavior of every individual through a system of rewards and punishment.

What may seem like an opt-in program that rewards people for exercising and buying healthy foods is, in fact, a punishment for doing the opposite. That one time you sneak a bite of a doughnut? That’s your extra allowance for the week gone.

None of this would have ever been possible were it not for the ubiquity of the Internet of Things.

The world’s governments, for all their good intentions of behaving like nanny states, don’t always have anyone’s interests at heart. After all, the food pyramid was a lie. Corn is bad for you. Can you really trust the government to dictate what’s best for you?

Ted Kaczynski, better known as the Unabomber, infamously described this digital reality as the “technological society” to which we are enslaved. In his so-called manifesto, the “Industrial Society and Its Future,” Kaczynski warned of the next — and now ongoing — Industrial Revolution and its consequences on the human race.

Although it’s impossible to justify his acts of terrorism upon private citizens and institutions alike, Kaczynski’s fears are being proven right with every step of the way we take on the road to glorious technological connectivity.

Should you wish to get really geeky into how network vulnerabilities can really mess with your life, we can provide a link to an article on a site actually called IoT-NOW. Should that sound like a truly horrible way to spend some of your precious time, we can suggest a much tastier alternative. may we suggest a gander at Ben & Jerry’s Flavors? Or you could go outside and take a walk and try to imagine all the little networks tying all your neighbors’ stuff together and all the teeny bytes of data floating invisibly along your trail. At they point, a different kind of “bite” might seem like a darned good idea. We can assure you that odds are very good that someone near you has ice cream for sale.

A Thing Requiring No Internet

Becki White

The One-Track Mind of Becki White

Height: 5’5″
Measurements: 34B-23-33
Hometown: Saint Petersburg, Russia
Fun Fact: Dedicated to Helping Orphans

Becki tells Penthouse her favorite way to relax is by putting the pedal to the metal! She counts the Fast & Furious movies as some of her favorite flicks and is always raring to watch professional racers. But this driven entertainer isn’t afraid to get her hands dirty — the brown-eyed brunette is also a trained auto mechanic. While this sexy performer has her eyes on the road ahead, we’re happy to take in the rear view. With her shapely figure, long legs and enchanting personality, Becki certainly revs our engine.

What’s your favorite thing about your hometown?

Saint Petersburg has its own colorful and eclectic style of architecture. There are many beautiful buildings and homes in the city. It’s often called the Venice of the North because it’s built on 101 islands and crisscrossed by about 350 bridges. It’s just gorgeous.

What’s your favorite sex fantasy?

I want to fly in a helicopter over an island and do naughty things with the pilot. But I’d also love to have sex in a police car.

What’s your favorite thing about being a camgirl?

Thanks to my work, I have made many friends all over the world. I’ve learned a lot about people’s different traditions.

When you’re dating a new man, when do you know if you want to have sex with him?

I need to get to know a guy before I’m intimate with him. Looks definitely count — to a point. But feeling are more important to me, so I need to make sure I’m emotionally comfortable, in addition to being turned on!

Photographs by Anna Turacheva

So all of that appeared in the limited space available in the Penthouse printed edition. Because it turns out that pixels are cheaper than ink, paper, and mailing, we have more freedom here and can learn a bit more about Becki White. In fairness to the Publishing Department, they do get to run naked photographs in their edition, so if you both Subscribe AND visit us for free, you get the full package. If we have learned nothing else in nearly 60 years of being in an industry aimed at adults, we can tell you with certainty that your package matters.

On with Becki…

What is your favorite workout?

I love biking around my city

And your favorite way to relax?

I get pleasure and relaxation from a fast ride. [We presume she means either on a bicycle or in a car, but the answer was not perfectly clear, and there could be other interpretations. -Ed.]

What is your favorite sex position?

No matter how banal it sounds, I prefer doggy. [Granted that may qualify as the worst question ever asked of an adult star, because as honest answer would always be “it depends” — from anyone, we included it here because one does not often hear the word “banal” these days. Already we have thought of many ways to bring this word into our own conversations, just in the coming week. -Ed.]

What is the most remarkable sexual experience you have ever had?

Probably as for many girls, the most memorable moment was the first time. I remember how I was confused and excited.

What is the most daring thing you have ever done?

I once arranged an afternoon photoshoot in the middle of the city wearing just my underwear.

What is the sexiest quality a person can possess?

The ability to recognize their partner’s desires without any hints.

When are you the happiest?

I am happy when I get behind the wheel of my car. After all, only by pressing on the gas do I experience freedom.

If you could live the life of anyone in history, who would it be?

A tempting question, but I prefer to remain myself.

What gets you in trouble the most?

My constant desire to do the right thing.

So there you have it. We have all learned that it would be great fun to go for a ride with Becki White. If the car broke down, she could even fix it. Also, by glancing at a couple of the pictures in the gallery here, there may be other reasons this could be an adventure.

You can find Becki White on Instagram (somewhat obviously these days) @lerabenz20 although last we checked that account had been shut down (also more and more obviously these days). Becki’s more private endeavors happen at Flirt4Free and that never gets taken down. The people at Flirt4Free have much more open attitudes about many, many things as it turns out. Go figure.

Afghan Legacy of the U.S.

Escape from Kabul

Amid the chaotic U.S. pullout of Afghanistan, an intrepid collection of military heroes helped shepherd more than a thousand people to safety in an ad hoc effort dubbed the Pineapple Express, which allowed evacuees to fly out of the power-keg country. Although the fallout from America’s whirlwind evacuation — and the Taliban’s resurgence — has yet to be fully determined, one thing’s certain: The brave crew’s daring and dangerous mission saved numerous lives.

According to President Joe Biden’s Aug. 20 speech, since the prior month the U.S. had evacuated more than 18,000 people from Afghanistan. However, many more were still clamoring for a way out, including U.S. citizens and Afghans who’d worked alongside American troops during the country’s 20-year conflict and feared for their lives and those of their families. But as rescue efforts ramped up, so did the violence of brutal Taliban fighters, who added heavily militarized checkpoints along roads leading to the city of Kabul’s Hamid Karzai International Airport.

Sources claimed vengeful militants were going door to door in an effort to hunt down people who had worked with U.S. and coalition forces and three captured Afghan National Army commanders were hanged by the Taliban in Kabul. But many fear the turmoil is just the beginning of a vast humanitarian crisis for the country’s 38 million citizens.

During the final two weeks of August, more than 100,000 were airlifted out of the war-torn nation, and some made their heart-stopping escape under the cover of night with the help of the Pineapple Express.

As Taliban fighters armed with AK-47s menaced terrified civilians, current and former members of U.S. special operations forces units, intelligence operatives and aid workers quietly located and moved multiple groups of endangered individuals to the safety of the airport’s U.S. military-controlled side, so they could fly to freedom. Those looking for assistance displayed cellphone images of pineapples as an agreed-upon secret code to identify themselves, which is how the rescue group earned their unofficial name: Task Force Pineapple.

Former U.S. Army Green Beret turned social studies teacher Zac Lois was one of the veterans who joined the crew’s coordinated ground efforts, which involved communicating with allies via encrypted chats and securing documentation to help people pass through checkpoints.

Ahead of the U.S. government’s Aug. 31 military evacuation deadline, Lois — who spent 12 years in the armed forces, including tours in Iraq and Afghanistan — told FOX News, “We have developed kind of an underground railroad. We have shepherds that guide flocks … It’s special operations personnel coaching, teaching, guiding and advising, in most cases, our brothers that we served with.

“The U.S. government is sending us people as well that need help getting out, so we are in coordination and we are working with the U.S. government.”

Task Force Pineapple’s mission was well underway on Aug. 26 when a suicide bomber, believed to be an ISIS terrorist, detonated a device that killed at least 13 U.S. service members and 170 Afghans and injured many others.

Army Lt. Col. Scott Mann, a retired Green Beret commander who led the rescue effort, told ABC News, “Dozens of high-risk individuals, families with small children, orphans and pregnant women, were secretly moved through the streets of Kabul throughout the night and up to just seconds before ISIS detonated a bomb into the huddled mass of Afghans seeking safety and freedom.”

Despite the cowardly attack, more than 100 Afghans were able to evacuate via plane that day, and Mann added, “This Herculean effort couldn’t have been done without the unofficial heroes inside the airfield, who defied their orders to not help beyond the airport perimeter, by wading into sewage canals and pulling in these targeted people who were flashing pineapples on their phones.”

Mann initially launched Task Force Pineapple to help an Afghan commando who’d once served with him and was receiving death threats from the Taliban. Once the soldier and his family of six were rescued, the group expanded their mission to aid other allies who were desperate to flee.

Army Maj. Jim Gant — a retired Green Beret known as “Lawrence of Afghanistan” for his savvy wartime expertise — was also part of the effort and said, “I have been involved in some of the most incredible missions and operations that a special forces guy could be a part of, and I have never been a part of anything more incredible than this.

“The bravery and courage and commitment of my brothers and sisters in the Pineapple community was greater than the U.S. commitment on the battlefield.”

During the final two weeks of August, more than 100,000 were airliften out of the war-torn nation.

Retired U.S. Marine Mick Mulroy, a onetime former deputy assistant secretary of defense, was part of both Task Force Pineapple and Task Force Dunkirk, another group that assisted evacuees and was named after the famous World War II rescue mission.

“They never wavered,” Mulroy said of his former Afghan comrades. “I and many of my friends are here today because of their bravery in battle. We owe them all effort to get them out and honor our word.”

Chicago’s Rep. Adam Kinzinger, himself a U.S. Air Force veteran, praised Task Force Pineapple and said, “They’re going to be heroes, and movies are going to be made some day.”

However, in September, task force member and retired SEAL Jason Redman, who had a 21-year career with the U.S. Navy, admitted their work was not done.

Redman expressed concern for allies still among the enemy and said the group is focusing on keeping them safe until they can be extracted. “Our motto is ‘Leave no man behind,’ so it’s not about the ‘left,’ it’s not about the ‘right.’ It’s about what’s right. We’re Americans. It’s what we do — we take care of people that took care of us,” said Redman, who called Afghan allies “as American as you and I.”

He explained, “Right now, we’re focused on keeping our people safe — giving them shelter, food, clothing, medical necessities until we’re able to get these individuals out of Afghanistan … Let’s get these American heroes out.”

At the risk of appearing overly Libertarian, we decided to reference an NPR post about where you might be able to help with the Afghan Relocation Project, should you so desire. … As an interesting aside, when trying to see how NPR actually fared these days on a conservative vs. liberal scale, we ran across an AllSides Media Bias Chart which by their standards ended up with some strange bedfellows to say the least. Around here we maintain a particular interest in bedfellows, so we included the link. Some of those people would be aghast to be grouped in with others of those people. The truth remains: None of us is as objective as we’d like to believe — except Penthouse, of course. We’re a bastion of normalcy and reasonableness around here.

Valentine 2022 à la Penthouse

Our Penthouse Valentine 2022

Everybody loves being in love. Even sociopaths love being in love with themselves, after all. (For the record, we have neither the expertise nor the inclination to further examine different psychiatric conditions which may run in opposition to our premise that everybody loves love, so in the time-honored tradition of scientists and politicians everywhere, we will simply ignore that possibility and merrily move along as if all objective truths lie within us. It is true because we declare it. Thus we shall proceed.)

Now despite everyone loving love, almost nobody loves searching for love.

We have lots of holidays throughout the year, of course, that — at least in theory — engender pure feelings of optimism, and belonging, and family, and all sorts of other warm fuzziness. Oddly enough, one’s gender does not even matter in this case. We have just this one holiday, however, to which seemingly only a very few people actually look forward. The rest of us blame Hallmark, or See’s Candy, or any number of other (ironically) heartless corporations for the continued existence of the holiday — and we use the term loosely, much as will many of the couples celebrating today, perhaps.

In opposition to this underlying premise that we must be reminded annually to buy, buy, buy, lest we forget to treat those we hold most dear with special kindness, our Valentine 2022 relies on a rather more simple concept. Which we offer for FREE no less.

Roughly in order of appearance here we have Stormi Maya, Meaghan Stanfill, Bunny Colby, Emma Hix, Riley Anne, Stormi Maya (again), Sabina Rouge, Anny Aurora, Angela White, Meaghan Stanfill (again), and Stormi Maya (again, again) ... skipping over one daintily-adorned faceless model with excellent taste in jewelry — which she did not get for Valentine’s Day.

See? Pretty things to enjoy, alone, with others, or even multiple times in multiple combinations of those two options. … We did need to mention that the process of putting together this little article ranged over a couple of weeks, and the responses we got from people in the office regarding Valentine’s Day in general, and our upcoming Valentine 2022 in particular, did not range nearly as much as at least this author might have theorized beforehand. Nope. Basically people that work with (and edit) beautiful naked women all day long every day turn into surly, cynical, not-so-love-loving sorts it appears.

Penthouse Valentine 2022
In a rare opportunity for foreshadowing, we’re showing off one more picture of Stormi Maya. Her significance will be apparent soon, and we always love foreshadowing when possible. Let’s be honest: Penthouse did not exactly get famous because of its shadows.

Our Penthouse Valentine 2022 necessarily includes, then…

10 Reasons to Really, Truly, Hate Valentine’s Day

  1. Lonely people do not actually need a big ol’ annual reminder that they are lonely.
  2. People in that “honeymoon phase” of a relationship are screwed – not literally in this case, necessarily – because the situation will move rapidly and unnaturally either forward or backwards based entirely on what happens on this single day.
  3. There are 1,000 ways to get a Valentine’s date wrong, and only one way to get it right. You will not win this gamble.
  4. When you get Valentine’s Day wrong, the event will be etched into permanent memory, never to be forgotten. You will be reminded of this embarrassment (or horror) at spectacularly inappropriate times years into the future.
  5. If by will of the Fates you beat the massive odds and manage to get Valentine’s Day “right” somehow, all that work will be completely forgotten before the next birthday needs celebrating.
  6. There seems to be a complete disdain for practical gifts like silicon spatulas or fishing lures.
  7. The traditional celebration gives us all a bad impression, because clearly we should be eating chocolate every day.
  8. History buffs among us will know what happened with the War of the Roses (the movie and the British civil wars).
  9. We always choose first that one really horrible piece of candy in the “assortment” which you just know they put in there to laugh at you.
  10. Have you never seen a medical show on TV? Hearts don’t even look like that.

One wise leader, more cynical than surly for sure, expressed her sentiment this way: “Very few people get great love and great sex at the same time, and even they won’t enjoy that combination forever. Some people have sex without love. Some people have love without sex. And then there are most people who have neither.” For them — at least for Valentine 2022 — we have our video, along with a hearty recommendation of Reacher on Amazon Prime.

Full disclosure our boss gave us this quote at the end of a particularly grueling week, and she actually ended it less … graciously, let’s say. Honestly the Reacher plug was a lot happier, because who doesn’t like it when the bad people get the crap kicked out of them? Heck, buy chocolates for yourself and eat the whole darned assortment at one sitting. That’s celebrating.

Just in case you really, really cannot live without knowing whom to blame for Valentine’s Day as a “thing” immediately, History.com will clearly explain how you can blame either early Christians — or maybe Pagans — for everything. Be warned, though, that overall you will enjoy the Penthouse Valentine 2022 a whole lot more, and nobody had to die in our story.